18/40 – on how I chose my career path

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I had a very privileged experience in my school journey and absolutely fell in love with school. The school supplies, the relationships with teachers, and yes even the actual learning excited me enough to want to work in that field for the rest of my life. However, there was a knowing inside of me that knew classroom teaching wasn’t the path….so I had to explore some other options. For my 18th “moment”, I thought I would highlight a few different moments where I knew what I wanted to pursue in my career.

With an interest in psychology and human behavior (although this wasn’t labeled for me until well into high school taking my first psych class – thank you Mr. Demorest), I began to explore options that combined school and psychology.

My senior year, I distinctly remember an experience where I was required to do a job shadow and I chose a school psychologist (literal combination of school and psychology – haha). And while I completely admire and value what school psychologists do….this experience showed me this was a career I was NOT interested in. That school psychologist (I wish I knew who it was) introduced me to school counseling and thought it might be more what I was looking for in the education field (working with a wide range of students, experiential learning, impact on emotions, preventing child abuse, etc.)….since I hadn’t had much experience with counselors up to that point, this was all new to me and I was excited to learn more. I’m not even sure if job shadows are still a thing…..but this particular experience was pivotal for me in deciding my future so I recommend seeking out these experiences prior to deciding on a college pathway personally.

In college at WSU (go cougs), I got the chance to work as an Orientation Counselor for their New Student Programs and FELL IN LOVE…..this experience of working with high school students, creating magical moments to increase their sense of belonging at the school and guiding their choices for academics, involvement, and more felt like home to me and I was excited to seek that out in my career. Our training was very extensive and included some principals of the Disney Way which has stuck with me throughout my professional and personal life.

And the rest is history really….I sought out experiences in my undergraduate career that would help prepare me for a graduate program in School Counseling, I applied to the best program around, and was the only student in my cohort straight out of undergrad. Two years later, I landed a leave replacement, then a permanent job and am currently obsessed with all things school counseling, 16 years later.

What I love most about being a school counselor:
1. No day is ever the same….I show up to work with a tentative plan and schedule, but then have to be flexible to the needs of students, staff, and families at any particular moment. This helps me feel a sense of urgency and value when I show up to work each morning.

2. I believe that school (especially elementary school) is a huge teacher of healthy RELATIONSHIPS….and reinforcing what a child already knows to be true about healthy caregiving OR rewriting harmful narratives about how caregivers act is very important to me.

3. I get to walk alongside teachers in teaching social emotional learning – all the other stuff besides content that creates healthy humans. Coping skills, responding to mistakes, getting along with others, etc are all skills that can be intentionally taught (and in my mind should be taught each and every day).

4. In my most recent years as a school counselor, I have really loved coaching parents as they navigate difficult situations like domestic violence, suicidal ideation, healing from trauma, adoption and attachment. This portion of the job used to intimidate me big time especially prior to becoming a parent, but I think the adults need as much support as youth in today’s world with so many pressures and threats to our mental health.

5. I get to PLAY every single day – when I come home from work, I can identify at least one (if not several) moments of joy from that day. Whether its me dominating at 4-square during recess or a laughable moment with a co-worker, my job really is full of fun. I also am an extremely extroverted human….so having relationships with so many folks, deepening those relationships, and being able to sing and dance with a microphone blasting music is a perfect combination for me! If schools are not a fun place to be, we are missing the mark and I appreciate my colleagues that feel the same!!!

I am so very grateful for all of the amazing staff and admin I have worked with as a school counselor that support me, my role and prioritize the importance of mental health work with students – unlike others in my field, I have never had an admin (Kevin, Cindy, Mischa, Joel if you’re reading this -thank you) that didn’t support school counseling and my crazy ideas 100% and that means so many students and families have been able to access supports desperately needed from the public school system.

On my favorite home hacks

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There are a few items in my home that seem so small and trivial but make me pretty darn happy (or in some cases, pretty darn healthy). These are the items I recommend over and over to other people. I thought I would link them up here in case you were interested – ENJOY!! You can click on the photos to shop or save to a wishlist as well!

Sleep with a snorer?
1. Diffuser right by their bed (to be more specific, pointing right at their face) with some Breathe oil – helps their snoring and in our case, gave him a more peaceful sleep
2. Headband bluetooth headphones – some white noise, mediation, etc. to help you fall and stay asleep. These things are so comfy!!

In the kitchen (from someone that rarely cooks anything – so take with a grain of salt here obvi):

1. Best chopper with different size blades for easy salad prep –

2. Milk frother – fun to whip up for coffee and hot chocolate for the kiddos!

Digestive/IBS issues (ew David) –
Okay this is weird but I attribute a complete overhaul of my digestion to 2 things – my beloved Terrazyme supplements and this crazy contraption I first saw on Shark Tank. Honestly I miss it for my morning business when we’re away or camping….haha. Don’t judge.

Extreme jaw pain – from all the stress and all the teeth clenching when a night guard didn’t work for me, I saw this pillow suggested, went for it and it worked wonders!!! I have no idea how it works but it did for me!

