To no one’s surprise, my Dad’s favorite memories of me come from our days (and late nights) together in Pullman from my college days. Go Cougs!!!
I think one of my favorite times with you were the Dad’s weekends at Wsu! Great memories of the games and partying after the game, remember almost crawling home from the fire house frat to your apartment!
My favorite moments with my Dad: – him calling me “Nadia” during my early childhood gymnastic days – practicing the Dirty Dancing lift in our first house – him supporting and watching all of my sporting events in high school – sharing our love of all things WSU (especially Coug football games) – him continuing to support my sports career and serving as our official FHS volleyball announcer at home games
From the moment I can remember being a kid, I was both competitive and involved in some type of athletics. Until I became too tall, it was gymnastics. Until everyone (myself included) realized I couldn’t catch or throw a ball, it was softball. From middle school on, I was on all the teams. Volleyball, basketball and track (field to be specific) were the final three that lasted through high school.
My identity was very much wrapped up in this athletic life….practice and game schedules, the friends I hung out with, what clothes I wore….all of it really stemmed from what sport I was playing at the time. Although I wasn’t a star by any means, I did find success in specific sports and really appreciated the leadership potential my coaches saw in me.
This success led to recruitment from WSU to join the rowing team. Being a D1 athlete was both a privilege (my favorite perk: laundry service!) and a hardship. I felt a lot of pressure to perform and rise above my teammates without any prior experience at the actual sport….and I also wasn’t all that great, which was a hard pill for me to swallow at the time.
Some images of my time on the WSU novice crew team.
After choosing not to continue my crew career and focusing on a job (and let’s be honest, my social life) my sophomore year, I started to struggle. Without the scheduling boundaries, a coach to guide and mentor me, and my body/emotions resetting after going 200% for years – I started to struggle with extreme body dysmorphia and developed an eating disorder that took its toll both physically and emotionally. For me, this looked like restricted dieting and way too many hours exercising at our rec center on campus (even to the point of me going 3 times per day for 1-2 hours at a time).
Eventually, I was able to find a balance for myself but knowing what I know now as a professional, I was definitely experiencing what is now known as post-athlete depression. My struggles with self-worth and my body would continue for years, but ultimately made better by maturity, my own control over exercise and dieting, and my supportive social network.
My own experiences have helped me prepare my own senior athletes for this very transition – many of my players get to go on and play college volleyball. But for others, high school is where their status of “athlete” ends. I encourage them to prepare for that transition mindfully. To think about what body movement brings them joy. To create a schedule that feels good to them and surround themselves with others who love and support them, no matter what they look like, what they eat or what kind of exercise routines they participate in. Just exposing them to the struggle of the transition is more than I had knowledge of at the time and I hope that this critical conversation can help them navigate it more healthier than I did.
To parents of teenage athletes, a few things to remember – 1. Their success in sports will be more tied to their emotional health than their physical health. Which one should you be checking in on more? 2. Let the coach coach. What they need from you is a protective and safe buffer that keeps out the pressure and the competition, not adding more on. 3. Monitor their eating, sleep, mental health closely – do you notice any changes? Extra workouts? Less food at dinner? Avoiding meal times altogether? 4. Talk to them about MORE than just sports…..what are their other interests and hobbies? What else can they do in their summer and free time besides training? Maybe you can do it together!!!
*My parents (and every single coach I had) were incredibly supportive of me as an athlete and did not necessarily do anything to put extra pressure on me – nor do I blame them for any of what I developed in college, as they tried to stay connected and I isolated what information they received. My pressure definitely came from myself and an unnecessary need to compare myself to others. But per usual, I like to use my hard stories for good and for prevention, so by sharing my story, I hope you can be more mindful with your own kiddos or athletes that you mentor.
Many people don’t know this, but prior to receiving the head coaching gig at FHS, I had firm plans to move down to Vancouver, Washington to start my counseling career down there. Chelsey’s impact on my life and the love and family feel of my hometown during this time changed my mind and my course forever…..and for that and to her, I am so incredibly grateful.
April 2018
An excerpt from this blog post talking about a former player of mine, Chelsey Rae Ebert, who suffered and died from terminal cancer her sophomore year of high school (my first year as head volleyball coach at FHS).
This experience (her illness, being in community with her, being asked to speak at her funeral, etc.) still is one of the largest motivators I have to continue coaching 17 years later. Each year before our Fall season, I spend some quiet time at her gravesite to set intentions and remember that the relationships I build and foster each season far outweighs our record, our successes or any trophy.
When I asked my husband what he thought some of my moments would be for this series, his answers were typical life milestones (“our wedding, getting the kids, 3rd in state for volleyball”) and must to his surprise, none of those were actually on my list.
