GLS – Day 2

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Some more recaps of the sessions I was honored to listen to at last week’s Global Leadership Summit.

Laszlo Bock (Google advisor) –
Nuggets: Meaning matters – figure out what career/job means to person. Are they values we talk about or values we live?
Action: Keep each players’ objective and key results visible and check in on them often.

Juliet Funt (CEO, my favorite speaker!!!) –
Nuggets: Taking time during day for “strategic pause” is where ideas can grace us with their presence. We are too busy to become less busy. White space is the oxygen that allows other things and ideas to catch fire.
Action: I love this whole idea and have read other Personal Development books about how important space and breathing time is for our brains and our bodies, especially in today’s world. I am excited about bringing this to my work with my own kiddos and at school. This should probably warrant it’s own post because I love talking about it so much.

Marcus Buckingham (author) –
Nuggets: Make the individual feel special WHILE integrating into the team. Me and We is equally important. Human beings are unreliable in rating other humans. Most success found by having frequent strengths-based check-ins about near-term future work.
Action: Give attention, not feedback to my players. Have them rate their own feelings on team values and individual strengths. (I’m really excited about following this adventure/research project).

Angela Duckworth (University of Penn researcher on GRIT – one of my favorite topics as many of you know) –
Nuggets: Talent x Effort = Skill, Skill x Effort = Achievement (Talent does matter, but effort counts twice). “I love you so much that I won’t let you quit just because you’re having a bad day.”
Action: I already am all in on the GRIT front but if you want to assess your own grit go to this website and see how you measure up.

Gary Haugen (CEO, International Justice Mission) –
Nuggets: All learning is useless if fear is present. Most powerful force between knowing and doing is how much fear is present (“fear is the silent destroyer of dreams”). Increase the community of courage around someone when fear is present.
Action: Decrease fear in players and students I work with. Teach staff about fear robbing the brain of it’s capability to learn/act/follow directions, etc. Take quiet time in mornings to “prepare my interior” for the day. Label fears when they creep in and make a plan to defeat them.

Whew!!!! That was a lot but if any of it intrigues you, I HIGHLY recommend you google some of these speakers and websites and see what you can glean for your own leadership or personal development.

On being a leader….

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Each year, Scott and I attend the Global Leadership Summit, streamed live at Cornwall and each year, I walk away with some amazing take-aways about how to better myself as a leader, both on the court, in the building I’m working at, and within our family with our kiddos and my husband. In order to keep these take-aways fresh in my brain as we transition to fall, I thought I would record them here as a way to process these amazing two days full of speakers that truly spoke into my heart and life in big ways.

Bill Hybels (pastor of huge church in Chicago) –
Nugget: God is an equal opportunity storywriter and every leader can be developed into something great.
Action: Foster young leaders and affirm their leadership material (2 minute conversation for lifetime impact). Take chair time each day to read, reflect, pray, surrender and let leadership ideas come into your space.

Sheryl Sanberg (Facebook CEO, woman crush, author of Lean In)-
Nugget: Switch from post-traumatic stress disorder to post-traumatic GROWTH. Helping others fix the common mistakes of grieving (personalization, pervasiveness, permanence). We shouldn’t measure how much resilience someone already has but focus on how to build it.
Action: Keep the course in walking with others who are experiencing grief/trauma right now in their families/marriages/childhoods. Foster gratitude and joy each day within our littles so their growth is bigger than their grief.

Marcus Lemonis (business guru, from The Profit tv show) –
Marcus was adopted and talked about this mom “being able to adopt” instead of “unable to have biological children” and I loved this phrase and mindset so much. We get a lot of questions about having our own biological children and the simple answer is….we are able to foster and adopt and that’s it.

Bryan Stevenson (wrote Just Mercy about the unfair incarceration and justice needed for so many African Americans – must read, can borrow my copy!) –
Nugget: Hopelessness is the enemy of justice and leadership. We must choose psychological and physical discomfort in order to enact change. The broken teach use how grace is SUPPOSED to work. The opposite of poverty is justice, not wealth.
Action: What am I doing to foster hope within my elementary students, families and staff?

