On February 20th, I posted the following to my Facebook page:

In a matter of two weeks, so much of my world and my identity that I’ve worked very hard for has been questioned and threatened in ways I never imagined. 
My role as a mom, systems that are supposed to protect, my job, my sports program…..our family and me (along with a whole group of educators) could use some prayers right now to stay afloat. ? So much loss and uncertainty has been hard on all the hearts of Team Hoelzle Brown. 
I don’t usually post this stuff but maybe a little more “messy” on social media feeds will normalize the hard seasons of life and break down some walls between reality and online presences. 
And thank you to our helpers and our support system – I so appreciate you, your words, your check ins and your space when we need it.

And here we are on May 16th and I’m still struggling to put into words what has happened in our family (well and this world with a global pandemic happening) over the course of the past 4 months. There is a part of me that deeply wants to document the pains, the hurts, the injustice we encountered and the lessons learned here but also feel hesitation and don’t want to shame the loved ones involved.

So if you have been wondering, here is a readers’ digest version of our roller coaster the past few months –
1. (Week 1) Allegations were made that put our family in an open CPS and police investigation. This resulted in WonderGIRL not living with us due to a mandated safety plan. And resulting in an uncertain future for both our employment and her remaining in our care. (Identity as Mom and mandated reporter in question)
2. (Week 2) I was notified that my district position was eliminated due to a failed levy in our school district. A position that I am SUPER passionate about and know in my bones is a positive move for our community and for children in general. That same failed levy also put my next volleyball season at risk. (Identify as professional and coach threatened to be removed)
4. (Month 2) Then our state closed and schools closed and all of these traumatized and fragile beings were forced got to be in a house together 24/7 (minus WG) and the pain and the ripple effects during this stay at home order has been complicated at best.
5. (Month 3) 90 days later, CPS determined our case was unfounded (which we already knew) and now we are working to rebuild what a “new normal” looks like within our home…..
6. (Month 4) as the entire world determines what the “new normal” looks like for living, education, and beyond.

And just the irony of this all, if you had checked out my RootedWELL instagram story just days before any of this tsuanami of trauma hit, I was reflecting on “bits and pieces of my life and my interactions all colliding for good and for a purpose that is on fire within me.” And NOW in hindsight I am now considering (not believing yet) that there might be lessons in this for me to use. For me to light my passion even more. And like it says in the picture above, for me to use to help and guide someone else’s survival story.

I read today in an amazing book that I’m reading, “You have to endure the wound in order to heal the pain.” That resonates with me and with the mission we have for WonderGIRL and our family moving forward in a big way…..we endured the wound and now we heal. Prayers and good wishes are continued to be needed and as usual, thank you to our circle of loved ones for the check-ins, the support, the drop everything and come keep me company visits – all so very much appreciated.