It’s been a long time figuring out my personal fitness journey as an adult. Because of some history with my status as an athlete and disordered eating/exercising, figuring out the balance was difficult.
There was a time in my adult life that I went about 6 months without a single day of intentional exercise and obviously I know this is not healthy for me and my stress levels. I am not a good “gym-goer” – I don’t like being around others when working out due to my competitive and comparison-prone nature. I also can’t have goals like weight loss or size of clothes because of that being such a slippery slope into some past habits.
Enter the Peloton – I had been seeing them pop in friends’ homes and social media feeds and was instantly intrigued. After watching from afar, we made the purchase and really haven’t looked back since. You can read my thoughts on this here and here. And although I do love the short, yet tough workouts and the inspiring, engaging instructors, I also just love being in a room by myself and getting this attainable goal done when needed.
I also love a “distraction” method of working out where I can put on my favorite emotional support Netflix series and walk for an hour at a time on the tread. I set up my laptop, hit “resume show” and get a ton done (most of my 40 moments were written while walking). This formula has helped me hit some huge minute milestones on my Peloton and has helped me with my yearly goal of 20 minutes of movement each day.
Shown here in the dark – during school/volleyball, many of my walks are taking place after the sun goes down.Love a good visual tracker!
With 6 aunts and uncles and a ton of cousins around, our family gatherings at Grampa and Gramma’s house were filled with lots of noise, laughter, cousin wrestling and other shenanigans that I have fond memories of. They had a large house that I viewed as a mansion at a time and the bottom floor was where cousins got to hang out quite a bit to watch tv and play.
In the corner of this bottom floor was my Grandma’s book collection, which included this set of “The Bobbsey Twins” chapter books. When just me and my brother were visiting (and he wouldn’t let me change the tv from anything but wrestling), I was enamored with these books and was a voracious reader. But more than the content, I loved the feel of the old bindings and the fragile pages beneath my fingers.
Once my grandparents moved out of that house, I was fortunate enough to inherit this book collection. They now are displayed prominently in my own home with other treasured stories like my scrapbooks, our wedding memory box and other meaningful artifacts.
And even though my children didn’t catch this love of reading to enjoy these books, the display in my home brings me comfort and joy. It also serves as an inspiration for what I hope to emulate in family gatherings like my grandparents did as my children get older and eventually start bringing new generations of kiddos into my home to feel the same love and joy I got growing up.
From the moment I can remember being a kid, I was both competitive and involved in some type of athletics. Until I became too tall, it was gymnastics. Until everyone (myself included) realized I couldn’t catch or throw a ball, it was softball. From middle school on, I was on all the teams. Volleyball, basketball and track (field to be specific) were the final three that lasted through high school.
My identity was very much wrapped up in this athletic life….practice and game schedules, the friends I hung out with, what clothes I wore….all of it really stemmed from what sport I was playing at the time. Although I wasn’t a star by any means, I did find success in specific sports and really appreciated the leadership potential my coaches saw in me.
This success led to recruitment from WSU to join the rowing team. Being a D1 athlete was both a privilege (my favorite perk: laundry service!) and a hardship. I felt a lot of pressure to perform and rise above my teammates without any prior experience at the actual sport….and I also wasn’t all that great, which was a hard pill for me to swallow at the time.
Some images of my time on the WSU novice crew team.
After choosing not to continue my crew career and focusing on a job (and let’s be honest, my social life) my sophomore year, I started to struggle. Without the scheduling boundaries, a coach to guide and mentor me, and my body/emotions resetting after going 200% for years – I started to struggle with extreme body dysmorphia and developed an eating disorder that took its toll both physically and emotionally. For me, this looked like restricted dieting and way too many hours exercising at our rec center on campus (even to the point of me going 3 times per day for 1-2 hours at a time).
Eventually, I was able to find a balance for myself but knowing what I know now as a professional, I was definitely experiencing what is now known as post-athlete depression. My struggles with self-worth and my body would continue for years, but ultimately made better by maturity, my own control over exercise and dieting, and my supportive social network.
My own experiences have helped me prepare my own senior athletes for this very transition – many of my players get to go on and play college volleyball. But for others, high school is where their status of “athlete” ends. I encourage them to prepare for that transition mindfully. To think about what body movement brings them joy. To create a schedule that feels good to them and surround themselves with others who love and support them, no matter what they look like, what they eat or what kind of exercise routines they participate in. Just exposing them to the struggle of the transition is more than I had knowledge of at the time and I hope that this critical conversation can help them navigate it more healthier than I did.