Andy Stanley (pastor/leadership author) –
Nugget: If we were to do it all over again, what would we do all over again? Being a leader and leading are two different things.
Action: When looking at data/stats – focus on successes and then how to “make it better”

Day 1 – done and done. My brain was full but my heart was ignited…..

 

Update on WonderGIRL

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Many of you have been asking how my little (okay not so little) WonderGIRL has been doing after a rough end of middle school and through this summer transition into high school. Thank you for caring about her and us and our household enough to ask these questions knowing that the answer might not be (and most likely won’t be) the coveted “miracle” transformation of a young girl saved by her adopted forever family.

I don’t share a lot of WG’s personal story on here because it is HERS and hers alone to share. But I will share my own story and that is one of struggle on how to help, when to not help, when to step back, when to step in and all the decisions and doubt about these decisions creep in to my brain and camp there for days and nights on end.

The beautiful and messy thing with kids with trauma is that when you DO dive into their story and find a counselor/coach/intervention that will help them, all the feelings and all the triggers come back into your world stealing your lovable little person away from you and inserting tantrums and hurtful words around every corner.  While stuffing those memories and those feelings is often the EASIER route….it is not often the healthy one. So I sat back after WG’s 4th counselor moved onto a different career away from a community agency and waited for the RIGHT counselor and a specifically trained counselor in attachment, as my Mama gut knew that THIS piece was so much more important than just talking about her past abuse. Even though that meant our daughter wasn’t involved in every professional’s most urgent suggestion to have her in counseling after she ran away….I knew in my heart this was what needed to happen.

And two sessions in with an amazing new counselor that included lots of tears and attacks toward me but with someone that WG finally trusted…..I am so grateful I did this because we have REAL feelings now people! My once overly numb WonderGIRL is feeling things in a new way and actually talking about them…..these feelings being unveiled right now sound like verbal attacks on me and comparisons to her biological mom and I am sooooo okay with that because I feel like they are memories being dug up within the magical garden of her heart. I don’t garden and I don’t know anything about it but I do know you can’t grow a successful and beautiful garden without dealing with and taking out the weeds.

So to answer your well-intentioned questions about how WG is doing…..we are okay. Tomorrow we might not be and that’s okay too. We’ll do some weeding and then we’ll “water” the garden with love and laughter and watching silly teenage shows together and start again. I am equal parts anxious and excited for her to start her high school career….if for nothing else, we get to insert more trusted adults into her life to teach her lessons about caring adults and felt safety wherever she goes. No matter what classes she takes and what grades she gets in her high school career, this is the most important thing she needs from education right now.

This picture above is what I returned to after a particularly ugly interaction while running around our neighborhood. She left mad but obviously turned a corner and was willing to talk about it when we got home. Love this…..

And when in doubt, turn the camera around and take some silly selfies. The true way to a teenager’s heart…..

5 years….

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Each year, each new experience and each new Wonder that you say yes to without logistics, reality or even perks cements my faith that you were put in my life for a plan far greater than mine.

Thank you for helping me fulfill my purpose professionally and personally as a mama, knowing when to cheer from behind or when to step in front and help me set some boundaries. We love spending our anniversaries growing and learning at the Global Leadership Summit – inspiration for our year ahead for our marriage, our careers and our souls. (Recap of my experience at the GLS up next on the blog)

Stock up now – sale!!!!

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Hot out….bad air quality…..perfect time to shop and score some amazing deals for a back to school wardrobe (or be wwwaaayyyy ahead of time and score some Christmas gifts)!!!! 


it’s major, it’s huge, it’s good!

it’s possibly the BEST four letter word out there!

S A L E. 

It happens four times a year, and it’s really, really good!

Imagine for a minute, all your favorite pieces up to 70% off… amazing, right?! And what’s even better than that, is you don’t have to change out of those sweats! (we get it!)

Get yourself prepped and ready! These are by far our craziest & best deals.

…

Sale will launch August 7th @ 10 am (MST) and will run until August 7th @ midnight.

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Keep reading! This is important stuff:

ALL items during this sale are FINAL SALE!

Items do NOT hold in your cart & are very limited, if you’re 100% in love with something check-out quick then go back for more! (shipping is FREE, so no biggie!)

