Tag Archives: 40 moments

40/40 – on my lessons learned

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While reflecting on past moments for this series, it really changed my perspective on moments that were happening in the actual present. Is this moment significant? What makes it special or memorable? Is this something I should reflect on/document or should I just be in it and feel it? What about this moment is standing out to me?

And what I learned is that so many moments ARE significant, in all sorts of ways. Sometimes positive and special but also some are significant because they are utterly heartbreaking and impact the course of our lives or of someone’s life that we love dearly. In my 40th year, what I know for certain, is that the journey of a life is really a never-ending series of heartaches and pain, followed by resiliency and support from loved ones if you’re lucky enough to have those and then sprinkled with content-ness in between (some bigger sprinkles of time than others).

Some of my heartbreaks and pain the last couple of years have been both professionally at work and then personally within my beautifully and messily created family. And the realization and sinking in that I am replaceable in so many different parts of my world – coaching, school counseling, district leadership and in friendships. And all of those systems and people will keep moving on without me….minus the crew that is tied to me through parenting and marriage. I have adjusted the time and energy I spend on the outside world versus the world within these four walls accordingly…not just physical time but also emotional and mental energy as well.

I just want to add in here that this quote should also be available with he/him and they/them pronouns as I do think the grown ups in the home while parenting are the ones that are irreplaceable, not just the “mom”. K rant over.

Some of my other “moments” from this past year that I haven’t documented include:
– WonderGIRL learning her own moments of growth and vulnerability in relationships and work life as she transitions to adulthood
– WonderBOY finding his voice in sharing with others how he feels and what he needs to be in relationship with them
– Scott and I focusing on date nights and travel with each other….even though we mercilessly tease each other to outsiders, I do enjoy his company quite a bit
– little nuggets of love and growth from students at school (the hugs alone are all separate moments I treasure dearly)
– saying no to activities that drain my energy
– showing up to things that fuel my tank
– the opening of the new high school gymnasium and my team’s first match in the facility (okay and winning in 5 was pretty sweet too)
– getting ridiculously sick (2 different times) and relying on my husband and Western medicine
– 2 cups of brewed coffee at home each morning (bonus moment points to when Christmas lights are involved on a dark morning)
– discovering Pickleball along WonderBOY and Scott as a fun and physical family outing
– finding a community of like minded professionals in the school counseling world through Tik Tok
– experiencing WB getting cut from a basketball program and observing him handle it with grace and maturity
– every day in May walking challenge (I definitely want to walk outside more as part of my 2023 goal setting)
– Scott and I checking each other non-verbally when chatting with our teens in order to keep conflicts at a minimum (okay I really hate this but know it’s needed)
– valuing and loving my body in its present form without constant comparison or criticism from my inner thoughts
– Hallford’s visits to my school and his patterns of laying on my chest and purring each and every night
– having an emergency foster placement around Halloween time….watching my husband parent him in such a more connected and positive way than 8 years ago when starting out with the Wonders AND having him bond with my volleyball team
– said foster placement moving away and leaving my school, breaking my heart open to the possibility of fostering again
– critical conversations at work that are making me realize what I want and don’t want as I move forward professionally, working in an education system that is so incredibly flawed but also so incredibly necessary to care for kids
– connecting more with my sister in law through our Sunday walks (and Pho dates when we don’t want to walk)

And to end this post, a quote moving into this next chapter of my 40’s:

39/40 on choosing a word each year

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Like many people, I love the week between Christmas and New Year’s….it’s quiet and a wonderful time for rest, reflection and goal-setting. I began choosing a word during my time at Treasury of Memories as it was big in the scrapbook world back then. And then it grew from there…..some words are more impactful than others, but I do love focusing on a word much more than exact resolutions that never seem to stick beyond January.

Here is a visual of my words so far and I’ll post a few links below of previous blog posts if you’re interested in exploring more on how to I used these.