To parents of teenage athletes, a few things to remember – 1. Their success in sports will be more tied to their emotional health than their physical health. Which one should you be checking in on more? 2. Let the coach coach. What they need from you is a protective and safe buffer that keeps out the pressure and the competition, not adding more on. 3. Monitor their eating, sleep, mental health closely – do you notice any changes? Extra workouts? Less food at dinner? Avoiding meal times altogether? 4. Talk to them about MORE than just sports…..what are their other interests and hobbies? What else can they do in their summer and free time besides training? Maybe you can do it together!!!
*My parents (and every single coach I had) were incredibly supportive of me as an athlete and did not necessarily do anything to put extra pressure on me – nor do I blame them for any of what I developed in college, as they tried to stay connected and I isolated what information they received. My pressure definitely came from myself and an unnecessary need to compare myself to others. But per usual, I like to use my hard stories for good and for prevention, so by sharing my story, I hope you can be more mindful with your own kiddos or athletes that you mentor.
Traveling to Canada has been tricky the past couple of years, but it’s not anymore and if you haven’t been to Whistler…it is such a fun destination in the summer! With so many restaurants and activities to choose from, I thought I would highlight a few in case you find your way up north and want some recommendations!
Where to stay – there are a LOT of hotels and rental options right in Whistler Village and I recommend choosing something in the village so you’re super close to the all of the action! 9 years ago, we stayed at the Aava hotel and loved that option as well. This time around, we went the AirB&B route and LOVED our condo. To save some money, these have full kitchens so shopping and cooking on your own would be great for a family getaway. Our host was amazing and responsive and the place was so cutely decorated and had everything we needed (with it raining so much, we did spend more time than I thought we would in the condo). Ours had a cute pool and hot tub as well which was perfect to come home to each night after a lot of walking (and eating/drinking).
Must-do activity – riding the gondola up Whistler or Blackcomb is a must must activity and is breathtakingly beautiful. It does cost a good chunk of money, but you can spend the whole day/night up there to get your money’s worth. Once you’re up top, there are many sites to see, trails to hike/explore and restaurants to eat at! On top of Whistler in particular, there is the Umbrella bar with a 360 degree view and a great buffet dinner on Friday-Sunday. Watching the mountain bikers head down is also part of the fun!
Where to eat – ummmm…..EVERYWHERE! Seriously there are so many amazing places to eat and since the weather wasn’t great, I’m pretty sure we hit more stops than we originally planned. Here were some of my favorites:
1. Purebread – Okay you know I love my carbs but being in line each morning at 8am when this place opens and the wave of aroma hits you was MAGICAL. There is everything here from sweet to savory and I recommend ordering your own sampler platter and try bits of what you want (and then snag a box of goodies for the ride home as well on your way out).
2. La Cantina Taco Bar – Just good tacos. And guac. And vibes.
3. Dubb Linn Gate Irish Pub – This was the one place we actually remembered from our previous trip 9 years ago and wanted to return. And it did not disappoint….delicious Irish comfort food (the shephard’s pie…..wow) and all the different beers and whiskeys you could imagine.
4. Cow’s Ice Cream – This came recommended to us and I hadn’t heard of it before but the line was always out the door and it was a great treat to snag and walk around the village with.
5. Raven’s Room – This bar was tucked inside a hotel and was hard to find but the drinks were amazing as well as the decor. We didn’t end up eating here but watched others’ food come out and it looked amazing!
Honorable mentions: Earl’s, Hunter Gather, Sachi Sushi (must order the shrimp gyoza made in house), Araxia (super pricey, not worth it IMO but good), Stonesedge (yummy eggs Benedict), The Green Mustache
Today, we celebrate 10 years of marriage and if you’ve been following along for any length of time, you know our marriage (like most) have had its share of roller coaster moments. I know that all marriages go through these – but with ours, some of those rockier moments came a bit earlier than to be expected due to a number of factors. Today I wanted to honor those 10 years with 5 moments that are memorable to me in big ways (but possibly are not the same magical moments you might expect one to document from a marriage).
