Category Archives: Team Brave Dinosaurs

Happy Fathers Day!

Posted on by


Dear Scott thank you for saving money .

Remmber when we went to hobe town that  was fun.

I like play at the park.

Ilove you when you  care about me .

have a good fathers day.

love WonderBOY,
——————————————————————————————————————

Dear Scott,                                                                                                                                Thanks for always being my protector and its true you will be the only superman I have thanks for a good year and a fun one too. I love hanging out with you. Through my eye rolling and my attitude I love you very much. Happy Father’s Day I hope you have a good day.

Love, WonderGIRL

Intentional Summer 2k16

Posted on by

We are heading into summer #3 with our wonders this year and after a lot of trial and error with what worked for our family and our children, we are excited to put some different things in place this year to set us ALL up for success and restoration. My wonders feel very threatened by unpredictability…..one of the many reasons that they both feel safe and secure during structured and predictable school days. During the summer, all I want to do is NOT have a schedule so that I can repair my soul and build my energy back up before the Fall. And therein lies the dilemma we have hit in the past.

After attending a workshop hosted by my friend Elizabeth McKinley, inspiring many families to not let summer pass us by, we got to draft what our INTENTIONAL summers will look like on these great posters. The kiddos and I enjoyed drafting out 2.5 months of fun adventures on the big calendar and getting excited about all that we get to do in our time off together.To help with our dilemma of structure vs. free-time, I decided to come up with a daily schedule for the days where we are at home for a majority of the day with nothing on the big calendar. We drafted time slots for different tasks we want done each day. This includes time for our modified home-summer school time and independent time (both wonders need practice at entertaining themselves and playing alone without adult direction). And then we leave the afternoons for getting out of the house for different activities. Free bowling, Trampoline Zone memberships, and the great parks around our county will be filling up our weeks and I know the kids will be excited no matter which option we choose!The nice part about this schedule for ME is that I know which times of our days I will have for my own restorative needs like reading, scrapbooking, or blogging and can plan accordingly while the kids are fulfilling their scheduled duties. I can also plan meet ups with friends and family around this schedule in my beloved new planner.

If your kiddos have a hard time with unstructured days….this scheduling system might be a good experiment to try! As a small sidenote, I am a firm believer to not structure my wonders’ PLAY (what we call independent time)….we tell them often that “boredom is a choice” and I want them to problem solve and be creative on their own. But that doesn’t mean I can’t provide predictability in the times when they will get to make those free choices and the times when we will adventure out as a family unit.

If you are interested in more inspirational content around keeping your family healthy and happy inside and out, please consider following me on Instagram under the username ROOTEDWELL.

A few things I’m loving….

Posted on by

Since I gave up wine for my 30-day detox cleanse, I’ve been missing my glass of red wine each night. I’ve been finding some comfort (and some relief from bloating) with this little “tea” I concocted:
1 cup apple cider
2 tbl. apple cider vinegar
1 teaspoon honey
1 drop on guard or cinnamon 
I’ve been disliking my bathroom counter top lately so I asked my crafty husband to do a reclaimed wood shelf and I am loving a little farmhouse feel in our very newly built (aka very vanilla) house.
As a Mother’s Day present to my Mother-in-Law Lori, I crafted a special planner with small pictures of her family members on their birthdays. I liked the idea so much that I used it to decorate my new planner and I love peeking through all the months and seeing so many smiling faces that I love so much.
My new favorite app straight from Shark Tank…..Felt! This app has amazingly cute card designs but then you can customize them and add your own handwriting (using your touch screen) for a handmade look. Plus, I only pay $5 per month and get to send 3 cards as part of the subscription plan (which I already used in the first day I had the app – oops).And just because I love how my little WonderBOY texts – a screen shot between him and Scott. I’m not sure what I was “letting him do because he is cute” but whatever it is, I am fully guilty of and for his exact reasons…..I better work on that before he uses that excuse for more than just staying up an extra 5 minutes or eating popcorn in the living room.

The depth of the fears….

Posted on by

I know this is hard to believe but sometimes my teenage WonderGIRL has some “baditude” and occasionally gets some consequences that she doesn’t agree with (insert true teenage eye-rolling here). And when she stomps up the stairs and spouts about how unfair life is, I feel quite proud of my ability to have remained calm (that time) in the midst of the storm. I handle all her emotions because I know with confidence that she needs those very boundaries to learn and to feel safe. 

And then under my door the next morning is this:

And it KILLS me….my child has been robbed of the normal experience to just be angry at her mama sending her to her room because of this deep, dark fear of me abandoning her. So fearful that she has to beg me to forgive her when she doesn’t have to….when forgiveness flows like water in this house…and when the love I have for her is the most unconditional I have ever felt. 

We have overcome a lot of fears with WG over the years….general panic attacks, nightmares, bees sending her into a frenzy. But this fear we have to work on everyday, every chance we get and with every heart-felt “I love you” she gets. And I hope these small and large pieces of love that I get to pass on to her will carry her and her mental health on and over the waves of this storm. This too shall pass….

