Category Archives: Team HB life

On saying goodbye to Gramma

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My sweet grandmother, at the amazing age of 93 passed away in early May. Most in my circle know how important she is to me and how spending time with her both as a child and as an adult (and mother) has been so special for me. When I say I want to be her when I grow up, it is the truest words I can probably say. Her warm, welcoming nature combined with a little fire and wit is a combination that won many over but also allowed her to raise a giant family and network of humans that also care for each other deeply.

Once she went into hospice care, family came from all over to be with her….which was her wish. When asked what she wanted to talk about with 20+ family members surrounding her, she weakly pointed to herself and said “me.” (Maybe I got my enneagram 3 genes from her???). We all gathered around, feeling the weight of sadness but got to be entertained by her humor and joyful non-verbal expressions for hours on her last night of lucid-ness.

I have been honored to experience death and it’s sorrowful, yet sacred beauty at multiples times in my life and this time, it was no different. Her life was honored….it ended surrounded by the family and love that she deserved and it made me appreciate the generation of cousins that I was born into. I loved connecting with those that I live further from and planning get-togethers so we can stay connected in the future. Bonded by our upbringing in a family that my grandparents built with love, trust, and doses of values and expectations (that probably wasn’t always valued as positive things by all who received them).

I got to create the tribute slideshow for her which was magical for me….going through years and years of meticulously organized photo albums is my happy place and I was honored to do it. If you’d like to see it, click here (the full thing is 28 minutes but there are some cringey Patti hairstyles toward the end if you’re patient).

Last Weber Christmas celebration at the Willows.
6 (strong) granddaughter Pallbearers.
Squished by love.
Love this photo.
Oldest and youngest granddaughters.
Oldest and youngest GREAT granddaughters.
Family get-together the night before the service.

Thank you for showering all of us with love and your legacy of kindness and faith Gramma. Hope you’re giggling and getting adored by Grampa up there.

Oodles and oodles of love,
Patti

P.S. This will be the first blog post I don’t publish and email to my sweet Gramma who didn’t want to go through all the trouble of subscribing and looking for it on her own, but also liked an personalized email from me which I appreciated.

On my 2023 – a year in review

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I’ve been hesitant to write this post for a number of reasons but also am motivated to write this post for a number of different reasons. Some of my blog posts have become markers in time where I can read and experience the emotions that have faded over time – the lessons learned and meaning made from those moments are so important for both growth and gratitude moving forward.

My current goal when synthesizing all that I have endured this year is ACCEPTANCE – in particular, “to use my pain as a source of information about what matters most to me, and then to act on it” (from ACT “core processes” by Dr. Steven Hayes). One step in that acceptance for me is reviewing the timeline of this year to see both the JOYS and the absolute SORROW that made up my 2023. I am sure more processing will come for some of these events but for now I will just simply list and add a few snippets/photos as I see fit. Here we go….

January
– Taking WonderBOY to his first Seahawks game
– A week into this year, I was informed that I (as coach) was being investigated for bullying due to parent complaints by my school district
– Bestie’s 40th birthday celebration in Chelan
– Traveled 1-on-1 with WB to Stanford to see my bestie and catch a basketball game

February
– Participated in my investigation interview with third party
– Traveled to Vegas for Pooh’s birthday
– School Counseling conference with so many lovely people I adore

March
– Facilitated a school-wide response for community tragedy in area
– Unexpected death of a dear friend from graduate school
– WonderGIRL got married (my experience of this was complicated at best)
– Contract not renewed for coaching due to “results of the third party report” (see June events) and “going in a different direction”
(ALL 4 of these events happened within 10 days of each other – enter depression/anxiety like I’ve never experienced before)

April
– News article becomes public with commentary flowing freely on the internet
– Shania Twain concert with brother and sis-in-law

May
– Travel to Mexico for my cousin’s beautiful wedding and time with family

June
– First time in 18 years NOT coaching Spring/Summer volleyball
– Year 16 of school counseling comes to a close working alongside an amazing staff and T
– Fire family and in-law camping trips
– Received written reports from third party investigation deeming allegations NOT SUBSTANTIATED (3 months after being fired for said reports)