Marriage moment #1 – your disclosure of your childhood abuse Technically this was before our marriage – in fact, it was probably within the first month of us dating which was so very brave of you after repressing your story for 27+ years up to this point. You told me what you had bravely survived and then you told me that you fully expected me to stand up, walk out and never speak to you again after hearing the disclosure. (Spoiler alert: I didn’t.) How I did respond: “This doesn’t change the way I feel about you. The only thing I need is that when you need help to work through it, you will get it.” And you have held strong to that commitment in every sense of the word…..not only seeking out the help you need but breaking down barriers and stigma for others in your line of profession and allowing me to share pieces of your journey here on the blog.
Marriage moment #2 – the day you said yes I told you that two students that had been removed from their home hadn’t returned to school and I was worried. I stalked the CPS worker and volunteered our home for the weekend as was only needed at the time. They needed an answer within the hour. I called you, explained the situation, and asked you to take two traumatized children you had never met into our home for a whirlwind weekend….you said said yes right away with the sweetest words, “whatever discomfort I might have in bringing them home does not compare with the fear they are feeling so yes let’s do it.” That weekend became months, those months became years, and the rest is history.
Marriage moment #3 – hitting rock bottom as a couple I haven’t shared much regarding the incredibly hard 2 years we’ve had navigating WonderGIRL’s transition to adulthood….but it has taken an extreme toll on all 3 of us remaining Team Hoelzle Brown members along with a toll on our marriage. Last Fall, it all came to a head with a gnarly argument where my voice was silenced and bad choices were made as far as communication with WG. But out of that darkness came some self-awareness from you that things needed to change. That the suggestions I was making to you like looking for other forms of trauma healing were needed like EMDR or psychedelic interventions. And while we navigated our relationship in silence and separate bedrooms for a while, you took your healing into your own hands. Relied on your own support network outside of me to keep you accountable and get you to Ketamine appointments. Switched counselors, knowing you were at a stalemate with your current one. You did the work and you are a much better man, father and husband because of it.
Marriage moment #4 – figuring out our biggest conflict In 2018 with both kiddos in school and activities along with our own pursuits, we realized that our biggest arguments came from scheduling and miscommunication about who/what/when in day to day life. At this point, we started having weekly scheduling meetings each Sunday night to go through our week and work things out ahead of time (Cozi, an online app, also helped with this). During this year, we also had a transformative discussion about our relationship values and I encourage other couples to do the same – it’s helped us prioritize some things like finances and schedules along with keeping us grounded together when distractions pull us away constantly. Read more about scheduling and our values in this blog post from 2018.
(HIS) Marriage moment #5 – learning I was right in 2021 *completely his words, not mine! This one is funny from his perspective because when we first got married, other veteran married couples would often offer advice to us as the newbies. 9 out of 10 spouses (usually husbands) would say that the secret to a happy marriage is to always say/assume/act as if “she is always right.” And you HATED that sentiment. You claimed that we didn’t follow other marital/gender norms so why should we follow that one. And while we don’t really use this mantra in our daily functioning, I do appreciate that you are more open to listening to me and my opinions on how things should go in regards to parenting, our mental health journeys, etc. I also think there is a lot to be said for our good communication skills and me growing in my ability to listen to YOU and trust some of your choices and opinions as well.
Thank you for being you and growing alongside me as a spouse and parent all these years. Also, a big thank you for sitting in the ER with me for 6+ hours yesterday and ruining our actual anniversary due to my strep throat contagious period. In sickness and in health….
More to come on our anniversary trip to Whistler (where I probably caught said strep throat) because it was AMAZING and I want to share all the places we found in case you want to travel there too someday.
I started a Teachers Pay Teachers store this past year and have been uploading different resources I’ve used over the past 15 years to maintain a comprehensive school counseling program. I am passionate about the power of data-driven decisions that support students and some of these tools help with the organization and advocacy for counseling programs!
In honor of the sale today and tomorrow, I thought I’d do a round up of the resources that are on sale and how they will help you stay organized this school year (and save a little bit of time along the way – these are all grab, edit and go type templates).
School Counseling Time Tracker This resource is my most shared, most requested tool for tracking your activities as a school counselor. This comprehensive Excel notebook includes the graphs and charts you need to communicate with stakeholders already finished – when you add your student and family visit data, the graphs and charts automatically change with your data! I use this tool to determine whether or not my program is meeting my goals as well as a vital piece of advocating for my position. Click here to view and/or purchase.
Only $12 on sale – August 2nd and 3rd.