One Little Word over the years….
2010- me (the year I went to Haiti and met Scott)
2011- you
2012- us (got married)
2013- rooted
2014- connect (Team Brave Dinosaurs formed February 2014)
2015- (survive), didn’t pick a word out of sheer chaos that was our journey this year including criminal trial and extremely hard trauma behaviors
2016- together (adoption!)
2017- allow
2018- spark
2019- value
2020- vision
2021- heal
2022 – reclaim

Picking a word is the hardest part….I love being inspired by what others choose and I usually have a few picked out to let simmer in my brain. Then throughout the first week of January, I see which ones rises to my heart/brain more than others. The moments of clarity in these moments of “choosing” are sweet and simple and help my investment in the word throughout the year.

Recently, on instagram, there have been some fun options to screenshot for ideas of words….here are three that I recently did and although I’ve already used Heal, I do love the idea of power and ideas since I have a whole lot of the latter and have been feeling very little of the former as of late.

And as I do each year, I would love to hear your word and also would love to hear your process for how you choose said word!!! Happy last week of 2022….one more “moment” to post and I will have completed by goal for this 40th year around the sun (better late than never).

38/40 – on Christmas moments

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This Christmas season feels different and a little melancholy for me….this year has certainly had it’s ups and downs and at one point, we were preparing for a big transition as a family. Not good or bad, just a transition that now isn’t happening. With one adult child out of the home and a teenager that has his own feelings about Christmas (mostly around going to event after event which is historically hard for him and both our kiddos with trauma – read more about Christmas as a foster family here).

Our 2022 Christmas card filled with highlights (and WonderBOY not smiling).

So I thought I would take a moment and reflect on some of my favorite Christmas moments throughout my 40 years of life that still hold a special place in my memories.

Childhood moments –

  • Special presents I remember opening: our family trip to Disneyland (mickey ear hats), my first cell phone at age 20, accessories for my American Girl doll Samantha, small creepy porcelain clowns (my mom wanted me to collect them?)
  • Walking out to the tree Christmas morning always stands out to me as my Mom did a wonderful job displaying all of the presents that magically appeared seem so magical – I still love looking at presents under the tree and try to wrap them early so I can gaze at them from my morning coffee chair
  • My older brother and I knowing where my Mom hid our presents and sneakily opening the carefully taped ends to get a peek before Christmas morning (sorry Mom)
Presents wrapped ready to be gifted to our loved ones.

Adult moments

  • Our first Christmas with the Wonders – all of the magical traditions like cutting and decorating the tree, Christmas morning, reading stories by the tree each night, acts of kindness countdown….I loved seeing the joy and magic in their eyes
  • Our second Christmas with the Wonders where we tried to fix all the errors we made in Year 1 with them (see post I linked above)
  • Christmas cruise celebrating our adoption
  • Seeing our extended families grow through marriage, new babies, adoption, etc.
  • Receiving and compiling holiday cards that I look through every single year after creating mini books out of them (read more here)
  • The joy of kittens and cats at Christmastime

Favorite gifts I have gifted over the years:

  • Disney cruise
  • Letters to Scott (and eventually the kiddos) to open and read on Christmas morning
  • My Gramma’s Storyworth book to my Mom and her siblings (read more on this here)
  • Special bracelets in honor of the Wonders’ birth mom
  • BraveGIRL’s cell phone she desperately wanted
  • Permission for WonderGIRL to date
  • Two experience gifts I am VERY excited to gift to WonderBOY in a few days after posting this
  • Small ornaments with photos of our family to grandparents
  • Tickets to see Sound of Music in Seattle with my Mom and Gramma

I am hoping you all have a wonderful Christmas with your chosen or given families….I also hope if you’re not in the Christmas spirit for whatever reason, to release the “shoulds” and the expectations and lean into the care and keeping of you and your heart, whatever that may mean for you.

36/40 – on my HSLP’s moment

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Seeing as how meeting this person was my 20th moment in this series, it is only fitting that I ask her to do a little moment-sharing as well!

I can’t say it would even be possible to pick one favorite moment with Patti.  There are 1) far far too many to choose from, and 2) how do you define “favorite”?

Is “favorite” the moment when I met Patti when she came in for a job at Treasury of Memories?  I knew right then that she was someone special.  I didn’t know at the time that I was gaining my Heterosexual Life Partner (my HSLP), but I knew I really really wanted to be her friend.  I think it took less than 1 shift together to know we were a match made in ‘High School Musical’ heaven.

