Tag Archives: mothers day

10/40 – on asking for what I need

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Mother’s Day is complicated for so many folks…for our family, it’s been a bit of a historical minefield of triggers, memories, and confusing feelings. Click here for a post I did about this confusion a few years back. I love images like the one below that get posted on social media to recognize both the beauty and the pain that is Mother’s Day.

Last year, for Mother’s Day, I requested a solo weekend in our trailer as a weekend to breathe, rest, have no motherly duties or motherly guilt for not doing the duties….and it was EVERYTHING. An important moment in my life to reinforce that hard work, whether professional, physical or emotional….has to be counterbalanced with REST. I recalled that weekend at many stressful moments during this past year, reminding myself to take time to rest and fill up my own cup from within and from a place of stillness and quiet.

I am excited to repeat this excursion again this coming weekend at one of our favorite campgrounds….and the timing couldn’t be any better for my chaos filled brain, heart, and body.

So, if you’re still reading, here is your daily dose of encouragement to take the time, get away, shut your door, go fo that walk….and do what you need to in asking for what you need. And a cute pic of me with my Wonders after a delicious Mother’s Day breakfast (followed by an equally delicious 2 hour nap at home).

On my solo camping weekend

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I have been dreaming about a solo camping retreat for a while….and Mother’s Day seemed to the perfect weekend to ask for it. My hubby transported the trailer back and forth and I got to enjoy an entire weekend of my own food that I enjoy, fire and walk schedules when I wanted to do them, and the entire stereo only playing songs I enjoyed! It was glorious.

My husband did call once for a parenting decision around game time and I promptly gave him authority and the experience of being the bad guy and hung up – no “Mothering” for me this weekend!!! (He was thrilled I am sure).

Walking along the beach at sunsets is always something I want to do while we’re camping and everyone else is always wanting S’mores time at the campfire. So this was perfect!!!
The two ginger kittens thoroughly enjoyed their time as well.

For a brief time in my 20’s, I lived alone in a small one-bedroom apartment. Many folks told me I would hate it due to me being so social…..but in contrast, I really loved living alone and miss it sometimes. Although I am fairly extroverted, I highly value quiet time, actual silence and being in charge of my own space (and consequent mess) so this weekend was a great little refresher back to that life. With full time school underway, this weekend was a great way to replenish my soul and energy for the homestretch to summer!

If you are a camping family and have been thinking about something like this, I HIGHLY recommend. It was easy for my hubs to pull off and I felt a huge shift in my energy and mood afterwards. I also think a few terrific lady campers all lined up in a row could make for a run weekend as well (wink wink…..let’s make it happen).

Mother’s Day surprises

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Truth be told, I never really look forward to Mother’s Day. Internally, I can be so incredibly grateful for this role that I own and for the children that I get to take care of but every year for our family, it’s so freaking hard and complicated. Tensions are high and patience is short and it never works out the way each individual thinks it’s supposed to.

This year, we were one week out from having to disclose to our Wonders that their first mother had passed away. That they would be robbed of a chance they both wanted to see her again and ask her questions. That a piece of their story that loved them into existence had vanished without any closure.

And so I was worried. Worried that the grief and confusion of that event would stifle their ability to be joyous with me and appreciate their second mama.

Here is where the surprise came in….if you peruse the following images….

A dinner comprised of cheese and crackers (and no fighting or blood please) at the lake – mission accomplished.
Our day began and ended in the same way thanks to the brilliant sunshine that day – snuggles and chats in the little nest I’ve established on our deck.

What do you see? What I felt on that day and the days since has been what I am now calling my Wonders being “untethered.” They are no longer stuck in loyalty between two worlds. No longer feeling guilt if they love me more or wondering if their first mom loves them still. The tug-of-war has been (tragically) ended. And even I, a trained professional in this field, was blown away by how transparent this all was playing out right in front of me. Their mannerisms, their words, and their hugs just felt different and overwhelmingly deeper this year than in days past.

Since they have learned for their first mama’s death, WonderGIRL has been 143% more affectionate and kind toward me (see sweet letter above). The day after we told WonderBOY about the death, he started spontaneously claiming over and over again “you’re the bestest of the bestest of the mamas in the world” and hasn’t stopped since.

Typically as mamas, we don’t like surprises (or is it just me?). We like predictability and control and felt safety. But this surprise has been a good one and I wanted to document this day into history and perhaps adapt my own narrative about Mother’s Day in years to come.