Voice and Choice Behavior Prompts Worksheet I do a lot of trainings on kids with trauma and how to respond to their behavior in a calm and regulated way (the trickiest part). I compiled an easy “if this behavior, then say this” worksheet to give out during these trainings and it is available here. This is a great worksheet to get all caregivers on the same page in a household or an entire student’s team at school. Using constant language is key to improving student trauma responses.
I would HIGHLY recommend this for new school counselors and/or teachers…..helping coach teachers and parents in behavior management was one of my biggest learning curves when I first started and this resource would have been so helpful for me back in my newbie days.
$2.40 on sale!
Bullying Prevention – Family Resource Packet Great resource to send home in the Fall of a school year to describe what your school does when a student reports bullying. It also includes bullying report forms (editable) and a school district policy that students and caregivers can sign after reviewing. At our school, we collect these and use them between our admin team to keep track of and better document bullying reports.
$4.00 on sale!
School Counseling Program Calendar This is a great tool to align programs across the district and would help communicate the role of the school counselor.
$2.40 on sale
Reset Room Resources I love the work and care that we have put into creating a reset room at my current school. It is a safe space where students can access both a regulated adult and a space with regulation tools when needed. Taking a break is such a vital coping strategy for students and staff alike – but setting up the procedures of the room can be tricky so these resources can help! If you’d like to see a video of how we use our reset room (taken last year in the midst of Covid restrictions), click here.
Well if you made it this far, thanks for following along. I love collaborating with and training new school counselors and educators – sharing these resources to make their job just a teeny bit easier brings me great joy!!!
WonderBOY has fully taken advantage of the Kids Bowl Free program this summer. And with the super cheap family pass option, so have Scott and I. He loves it so much he’ll even ride the bus or ride his bike down there to get his two free games in on his own.
As a teenager, I got to spend the same amount of hours at the bowling alley for a couple of different reasons. They did give out free games for report cards but also my father worked at the bowling alley, so I had lots of rides and lots of friends who wanted to bowl along with me (okay maybe not lots….just Joe, Kevin, and Paul really).
And just like I did then, I bring along my special ball with CHYNA engraved on it that I inherited from a bowler that passed away 20+ years ago when I got the remnants of her locker. Also, each trip usually means a side of fries (with tarter) and a trip to DQ afterward depending on what kind of wager we put on the games.
Mt. Baker Lanes hasn’t changed a whole lot…the same amazing friendly owners, good (actually delicious) food, and the nostalgic lanes bring back lots of happy memories for me. And I’m excited for it to hopefully be a happy memory for WB as well.
It all came down to this one little mini book, made out of literal trash and photos of me and my friends drinking the night before Thanksgiving. Talk about questionable young adult decisions, I really thought this would be the best “example” of my creativity when applying to Treasury of Memories, our local boutique scrapbooking store. Here is a video documenting the experience – and yes, I got the job which ultimately resulted in meeting my Heterosexual Life partner, Elke and a forever friendship that I hold incredibly dear to my heart.
Anyone that knows her (which to be honest is at least 82% of the entire Whatcom County population) knows about her infectious smile, giving heart and relentless pursuit of a good time, no matter how dull the current situation is. I am honored to walk alongside her through a whole lot of adult ups and downs and cheers to starting a new “prime” in our lives. At brunch yesterday, we talked about a question that I heard on my favorite podcast – what is the difference between “23 year old you” (when me and Elke met) and you now?
Our answers proved to be quite similar – looking inward for validation and the solutions to our problems, not others’ opinions or comparison to what others are doing. I would also add personally that something I have learned since being 23 and starting fresh in the professional world is that the many folks above your or “at the table” do not have it all figured out so trusting those systems or those folks in charge will not always result in a positive or healthy outcome, but with the right research, knowledge and values, trusting my inner guide toward the “right way” to do things can be trusted.
And because I made her dress up all sorts of extra for her birthday raincheck brunch (full of the most delicious mimosas – our fave), here’s a photo of us in our new prime….loving ourselves just as much as we love each other.
Happy happy birthday sweet friend!!! I love you so much!
I was 2 months into my first job as an elementary school counselor, fresh out of grad school. I had reported to CPS just a handful of times during my high school internship the year prior, but because of the age and agency of students, there was rarely any follow up.
So when I reported my first official CPS report on my own as a professional school counselor, I was a bit jaded with what would happen next. Much to my surprise, an investigator came within an hour of my report, did an extremely in depth interview, and then the following day, called me to follow up and let me know the child would be being placed into foster care that very afternoon. And knowing it made the child feel safe, asked me to go along with her as she met her new foster care placement. Although I want to spare the details of the abuse and the child, this experience was transformative in my life.