Is “favorite” the moment I said, “I’m going to Haiti to work in an orphanage”, and without skipping a beat, she was signed up to go with?

Is “favorite” the countless nights out on the town, living our absolute, best, single lives? Dancing, drinking raspberry mojitos (by the pitcher), add in a little bit of ruckus and a whole lot of shenanigans, and that, my friends, is how you do it when you’re not yet 30.

Is “favorite” the moment my heart was broken, and without question, I had a place to stay, an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, and no shortage of wine to soften the pain?

Is “favorite” the days spent dreaming up a fabulous business plan for a party planning company?  Between our craftiness, county connections, and dare I say, being pretty fun girls, we were really onto something.  While I know we’ve out grown this possibility, it really was an EPIC idea.

Is “favorite” the moments I get to see her former students and players beam with joy, respect and adoration when they bump into her?  Seeing the way their eyes light up, you know instantly she is such a positive role model and influence in her students and players lives.

Is “favorite” the moment I got the call that her and Scott were taking in 2 foster kiddos?  I think back to that moment often, and am in such awe of their bravery, love and open hearts for children, especially those in need.

Is “favorite” having the most wise and thoughtful confidant whenever I need advice on life, relationships, or when we were all of a sudden raising a 16 year old? (Not to mention she has actual, professional credentials for this said advice 😉

Is “favorite” knowing I’ve already had more cherished memories than one girl should rightfully have, or, is it the comfort knowing we have 40+ more years of joy, laughter and love (and even maybe a little ruckus and shenanigans) ahead?

Every single moment shared has been a gift, and you, Patti….are my favorite ❤

Love you always, your HSLP,

Elke.

35/40 – on Mom’s moment(s)

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You know my Mom is a talker (her and my Dad passed along strong genes to 4 extremely extroverted chatty offspring) so this long post is no surprise…..plus a good excuse to share some silly childhood and college photos.

There are numerous, numerous moments and milestones of my Patti over the years …but it’s the very “simple memories” that makes me feel this Momma’s love and smile the most on this week of her “40th” Birthday…

When she was very young her absolute favorite food was always salad!  If she was given a choice of candy or salad…she would always choose salad! Crazy, Crazy Girl!!

Nothing compares to her young imagination tho…from the imaginary “Sunglass Family” which she graced us with constantly for quite a few years to follow about their imaginary adventures when she was around age 4 to the adventurous novel she wrote in her younger years (complete with multiple chapters, index, etc)…there are way too many examples to count of how her imagination entertained us for years!!

She loved, loved, loved office-paper supplies! Going back-to-school shopping was a must each year…and Patti cared very little for the school clothes shopping but it was the school-office supplies that made her the most excited!  Binders, organizers, notebooks, pens, paper, post-it notes, scissors…you name it, she LOVED it!!

(Also, she was not the tidiest child of mine and in her bedroom, especially under her bed or in her closet we would find mountains and mountains of doodled paper, scraps, pens, pencils, etc  for all school or personal projects of hers!!)

The multitude of dances that were created with her cousin Cara through their younger years at our annual family camping trips for the pure entertainment of Gramma & Grampa and many of her Aunts and Uncles brought us all loads of smiles and laughter! And, through this current year at our own family camping trips amongst her brothers and their families she can be found creating many, many tik-tok dances with her nieces for us to enjoy all over again!!

One of my most treasured, small but beautiful memory of mine tho is one which we shared when driving her to Pullman for her first year at WSU (Go COUGS)…the anticipation, anxiety and excitement was at a very high level in our car and about 2 hours outside of Pullman, she handed me her headphones to listen to a song which brought on way to many tears for me as I gazed out the window at the beautiful wheat fields and listened intently to those words…. “Wide Open Spaces” by the then Dixie Chicks. At that time I had never heard it before and she wanted me to listen to the song to remind me it was time for her to leave our home and go spread her wings out in the world! Oh goodness… to this day that song brings back that memory and tears to my eyes thinking of that car ride and the soon to be dreaded “good-bye” I was going to have to say to my Girl!!

