Tag Archives: school

On WonderGIRL’s school journey

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A look back at each grade….the photos (sorry sis), the memories, the favorite teachers, and lessons learned! Enjoy!

5th grade
This is the year I met my WonderGIRL. She was new to our elementary school (since moving in with her Grandma the summer prior) and very excited to meet with me whenever she had the chance. I had a special lunch for all of our new Nooksack students and left a small paper invite on her desk the day of the event. She bounced in enthusiastically and was instantly the life of the party. Long story short….after that day, we had weekly meetings uncovering crisis after crisis outside of school, which led to a disclosure, which led to placement in foster care, which led to a final spot in our home. At the end of the school year, we cleaned out her backpack and tucked inside a little pocket was the invite from me to the special lunch she had saved…..when I asked her why she saved it, her reply was “It was the first time I had ever received an invitation to anything.” (insert heartbreak here).

I didn’t get her school pic this year but she participated in dance this year and loved it! I however had a lot to learn about being a dance Mom – her teacher, Mrs. Jones had to drag me kicking and screaming instruct me every step of the way.

I am BEYOND grateful for the staff at NES for their support of WonderGIRL and little bro (and ME) this school year. The pursuit of their foster placement then inviting them to our home, then working through childcare and juggling my life as a new and instant parent was as HEAVY and chaotic lift and this staff held me and the kiddos above water daily and I will never forget these months in transition with them. They were equal parts therapists, feeding specialists, bodyguards (against bio family), and most importantly, our cheerleaders every step of the way.

  • Mrs. Malpica
  • Ms. Tjoelker and Mrs. Maxwell


Middle School 6th-8th grade
Well….I was going to try to go year by year but this entire season of our life was a bit of a blur. As the honeymoon phase ran out in our home for both kiddos, middle school was a TOUGH time for WonderGIRL. She was facing insurmountable trauma with a looming criminal trial against her bio father (where she had to testify in person) and at the same time, trying to attach and be cared for by our family. School had always been a safe place where WG could leave the troubles of home and create her own world of personality, attitude and stories to get what she needed…..and middle school was no different. We learned how to tackle missing assignments and homework (with minimal bumps and bruises), managing multiple teachers and expectations (very challenging for kids with trauma still early in attachment skills), and a lot of lessons in friendships – the creating and keeping of quality relationships during this stage was hard.

  • 6th grade
  • 7th grade
  • 8th grade

During her 7th grade year, we got to adopt WG and going to the school to tell her she was legally free to adopt is one of my favorite memories of this time. Her teachers rallied around her excitement and shared the joy as if they were in our family as well.

8th grade was a bit of a minefield with behaviors and academics – but we survived and were ready for a fresh start in a new home and new school district.

Freshman
Since moving to Ferndale, we knew that WG would start her career at Ferndale High School (my alma mater) and I was excited for her to experience new opportunities, new classes, and new students to create friendships with here that lived close to us. She had mixed feelings about the teachers knowing me and all her uncles, but loved taking a variety of classes (especially culinary!) and jumped head first into trying to make new friends (although she would report she could have made some better choices in this arena). All in all, it was a bit of a rough year but we survived and learned some lessons along the way.

Sophomore
After we evaluated our safety concerns with WG at the public high school and doing some research, we decided to enroll her at a tiny private school down the road from us. We were confident with a small class size and one teacher for an entire day, WG would be able to cope appropriately with her social-emotional needs, and be able to access academic learning. This year, she met Ms. Hanson, literally a teacher angel sent down from heaven, to be WG’s teacher. WG instantly felt connected to her and trusted her (two vital precursors to kids with trauma being able to learn) and later we found out that this teacher had a trauma and adoption history of her own….her understanding and protection of WG this year was such a blessing to our family.

The structure and predictability that this school provided for WG created a “trauma-responsive” school setting that truly allowed WG to grow academically in big ways. We began to see growth not only in her assignments, but in her truth telling, friendship skills, and trust in us as her caregivers.

Junior
Because of Ms. Hanson, we decided to try another year at this school. The growth continued. WG now had a best friend from the school that she was inseparable with and started dating, both milestones that created a lot of lessons (and some grief and loss) this school year. Our beloved Ms. Hanson had to leave before the end of the school year, thus proving the only thing keeping WG at this particular school was the felt safety and care that she provided. Plus we felt WG had made some huge improvements in her behavior, trustworthiness, and academics enough to be ready to finish her schooling at FHS.

Senior
We are so proud of WG this year finishing stronger than ever academically, socially, and beyond. When hearing the results of her cognitive and academic testing for her special education plan, our team was in awe of her jump in scores in every area. I knew that her inner healing from daily (forced) movement and oils, private school, years of counseling, and other methods had done wonders…..but it was nice to hear them in number/evaluation form too.