Being part of this little girl’s journey filled with both grief and attachment to me as her counselor would later inspire a few different things important to my career and life: – belief in the CPS system (although I later found this particular investigator was brand new, full of hope and that not all CPS workers think and act in the same comprehensive way as I detailed above) – passion for uncovering abuse disclosures in elementary school children and teaching my staff how to look for signs of potential abuse – a first hand look at the despair and grief that is a child being removed from their biological family, no matter the harm it was doing to them – her attachment to me as a safe person because I had believed her/helped her was communicated in her body language the day we took her to to her first placement and that will always stick with me
And 14 years later, “keeping kids safe” is one of the most sacred and rewarding parts of my job (and my family life as well).
This experience also was one of many in my school counseling career that confirmed I wanted to be a parent so incredibly badly, but wanted to do that through foster and adoption. In the same scrapbook as above, I listed my bucket list items at the time. I’m about half way through my list which seems fitting at this mid-point of my life.
One of my most-read blog posts was documenting my husband’s journey with his own mental health and healing from significant childhood trauma and abuse. Since he was brave enough to share a bit of his story, we have been contacted a handful of times with questions about Ketamine and EMDR, two modes of healing not often talked about when addressing mental health. I thought this might be a good catch-all blog post that anyone can share with someone curious about ketamine and some answers from a pretty blunt, adult male perspective (and I love him for that).
What happens in a Ketamine session? You go into a room with a nurse and they take your vitals. Then, talk to you a little bit about how you’re doing. If you’re nervous or anything like that…..then they walk you through next steps like putting the IV line in, getting you an eye mask, and headphones with music. You can talk to them if you need to since they sit there the whole time with you.
How does it feel when you’re under? First off, they start with low doses and progress upward in the process of your appointments. When they put the IV in, it takes 10-15 minutes for it to kick it out of a 45 minute session. Once it kicks in, I can feel it “coming on” where my body feels fuzzy everywhere but not scary, it’s a nice feeling. After that, it’s hard to explain….when you close your eyes, stuff just starts to come up – it depends on what you’re focused on, what you’re working through. For me, it was past trauma and having conversations with my abuser.
They start you with 6 sessions, 2/week and it progressively gets tougher as time goes on.
What happens if you panic/freak out when you’re “under”? There is someone there to help talk you down if you do panic and give you choices and control if you want to stop. I ripped the eye mask at one point and they helped calm me down with some different coping strategies (heat, ice, oils, etc.). I only panicked for a short time before I realized I was safe. That was only because I was digging through some deep stuff at that point.
Were you nervous? The first time – yes. In my first IV, they gave me a small bit of anxiety meds and that helped but then after that, I knew what to expect. I was nervous at the next appointment after a really hard one and then the nurse helped remind me of the procedures that I can request to stop it. Then it was one of my better sessions.
Did it help? Yes it definitely helped. I have had very little anxiety after I started last year. The ruminating thoughts, which was the biggest thing for me, have pretty much gone. Sine I haven’t been to an appointment in a while, I can “feel the edge” starting to creep back in which is a reminder for me to schedule an appointment.
How often do you need to go? They suggest 2 sessions a week for 3 weeks. After that, you do 1 a month for 3-4 months. And then every other month. At this point, I schedule sessions as needed. It’s been 2 months right now and I want to schedule another session before summer ends.
How is Ketamine different than traditional talk therapy and/or medication? I did both of those things for years and there’s not anything wrong with those, I just personally plateued with those methods. Ketamine helped me be present in my trauma/mind’s eye and deal with it in “real time” through conversations or observing what happened with my adult brain. I realized that trauma was definitely stored in my actual body (which my wife has been telling me for years) and my left side actually was agitated more during treatments which is interesting and proved that point to me.
How do I know if Ketamine is a good choice for me? If you have been trying other things like therapy, medication, or other mental health interventions and it feels like nothing is working or stagnant (also known as treatment-resistant anxiety/depression)- this is an option for you to look into. You can call the place for a consult and they ask you questions about your history of trauma, medication, referral and hopes for the treatment to address your anxiety and depression.
Even after him enduring this interview, he offered to talk to anyone with questions about his experience, so if that’s you – let me know and we can set it up.