July
– Took WonderGIRL to Vegas for her 21st birthday
– Another bestie turns 40 and celebrates in Whatcom County
– Death and funeral of an integral teacher and friend in my life
– Attended The Eras Tour and became a converted elder millenial Swiftie for life

August
– Made the incredibly difficult decision to resign from school counseling position to protect my own mental health and stay true to my values
– Once again, grieving the absence of volleyball starting
– My father ends up hospitalized for diabetes-related symptoms for one week with extra care needed beyond hospital visit
– WonderBOY and Scott travel to Alaska for a family fishing expedition
– 11 year wedding anniversary

September
– Establish RootedWELL Coaching, my new LLC business adventure

October
– WB and Scott travel to Wyoming, WB experiences his first kill
– Solo camping adventure for my birthday
– Discovery of my husband’s current/recent infidelity (very end of month)

November/December
– Grieve my marriage, survive my symptoms, rely on my support system
– Start counseling (both individual and marriage) and medication knowing I cannot cope with this particular struggle by myself
– Navigate the holidays (and Apple Cup and birthdays) amidst pain and questioning

In these two months, I have cried and felt more than all the times in my entire life put together. If you know me, you know it is very difficult for me to cry and be vulnerable with my emotions (Enneagram 3 problems). This has opened up a number of experiences for me, including true understanding of what it feels like to walk through attachment trauma AND to fully let others in to help support me through this time. And although I am experienced heightened emotions NOW, the loss of so many pieces of my identity in BLINDSIDING fashion this year is really the true source of my pain long-term and my greatest need to rebuild in the new year.

The glimmer of it all – I have seen and been encouraged by the strength of my Wonders as they also navigate this attachment rupture – their mature words, their empathy and care for me, and their focus on their own coping skills reinforces what seeds I so desperately wanted to plant for them in their hearts and minds. It’s been a bittersweet time for me to see those seeds grow and shine in support of me and our family as we walk through this struggle together.

Some folks might be wondering why I’m including some of these details in my very public blog and here is my response – I’ve always felt aligned with my integrity when I share both the ups and the downs of my life. This is no different. I will be sharing MY experience (with consent from my husband)….and just like others have shared theirs with me, it helps to navigate alongside others who have experienced similar things. Compassion after all means “to suffer together” – my hope is that by me sharing, it can help me make meaning of the events from this past year but also might help someone else in the process of reading by being exposed to new ideas/concepts in their journies. That is and will always be my hope for this blog.

38/40 – on Christmas moments

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This Christmas season feels different and a little melancholy for me….this year has certainly had it’s ups and downs and at one point, we were preparing for a big transition as a family. Not good or bad, just a transition that now isn’t happening. With one adult child out of the home and a teenager that has his own feelings about Christmas (mostly around going to event after event which is historically hard for him and both our kiddos with trauma – read more about Christmas as a foster family here).

Our 2022 Christmas card filled with highlights (and WonderBOY not smiling).

So I thought I would take a moment and reflect on some of my favorite Christmas moments throughout my 40 years of life that still hold a special place in my memories.

Childhood moments –

  • Special presents I remember opening: our family trip to Disneyland (mickey ear hats), my first cell phone at age 20, accessories for my American Girl doll Samantha, small creepy porcelain clowns (my mom wanted me to collect them?)
  • Walking out to the tree Christmas morning always stands out to me as my Mom did a wonderful job displaying all of the presents that magically appeared seem so magical – I still love looking at presents under the tree and try to wrap them early so I can gaze at them from my morning coffee chair
  • My older brother and I knowing where my Mom hid our presents and sneakily opening the carefully taped ends to get a peek before Christmas morning (sorry Mom)
Presents wrapped ready to be gifted to our loved ones.

