WonderGIRL’s holiday and year reflection

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A little bit about me right now:
I’m doing horse lessons. I go to a private school and I’m like super excited about it. I don’t know. What am I supposed to say? I’m in a good home? 

What do you want to be when you grow up and why?
I want to be a baker and two times a week, we will have kids come in. I like doing hands on objects and I like kids so both of those things combined is a great job.

What’s on your Christmas wish list this year?
– clothes
– romance books
– gift cards to places

What did you work hard on in 2018?
– trying to have connections with my family
– trying to trust my parents
– doing things without freaking out…..like working out and saying yes when I don’t like the directions

Favorite parts of 2018:
My sweet sixteen because my family was there and I got to enjoy hanging out with them. I love bonfires and we got to have one. At first, I wasn’t so sure about my new school but now I’m happy I switched and I like it there. I was super excited about being in my school’s Christmas play. I was Mary. Our adoption celebration when we went out to Red Robin I remember too because I like celebrating that every year.

Hopes for 2019:
I hope that I keep my grades up and that I earn more trust. I hope that kids in foster care get a home because I know what it feels like and it sucks. I want them to know that they are loved. I hope for Mama and Daddy to not be so stressed next year and I will do my best to keep that stress down.

A look back on the her highlights from 2016

WonderBOY takes over the blog….

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A little bit about me right now:
I am 10 years old. Today I might be able to play with my new friends in the neighborhood and yes. I like to play basketball and volleyball – I’m on a team for both of those. And I like to make Christmas cards for the neighborhood.What do you want to be when you grow up and why?
I want to grow up to be a basketball player or a soccer player because they’re both with a ball.  You run a lot and I like running….kind of. And you can dribble the ball and kick the ball as soon as you can and try to score. And anything with a ball I will play with.What’s on your Christmas wish list this year?
– Wall ping pong (“electronics-wise” he says)
– Laser tag
– Football that can fit in my hands
– I wish for our neighborhood and other neighborhoods and poor neighborhoods to have good Christmases and to get something they couldn’t get before.What did you work hard on in 2018?
– being nice to other people
– standing up for others
– my handwriting and doing better in math
– writing more sentences in people’s Christmas cards
– serving other people (favorite service projects: giving toys away, serving coffee to people on Thanksgiving and greeting them at the community meal)
Favorite parts of 2018:
One of my favorite parts of this year was deep cleaning my room and giving away almost all of my stuff to other kids. Now I actually like spending time in my room with all the space. Yesterday we got to watch The Grinch at the movie theatre and four weeks ago, we watched Instant Family. This summer, we went to Birch Bay Water Slides. That’s all I can think of – I can’t remember a lot.
Hopes for 2019:
I hope we get cereal again in our house (haha we banned cereal from our home about 4 months ago and the kids are rioting). I also hope for other people to have a great year.


On December….the good stuff

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December can be a bit of a mine field for this family so today I choose to look at some bright spots…..what’s going well, what we’re looking forward to, etc.

Traditions are always a fun way to look back at past years, remember funny and good times and document year in and year out of doing the same thing. We went and found our tree on a beautiful sunny day and relaxed afterward with decorating and Christmas movies.Kittens plus Christmas – is there anything cuter????This year, Scott’s family did a big “Grinch-themed” Christmas party….I was so impressed with my MIL’s themed tree and so much other amazing decor around the house. What a festive start to December!!!BraveGIRL is finding her groove and comfort with our extended families and really becoming a big hit with some younger tribe members. This little man pretty much fell in love and per usual, BG is amazing with littles.This year, we have two trees in our home!!! This flocked tree was my favorite Black Friday purchase and I love the light and vibe it adds to our upstairs space. Since my early morning quiet times take place in the chair opposite this tree, I love it during the recent month of dark mornings….it will be hard to take it down after the holiday season, that’s for sure!!!

