Tag Archives: coaching

On my life update FAQ’s –

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I have been in a functional freeze state about oh-so-many things in my life as of late….this blog being one of them. Blogging and writing has been such a coping strategy for me for so long and I’ve had a block keeping me from doing so…..BUT I want to reclaim things that bring me joy and help me sort through the absolute chaos in my heart and mind as of late. To round up the last 6 or so months since I published this post, I thought I would do a few frequently asked questions that come up often from folks (not that I mind you asking – but it’s hard to answer some hard ones over and over ya know?).

Are you still coaching?
Nope. The pain from the loss of my job at Ferndale is still deep and fresh and I’m not ready for the high school coaching scene again (maybe not ever around here). I love coaching and developing younger players and am definitely open to private trainings and younger club coaching opportunities. I do plan on going into more detail at some point about this on the blog but can’t until some other processes play out so stay tuned.

Why did you leave Ferndale (Schools)?
I love love loved my role as school counselor and counseling leader in Ferndale (especially our counseling team – the absolute BEST in all the land). The tides changed dramatically with new leadership (which is completely normal and I accept that) and I no longer could align my professional values and needs with the agendas playing out there, especially in regards to hiring/firing practices. As a school counselor, there are a LOT of game-time decisions made about very important children and families in our buildings and in 16 years in the profession, I was NEVER anxious about whether or not administration would support me and those decisions until recently. I couldn’t let that affect my mental health but more importantly, I knew I wouldn’t be able to provide the best services I could for students and families with that pressure and anxiety hanging over my program. I do want to say with 100% certainty, there are AMAZING staff members throughout Ferndale School District – I miss so many of them, especially watching their brilliance and care for little ones play out each and every day in buildings throughout this community I care very much about.

What are you doing these days for work?
I am in my self-employed, entrepreneur ERA! As some of you know, I have dreamed of owning a business focused on supporting children and families with trauma for multiple years. It was close to fruition in 2020 before Covid and some other life events happened that created necessity to stay in my role at Ferndale.

Rooted WELL is the name of my wee little company – I help educators and families create safe spaces for children with needs that are not well supported in the existing public school system. This can include professional development and trainings, but I also have individual clients I get to see on a regular basis to support the work as well. This Spring, I was afforded the amazing opportunity to be an adjunct professor for the school counseling graduate program at WWU which re-ignited my passion for supporting new school counselors with resources, training, and burn-out prevention support.

Coming soon – presenting at a national virtual conference, a new website, online course for new school counselors, and whatever else my busy busy brain dreams up! Yes, I also still make money from tik tok and even help a few other clients do the same so that’s a fun little side gig along the way.

Are you and Scott staying together?
No. We are talking and co-parenting and are making it work for the sake of our kiddos, but our romantic relationship has come to an end. It is my hope (and I know his too) that we can forge a new relationship moving forward with foundations of respect, trust and genuine care for each other but some individual healing, forgiveness and growth needs to happen first.

We still hang out, go to events together, and can be around each other – so if you see us out, it’s not weird but it’s also not a date (so come talk to us but don’t be awkward). I think that covers all the bases of what folks might want/need to know. There is a lot of information out in public about us but also a lot behind the scenes very much impacting my decisions so thank you to those of you reaching out and supporting us BOTH through this tough time.

How are the kids?
The Wonders have unique backgrounds that make a family rupture like the one we are experiencing difficult. We are supporting both of them and overall, they are handling it with respect, open communication and an an amazing amount of grace. It has highlighted those things that I love about both of them (and hopefully those are seeds we have been planting and tending to in the 10 years we’ve been honored to parent them).

Do you plan on moving?
I think so? The small town of Ferndale is one of the loves of my life and a piece of my identity I value dearly. However, because of the coaching/professional stuff that went down and the betrayal trauma occurring nearby as well, it’s been a bit of an emotional minefield to live and interact with folks here. WonderBOY wants to finish his HS career here so one of us will have to stay but I would say it is very likely I will not be a Ferndale-for-life kinda gal like I originally envisioned for myself.