Some of this fun stuff is on sale in anticipation of Prime Days so score a deal or two…..happy life hack shopping! Also, here’s a link to the rest of my Amazon recommendation lists if you want to take a peek:
1. School Counseling office
2. Clothing/Beauty recommendations
3. Trauma informed reads

Not a home hack, I just really like our door mat.

On the systems that help AND harm….

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As a passionate educator, I came into my school counseling career with limited life experience but a lot of educational training on students and all the things that stand in the way of their academic success (personal background, learning disabilities, child abuse, opportunity gaps, etc.). And as my years of professional personal experience continue to climb, I am confronted with more and more systemic harms and systemic oppression that are much larger barriers for so many of my students, my own child navigating the “adult world”, and a lot of other humans I come into contact with that are a far heavier burden than any of those individual circumstances.

And sometimes when describing these barriers, it is hard for others to gain perspective on these hurts and barriers if never confronted with them personally. For example, I knew about the justice system inequities from reading this book and other news, but was not personally affected until on trial for my WonderGIRL’s trial against her abuser and then later part of a jury selection process that weeded me out for “knowing too much about childhood trauma’s impact on memory and the brain.” The anger that raged inside of me knowing that our jury didn’t believe my daughter because no one on that jury knew or could explain what happens to a brain that has been abused over time will never go away…..

I thought I would leave a few key readings or listening resources you might be interested in to gain some others’ perspectives as you move forward in our world that I need to hope will move in a forward direction toward “liberty and justice for all.”

My favorite post from the 4th of July – a holiday that had many conflicting feelings so so many people.

Educational trauma – I love my job as a school counselor and love the services and empowerment that public education provides to students and families. But the inequities are HUGE – I appreciate my colleagues and passionate leaders who also see these injustices and work on removing both collective and individual barriers to learning and growth for our most vulnerable little humans. There are a lot of books out there that can speak to marginalized groups and their experiences in school but here is one that I tore through with both curiosity and anger (I saw the author speak live at this conference and was hooked on her mission):

Religious trauma – I have always had some doubts on collective group religion although feel strongly about the power of having strong, individual faith journeys. Especially when it comes to the views and judgement passed onto to the LGTBQIA community, which in my opinion, is completely counterintuitive to the teachings of the bible. If you’re interested in learning more (since this is not my story to share but something I think needs to be shared), here are a few stories to listen to/watch in order to stretch your thinking on the topic.

We Can Do Hard Things podcast –

Mormon No More documentary on Hulu – featuring two lovely humans I have followed on Instagram for years now

I also fully acknowledge that these stories are ones that I personally sought out and received from folks that look like me, think like me and while I try to look at things from both sides, these are issues about human rights that cannot afford folks to remain neutral and sit on the fence about. I am looking forward to voting and getting involved with legislation in hopes we can move forward as a country….as well as continue to build safe spaces for little ones to find their voice, show compassion for others, and grow into leaders who will make our world a better place (insert all hope placed in future generations here). Thanks for reading and exploring with me.

17/40 – It’s not just about them

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As much of parenting children with extreme histories of trauma is, periods of doubt and questioning come up often. This is not unique to foster and adoptive parenting as I hear from a number of parents that raising whole and healthy humans is the toughest job around and no one hands us instruction manuals. But the variable here that is pertinent to raising others’ children is the lack of shared genetics, knowledge of histories and feelings of helplessness that comes from not knowing anything about what happened before they came into your world and changed it forever.

And sometimes the only comfort for that helplessness is sharing the misery and connecting with other trauma parents in the same boat. While I was sharing a particular update within the last 6 months that has been incredibly difficult for our family and for one of our Wonders with another adoptive parent, he said something that has stuck with me and given me hope during some very dark moments, weeks, and periods of questioning. He assured/reminded me of the fact that intergenerational trauma and the effects of trauma can be passed down through multiple generations. So our influence on their lives is not just meaningful if a positive outcome comes out of our efforts to that particular child….but the influence will persist into the very chemistry of their children, their grandchildren and on and on and on.

When we signed on to foster and eventually adopt, we wanted to steer the path of these vulnerable little ones toward a better outlook gifted to them through a series of horrific events and experiences. So thinking about it in this “long game” sense gave me some hope that our efforts weren’t wasted and hoping that just a slight break in these cycles would benefit our future grandchildren and beyond.

If you are parenting (or educating or caring for vulnerable children in any way), I see you and the hard work you are putting in. The sacrifices to your families and network of loved ones, to your health and the emotional safekeeping of all those around you. I encourage you to find some perspective in this knowledge and release some of the pressure you might be putting on yourself to save them (they are not broken) or to get a positive outcome (we are not in control of another human’s future, even though we try).

If you are interested in this topic, I highly recommend the following read (not only if you are a foster/adopt parent but also if you know generations before you experienced specific or historical trauma) – it might shed some light on some mysteries surrounding you or your health.

Happy Father’s Day to a perfectly imperfect father….

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This man has been completely transformed by becoming a father….a father to a number of kiddos who ONLY knew a father that was abusive, manipulative, and barely provided even a slight version of love and nurturing to them.

And just like many fathers, he had to grow into the role over time and that wasn’t easy. Understanding the dynamics of each child and figuring out to humbly love them unconditionally, as well as navigate his own childhood triggers and feelings about parenting.