While I love a good milestone and celebration (especially if there is a reason for obnoxiously large balloons) – I am hoping to capture smaller moments that might not register to others outside of my circle when they occur.
One such moment in my volleyball career includes a team that did not place at the state tournament. It was the first year we won the district championship and some of our lessons and training in selflessness and teamwork that this story will highlight may have very well contributed to that success.
This particular season, we had a player on our team that was truly the light and joy of our squad. Not your “typical” athlete or volleyball player and without volleyball, some of my players probably never would have met this player or been friends with her (not because of negative qualities, just different circles and high school interests). But her uniqueness, humor and personality was something to be remembered.
At a team bonding event before matches began, around a campfire, players were sharing their goals and hopes for the season. This particular player went a different route then her teammates, not sharing any performance or post-season goals, but that her particular goal was to continue growing relationships with her teammates because “it was the first time she ever felt like she belonged.” (yes I was teary).
Fast forward a month later…..I get a ton of excited texts on a Thursday morning from what seemed like my entire team. This very same player was VOTED HOMECOMING QUEEN for the entire high school. Dressed all fancy and paraded in front of the school during the school-wide assembly with the pride of a champion. And her teammates, equally proud could barely contain their excitement both that morning and at practice that day. Turns out, the entire team rallied as her campaign committee to share her light and her importance to their classmates and got the school to recognize someone that might have flown under the radar otherwise.
Although it’s a small story, it’s a story about the importance of a team. The value of athletics and extra-curricular opportunities for kids in school. The importance of teaching character as a coach. How, in our program, we value everyone’s unique role and contribution to the greater good and accept folks for who they are, not just how they help us win. I don’t know all the specifics and behind the scenes work that this took. And that’s part of why this moment stands out to me – I had nothing to do with the idea or the orchestration of the campaign and the outcome. I, along with my newly crowned Queen, just got to live in the magic of others’ kindness…..beautiful thing.
I’ve gotten a few messages from folks receiving our Christmas card checking in on us (thank you btw), where I expressed how hard it was for me to send the card knowing our family was in a state of crisis healing. But what I loved about the creation of the card was going through an entire year of photos and remembering some bright moments that occurred (darn it anxious feelings for taking those away from my frontal lobe).
A few other unexpected JOYS from this year:
The silliness of this crew (oh ya and our 3rd place finish – the best JOY yet)!
Throwbacks of me and Beej.
Decorating my hallway/door at school.
Capturing my SC fits on tik Tok (tik Tok in general brings me joy).
Holiday decor at Gramma’s.
Chats (and silly photos to past players) with T!
My friendship with these ladies (and the Nelly concert that was 100/100)!
How loving and considerate this boy is.
When WG shows up!
My monthly calls with my school counseling soulmate!
This season marked our 8th straight trip to the state tournament. And NOT having it last season made me appreciate it just a bit more. Per usual, self-reflection is my self-care so I thought I would put a few thoughts about this special sacred time into writing (without sharing some secrets that make it extra special for future Ferndale players). And although the true definition of sacred has to do with something religious or a specific deity, I am describing state as something sacred, because it is something worthy of being HONORED….so here we go.
This joy doesn’t come around very often – I love that it’s captured for all of time.
The most obvious thing that makes this time the “most wonderful time of the year” is that only a small number of teams actually make it here – playing into November, placing in the top teams at Districts and then coming to a location far from home to battle it out with other top teams is the icing on what was already a successful season. It’s celebrating the hours of grit and grind (and boards and EYP’s and Texas Tough drills) in the gym and making each ounce of individual effort worth it for the collective good and success of the TEAM.
The less obvious “sacred” things that stood out to me specifically this year are the traditions, both big and small, that older players know but don’t share (kind of like Santa but for a sports team) to the youngers. It’s the community and family rallies at the send-off and homecoming. The fans showing up across the state and caring about nothing else but your success. It’s the nighttime team meetings where we squish into the coaches’ room, play silly games, then review game plans for the next day (including the dreaded breakfast wake up call). And all the other little moments in between (see a few in picture form below).
Sacred chats (and lukewarm Chinese food) in the Safeway.
These vans hold bonding, bad playlists, and even sometimes relationship interventions.
Community and family support for our send-off.
Pre-tourney meditation and gear reveal.
And on a personal note, one of my favorite parts of state weekend is getting my entire coaching staff to MYSELF (okay to the varsity squad) for the whole time. While my JV and C team coaches have their own teams to invest in, it’s a bit of “passing ships in the night” during the season so getting them on the bench and around in practice sessions is the best. I am so lucky to constantly have a crew of caring and oh-so-knowledgeable coaches leading this program and the state tournament is our last hoorah together – being with folks that make me laugh and that I trust with the players on and off the court is something I don’t take for granted.
