9/40 – On “how I met your father”

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A lovely friend (thank you Anna) gave me some amazing ideas for specific moments in my life she was curious about. I work well off of a list to check off (enneagram 3 coming in hot here) so let the fun begin….

It was March 2010 and I was coming off of a breakup…my HSLP Elke had agreed to a mission trip to Haiti and asked if I would come along. I needed a little something extra fulfilling in my life at that moment and said yes!

One funny moment happened at the planning meeting before the trip – I showed up in all my Ferndale volleyball gear coming straight from practice and met Scott for the first time. After the fact, he shared that he was 100% convinced I was a high schooler at that point in time (we were hanging with our fave high schooler Julia so that made sense).

Once to Haiti, we ended up having beds next to each other in the church building on site at the orphanage. This meant lots of exhausted moments trying to escape the heat and children crawling all over our laps while said rest was trying to happen.

A lot of time was spent falling in love with the children there and being safe spaces for them to get love and nurturing from.

At this trip, we had a conversation about our intentions to adopt children as the primary way to build our future families and I remember thinking that I had never heard someone else (let alone a male at that time with my circle of peeps) feel the same way I did. Also, on this trip, I got to sit next to Scott on the flight home as he had literal panic attacks from his fear of flying…..I kept him busy with aggressive bantering and tales of Haitian babies to keep him occupied.

A week later, he texted Elke to ensure his odd of a “yes” from me was in his future. We drank too much wine at Scotty Browns on our first date as we spent hours talking about our trip. And the rest is history!!!

A year later, we were fortunate enough to take a return trip to the same orphanage together. Oh did our favorite little Haitian crew (and Julia of course) love that we were dating.

So all of this culminated in my all-time favorite picture of me and my husband atop a Haitian hill at sunset with our little loves playing with garbage and loving us. This picture serves as a quick dopamine boost whenever I need to remember our story, our collective purpose, and the beautiful start of the broken road that led us to each other .

On working with and loving kids with trauma

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Throughout my years as a school counselor and then as a mama to my Wonders, I have fallen into the lane of diving into, educating about, and training colleagues on how to work with kiddos who have experienced trauma. There has been so much current research and actual neuroscience that SHOULD change the way we do business with kids (and frankly, with adults as well). And since it hasn’t caught on as widespread as I would like, I try and do my part to influence who I can on the importance of this information.

With some new folks visiting my blog, I thought I would do some posts that will collate some of that information. Tik Tok episode 1: Whatever you are, be consistent (ie, “predictable”)!

Tik tok episode 2: Frontloading the change in schedule or anxiety trigger.
Tik Tok episode 3: Talk your thoughts.

And if you’re more of a book reader versus a Tik Tok watcher…here are my top 3 suggestions!

All books (and more) linked in my Amazon storefront! Stay tuned for more information regarding this topic….and if you’re here for cute pics of my kiddos and cats, then check back later!!

Happy 14th Birthday WonderBOY!

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My little man turns 14 today and I thought I would take this chance to document some of the things that I love about him as he grows into a young man and never want to forget.

1. His empathy – I am sure this a byproduct of his early childhood, but this child can sense when we are 10% sadder, madder, upset, etc and will instantly come check on what’s wrong.
2. Every morning he asks me how I slept and every time I come home he specifically asks how work, practice, my meeting went (and genuinely listens to my answer).
3. He never stops talking….which yes gets him in trouble at school but at home means we get to hear all about his thoughts, his friends, his wonderings….and I love that.
4. He is becoming very articulate about his feelings….although it was painful at the time, I got to witness him share his vulnerable feelings with his older sister and her impact on him in a way that brought tears to my eyes. Not because of the words and impact (although that was heartbreaking), but because I know we have helped him find his voice, make sense of his childhood trauma triggers, and feel brave enough to share that with others.
5. When Scott is at work, WB loves to watch my nighttime show with me (Gilmore Girls forever)….but is deeply offended when I turn over to face away from him. “Noooooo not the butt side. Then I can’t see your face.” It literally makes me melt and laugh all at the same time…..

And some embarrassing yet CCCUUUUTTTTEEEEE older photos that I can’t resist posting:

We’re headed to Kyotos for his birthday dinner and I’m hoping he will put on a repeat performance.

