“The roots of resilience….are to be found in the sense of being understood by and existing in the mind and heart of a loving, attuned and self-possessed other.” – Diana Fosha

The quote above is from a fascinating book I am reading called The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van der Kolk…..although I have been exposed to much of the material both professionally in my training and experienced it before my very eyes in my household – this book’s ability in summarizing all of the research on trauma together has been captivating. I try to teach many of our educators that a child’s body does not “knowingly” react and defy them or disrupt their classroom, it is their body’s auto-pilot of fear and reaction that has (most of the time) little to do with their actual teaching or personality. It is also helping me pinpoint some troubling timelines for my own kiddos and how their body remembers way before their brain does the traumas that live inside of them, have stolen pieces of childhood from them, and show up often during very inconvenient times if our lives.

April – as soon as April 1st hits and we start talking about WonderBOYs birthday, his behavior and mood plummets. His little body reacts with nightmares and impulsive sadness around thinking about his own birth and grieving the loss of a relationship with his bio mother.

June – this month is a hotbed of triggers for both WonderGIRL and BraveGIRL. The end of school is terribly sad for WG even though in recent years, summers are filled with joy and memories, the true imprint of terror and abandonment after school gets out remained steadfast in her bones and blood.

This month also marks the anniversary of BGs parents’ death and finally this year, she is realizing the impact this has on her. I am hoping and praying she will engage more in her grief and trauma counseling so that we can heal some of these wounds before she is out on her own navigating these triggers alone.

So we hold on through these rough seasons and look forward to the next. We pinpoint what their bodies are doing to them and reassure them they are in a new and safer place, free of fear and violence. We (okay just me) dive deep into reading and researching trauma so I can best prepare them for healing and prepare our schools to be healing environments. We stick together, we sometimes choose aggression over compassion, we get through the day, and then we start all over again tomorrow.

4. My life does not revolve around my children.
And I love them dearly and with my whole heart. But at the same time, I try to stay committed to myself and my marriage and how we can grow and thrive along with our kiddos and without them getting prioritized always over us and our pursuits. I truly believe my own personal development and investment in myself and my passions makes me a better person for them and hopefully inspires them to do the same someday. Especially in the foster and adopt world, this comment could be seen as extremely disrespectful or shaming but I think boundaries and the pursuit of self-worth are exactly the goals of parenting kids from hard places.
5. My kiddos are super hard with major traumas.
I won’t apologize for pursuing supports and goodness for them because their life has handed them some raw, crappy cards and I’d like to flip that script as much as I can before they fly out of my nest.
6. I do “all the things”.
I get this comment a lot and I can’t ever get a pulse on whether it’s meant as a compliment or a criticism….but I am completely content as I have intentionally chosen all of the activities that fill my planner. I chose to open my home and foster kiddos. I chose to stay at FHS as a volleyball coach. I chose to educate and empower peeps on the use of essential oils. I chose to start this blog, post on instagram, etc etc. and when just like the start of them, if I needed to stop, I would intentionally stop. And the truth is, it doesn’t feel like all that much in my own brain/heart/home. I take care of myself and have a solid morning routine with time to do some of this work. I schedule pretty meticulously and collaborate with my husband to pursue our own passions and keep up with our kiddos’ needs and wants. I don’t reach for the perfect balance or fairness in time blocking….I reach for content. And I get it on most days so onward and upward we go….

Is there anything you need to stop apologizing for? Not even to others but perhaps releasing that guilt and pressure from your own heart?

This post was definitely inspired by Rachel Hollis….not necessarily her books which are great for a lot of women but don’t light me up a whole lot, but her general vibe and life content. I love her podcasts, daily livestreams, and I got to watch her speak live at my Doterra leadership conference. It inspired me to think about things in my life that I have once felt some guilt around or impulses to hide away my feelings or shares about because of how others might accept or respond. Even in posting these things, I have hesitations and fears and am summoning some major courage to cement them in my blog history for all to read.