We cannot adjust, combine, cancel, or add to existing orders once the order has been placed, as we start shipping immediately. So, please double check your order (size, color, address, etc). 

We will not be price adjusting any items purchased prior to the sale. 

We will not be restocking any items during the sale, everything available will be listed. 

Please refer to the item sizing guidelines and model’s sizing on the site when choosing a size. 

ALL items during this sale are FINAL SALE!

Orders will still (and always) ship FREE! (US only) (Canada ships FREE over $100)

We will ship in the order received, but please allow 7-10 day shipping time frame (unless otherwise noted on a listing) just in case! 

Most items are on their last production run, so if you want it… get it now! 

Oh! Did we mention?! Due to the deep discounts, ALL items during this sale are FINAL SALE! (again, double check your order – no exceptions will be made!)

Sale will run from 10:00 am (MST) August 7th to midnight August 7th (MST).

P.S. If your coveted items are sold out, don’t fret. Our Fall line-up will start releasing super soon (yay!). Lots more goodies are coming your way!

Ready for fun?!?! Click here!!!! (Please use these links as I get a little perk for sharing with you)

Summer 2k17 in photos -July edition

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Cousin fun at our house. WonderBOY has been blowing me away with his care and love in playing with younger kiddos lately. Love his heart. The whole volleyball crew arrived in Pullman – while the camp is awesome, I also love giving these high schoolers a chance to see other campuses around the state and start thinking about options post graduation. Sweet photo of WG at our camping trip to Deception Pass – our absolutely fave place to camp. Lake and ocean playtime plus camping in the trees – triple threat of awesomeness. When Mom suggests reading time around the campfire. A beautiful friend found her perfect match and it was a super fun reunion of old friends!!!!Enjoying a sunny day at the waterslides. This funny little cat loves to be held like a baby and often falls asleep just like this. The cuteness really makes up for when he’s a wild savage trying to eat us alive. 

Up next in August – a little Silverwood action, Lynden fair and the start of volleyball season!!!!!

On my favorite doublehoods…..

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Anyone that knows me knows I love my hoodie sweatshirts. I especially love the new doublehood trend but have had a hard time finding ones that fit me (ahem….Apricot Lane in the mall carrying nothing bigger than a large…..boooooo). 

Enter a shopping site called Mindy Maes Market (thank you Katelin) and I’ve already scored three!!!! They have a ton of sizes (I order an X-large for reference) and I always get a Ton of compliments/questions when I wear mine. They also have super cute florals and other clothes. Back to school shopping anyone??? Please use this shopping link when shopping (I get a little perk back for sharing…..which I still would share even if it wasn’t benefitting me because I llllloooovvvveeeee them so so much). 

Oils for athletes (and the coaches that love them)

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Whenever I’m coaching, my girls are constantly asking for various oils to help them be at their best for competition. When I was at team camp last week, I talked to a few different coaches about what we use so I thought I would share for other sport coaches or sport mamas out there. Here are the products that I feel are essential in our gym and for my volleyball players and athletes. I love that I can keep everything in a small bag with me to address a variety of needs each and every day both for girls just handling adolescence but also for common physical complaints that come from the sport or any athletic endeavor.

Deep Blue – a natural icy hot type lotion that my girls use for sore muscles. I love rubbing on my shoulders and feet after long practices or a tournament.

Correct X – a healing ointment that has some major healing oils in but is only $12! This tube is awesome for floor burns from playing defense but is also great for chapped or dry lips.

Clary calm – useful for women DAILY but especially helpful during monthly cycles to help alleviate pain from cramps and emotional support.

Past Tense – addresses headache pain and any tension – teens and the ppl that care for them never have that right?!?! (I also have them rub this on their stomachs if they are experiencing cramps and it seems to help).

MitoMax2 – a natural energy supplement that my players take a half hour before a game or midway during a tournament to keep their energy up and get a boost of “pump up” before a big game. I also take it before games as it helps me stay focused.

Peppermint – did you know that one drop of peppermint in your water has been shown to increase your athletic performance by up to 50% (research done on runners)? It also helps alleviate nausea or just to keep your water tasting colder during your game or tournament.