And maybe because WG is out there navigating adult life but for some reason, WB turning 14 feels like the beginning of the END and he will be leaving us soon. I peeked out the window the other day and he was BEHIND THE WHEEL and parking the truck (with Scott guiding of course). My little nugget was in charge of a whole large vehicle and I’m pretty sure my heart stopped…..so there’s that.

I love him so and can’t wait to continue watching his personality and relationships grow and thrive.

On teacher Tik Tok

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I am approximately 6 years late to the Tik Tok world….and I’m well aware of my failings as an elder millennial on that piece. I started dabbling during volleyball season this past year and enjoyed the creativity of creating silly videos for the 80-100 folks that were following me at the time.
Vball tik tok

Then I made a small bet incentive for one of my students….if she met some specific goals, I would agree to a TT with her. I posted this on a Friday afternoon and by the following Monday, the video had over 100,000 views! She (and I) were shocked…viral Tik Tok

And then something crazy happened – folks started following me and then watching my old videos. And then those caught on. I loved seeing other teacher creators’ content on the app and also got excited about spreading some “trauma informed schools” knowledge in this space. And slowly but surely….two months later and we’re here at over 5,000 followers (and actually by the time I’m posting this a week later, now over 6,500 followers):

And before you think I’m all serious school counselor-y on the app, let me leave you with my latest video that was just for fun and made me smile (just to myself). Bridgerton Tik Tok

And also, feel free to follow me. As long as you fully acknowledge I am posting this content for strangers only (and if you bring any of my craziness up in person, I will deny it). You’re signing up for a whole lot about school counseling and kids with trauma and a teeny tiny bit of life (if I can convince WB to join me).

8/40 moments – family trips to Disney

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Over this last week, I’ve been following along on social media as a handful of my friends have been exploring various Disney parks with their families and friends. Naturally, it has me reflecting on both my childhood trips and taking our kiddos there years back as well.

Our first summer with our Wonders and we got to bring them to Disney with their future forever Gramma and Grampa! August 2014

What I remember from my childhood trips to Disney have very little to do with the rides or the food or the magic of it all – but really about the funny family moments that happen in between all of those other bigger adventures. Obviously, my parents took us WAY before fast passes were a thing so standing in line with my parents and 3 brothers (one older and two way younger than me – just babies it seemed) took up hours and hours of these trips. We often bring these moments up about my younger brothers being incredibly entertaining to us in line by singing songs (usually atop my older brother’s shoulders) and cracking jokes to all that would listen. It is really a shame that we don’t have pics and videos from this time saved for all of time on social media (their current wives and partners are probably sick of our stories and would love to see it in real time).

Other vivid memories I have from my childhood trips:
– character breakfast
– the Disney waterpark (Blizzard Beach I want to say?)
– exploring Epcot on my own with my brother (we were teens) as my parents let us be on our own for a bit….and me really thinking I was hot stuff making eye contact with other teen boys doing the same thing
– visiting different countries at Epcot (we didn’t travel a whole lot so this was eye opening for me and loved seeing bite sized cultures in this way)
– eating at the Germany Oktoberfest spot (all the pretzels please)

Memories I don’t have but am thankful for:
– my parents (Mom mostly I’m sure) planning for, saving money for and taking 4 crazy kids on a road trip, Disney adventure
– getting up early and then closing the park down so the magic never ends
– Mom master planning the schedule so we didn’t miss the parades and the good stuff

So I suppose the moral of this story is…..THANK YOU MOM for your sacrifices in making these trips happen – I appreciate all of that so much more now that I’m a parent. HEY DISNEY PARENTS – it’s not all about the sites and the rides but the in between moments that mean the most….try to stay calm and enjoy those too without stressing about getting to the next thing, micromanaging your kiddos’ moods and getting the perfect photos (PS this is also a pep talk to myself on every family vacation).

Stay tuned just in case I track down photos from my childhood trips (then my bros should really be scared)…..hehe.