Each year, we typically do some sort of countdown that includes service projects and focusing on others. This year, I found this amazing cute storybook/set called The Giving Manger and have loved it so far…..every time a family member completes an act of serving another, they get to place a piece of straw in the manger. When it’s filled with joy and giving, it’s ready for the baby Jesus and Christmas….even though we shouldn’t need a “gimmick” to focus on serving others, it’s been a great conversation piece each night at family dinners and I love challenging the kiddos to go off each and day and look for ways to serve versus receive. Also, their instagram feed and stories are my favorite to look at each day if you want some amazing ideas for kiddos and serving.

Looking forward to:

– our first Christmas morning in this house!

– a slow Christmas break and days in our happy jams

– Christmas Eve service together!

– uncles and future aunts coming to stay with us

– snow and sledding day at Baker

– kiddos in new cute clothes (I am anticipating this way more than them obviously)

– Christmas Eve scavenger hunt for present

On complaining

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A few different messages in the form of this excerpt from my morning reading and a video I saw at a recent training has me thinking about complaining. And although I don’t think of myself as a “complainer”, I do hope to be mindful and intentional this month about staying positive and looking for strengths and wins over dwelling on the negatives and failures.

I love this spoken word video (warning – swear word included) and hope you can gain some perspective from it as well. Although it diminishes some very real suffering many are going through, I think it also highlights a gratitude for being alive and in community, no matter what our circumstances.

On Instant Family – ours and the movie

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In full disclosure, I was going into this movie expecting to pull a few scenes of comparison to our story of fostering our Wonders to document here on this blog. And then the few scenes became 10….and then the ending was so closely related to ours…..that it rocked my core, had my entire crew in sobbing, loud tears, and would be impossible to sum up in one blog post. This movie did an amazing job of documenting the trauma, grief and hilariously ridiculous journey that is fostering both the little and not-so little kiddos in need of families. Both Scott and I commented on how we knew where the actual foster parents were sitting because their laughter was a little louder, laced with a little pain, and came at parts that other members of the audience weren’t sure if they were “allowed” to laugh at such a scene.We decided to bring our “instant” kiddos along to see this movie….knowing there was swear words and knowing it might bring up some trauma for them. As usual, I don’t shy away from these opportunities in movies….I think the bringing up of emotions and processing that can happen afterward is very powerful and seeing their story depicted accurately on a movie scene can be normalizing and healing in a way.

The part that was hardest to watch and hardest for our kiddos was where the poor trio of kiddos were anticipating going back with their biological mother towards the end of the movie….and instead got a social worker showing up to say that biological mother had disappeared. The grief and abandonment was so raw, EVEN though the new loving family was there and ready to swoop in. This scene was our exact story towards the end of our fostering journey heading toward adoption and WonderGIRL and BOY still process how hurt and angry she is that her biological mother didn’t “show up to court to fight for them.”

If you are a foster parent, or you have foster parents in your tribe, please go see this movie. Sometimes it is hard for us to talk through all of the pain and chaos that is happening in our house, because we want to protect the childrens’ stories and keep their pain contained. But the compassion fatigue, confusion over triggers, system brokenness, and other perils are amazingly showcased in this movie and could give you some perspective and a little “day in the life” view of life in the foster system.

Have you seen this yet??? HIGHLY recommend (obviously). Once you see it, remember you can’t unsee it….and there are a million ways you can support foster families and children in our area especially coming up on the holiday season….reach out and ask if you’re willing and wanting to learn more!!!

My kind of holiday…

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As most people know, I’m not the most comfortable working my way around a big holiday meal or (even a small meal) in our kitchen. Since Scott was on shift on Thanksgiving, I decided to take on a turkey in order to give my family some resemblance of traditional food. However, as the day ended and the timeline didn’t work out much…..
4:30pm – stuffing/mashed potatoes done and demolished
5:00pm – pumpkin pie…..we couldn’t wait any longer!7:30 – the turkey was finally done……and no one was hungry anymore to eat it. Sad face.
And although NONE of those domestic markers of superiority worked out…..a lot of other things did work out that day which mean way more to me than what my kiddos eat for dinner on this specific Thursday in November.