WonderGIRL + cell phone = ❤️

Posted on by

But for her parents? The equation should look more like: WG + cell phone + 0 impulse control + extreme need for attention + reactive attachment defiance = ???? (translated: we are freaking out).

Here is our plan for how we are scaffolding the responsibilities of having and using a cell phone for our tweenariffic WonderGIRL. As a school counselor, who teaches internet and cell phone safety to students starting in 3rd grade, I have a pretty good idea of the dangers lurking and what simple, small behaviors that start at an innocent stage can turn into at later ages. This prompted us to create a contract outlining appropriate and inappropriate behaviors on her phone. They are very strict and we are aware of that (for example, not even sending a text message with a picture unless she asks for permission first) but as she earns more trust with her appropriate use, she will receive more privileges and freedom with her phone.

I may have already talked about this but WonderGIRL receives what we call “responsibility points” when she tells the truth after a mess-up, completes reading or a run without a reminder, does her chores right away without being asked, etc. She can get points taken away for repeated lying or getting to a “3” (in our house, that is how we redirect behaviors without getting into verbal battles each and every defiant move).
25 points – can use cell phone at home
40 points – can add one social media site (probably Instagram)
50 points – can take cell phone outside of house

Here is the contract we found online and adapted to fit our own needs. My favorite line is “parents have the right to take away your phone for whatever reason, at whatever time.” Yep and yep.

Since WG is realistically only 4 short years away from being 18 and living on her own, we wanted to create a real-life scenario of saving money and paying a bill. Each month, she will owe us a $15 phone bill charge in order to use her phone for that month. No money? No phone. Paid the bill but lost the phone due to breaking the contract? Tough life lesson. This has prompted some good conversation about other life skills and has also motivated her to ask for more “money chores” around the house which are extra chores we need done week to week. It’s a win-win for her and us when our house gets extra clean and she earns well-deserved compensation for her work and effort.

How are you navigating your child/tween/teenager and their cell phone use? Any wise tips you want to pass our way? I would love to hear them…..

Have younger children that you would like to start teaching internet safety and cyber citizenship to? Check out Netsmartz and Digital Compass, two websites that do a great job at scaffolding important information and engage kiddos and teens in critically thinking about their behaviors and choices online. This online world can be the Wild Wild West of our current age and it’s our job as parents to help children learn how to problem solve within that world before they are left to their own devices (pun intended).

The other side of Spring Break…

Posted on by

There is much evidence to be found that our crew had a great time traveling down to PDX on a train and exploring such a fun city for the 4 days during our Spring Break. What there is definitely NOT photographic evidence of is the HARD that is traveling with kiddos that don’t respond well to new places, new spaces, and days that lack structure. The excitement of a trip feels scary to their trauma-wired brains and usually on the night before or morning of, our behaviors get a little out of whack. In my constant efforts to not only show the beautiful but also the messy…..here is some evidence of “the other side” of our vacation.This restaurant set the beautiful, serene, peaceful scene for WonderBOY to throw a chair and run out of the restaurant yelling “I hate Mama” at the top of his lungs….the trigger? Asking him to pick a breakfast item off the menu. Insert flushed cheeks from me while Scott chases after him to do some breathing in the hallway. WG and I continue on with breakfast….and I order an extra cup of coffee (and a mimosa).

Man….look at those cute kiddos posing in front of our super cool, somewhat haunted hotel. This spot will be marked in history as “that time the Uber driver drove 10 minutes across town, parked in front of our hotel, saw a 7 year old boy screaming and throwing a toy out into the lawn and then cancelled our ride telling us he had just come down with a fluke stomach thing.” That fluke stomach thing I like to call effective birth control…..you’re welcome Uber driver. Food trucks….one of the best parts of PDX. Here we had some fantastic street food and some equally fantastic eye rolling, talking to self, bawling and stomping off from our all-tween, all-hormones WonderGIRL. I am also sure that included some name-calling but if she has learned one thing in 2+ years with us it’s to walk away from the parents before calling them choice swear words. We looked like A+ parents as we continued our lovely meal at a table close by….luckily, people in Portland are probably the least-judgemental bunch around so we felt safe and comfortable waiting out this “storm” in front of this crowd. Two nights before in our teeny hotel room, we didn’t have the luxury of walking away, thus resulting in her yelling at me that “I ruined her entire vacation.” Pretty impressive for me to ruin something 1 hour into the trip I’d say.
Last morning in Portland and Scott and I finally ventured back to a breakfast spot introduced to us by our lovely Stori and Tausha (PDX experts). As we sipped our infused Bloody Mary’s (head to Genies next time you’re in Portland!), WG and WB are both pouting because tomatoes were in their egg scrambles. Eventually, WB got so tired of crying about the restaurant “not being kid friendly” and informing us that he couldn’t open his eyes because of the morning swim, he just fell asleep in my lap. Now that he is getting a bit too big for this sort of lap-sleeping, tables had to be shifted and I had to use quite a few muscles to reach that drink of mine to enjoy.