How are you handling all of this?
I have THE BEST network of people around me to help me handle things. So some days are good and I am smiling and other days, I’m frozen in bed watching seasons upon seasons of my emotional support shows (what are they you ask? Gilmore Girls, Grey’s Anatomy, Sex and the City, Hart of Dixie and The Challenge). Throughout the past 9 months there have been times that my mind is strong and stable, yet my body has not been. And at other times, it’s the exact opposite which has been difficult for a number of reasons with multiple triggers of some past hurts and struggles.

What can I do to help?
Feel free to refer to this blog post I wrote about this very topic. This summer, I am very much grieving some “typical” summer trips I have done in the past…i would love walks and invites to enjoy the summer sun in the PNW with you. AND some days, I have to say no and take care of myself alone in my depression nest and I so appreciate all my peeps understanding that!

Thank you for reading all of this. I am a pretty open book so catch me in person or give me a call if you’d like to connect!!! And a cute little photo reward for all this reading –>

A core group of my support network the past 9 months. I would NOT have gotten through some very dark days and nights without these fine folks (and a handful of others not pictured here).

6/40 moments – the reason I stayed

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Many people don’t know this, but prior to receiving the head coaching gig at FHS, I had firm plans to move down to Vancouver, Washington to start my counseling career down there. Chelsey’s impact on my life and the love and family feel of my hometown during this time changed my mind and my course forever…..and for that and to her, I am so incredibly grateful.

April 2018

An excerpt from this blog post talking about a former player of mine, Chelsey Rae Ebert, who suffered and died from terminal cancer her sophomore year of high school (my first year as head volleyball coach at FHS).

This experience (her illness, being in community with her, being asked to speak at her funeral, etc.) still is one of the largest motivators I have to continue coaching 17 years later. Each year before our Fall season, I spend some quiet time at her gravesite to set intentions and remember that the relationships I build and foster each season far outweighs our record, our successes or any trophy.

2/40 On a fave volleyball moment

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When I asked my husband what he thought some of my moments would be for this series, his answers were typical life milestones (“our wedding, getting the kids, 3rd in state for volleyball”) and must to his surprise, none of those were actually on my list.

While I love a good milestone and celebration (especially if there is a reason for obnoxiously large balloons) – I am hoping to capture smaller moments that might not register to others outside of my circle when they occur.

One such moment in my volleyball career includes a team that did not place at the state tournament. It was the first year we won the district championship and some of our lessons and training in selflessness and teamwork that this story will highlight may have very well contributed to that success.

This particular season, we had a player on our team that was truly the light and joy of our squad. Not your “typical” athlete or volleyball player and without volleyball, some of my players probably never would have met this player or been friends with her (not because of negative qualities, just different circles and high school interests). But her uniqueness, humor and personality was something to be remembered.

At a team bonding event before matches began, around a campfire, players were sharing their goals and hopes for the season. This particular player went a different route then her teammates, not sharing any performance or post-season goals, but that her particular goal was to continue growing relationships with her teammates because “it was the first time she ever felt like she belonged.” (yes I was teary).

Fast forward a month later…..I get a ton of excited texts on a Thursday morning from what seemed like my entire team. This very same player was VOTED HOMECOMING QUEEN for the entire high school. Dressed all fancy and paraded in front of the school during the school-wide assembly with the pride of a champion. And her teammates, equally proud could barely contain their excitement both that morning and at practice that day. Turns out, the entire team rallied as her campaign committee to share her light and her importance to their classmates and got the school to recognize someone that might have flown under the radar otherwise.

Although it’s a small story, it’s a story about the importance of a team. The value of athletics and extra-curricular opportunities for kids in school. The importance of teaching character as a coach. How, in our program, we value everyone’s unique role and contribution to the greater good and accept folks for who they are, not just how they help us win. I don’t know all the specifics and behind the scenes work that this took. And that’s part of why this moment stands out to me – I had nothing to do with the idea or the orchestration of the campaign and the outcome. I, along with my newly crowned Queen, just got to live in the magic of others’ kindness…..beautiful thing.