Pieces of my world I won’t apologize for or feel shame around:
1. My husband taking the helm as “single husband” during volleyball seasons.
I go all-in with my volleyball teams each Fall (in both hours of time and emotional investment) and although some different life choices have made that season easier in the last couple of years, I am so indebted to my husband for taking over our household and caring/uber-ing our three kiddos around during this season. He is my biggest fan when it comes to coaching and all of my pursuits and he proves it between August-November each and every year.
2. Making more money than my husband.
This is a lower level one for me in my mind but for some reason saying it out loud feels terrible. I don’t mind talking to people about incomes and money and I am super proud of my career success. Plus, my husband is also quite proud of this aspect as well which makes my heart burst with pride. When we get to sit at tables for big purchases and he passes the financial paperwork over to me, it’s amazing to me some old gender biases that come out from salespeople that we get to help disrupt.
3. I chose a career early on in my life and am now doing just that.
Each goal I set for my life way back when in high school, I have now completed. Do I still have goals within those careers? Absolutely, but I truly mean it when I say I have already gotten my dream job(s).

Happy birthdays to my biggest and littlest men. Who I love completely and will always be rooting for. A few thoughts about Easter service from my Instagram (follow me @rootedwell). Happy Easter friends!!!! Sitting with this crew while hearing messages of forgiveness, grace and washing clean makes me so grateful and filled with loving purpose. Trying to change my perspective on all the recent broken rules, lying, and aggression to see them as chances to teach about relationship building, repairing and God’s (and ours on a good day ??) grace. Love me some holiday Snapchat filters.

Favorite part of your 10th trip around the sun: School because I’m learning a lot.

New learning this year: I learned the sport of volleyball and Mama coaching me is kinda weird but I kinda like it. I want to be a setter and I just started jump setting which my Mom said is awesome.

Favorite TV show: No Good Nick

Favorite movie: Infinity War

Dream career: To be a good person.

Goal for this year: Get my grades up and control my rudeness.

In true pre-teen fashion, he wanted no part of this interview. Off to ride his new bike and enjoy his friends birthday party tackling the trampoline park!

I heard a quote a while back that stated “I do what I value” and it resonated with me deeply as value is my 2019 word. Am I doing what I value on a weekly/daily/hourly basis? Do I show my values to my kiddos? My husband? Coworkers? Doterra tribe?

As I started to feel some guilt about not blogging I flipped that perspective to reflect that I was SO busy (by choice!!!) doing what I valued this month and blogging just fell down the priority ladder and that’s okay!!!! I seriously have like 10 blog topics listed on my iPhone notes….I just need to devote some time to record them!!! Sometimes silence comes right before the surge right?!?!

Some of my high value activities this month:Coaching both my littles and my bigs. ❤️Supporting and loving at our last elementary choir concert. ?Celebrating this wonderful and powerful Mama’s 60th birthday with our entire tribe of funny, awesome, pretzel and cheese-loving folks. Love that doterra focuses so much on personal Development and the leadership conference was no exception!!! All of those high vibe peeps in one place was so powerful!!!!Clean space, clear mind, more purpose and action moving forward!!!And this, every day….lather, rinse, repeat.

Gah!!!! Where has my blogging spark gone???? Let me drop in to share a few family highlights/lowlights/goings-on from our crew the last month or so….We’ve been digging in the deep seas of triggers and traumas for these three and it’s been both ridiculously hard and filled with small growth sparks and putting all the broken pieces back together again. We did a thing and bought a trailer! We are excited to take this bad boy out in its maiden voyage….I am quite proud of saving up my Doterra biz earnings to pay for this memory making machine for my family. Enter next pic….My love for sharing oils has been sparked again by the energy of my team and I love how Many families we are sharing the love with. Finally had our banquet to celebrate our #uncironszn. And it was filled with laughs, tears, and inside jokes….just the way any family celebration should be. I love these ladies with my whole heart. Would it be a blog post without a pile of cats pic? Ssssnnnnnoooowwwwww!My little man looks like this famous little man and it shocks me into doing side by side comparisons and posting them on IG!!!We’ve been battling it out with my new U12 crew and it’s been such an amazing journey coaching my son in a sport I am so passionate about. BraveGIRL and her twin watched their older sister and guardian get married and it was beautiful and bittersweet as it marked the event leading to them moving across the country. Grieving with our kiddos as their bio families ebb and flow with life is one of the most straining and complicated part of this parenting journey. I got to take leaders from my HS team to an event encouraging teens to take a stand against sexual assault and creating a culture of consent in their schools, circles and communities. The ideas and drive in these young women inspire me….I’m just here to drive the car. They get to tell me where we go.