This was also the year she finally received her spinal fusion surgery (originally scheduled a year prior). That journey is an entire story on it’s own. Click here to read.

WG’s goal this year was for peers and teachers to see her as completely different than her freshman year. And I’m hoping they did….because we do! Ending the year, she already started a job as a caregiver at a local assisted living home, has a wonderfully sweet boyfriend, and is working on financial savings to start paying bills to truly transition to “adulthood.” Next up – graduation and our grad party with our amazing network of supporters…..all the celebrations for how far she has come and how far we believe she can go from here!

on resilience

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ACEs classroom breakdownThis school year, our district has been diving deeper into our student population and fostering resiliency within our students inside and out, especially with regards to our students that come from hard places or who have experienced trauma in their pasts. We are exploring Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) and how these traumas can have long-term effects on physical and psychological health into adulthood. We ALSO know and believe that these effects can be buffered by caring adults who invest in their lives and form meaningful relationships. As a part of my presentation to my lovely staff on this topic yesterday, I had the most resilient and inspiring woman I know speak about her own experiences with trauma and how teeny-tiny actions from her teachers really made a WORLD of difference for her. Here is WonderGIRL’s speech that we co-authored together:

My name is [WonderGIRL] and I have an ACE score of 10. You may think that’s bad but it is only a score and NOT who I am. My mama always tells me that I’m bigger and better than what has happened to me. One reason I still smile and laugh is because teachers like you have been my safe, protective place through very hard times.

My story got really hard when I was in 3rd grade. Here is what I wish I could have been brave enough to say to my teacher back then.

Dear Mrs. [3rd grade teacher],
Thank you for always saying hello to me each morning with a smile. It was the only smile I had seen since school got out yesterday. Your pats on my back when I did something good made me feel like I mattered to at least 1 person. Do you remember those gold stars when I turned in my homework? Those were very important to me. My family never helped me or looked at my work when I brought it home. Somehow, you knew this, helped me just like a Mom would, and I still got my star!

I want to apologize for my poor attendance lately. I wish you knew how badly I wanted to run out of my house and catch that bus but I felt trapped. My dad didn’t want you to ask questions. My dad didn’t want you to see the bruises. But you saw more than that in me. You saw the person I wanted to be – someone who laughs and sings, and enjoys life. I hope you know that I may have left your classroom, but your kind actions never left my heart. 

Love, 
WG

I hope sharing my story helps you save a little boy or girl that is hurting just like I was. Thank you for being their superheroes. The end.

I’m so proud of this little one for standing up in front of a library full of teachers and owning her story and using it to inspire others. I am grateful that we get to be part of that story.

Dear teachers of WB and WG…

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At our staff retreat last week, we were asked to write letters sharing the hopes and dreams we have for our children (real or imaginary) entering our school building. It was an emotional and high-impact activity that inspired passionate and hard work for the next two days from our staff. I thought today, our first day of school, would be a perfect day to share that letter.

Dear staff,
Thank you in advance for your kind and compassionate care of my children. I know that your work is buried in thankless extra hours and efforts but I see it and I appreciate every moment of preparation and love you have poured into your students already before they even walk in the door.

My biggest hope for my children this year is that they GROW and thrive. I want them to grow in their confidence in reading and enjoy the books that they are reading. I want them to love math and be excited about solving larger problems. I want them to have strategies for moving past “not getting it” and be okay in messing up and trying again. I also want them to feel every day that their teachers only want them to try their best, not get 100% or a 4 on every assignment. I want them to feel good enough as a student, even if they are not at standard.

I dream that one day, my children will blend in with other children, and not stand out with behavior problems due to their traumatic past. I hope that staff views their behavior through a lens of trauma, not defiance. They learned these behaviors from extremely abusive adults and now, I hope different adults teach them about kindness, self-control, and perseverance through their own actions and the guidance they provide to them.

I want WG and WB to walk into a classroom with a teacher that greets them by name and looks them in the eye to honor the unique and important people they are. I want them to practice controlling their impulses, be allowed “re-do’s” and also learn how to solve conflict with peers in a more calm way than they can now. I hope that this school year is a stepping stone to the future in them becoming successful citizens with careers that make them feel purposeful and relationships with family and friends that are mutually respectful, trustworthy, and free of abuse.

But my biggest wish is that my children feel safe, comfortable, and loved unconditionally. Loved unconditionally during the days/times that they are compliant, calm, and working hard. But more importantly, loved unconditionally on the days/times that they are defiant, out of his or her seat for the 142nd time, or being aggressive to another child. Those are the days/times they need your love and guidance the most and as fiercely as you can give it.

Thank you in advance for changing my child’s world for the better….
Mama Brave Dinosaur  (Mr. WonderBOY reading me one of his favorite stories during “carpet time”)