Actual picture from the morning I left to WSU my freshman year. Sweet slippers.

Again, none of these mentioned are big milestones for my Patti of which there are many, many, many…most of all her unrelenting, admirable crusade of support and having the biggest heart possible for ANY kiddo, especially those with trauma…but these are just a few of my “simple memories” that this Momma heart holds with so many Smiles, Joy and with so much Love!!!

Thank you Mom for your forever support of me, my big and little milestones, and all the little Wonders we bring in (and unfortunately sometimes out) of your life along the way.

34/40 – on BJ’s moment

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Aren’t we so lucky to have social media to look back for embarrassing photos of these beloved moments???? Here is my oldest brother’s fave memory of me – seeing as how we didn’t really like each other until our adult years, this tracks.

I loved the Christmas we spent in Chicago. From a Rock Band filled morning (without having to watch younger siblings get spoiled) to Christmas dinner at Murphy’s Bleachers bc I didn’t realize the stores would be closed.

Your move holy man.

Also a freezing Seahawks game at Lambeau Field where you talked our seat neighbors into buying you drinks to celebrate Seattle’s only TD while I was in the bathroom. It was fun to spend a holiday together without all the usual obligations to distract us. 

Not pictured – BJ shoving me in a huge snowdrift on our walk home from the after-party where we schooled some Packer fans in beer pong. A subtle reminder that we BARELY like each other in our adult years…..

33/40 – on Dad’s moment

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To no one’s surprise, my Dad’s favorite memories of me come from our days (and late nights) together in Pullman from my college days. Go Cougs!!!

I think one of my favorite times with you were the Dad’s weekends at Wsu! Great memories of the games and partying after the game, remember almost crawling home from the fire house  frat to your apartment!

My favorite moments with my Dad:
– him calling me “Nadia” during my early childhood gymnastic days
– practicing the Dirty Dancing lift in our first house
– him supporting and watching all of my sporting events in high school
– sharing our love of all things WSU (especially Coug football games)
– him continuing to support my sports career and serving as our official FHS volleyball announcer at home games

Love you Dad!!!

32/40 – on Scott’s moment

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Because I am an enthusiastic slacker, I didn’t make it to 40 moments BEFORE I turned 40. So I outsourced to a few peeps so they could tell me their fave moments I might have forgotten.

Up first is my sweet husband…for my birthday, I asked for two things. A birthday dinner with all 3 kiddos in one spot and that took some serious wrangling but he did it (with 304 messages and reminders) and I am so very thankful.

We didn’t mean to stand tallest to shortest but here we are.

And for the second request, of course, I asked him to write up his favorite moment with me. Here is what he had to say:

I have had the incredible fortune of spending the last 12 years with my incredible wife patti. We have had our ups and downs as does all couples. I’m beyond thankful to call her my wife through all the highs and lows. Although there has been tough times there have by far been more wonderful times. Too many to count actually. Some things that stand out to me actually come at the beginning of our relationship and pretty recently actually.

One of our first dates was where we took the ferry out to Friday harbor. It was an amazing day filled with good food, beautiful views (Nature and Patti), and the start of someone falling in love with the other. Another important time to me that i am cherishing is our 10 year anniversary to whistler a couple months ago in august (see more of this here). It was a time filled with good food as usual, but more importantly a time to reconnect and remember why we love each other. I am continually thinking of this trip to whistler we just took and how i love spending time with Patti.

Not our first date but another photo on the ferry deck to Friday Harbor!

Happy 40th dear! I love you and you’re just as hot as you were on our first date!

31/40 – on our adoption day

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I get to share my birthday week with another lovely celebration – a day when we got to forever welcome WonderBOY and WonderGIRL into our family forever and ever. There was a lot of emotions that went into the build up to this day and lot of grief that is inherently mixed up in adoption. But for us as parents, it was ultimately a public affirmation that we were doing the right thing. And a relief that the life of these two little ones wouldn’t be hanging in the balance between chaos and care any longer.

You can read more about the details of this day and see more pics here.

This year (October 18th) marks 7 years as a forever family!!!