Adult moments

  • Our first Christmas with the Wonders – all of the magical traditions like cutting and decorating the tree, Christmas morning, reading stories by the tree each night, acts of kindness countdown….I loved seeing the joy and magic in their eyes
  • Our second Christmas with the Wonders where we tried to fix all the errors we made in Year 1 with them (see post I linked above)
  • Christmas cruise celebrating our adoption
  • Seeing our extended families grow through marriage, new babies, adoption, etc.
  • Receiving and compiling holiday cards that I look through every single year after creating mini books out of them (read more here)
  • The joy of kittens and cats at Christmastime

Favorite gifts I have gifted over the years:

  • Disney cruise
  • Letters to Scott (and eventually the kiddos) to open and read on Christmas morning
  • My Gramma’s Storyworth book to my Mom and her siblings (read more on this here)
  • Special bracelets in honor of the Wonders’ birth mom
  • BraveGIRL’s cell phone she desperately wanted
  • Permission for WonderGIRL to date
  • Two experience gifts I am VERY excited to gift to WonderBOY in a few days after posting this
  • Small ornaments with photos of our family to grandparents
  • Tickets to see Sound of Music in Seattle with my Mom and Gramma

I am hoping you all have a wonderful Christmas with your chosen or given families….I also hope if you’re not in the Christmas spirit for whatever reason, to release the “shoulds” and the expectations and lean into the care and keeping of you and your heart, whatever that may mean for you.

36/40 – on my HSLP’s moment

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Seeing as how meeting this person was my 20th moment in this series, it is only fitting that I ask her to do a little moment-sharing as well!

I can’t say it would even be possible to pick one favorite moment with Patti.  There are 1) far far too many to choose from, and 2) how do you define “favorite”?

Is “favorite” the moment when I met Patti when she came in for a job at Treasury of Memories?  I knew right then that she was someone special.  I didn’t know at the time that I was gaining my Heterosexual Life Partner (my HSLP), but I knew I really really wanted to be her friend.  I think it took less than 1 shift together to know we were a match made in ‘High School Musical’ heaven.

Is “favorite” the moment I said, “I’m going to Haiti to work in an orphanage”, and without skipping a beat, she was signed up to go with?

Is “favorite” the countless nights out on the town, living our absolute, best, single lives? Dancing, drinking raspberry mojitos (by the pitcher), add in a little bit of ruckus and a whole lot of shenanigans, and that, my friends, is how you do it when you’re not yet 30.

Is “favorite” the moment my heart was broken, and without question, I had a place to stay, an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, and no shortage of wine to soften the pain?

Is “favorite” the days spent dreaming up a fabulous business plan for a party planning company?  Between our craftiness, county connections, and dare I say, being pretty fun girls, we were really onto something.  While I know we’ve out grown this possibility, it really was an EPIC idea.

Is “favorite” the moments I get to see her former students and players beam with joy, respect and adoration when they bump into her?  Seeing the way their eyes light up, you know instantly she is such a positive role model and influence in her students and players lives.

Is “favorite” the moment I got the call that her and Scott were taking in 2 foster kiddos?  I think back to that moment often, and am in such awe of their bravery, love and open hearts for children, especially those in need.

Is “favorite” having the most wise and thoughtful confidant whenever I need advice on life, relationships, or when we were all of a sudden raising a 16 year old? (Not to mention she has actual, professional credentials for this said advice 😉

Is “favorite” knowing I’ve already had more cherished memories than one girl should rightfully have, or, is it the comfort knowing we have 40+ more years of joy, laughter and love (and even maybe a little ruckus and shenanigans) ahead?

Every single moment shared has been a gift, and you, Patti….are my favorite ❤

Love you always, your HSLP,

Elke.

On my 40th birthday celebration

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For my 40th birthday party, I thought it would be fun to challenge my loved ones to dress like their favorite “me.” There are a whole lot of personalities and looks to choose from across the last 4 decades and I loved seeing what folks came up with!

The ironic thing about this party is I actually LOATHE theme and dress up parties but luckily, I got to put very little effort into how I dressed and way more interested in the looks of others. Scott says this type of party is his worst nightmare (especially people looking through old photos of himself – haha), but for an Enneagram 3 like me – it was perfection and led to a whole lot of laughter!

We had so much fun and I so appreciated everyone’s efforts in celebrating me and making me feel oh so loved for my 40th birthday.