7/40 moments – on the book that jumpstarted my hope

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As a human that fell in love with a man with complex PTSD and a handful of elementary school children with similar struggles (before we begun our fostering journey), there was a period of time when I felt super frustrated with what was available to me and them as far as resources. When I am faced with a situation I don’t understand, I want to learn more and research and dive into the topic.

But at the time (over 10 years ago), there was not a lot available as far as reading, internet groups, documentaries, etc. on this topic. And I knew in my gut that there had to be more out there and different ways of doing things, healing, shifting the education system to better support folks that have experienced childhood trauma.

Enter this book:

This book really helped me understand the role of traumatic experiences living inside our bodies and playing out in physical responses (versus being just a brain/thought process that was affected). And although I had graduated with my masters in counseling, the spectrum of other services and resources that actually showed greater healing potential than just talk therapy outlined in this book really opened my eyes.

Reading this book motivated me to look further into other modalities of healing for both my husband and my students (and for my future mama self, my foster children). Unfortunately, some of the only recommendations offered to folks (especially children) who have experienced trauma is medication and talk therapy. And although sometimes those do help address the symptoms, there are so many other options out there that I wish would be promoted as options as well. These include things like yoga, mindfulness, EMDR, psychedelic interventions, and specific trauma informed types of therapy.

Later, this book was a catalyst in me advocating for my WonderGIRL as her parade of counselors provided by the state were just not doing anything for her or for us. I dove into attachment therapy and really felt like it was what she needed. It led us to our current therapist who is still treating WG and I am the MOST grateful we found her and she agreed to walk alongside our family during some of our toughest years.

Since I read this, I have also found other books that have really helped me become more trauma-informed and invested both at work and in my family. If you are interested in some of these reads, here is a link to my recommended reading list.

On my One Little Word – 3 months in

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A little reflection on my One Little Word, RECLAIM, one quarter into this year.

First things first, I am really trying to reclaim some time for myself to recover and restore from the stresses of the current school year. I knew a big exercise goal would not be healthy for me so just focusing on 20 minutes of movement each day (no matter what it looks like or how many calories I actually burn) has been helpful. Plus, I love seeing the progress on this little circle tracker for the year.

I have loved my Pelo treadmill – the walk playlists and the ability to blog/be creative while I walk has been awesome for me!

With some amazing progress on his own self the past 6 months, Scott and I are trying to also work on our relationship and prioritizing date nights. We are on track for one date per week – we don’t want to get bored though so pass along any fun date night or day suggestions so we can keep things fresh!

As far as travel and adventures, we have been to both Arizona on a plane, Anacortes in our trailer and Leavenworth in a hotel – all great adventures both as a couple and with WonderBOY with us. We still have big dreams of going somewhere warm and tropical over Christmas vacation….but with a few looming family situations, we have to wait a while to officially book it.

Some of the things and/or activities I am still looking forward to reclaiming this year a bit more:
– reading more
– writing more (I’ve hit a bit of writers block for my 40 moments series)
– making money from my professional teachings/trainings

Overall, I am really leaning into listening to my body and giving it and my heart what it needs to navigate each day, hour, new stressful situation….I have always struggled with an even pull towards laziness and productivity with a special dose of guilt for each so finding this balance is always tricky for me.

And per usual, a fun tik Tok to tie up this blog post:

6/40 moments – the reason I stayed

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Many people don’t know this, but prior to receiving the head coaching gig at FHS, I had firm plans to move down to Vancouver, Washington to start my counseling career down there. Chelsey’s impact on my life and the love and family feel of my hometown during this time changed my mind and my course forever…..and for that and to her, I am so incredibly grateful.

April 2018

An excerpt from this blog post talking about a former player of mine, Chelsey Rae Ebert, who suffered and died from terminal cancer her sophomore year of high school (my first year as head volleyball coach at FHS).

This experience (her illness, being in community with her, being asked to speak at her funeral, etc.) still is one of the largest motivators I have to continue coaching 17 years later. Each year before our Fall season, I spend some quiet time at her gravesite to set intentions and remember that the relationships I build and foster each season far outweighs our record, our successes or any trophy.

On our favorite campgrounds

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When we first got our travel trailer, I had a few people suggest some gems of campgrounds (some on this very list – thank you Uncle Jimmy) and it was so helpful to us. Thought some of you might be interested as well….so here ya go!