The Sacred-ness of State

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This season marked our 8th straight trip to the state tournament. And NOT having it last season made me appreciate it just a bit more. Per usual, self-reflection is my self-care so I thought I would put a few thoughts about this special sacred time into writing (without sharing some secrets that make it extra special for future Ferndale players). And although the true definition of sacred has to do with something religious or a specific deity, I am describing state as something sacred, because it is something worthy of being HONORED….so here we go.

This joy doesn’t come around very often – I love that it’s captured for all of time.

The most obvious thing that makes this time the “most wonderful time of the year” is that only a small number of teams actually make it here – playing into November, placing in the top teams at Districts and then coming to a location far from home to battle it out with other top teams is the icing on what was already a successful season. It’s celebrating the hours of grit and grind (and boards and EYP’s and Texas Tough drills) in the gym and making each ounce of individual effort worth it for the collective good and success of the TEAM.

The less obvious “sacred” things that stood out to me specifically this year are the traditions, both big and small, that older players know but don’t share (kind of like Santa but for a sports team) to the youngers. It’s the community and family rallies at the send-off and homecoming. The fans showing up across the state and caring about nothing else but your success. It’s the nighttime team meetings where we squish into the coaches’ room, play silly games, then review game plans for the next day (including the dreaded breakfast wake up call). And all the other little moments in between (see a few in picture form below).

  • Sacred chats (and lukewarm Chinese food) in the Safeway.
  • These vans hold bonding, bad playlists, and even sometimes relationship interventions.
  • Community and family support for our send-off.
  • Pre-tourney meditation and gear reveal.

And on a personal note, one of my favorite parts of state weekend is getting my entire coaching staff to MYSELF (okay to the varsity squad) for the whole time. While my JV and C team coaches have their own teams to invest in, it’s a bit of “passing ships in the night” during the season so getting them on the bench and around in practice sessions is the best. I am so lucky to constantly have a crew of caring and oh-so-knowledgeable coaches leading this program and the state tournament is our last hoorah together – being with folks that make me laugh and that I trust with the players on and off the court is something I don’t take for granted.

Taryn is not crying just in case you were wondering.
The essentials were packed. IYKYK.

On missing all the things

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Last summer the world was shut down as the Pandemic raged. This summer, life is opening back up and we are resuming previously scheduled events. Although I enjoyed the slower pace and focus on family last summer, there are certain things that I didn’t realize I missed so much until I go to do them again this year.

One of those events is our FHS volleyball kids camp – bringing in the youngest volleyballers and opening up our gym doors and our players’ hearts to the community is such a time of joy. My players have always done an amazing job of not only teaching volleyball skills, but increasing confidence in the campers AND creating joy for the sport. In our town, kiddos play soccer basically out of the womb, so exposing them to a different sport is always a highlight for me personally.

My favorite parts:
Day 2 – dress up days

Watching my high schoolers experience the joys and struggles of coaching. Responses to “what did you learn about coaching”, they said…..
– you need lots and lots of patience
– picking teams was hard!
– clear and more clear communication
– pride when seeing them succeed

Creative drills to focus on volleyball skills – usually we do a candy challenge to practice passing to target. This year, campers got to play with the “all the rage” pop-its. And then the high schoolers were obsessed and wouldn’t put them down.

My last favorite – while the high schoolers coach, I get to connect with my coaching staff and plan/dream about the upcoming season. I seriously have a rock star of a team right now and am so thankful for their passion and love for our program.

Receiving messages from campers’ parents confirms how much this camp can do for our community and for individual campers –
“_____ had SUCH a blast. Thank you so much for you and the girls hosting. In the car she was like “wow….mom…I can’t wait until I get to high school. I’m going to play volleyball.” You guys made such an impact not here girls. Please host more!”

“_______ had a great time. Her confidence in her serve really improved and she is so excited to try out for her middle school team this year.”