Taryn is not crying just in case you were wondering.The essentials were packed. IYKYK.
Last summer the world was shut down as the Pandemic raged. This summer, life is opening back up and we are resuming previously scheduled events. Although I enjoyed the slower pace and focus on family last summer, there are certain things that I didn’t realize I missed so much until I go to do them again this year.
One of those events is our FHS volleyball kids camp – bringing in the youngest volleyballers and opening up our gym doors and our players’ hearts to the community is such a time of joy. My players have always done an amazing job of not only teaching volleyball skills, but increasing confidence in the campers AND creating joy for the sport. In our town, kiddos play soccer basically out of the womb, so exposing them to a different sport is always a highlight for me personally.
My favorite parts: Day 2 – dress up days
Watching my high schoolers experience the joys and struggles of coaching. Responses to “what did you learn about coaching”, they said….. – you need lots and lots of patience – picking teams was hard! – clear and more clear communication – pride when seeing them succeed
Creative drills to focus on volleyball skills – usually we do a candy challenge to practice passing to target. This year, campers got to play with the “all the rage” pop-its. And then the high schoolers were obsessed and wouldn’t put them down.
My last favorite – while the high schoolers coach, I get to connect with my coaching staff and plan/dream about the upcoming season. I seriously have a rock star of a team right now and am so thankful for their passion and love for our program.
Receiving messages from campers’ parents confirms how much this camp can do for our community and for individual campers – “_____ had SUCH a blast. Thank you so much for you and the girls hosting. In the car she was like “wow….mom…I can’t wait until I get to high school. I’m going to play volleyball.” You guys made such an impact not here girls. Please host more!”
“_______ had a great time. Her confidence in her serve really improved and she is so excited to try out for her middle school team this year.”
May was a busy month! Which is weird to say after over a year of a global pandemic and most normal activities being shut down or dramatically reduced…..here are a few memorable things that happened last month in photo form.
I got to meet up with two of my bests at our fave restaurant….our Sunday afternoon zooms got me through the first couple months of quarantine and I am forever grateful for their friendship.I got to participate in a Habitat for Humanity Women’s Build – totally out of my comfort zone (would I be responsible if a wall fell down???) but so worth it to impact in a small teeny way the homelessness problems we are facing in Whatcom County.
Mother’s Day camping adventure! My mom was the only human allowed my campsite that weekend.
WonderGIRL got to attend a private prom put on my senior parents…..she looked stunning and had a beyond wonderful night with her boyfriend.
Hike #7 in the books! Trails around Deception Pass never get old…..neither do naps at the summit!
Attempts to de-stigmatize mental health for this important awareness month (as well as Foster Care Awareness Month) on my instagram pages…..We lost a hugely important community member (and a big Ferndale volleyball fan) to Colon cancer this month….many are working through their grief with heavy hearts and I am so grateful to have experienced Brenda’s joy and light while she was here.Tell me you’re a crazy cat lady without telling me you’re a crazy cat lady.Onto to June – WonderGIRL graduates and the start of summer! We are ready….
As our season ends, I want to acknowledge the difficult emotions that members from Asian and Pacific Islander backgrounds were already experiencing, now exacerbated by the tragic shootings last Tuesday in Georgia. I also want to apologize for historically not posting a similar stance for our BIPOC players and families in the midst of equally atrocious violence throughout this past year.
Ferndale Volleyball stands on it’s core standards of Trust, Effort, Attitude and Mental Toughness – TEAM 1st….which includes creating an environment that is safe and inclusive of ALL players, regardless of any demographic factors, so they can reach their full potential both on and off the court. I am proud that we are one of the most diverse programs in Whatcom County and our coaching staff is committed to denouncing and quickly responding to any form of hatred, discrimination or bullying within our program. To our AAPI players and families – we see you and love you as part of our collective Ferndale team forever.
Thank you to the players that I have witnessed being brave and posting anti-racism campaigns on their social medias for their peers to see. We are proud of you for taking a stand and leading by example. You will help change this world into a better place for all future volleyballers….
United in our love for the game and hatred of boards, your Ferndale Volleyball coaching staff
Elite athletes and programs rise when faced with adversity.
We had to rely on our culture this season since time to build was short – one that has always promoted growth, mental toughness, playing together, high expectations and support. So proud of my coaching staff, players and parents for the success we found on the court (9-4) and in our hearts this short but sweet season.
We added two (amazing) coaches to our staff this season and their reflections and feedback on the program and gym “vibe” during practices and games really reinforced the hard work we’ve been putting in the past 14 season to build this foundation for success on the court and off.
I am so very grateful for the role of coach….for a program full of families and players that love this sport….and for a husband and kiddos that completely sacrifice our normal family life for these weeks out of the year for me to focus on what I love.
