BraveGIRL graduates too

BraveGIRL after months of not speaking to us, gave us two tickets to see her graduate. We are so proud of this one and so happy to be back in her life – for as long as she’ll have us!

Excerpt from Instagram:
Fostering teens is messy. Their trauma plus normal teenage changes can create some storms that can last days and even months. 

And as I tried to tell myself in the middle of those storms….when they ran away from home, blocked me from any contact, yelled all the mean things, threatened suicide and even sat in a jail cell for a night – we were planting seeds that will eventually grow. More seeds. More water. More seeds. More water. 

Seeds of healthy relationships with more trust and less manipulation. Seeds of wellness and coping skills vs. easy fixes. Seeds of learning and growth vs. avoidance and excuses. Seeds of restoration and healing vs. denial and going through the motions. 

This weekend our two foster teens graduated high school with smiles on their faces and joy in their hearts. With their histories pulling them back from this milestone every step of the way, they persevered and rose above what had happened to them. The harvest could not be prevented….

If you’re in the middle of a relational storm right now….focus on the seeds. Little tiny actions you are modeling that exposes the other to your goodness and light without forcing them to show theirs in the exact same ways. ? 

And also….I see you. I honor the work and the exhaustion. Keep breathing. Keep going. Give yourself grace – you only need enough for right now. ✨✨✨ More is on its way…..

A piece of writing that BG wrote in her senior English class – tears upon tears.

On her graduation day

June was a blur of celebrations, school coming to a close for the craziest year yet, and start of summer shenanigans. Let me catch up with a few blog posts….

First up – WonderGIRL’s graduation day! With so many conflicting feelings leading up to this day, we were filled with joy to see relief and smiles on her face the night of the ceremony, surrounded by her family and boyfriend to share in the occasion.

So proud of your persistence and grit getting to this moment – and please remember that while you may have earned your title of “graduate” and “adult” this year, we will always be by your side to help and support you each step of this life’s journey!!! Love you forever and ever…..

On WonderGIRL’s school journey

A look back at each grade….the photos (sorry sis), the memories, the favorite teachers, and lessons learned! Enjoy!

5th grade
This is the year I met my WonderGIRL. She was new to our elementary school (since moving in with her Grandma the summer prior) and very excited to meet with me whenever she had the chance. I had a special lunch for all of our new Nooksack students and left a small paper invite on her desk the day of the event. She bounced in enthusiastically and was instantly the life of the party. Long story short….after that day, we had weekly meetings uncovering crisis after crisis outside of school, which led to a disclosure, which led to placement in foster care, which led to a final spot in our home. At the end of the school year, we cleaned out her backpack and tucked inside a little pocket was the invite from me to the special lunch she had saved…..when I asked her why she saved it, her reply was “It was the first time I had ever received an invitation to anything.” (insert heartbreak here).

I didn’t get her school pic this year but she participated in dance this year and loved it! I however had a lot to learn about being a dance Mom – her teacher, Mrs. Jones had to drag me kicking and screaming instruct me every step of the way.

I am BEYOND grateful for the staff at NES for their support of WonderGIRL and little bro (and ME) this school year. The pursuit of their foster placement then inviting them to our home, then working through childcare and juggling my life as a new and instant parent was as HEAVY and chaotic lift and this staff held me and the kiddos above water daily and I will never forget these months in transition with them. They were equal parts therapists, feeding specialists, bodyguards (against bio family), and most importantly, our cheerleaders every step of the way.


Middle School 6th-8th grade
Well….I was going to try to go year by year but this entire season of our life was a bit of a blur. As the honeymoon phase ran out in our home for both kiddos, middle school was a TOUGH time for WonderGIRL. She was facing insurmountable trauma with a looming criminal trial against her bio father (where she had to testify in person) and at the same time, trying to attach and be cared for by our family. School had always been a safe place where WG could leave the troubles of home and create her own world of personality, attitude and stories to get what she needed…..and middle school was no different. We learned how to tackle missing assignments and homework (with minimal bumps and bruises), managing multiple teachers and expectations (very challenging for kids with trauma still early in attachment skills), and a lot of lessons in friendships – the creating and keeping of quality relationships during this stage was hard.