My husband had his outfit planned for months.
My brother as Chyna, my childhood namesake, was the real winner in brave and hilarious rendition of “me.”
She created my own bottle of essential oil! Love this girl.
My only childhood friend that attended dressed as middle school me, complete with overalls, glasses and an A+ assignment.
Sis in law nailing my 5th grade staple outfit.
Love these ladies I met at ToM.
See cover photo for photo duplication. Love it.
Crushing shuffleboard here.

Thank you to all of you who attended, sent your love even if you couldn’t and took time out of your days to wish me a happy birthday. I can’t wait to celebrate some other peeps’ 40th and beyond birthdays in the coming year!

35/40 – on Mom’s moment(s)

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You know my Mom is a talker (her and my Dad passed along strong genes to 4 extremely extroverted chatty offspring) so this long post is no surprise…..plus a good excuse to share some silly childhood and college photos.

There are numerous, numerous moments and milestones of my Patti over the years …but it’s the very “simple memories” that makes me feel this Momma’s love and smile the most on this week of her “40th” Birthday…

When she was very young her absolute favorite food was always salad!  If she was given a choice of candy or salad…she would always choose salad! Crazy, Crazy Girl!!

Nothing compares to her young imagination tho…from the imaginary “Sunglass Family” which she graced us with constantly for quite a few years to follow about their imaginary adventures when she was around age 4 to the adventurous novel she wrote in her younger years (complete with multiple chapters, index, etc)…there are way too many examples to count of how her imagination entertained us for years!!

She loved, loved, loved office-paper supplies! Going back-to-school shopping was a must each year…and Patti cared very little for the school clothes shopping but it was the school-office supplies that made her the most excited!  Binders, organizers, notebooks, pens, paper, post-it notes, scissors…you name it, she LOVED it!!

(Also, she was not the tidiest child of mine and in her bedroom, especially under her bed or in her closet we would find mountains and mountains of doodled paper, scraps, pens, pencils, etc  for all school or personal projects of hers!!)

The multitude of dances that were created with her cousin Cara through their younger years at our annual family camping trips for the pure entertainment of Gramma & Grampa and many of her Aunts and Uncles brought us all loads of smiles and laughter! And, through this current year at our own family camping trips amongst her brothers and their families she can be found creating many, many tik-tok dances with her nieces for us to enjoy all over again!!

One of my most treasured, small but beautiful memory of mine tho is one which we shared when driving her to Pullman for her first year at WSU (Go COUGS)…the anticipation, anxiety and excitement was at a very high level in our car and about 2 hours outside of Pullman, she handed me her headphones to listen to a song which brought on way to many tears for me as I gazed out the window at the beautiful wheat fields and listened intently to those words…. “Wide Open Spaces” by the then Dixie Chicks. At that time I had never heard it before and she wanted me to listen to the song to remind me it was time for her to leave our home and go spread her wings out in the world! Oh goodness… to this day that song brings back that memory and tears to my eyes thinking of that car ride and the soon to be dreaded “good-bye” I was going to have to say to my Girl!!

Actual picture from the morning I left to WSU my freshman year. Sweet slippers.

Again, none of these mentioned are big milestones for my Patti of which there are many, many, many…most of all her unrelenting, admirable crusade of support and having the biggest heart possible for ANY kiddo, especially those with trauma…but these are just a few of my “simple memories” that this Momma heart holds with so many Smiles, Joy and with so much Love!!!

Thank you Mom for your forever support of me, my big and little milestones, and all the little Wonders we bring in (and unfortunately sometimes out) of your life along the way.

34/40 – on BJ’s moment

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Aren’t we so lucky to have social media to look back for embarrassing photos of these beloved moments???? Here is my oldest brother’s fave memory of me – seeing as how we didn’t really like each other until our adult years, this tracks.

I loved the Christmas we spent in Chicago. From a Rock Band filled morning (without having to watch younger siblings get spoiled) to Christmas dinner at Murphy’s Bleachers bc I didn’t realize the stores would be closed.

Your move holy man.

Also a freezing Seahawks game at Lambeau Field where you talked our seat neighbors into buying you drinks to celebrate Seattle’s only TD while I was in the bathroom. It was fun to spend a holiday together without all the usual obligations to distract us. 

