But for her parents? The equation should look more like: WG + cell phone + 0 impulse control + extreme need for attention + reactive attachment defiance = ???? (translated: we are freaking out).

Here is our plan for how we are scaffolding the responsibilities of having and using a cell phone for our tweenariffic WonderGIRL. As a school counselor, who teaches internet and cell phone safety to students starting in 3rd grade, I have a pretty good idea of the dangers lurking and what simple, small behaviors that start at an innocent stage can turn into at later ages. This prompted us to create a contract outlining appropriate and inappropriate behaviors on her phone. They are very strict and we are aware of that (for example, not even sending a text message with a picture unless she asks for permission first) but as she earns more trust with her appropriate use, she will receive more privileges and freedom with her phone.

I may have already talked about this but WonderGIRL receives what we call “responsibility points” when she tells the truth after a mess-up, completes reading or a run without a reminder, does her chores right away without being asked, etc. She can get points taken away for repeated lying or getting to a “3” (in our house, that is how we redirect behaviors without getting into verbal battles each and every defiant move).
25 points – can use cell phone at home
40 points – can add one social media site (probably Instagram)
50 points – can take cell phone outside of house

Here is the contract we found online and adapted to fit our own needs. My favorite line is “parents have the right to take away your phone for whatever reason, at whatever time.” Yep and yep.

Since WG is realistically only 4 short years away from being 18 and living on her own, we wanted to create a real-life scenario of saving money and paying a bill. Each month, she will owe us a $15 phone bill charge in order to use her phone for that month. No money? No phone. Paid the bill but lost the phone due to breaking the contract? Tough life lesson. This has prompted some good conversation about other life skills and has also motivated her to ask for more “money chores” around the house which are extra chores we need done week to week. It’s a win-win for her and us when our house gets extra clean and she earns well-deserved compensation for her work and effort.

How are you navigating your child/tween/teenager and their cell phone use? Any wise tips you want to pass our way? I would love to hear them…..

Have younger children that you would like to start teaching internet safety and cyber citizenship to? Check out Netsmartz and Digital Compass, two websites that do a great job at scaffolding important information and engage kiddos and teens in critically thinking about their behaviors and choices online. This online world can be the Wild Wild West of our current age and it’s our job as parents to help children learn how to problem solve within that world before they are left to their own devices (pun intended).