During her 7th grade year, we got to adopt WG and going to the school to tell her she was legally free to adopt is one of my favorite memories of this time. Her teachers rallied around her excitement and shared the joy as if they were in our family as well.

8th grade was a bit of a minefield with behaviors and academics – but we survived and were ready for a fresh start in a new home and new school district.

Freshman
Since moving to Ferndale, we knew that WG would start her career at Ferndale High School (my alma mater) and I was excited for her to experience new opportunities, new classes, and new students to create friendships with here that lived close to us. She had mixed feelings about the teachers knowing me and all her uncles, but loved taking a variety of classes (especially culinary!) and jumped head first into trying to make new friends (although she would report she could have made some better choices in this arena). All in all, it was a bit of a rough year but we survived and learned some lessons along the way.

Sophomore
After we evaluated our safety concerns with WG at the public high school and doing some research, we decided to enroll her at a tiny private school down the road from us. We were confident with a small class size and one teacher for an entire day, WG would be able to cope appropriately with her social-emotional needs, and be able to access academic learning. This year, she met Ms. Hanson, literally a teacher angel sent down from heaven, to be WG’s teacher. WG instantly felt connected to her and trusted her (two vital precursors to kids with trauma being able to learn) and later we found out that this teacher had a trauma and adoption history of her own….her understanding and protection of WG this year was such a blessing to our family.

The structure and predictability that this school provided for WG created a “trauma-responsive” school setting that truly allowed WG to grow academically in big ways. We began to see growth not only in her assignments, but in her truth telling, friendship skills, and trust in us as her caregivers.

Junior
Because of Ms. Hanson, we decided to try another year at this school. The growth continued. WG now had a best friend from the school that she was inseparable with and started dating, both milestones that created a lot of lessons (and some grief and loss) this school year. Our beloved Ms. Hanson had to leave before the end of the school year, thus proving the only thing keeping WG at this particular school was the felt safety and care that she provided. Plus we felt WG had made some huge improvements in her behavior, trustworthiness, and academics enough to be ready to finish her schooling at FHS.

Senior
We are so proud of WG this year finishing stronger than ever academically, socially, and beyond. When hearing the results of her cognitive and academic testing for her special education plan, our team was in awe of her jump in scores in every area. I knew that her inner healing from daily (forced) movement and oils, private school, years of counseling, and other methods had done wonders…..but it was nice to hear them in number/evaluation form too.

This was also the year she finally received her spinal fusion surgery (originally scheduled a year prior). That journey is an entire story on it’s own. Click here to read.

WG’s goal this year was for peers and teachers to see her as completely different than her freshman year. And I’m hoping they did….because we do! Ending the year, she already started a job as a caregiver at a local assisted living home, has a wonderfully sweet boyfriend, and is working on financial savings to start paying bills to truly transition to “adulthood.” Next up – graduation and our grad party with our amazing network of supporters…..all the celebrations for how far she has come and how far we believe she can go from here!

March Faves

Wow – it is pretty amazing to think this month marked one year since school (and the community) shut down to slow down the spread of Covid-19. We were in a dark place within our family this time last year….so I’m happy to look back on March 2021 with some positive and happy memories of life together with others.

Celebrating our last home game and our two very special seniors, Jamie and Libby. Nothing was normal for these two as they had to sacrifice many senior traditions due to Covid – but not this one. Our entire program contributed to make their night super special – that ended with a big win against Nooksack, their last memory at our home court.

Our first camping trip of the season – these sunsets, admiring WonderBOY growing and maturing while we chat at the fires, time to slow down, read and cuddle with our camping kitties.

I got to cash in two gift certificates to a local small-business, Kara’s Beauty Barn, and enjoyed the most delightful facial (and took advantage for their sauna)….perfect relaxing reward for the end of volleyball season!

And the official pick up for her cap and gown on the last day of March….in WonderGIRL’s words, “Well this makes it real now.”