I volunteered to help serve a community meal in Ferndale earlier Thursday and brought all three kiddos along….they served without any complaining and joyous personalities, even when some of their “customers” weren’t the nicest. I loved seeing everyone love on them and watching their smiles brighten days just like they brighten mine. I also loved their commentary afterward, knowing that serving others has the BIGGEST impact on ourselves….in hopes these feelings and act of service continue on their own choosing.
Throughout the day, we got to see lots of friends both big and small swing by our house for short little visits. Loved spending chunks of the day with both our biological and chosen family….from 6:20 in the morning to 12:30 at night, we had visitors along for our holiday activities (yes watching Hallmark romance movies is a traditional Thanksgiving activity in my book). Ending the day with a soulmate visit with her loving on my kiddos (and kitten) was the best….made my heart so happy falling asleep that evening.Now it’s on to Christmas decorations…..so excited to fill our home with holiday joy and lights and trees for our cats to destroy. And I will sacrifice my time in the kitchen to sit down and have a beverage or two with you and let Scott take care of the cooking for all of our sakes!!!

Thanks and giving 2018

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For the past 60 days or so I’ve been starting each morning by writing 10 things I’m grateful for and it has really shifted my lens and perspective throughout my busy days. A few things that popped up more than a few times in those lists:

My team – and not all the wins but their personalities and time together was a blessing every day. Especially during our last week after practices, I had to tell them to go home and stop trying to hang out in the gym longer…..
Love these little cuties and their constant following me around the house hoping to get fed. Rex and Sav have become best buds…..
My family and the love and support they give to me (especially during volleyball season – at least now as a coach they are watching me get way more wins than my time as an athlete).
Oils…..duh!!! But really, having these in our lives to address both emotional and physical struggles for all members of our family is a DAILY blessing that sometimes I take for granted. And then when I get all excited about them again, I can’t shut up about them and make all my friends and family join me…..you’re welcome (and sorry all at the same time).
The success of the Cougars this Fall has been exciting to watch and experience (both football and volleyball in case you weren’t aware)…..AND for the record, a lot of people have said to me this season “It’s a good time to be a Coug fan” to which I reply….”It’s always a good time to be a Coug fan.” I love that others are noticing the love of WSU, but one thing I know for sure is that our “fan-ship” includes the same amount of love no matter if we’re 8-1 or 1-8 and I love that it’s been showcased nationally this season.This man….the rock and single father during volleyball season of our family. I love that we both support each others’ passions and have been super intentional this season about sticking together and getting through a relatively hard season with our kiddos.
I am always grateful for my three Wonders but am particularly grateful for all of their hard work in counseling and personal development. Especially my teenagers in a constant quest for more freedom and privileges, they are working hard to earn trust in becoming young adults.
Naps…always thankful for naps. I’ve already taken 3 this week and it’s not even the weekend yet.

All good things…

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Must come to an end. Excerpt from Instagram:

It’s been hard for me to capture what this season meant to me….but it means a whole lot more than our place in league, districts or state. It’s the family we created, the trust these players and families gifted to me along the journey, the packed gyms and a supportive community, an amazing coaching staff to help guide this crazy crew, and above all an entire 3 months filled with joy, laughter and LOVE. #unicornszn #forever #ferndalevolleyball #coachlife #ONE #clockingout

On our #unicornszn

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Excerpt from my Ferndale volleyball Facebook page:

The story behind this whole “unicorn” business in Ferndale Volleyball 2018 history…..

Way back at the start of the season, I was interviewed by a local newspaper. As per usual, I was speaking in “elementary school counselor speak” about my magical and unique team calling them my unicorns. Then I quickly asked the reporter to not use that line in his actual article….I came back to the girls a bit embarrassed at my terms and told them this story. They laughed (at me) and we moved on…..