Not pictured – BJ shoving me in a huge snowdrift on our walk home from the after-party where we schooled some Packer fans in beer pong. A subtle reminder that we BARELY like each other in our adult years…..

32/40 – on Scott’s moment

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Because I am an enthusiastic slacker, I didn’t make it to 40 moments BEFORE I turned 40. So I outsourced to a few peeps so they could tell me their fave moments I might have forgotten.

Up first is my sweet husband…for my birthday, I asked for two things. A birthday dinner with all 3 kiddos in one spot and that took some serious wrangling but he did it (with 304 messages and reminders) and I am so very thankful.

We didn’t mean to stand tallest to shortest but here we are.

And for the second request, of course, I asked him to write up his favorite moment with me. Here is what he had to say:

I have had the incredible fortune of spending the last 12 years with my incredible wife patti. We have had our ups and downs as does all couples. I’m beyond thankful to call her my wife through all the highs and lows. Although there has been tough times there have by far been more wonderful times. Too many to count actually. Some things that stand out to me actually come at the beginning of our relationship and pretty recently actually.

One of our first dates was where we took the ferry out to Friday harbor. It was an amazing day filled with good food, beautiful views (Nature and Patti), and the start of someone falling in love with the other. Another important time to me that i am cherishing is our 10 year anniversary to whistler a couple months ago in august (see more of this here). It was a time filled with good food as usual, but more importantly a time to reconnect and remember why we love each other. I am continually thinking of this trip to whistler we just took and how i love spending time with Patti.

Not our first date but another photo on the ferry deck to Friday Harbor!

Happy 40th dear! I love you and you’re just as hot as you were on our first date!

21/40 – summer at the bowling alley

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WonderBOY has fully taken advantage of the Kids Bowl Free program this summer. And with the super cheap family pass option, so have Scott and I. He loves it so much he’ll even ride the bus or ride his bike down there to get his two free games in on his own.

As a teenager, I got to spend the same amount of hours at the bowling alley for a couple of different reasons. They did give out free games for report cards but also my father worked at the bowling alley, so I had lots of rides and lots of friends who wanted to bowl along with me (okay maybe not lots….just Joe, Kevin, and Paul really).

And just like I did then, I bring along my special ball with CHYNA engraved on it that I inherited from a bowler that passed away 20+ years ago when I got the remnants of her locker. Also, each trip usually means a side of fries (with tarter) and a trip to DQ afterward depending on what kind of wager we put on the games.

Mt. Baker Lanes hasn’t changed a whole lot…the same amazing friendly owners, good (actually delicious) food, and the nostalgic lanes bring back lots of happy memories for me. And I’m excited for it to hopefully be a happy memory for WB as well.

20/40 – on meeting Elke

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It all came down to this one little mini book, made out of literal trash and photos of me and my friends drinking the night before Thanksgiving. Talk about questionable young adult decisions, I really thought this would be the best “example” of my creativity when applying to Treasury of Memories, our local boutique scrapbooking store. Here is a video documenting the experience – and yes, I got the job which ultimately resulted in meeting my Heterosexual Life partner, Elke and a forever friendship that I hold incredibly dear to my heart.

Anyone that knows her (which to be honest is at least 82% of the entire Whatcom County population) knows about her infectious smile, giving heart and relentless pursuit of a good time, no matter how dull the current situation is. I am honored to walk alongside her through a whole lot of adult ups and downs and cheers to starting a new “prime” in our lives. At brunch yesterday, we talked about a question that I heard on my favorite podcast – what is the difference between “23 year old you” (when me and Elke met) and you now?

Our answers proved to be quite similar – looking inward for validation and the solutions to our problems, not others’ opinions or comparison to what others are doing. I would also add personally that something I have learned since being 23 and starting fresh in the professional world is that the many folks above your or “at the table” do not have it all figured out so trusting those systems or those folks in charge will not always result in a positive or healthy outcome, but with the right research, knowledge and values, trusting my inner guide toward the “right way” to do things can be trusted.

And because I made her dress up all sorts of extra for her birthday raincheck brunch (full of the most delicious mimosas – our fave), here’s a photo of us in our new prime….loving ourselves just as much as we love each other.

Happy happy birthday sweet friend!!! I love you so much!