What I love the most about the example he shows them and is very open to expressing to them…..is admittance of his struggles and roller coaster of mental health journey. And a constant willingness to get help for those struggles….to become a better father, husband and person always. That is what they need to see….a vision for their future, not only for their own health but for the health of their future family relationships as well. When they hit bumps in their roads, I hope they look back and remember their father hitting the same bumps and seeking help from his community, his family, and mental health professionals.

I am so very proud of the journey towards true and healthy fatherhood this man has taken. And while it makes me a bit jealous, seeing the love and adoration the Wonders have for him through the ups and the downs is truly magical.

And boy do our nieces love their “Uncle Sock” as well….so cute!

Click here for some cute words from the Wonders on Father’s Day 2016.

On my school counseling must-haves

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Now that I’m pumping out videos on my Tik Tok account, I tend to get similar questions about resources, book study books, and other tools from my counseling office….and even though I keep answering them in the comments, I thought I’d compile my answers and links all in one blog post for folks to refer to here. Click on image to read more and purchase if interested.

Question: If you were to recommend reading one book about trauma-informed practices (for myself or a book study), what would it be?

Question: If you were to purchase one resource for your first year as a school counselor, what would it be?

Question: If you were to purchase one sensory tool for your office, what would it be?

Question: If you were moving to an admin or behavioral support position, what book would you recommend?

Question: If you were to have one board game in your office, what would it be?

Question: My ________ just became a teacher/school counselor and I want to get them something special. What should I get them?

I am trying to keep my amazon storefront lists current, so if you’re interested in more, feel free to check that out (and help me out along the way)!

What questions am I missing? What products/resources are you interested in?

#11-#16/40 – on the beginning of our forever family

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Alright so yes this is cheating. I am going to link a blog post I did a while back documenting some pivotal moments in the forming of our family with our little (at the time) Wonders. But if I’m nothing else at almost 40 years old, I am efficient and always looking for a way to get things done faster.

On the story of us – 7 years later

A collection of inspiring quotes and my fave inspirational photo of my two little ones.

On the job that I LOVE….and how I show it off

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It is no surprise to anyone that I love my job. I am obsessed with the role of a school counselor and in particular, the prevention and proactive efforts that an elementary school counselor can provide. I also could talk about it for hours upon hours and never get bored (and in fact try to do just at with conference and graduate program presentations when I can).

Unfortunately, part of school counseling (a large part) is done behind closed doors due to protection of confidentiality. So part of our job gets to be communicating what we do to our communities, colleagues and administrators.

Each year, I publish an annual report to showcase how many students were impacted by the school counseling program. Here is a snapshot of the first page so far this year.

I collect this data this throughout the school year by tracking all of my student and parent contacts into one Excel spreadsheet…..then it’s easy to pull information and visuals to share with staff. I have tweaked and edited this spreadsheet to fit my needs but so many folks have asked for a copy, I uploaded it on Teachers Pay Teachers for others to use for their own programs!

In my beginning years as a professional school counselor, I used this time tracking data to advocate for counseling support to grow to meet the needs of more students. I’ve also used it to show what activities produce academic and behavioral growth versus maintaining “feel good” check ins with students.

Although most see the need for school counseling and mental health support in our current state of affairs, when I first began my career in 2007, budgets were tight and school counselors were often on the chopping block of staff cuts. I was a bit relentless in letting stakeholders in my district know how important school counseling programs can be to impact student learning and growth!

Let me know if you have any questions on this resource! Or if you already use it, I would love to hear how it’s helped you and your program!

On another shooting

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I hate that I wrote a post in February of 2018 with my exact feelings as I have today. Another school shooting. This time, 14 elementary school students murdered along with their teacher. When will it end?

Click here to read post.

As an educator tasked with decision-making, safety plans, and risk assessments at school – each incident no matter how far away makes me numb with fear and doubt. My ruminating thoughts summed up in the video below….

10/40 – on asking for what I need

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Mother’s Day is complicated for so many folks…for our family, it’s been a bit of a historical minefield of triggers, memories, and confusing feelings. Click here for a post I did about this confusion a few years back. I love images like the one below that get posted on social media to recognize both the beauty and the pain that is Mother’s Day.

Last year, for Mother’s Day, I requested a solo weekend in our trailer as a weekend to breathe, rest, have no motherly duties or motherly guilt for not doing the duties….and it was EVERYTHING. An important moment in my life to reinforce that hard work, whether professional, physical or emotional….has to be counterbalanced with REST. I recalled that weekend at many stressful moments during this past year, reminding myself to take time to rest and fill up my own cup from within and from a place of stillness and quiet.

I am excited to repeat this excursion again this coming weekend at one of our favorite campgrounds….and the timing couldn’t be any better for my chaos filled brain, heart, and body.

So, if you’re still reading, here is your daily dose of encouragement to take the time, get away, shut your door, go fo that walk….and do what you need to in asking for what you need. And a cute pic of me with my Wonders after a delicious Mother’s Day breakfast (followed by an equally delicious 2 hour nap at home).