The next day, I got some excited texts from the players highlighting that the reporter not only used the phrase, but included it in the headline of the article, “Ferndale Volleyball enters Unicorn year”. ?‍♀️

We have since fully embraced this label of ? magic, glitter, and unique-ness ? because truly this team and the loving hearts that create it are something we need to honor and not take for granted. The amount of talent is there yes….but the amount of hard work, character and care for each other is a RARE find for a team as talented as this one. I teach the girls to take every day and moment and practice as an opportunity they will never get back to enjoy each other and improve in this safe environment…..and they have done that each step of the way.

So Tuesday night at our home district match, the theme is unicorns. And as the rainbows, horns, and glitter fill our home gymnasium, we hope you will feel part of this “something special” we have going and come along for the ride. #hornsup #unicornszn #ferndalevolleyball

On encouraging “thinking”

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Here are a few strategies or prompts to help develop your child’s “wonder”, curiosity and ability to think through different scenarios when faced with a question or struggle.

  1. Don’t answer their question(s) with your sage wisdom…..I know this is counterintuitive to the whole “I’m the parent and I need to teach my child all the things so they are a super genius when they get older.” But, a true genius thinks for themselves OR they have a super genius knack for knowing where to find the answer. Brain development happens when we…..wait for the shocking news…..actually use our brains. Just like our muscles, when we use them more, they get bigger/stronger/faster. If we are answering ALL of the questions or allowing our little ones to run to Alexa/google when the question looms, this “muscle/brain building” will not happen.
  2. When your little one comes to you with a social conflict…..
    First, go with empathy….”man that sounds really hard. I’ve had that happen to me and I felt really __________  (frustrated, left out, sad, choose any Inside Out Character here for street cred).
    Then, go with curiosity…..”what do you think you might do next?”
    Then…..(most important step)…..encourage them to try it…..(even more important)….EVEN IF you know with your sage wisdom that it’s a terrible solution and it will fall flat on its face. Falling flat on said face is LEARNING (cue….your sweet cherub learning to walk….face plant….walk….side of a table….you get the point).
  3. When your child/teen comes to you with a problem at school….hesitate on the whole “superhero swoop” phenomenon that is happening left and right these days. Allow some time to brainstorm what your child can do with their team of trusted adults at school to problem solve on their own. Have they already had a discussion with their teacher/coach/peer yet? Are they comfortable doing that? If not, can they practice with you so it’s easier?
    – There is a mass exodus happening on college campuses right now where college freshmen are flocking back home after just a few weeks “on their own” due to extreme anxiety and lack of skills to function as an adult. We need to arm our teens (when appropriate and safe) with freedom to work out their own problems, improve their grades on their own effort, have conversations with adults to move forward with a problem so they can learn these skills before leaving your nest. And if they fail, we brainstorm coping skills with them and we encourage them to use them. We don’t shame them for failing….we praise them for trying.
  4. This one is very popular and pretty well known but it’s so important that it bears repeating….let them be bored. Let your child sit and stare out of a window (it’s a beautiful world out there). Let your child sit at a restaurant and wait for food without a screen…..maybe even engage in a little conversation if the mood fits. Limit their screen time – my only soap box on screens….while I love screens and they can be a valuable tool in certain situations, their very design is IMMEDIATE gratification…..the repeating of this for hours on end is very damaging to the brain’s need for rest, stillness, and the message that “we don’t always get what we want by tapping a screen over and over.”

Perhaps within your organization or your family, you can think of a few ways today you can develop these seriously tough muscles of thinking. Ask a new question or even better yet, DON’T answer a new question…..or encourage your child to “wonder about that.” I got a message from a sweet professional who engaged her staff of youth counselors in this discussion and they brainstormed ways within their programs they could further develop their children’ autonomy in thinking. What a powerful way to push kiddos and build up their independence??? Love it!!!!