If you want any of these, just let me know and I can put them on my order for a little discount or you can just try out a sample and see if you like it…..if you want your own account, we can meet up and I’ll tell you how (similar to Costco….sign up, get cheaper prices…..you never have to host a class or “sell it” to others).

**Edited Tuesday night – today’s Buy One Get One deal (that I’m spamming all my FB friends with) is to buy a peppermint ($20.50 wholesale) and get the Past Tense for free – it’s like they knew I wrote this post!!!!! Anyway, if you want to try it just message me and I’ll pick one up for you!!!!**

On kiddos who feel BIG

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I have talked to lots of parents throughout my years as a school counselor and just mama-to-mama talks about how to help children regulate their emotions. Many times it can feel like you are just along for the ride as they navigate life’s highs and lows (that probably in your opinion shouldn’t even have been a feeling at all) in BIG ways and if being honest, usually in public….with eyes watching….judging……and your cheeks turning red……

I thought I would share some of the tips and tricks I pass along to those parents in order to help their child LEARN how to regulate their own emotions (versus the parents stepping in and doing it for them). I, myself, have one kiddo that feels big feelings on a daily basis and another who is pretty numb and doesn’t show any feelings. And if given the choice, between the two, I would 100% choose the big feelings because these reactions and strategies to regulate them are easily taught and remembered.

Always remember that all feelings are OKAY, but some reactions to feelings are NOT OKAY. When we tell children to NOT feel something, this is suppressing a very real physical reaction in their body and in adulthood, this suppression of feelings can result in lower skills in problem solving and denial of problems that need help/mental health support.

  1. Rate the problem. (NOTE: this does not say “name the problem” – it doesn’t always matter WHAT actually happened, but we can just help the child REACT to the problem).

    Parent: “What size problem is this? Small, medium or big? (for an older child/teen you can have them rate it 1-10)
    ** Don’t disagree with the child’s rating but if you don’t agree, you can say “Okay….I probably would say small but let’s go with ________.**
    If the child says small, I would say “Okay sounds like you can handle that one on your own and move on.”
    If the child says medium or big, I would say “What can we do to turn it into a small or medium problem?”
    (You could teach these beforehand or give a few examples like….take a deep breath and move on, apologize, use calm words to tell the other child ________, etc.)

    This can help the child learn that not all problems are HUGE and that they are in control of choosing how they react.

  2. Choice or choice.
    If you child has a hard time hearing the word no, try to increase the amount of control they “perceive” to have by giving them two choices that are BOTH acceptable to you as the parent. This is especially helpful during transition times or schedule changes.

    Child: “I don’t want to go to bed.”
    Parent: “You can either go to bed now and I’ll turn off your lights or you can choose a book to read for 5 minutes and then turn the lights off yourself.”

    Many times, we are trying to make our children OBEY when the extra 1-2 minutes or extra 1-2 chips at lunch doesn’t matter in the big picture. Children need to know they have control and choices and can make compromises with other people as problem solvers.

  3. Give them time to regulate before a disappointment.
    When a choice isn’t possible and a firm no is coming…..give your child some time to be ready and anticipate their own disappointment.

    Child: “Can I have extra game/screen time?
    Parent: “I’m about to tell you an answer you’re not going to like and it might make you mad. Are you ready for me to tell you?”
    If child says no, then say you’ll ask again in a minute.
    If child says yes, I would say “If you’re mad when I tell you the answer, that’s okay. What strategy can you use if you’re mad? (breathing, go to room, get a hug, etc.). Unfortunately, game time is done for the day but if you ask again respectfully tomorrow, I will add an extra 1-5 minutes onto your screen time.”

    **It’s important to reward a calm and respectful response, even if they are mad.**

If you are parenting a special kiddo with big feelings, I hope this helped you (there are lots more tricks I’ve learned along the way that I would love to share with you). But more importantly, I hope you appreciate that a child with big feelings also means they experience LIFE in a way that is exaggerated and colorful and AWESOME. For the low lows and the big tantrums, there is usually BIGTIME JOY and that is what being a kid is all about.

(check out this big time joy- WonderBOY and his Mickey Mouse pancake at our favorite Everson Cafe 544)