On the Miracle Season…

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Obviously seeing this movie was a no-brainer for me. Actual competitive volleyball featured in a movie? And not just about catty girls that hate each other? Sign me up!!! I was sad to see it without my team (they’re going tomorrow as a team bonding event) but my kiddos obliged to tag along and check it out.Helen Hunt did an amazing job showing both the angst and the joys of coaching young female athletes. Pushing females to be competitive beasts while loving the heck out of them can be a hard job sometimes….and obviously so worth it. The tears flowed for me (and the whole theatre from the sound of all the sniffles) as a player died in the film….which brought back a flood of memories for me from walking/stumbling my team through some extremely tough days when a teammate and the most joyful young human to ever grace the earth, Chelsey Ray, died from cancer almost 10 years ago.
Even down to t-shirts that honored the player, our story had so many similar strands. These t-shirts were and still remain very special to me. I had Chelsey actually stamp her hands on the back of each one – a metaphor for her literally having our backs both on the court and off. Mine has only been washed 2 times to this day, because any piece of touching her amazingness is priceless to me.And just like in the movie, I think my greatest impact as a coach was helping the teammates through the tragedy with all the questions and all the pain….I loved talking with them, praying with them, honoring their friend and memories, and just covering them in love and grace. That’s what teams are for…..Having a young, shiny teenager ask you to speak at her own funeral was one of the most humbling events in my life to this date…..it was at the “chemo date” pictured above where that happened, I still vividly remember the giggles, inside jokes, and other nonsense she asked me to include. I’m so glad that I scrapbooked during this time to remember the small moments, the conversations, the haircut where I held her hand in front of our community, her joy and her faith…..all things that inspire me to lead young people, especially young athletes to their own greatness in life.

Many people don’t know this, but prior to receiving the head coaching gig at FHS, I had firm plans to move down to Vancouver, Washington to start my counseling career down there. Chelsey’s impact on my life and the love and family feel of my hometown during this time changed my mind and my course forever…..and for that and to her, I am so incredibly grateful.

on coaching….

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I am 11 years deep into coaching (9 years as head coach) and I have used every year and every experience to grow myself and my program into one that I am super proud of. It takes a ridiculous, constant balancing act to meet the various goals of administration, parents, and the players themselves. At this point in time, I feel confident in my role and can back up my decisions with experience, statistics, and general knowledge of my sport. I understand parents’ role in advocating for their children yet feel strong enough to know when other difficult team decisions need to be made to strive towards a winning season, the goal of any competitive program.

Any coach that sticks with a high school program for any length of time knows that parent complaints can be fast, furious and sometimes, cut deep. Overall, I have been blessed with amazingly supportive parents and families which is most likely a reason I am still in the same spot I started my career. However, I do think it is interesting to point out the irony in some complaints made about me in the past:
“She talks too much about feelings” vs. “She doesn’t care if my daughter is upset.”
“She only plays her favorites” vs. “I wish she would play the same people so they can get comfortable and start winning.”
“She makes the players feel bad for mistakes” vs. “She needs to get tougher on the girls when they are playing bad.”
“Players are afraid they will get taken out for making a mistake” vs. “Why doesn’t she take girls out when they make mistakes?” (my personal favorite)

Although these don’t surprise fellow coaches, I do want to say that I think it is completely possible to achieve some sort of balance when trying to reach the goals for all “players in the game” (parents and administration included). I know from my own experience that it IS exhaustingly hard work possible to grow a successful program from the ground up by committing to:
– high standards of behavior, both in practice/games and outside of the gym
– preparing for practices with the same intensity and organization that I expect players to have during a game and in their schoolwork
– caring about the player’s personal life and emotions while teaching them how to show mental toughness when competing
– having ZERO tolerance for disrespectful behavior, especially when it comes to how players treat each other
– teaching players about the game, so they don’t have to rely on just me for feedback during competition
– finding ways to have FUN during practices and games (even when we struggle) and then be able to transition back to business/game mode
– growing and learning as a coach alongside my players (creating/experimenting with new drills, attending clinics, etc.)

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In the last couple of seasons, I have found myself getting increasingly emotional about my current teams and their successes/struggles on and off the court. I attribute this emotion to the powerful combination of being proud of the work I have done, grateful to the parents that allow me to push their daughters outside of their comfort zones, and excited that I get to continue to do this work year after year with fierce, amazing young women that I love so much.