  1. Pioneer Trails – Anacortes, WA
    What we love about this private RV park – it’s open year round, is close to both Anacortes and Deception Pass (and a ton of great hiking trails), has a workout room and is so clean and quiet. There has always been spots available even on a short notice reservation.

2. Washington Park – Anacortes WA
This one is a city owned park but is on a great walking/biking loop. It has beautiful views of the islands and feels like you’re camping in the middle of the forest. This is where we took our maiden voyage in our trailer so it holds a special place in my heart. It’s also super close to the ferry terminal if you want to take a day trip to one of the islands (we love Friday Harbor!).

3. Sun Lakes Resort – Coulee City, WA
The site of our annual Fire Family campout. We love the set up here with a sprawling campground (and cabins if that’s your thing). Great place for walks, bike rides, and beautiful hills surrounding the lake. The waterfront beach is not huge so a better option if you have a boat or other water vehicles. Don’t make the mistake of packing too much food because they’re waterfront food stand is 10/10 (mocha milkshakes, fries, and even biscuits and gravy for breakfast).

The view of Sun Lakes Resort from above.

4. Skokomish Park – Hoodsport, WA
We stumbled upon this park last summer and wished we had stayed longer. Great sites and a quick walk to Lake Cushman which was beautiful and quiet, especially with an amazing set of mountains surrounding. The boys loved jumping off the cliffs and I really appreciated quiet mornings on the paddle board!

Lake Cushman – a 3 second walk from our campsite.

5. Concrete KOA – Concrete, WA
The most family friendly park around. Great options for kiddos like a heated pool, jumping pillow and mini golf course. I also appreciate how close to home this park is and a quick drive anywhere you need to go.

6. Crescent Beach RV Park – Port Angeles, WA
This park was a pleasant surprise – you are parked right across from a sandy beach and it’s beautiful from sunrise to sunset, even in rainy PNW weather. There are also some great hiking trails close by with amazing views.

Wading through the bay at Crescent Beach.

Heading east –
7. Ravenwood RV Park (Silverwood) – Athol, ID
We have stayed at Silverwood campground before (and it was great and so convenient to the park) but happened on Ravenwood two summers ago and really appreciated the large pool. We weren’t going to Silverwood but there is a free shuttle which is a plus.

8. Missoula KOA – Missoula, MT
We stopped over just for one night here but it was one of the best KOA’s we’ve seen in our trailer days. Has a fun pool and two hot tubs, plus some fun motor vehicles to rent and drive around the park. This KOA had a variety of sites for any type of camping – the cabins and tent sites looked amazing. They also had an indoor pool and some other great group camping spaces and gathering places.

9. Fairmont RV Resort – Anaconda, MT
We stayed at the Fairmont resort two summers ago and fell in love with the hot springs pools, amazing hot tub, huge water slide for the kiddos and indoor pools when the weather wasn’t great. When we made our reservation, we had no idea there was an RV park right down the road that gave you free admittance to the pools when you stayed there! We plan on heading here for Spring Break and we’re excited!

View of the pool, hot tub, and massive water slide at Fairmont.

5/40 On how you view yourself from the inside out

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My grandmother has said some very wise words to me throughout my 39 years on this earth so her quotes may show up more than once here in my 40 moments/lessons list.

Today’s lesson is something she said to me a while back (I don’t even remember the context) but I have thought about it multiple times since she said it and repeat it back to folks often.

She said to me (when I must have been talking about a realization that I was getting older) “you always view yourself from the inside as if you were 21.”

And I find it so true!!! That’s why it’s so shocking when you throw your back out….or the grey hairs show up….or you realize the entire Super Bowl half time show is to make “the older generation” happy.

Oh low rise jeans.

To commemorate these wise words, a few photos from my 21st year without many cares in the world and before I learned a whole lot of hard life lessons (comments such as “you look exactly the same” and “wow I can’t believe that was 20 years ago” strongly encouraged).

Me and cousin Cara at my grandparents’ 50th wedding anniversary party!
Most of my 21st year was spent in this outfit.
Lifelong friends!
My 21st birthday party in Pullman!
Not much has changed.