I post these little snippets of time here not as a way to get sympathy, or even as a way to educate you on “how our kids are different than yours” (vacationing with kids is anything but a vacation I get it), but mostly just to document both sides of our beautiful, messy story. The reality of our family is that each day is new and brings about fun adventures…fun adventures usually equal higher levels of cortisol pumping through their little bodies…..higher levels of cortisol equal pretty explosive and defiant behavior (I say stop, you do it 5 more times-type behaviors). And while it’s hard sometimes, I’d say our ratio of the fun to hard is at least 10:1 at this point and I definitely could not have said that 2 years ago. So here’s to growth…..and big dreams for longer and farther vacations in our post-adoption future.

WonderBOY’s turn to take over…

Posted on by

 WonderBOY on cleaning the house:
I like cleaning the house because….because….mmmmm……because choring and cleaning and doing garage shoes and if I do it without complaining, I might get a responsibility point. Those are what I get without complaining doing things and if I lie, I get one taken away. If I get 15, I can play video games for 10 minutes.

On Sis earning her cell phone:
She had to get 25 points to get her phone. She can text and call the parents. She can text (her friend) and Becky, Mike, and Lori. And she is 13. When I am 13, I might get a phone. I will text, call and play games like Duck Life: Treasure Hunt and I would play Cars vs. cars. Transformers and Avengers. Like Scott.

On his sister:
My sister lies and gets in trouble a lot. She loses responsibility points and gets consequences a lot. She loves me a lot and cares about me. I know that because ever since I was a baby, she loved me. But when I was a baby she used to step on me and hurt me. So she cares about me and loves me and gets in trouble a lot. The end.

On his future:
My future is going to be like awesome. Good, sometimes bad. I might argue in the future. I want to be a fighter-fighter and a police with my Dad. It would be cool to be a fighter-fighter because you can save people and spray out fires. It’s cool to be police because you get to carry a gun and a walkie-talkie. They get to carry a laser gun. I’m going to have a dog, a cat, a hamster and a donkey…..erase donkey…..I mean a horse, a cow and a chicken and a duck. I might have a wife and I might have kids but I’m scared that I’m gonna get in a lot of fights so maybe no wife or kids.

On getting adopted:
I want to get adopted so bad. I want all this to be over really badly but it needs to take 6 months or to do a lot more paperwork so that’s why I want to get adopted. It would make me happy and excited because we get to live with my parents forever and they get to be my parents forever.

On his favorite family tradition:
My favorite to-do is going on vacations, going on trips, playing a lot of board games, playing “middle in the monkey”, and seeing new people that we don’t know and seeing Grandma, Papa, Becky, Gary, Mike, Patti, Dennis and Lori. I like playing Sorry! and Dominoes. I like Apples to Apples because you get to play with 3 people and you get to try and choose cards with what the card says. Scott doesn’t like us to play with us because he says we don’t make sense and he never wins the green cards. He helps me learn good sportsmanship. When I win, I say “nice try.” When they win, I say “good game.”

Typed by WB:
my fafrit coire is red. myfafrit food  is macandcees and pesouz.my fafrit game is avegrs.myfafrit move is big hroe 6 andspas jam.and trasformrs.Love wondr boy.

*This post brought to you by a calm Sunday afternoon and bribes of jelly beans for each answer. We can’t believe this little cuddly nugget we welcomed into our home as a 5 year old is about to turn 8 and be a sincere and affectionate little man! Translated typing from above paragraph: My favorite color is red. My favorite food is mac and cheese and pizza. My favorite game is Avengers. My favorite movie is Big Hero 6 and Space Jam. And transformers. Love, WonderBOY*

And just because it’s cute – a glimpse of his “notes” from church this morning:

How far we’ve come…

Posted on by

Our counselor asked us to pause in our session this week to focus on how far our little wonders (and us right alongside them) have come in our 2+ years together. Although I tend to get focused and bogged down with everything we/they need to work on going forward….I realized how important and positive it was for us to sit and dwell on the outcomes of our journey so far as a family. It dawned on me around this past Sunday (our 3rd Easter as T.B.D.) that the themes of sacrifice, a release of suffering, and unconditional forgiveness that go along with this monumental event carry so many parallels to what we have experienced as foster parents and what we aim to gift to WonderGIRL and WonderBOY each and everyday.

IMG_4340IMG_1930A new life for them free of fear, abuse, and loneliness….because He lives. I am humbled by His trust in me to parent two of His most vulnerable loved ones and am grateful He inserted a strong and loyal man like Scott to jump in the deep end with me and drown ride the waves of this life together.

Are you on an epic journey right now? Whether it’s parenthood, self-improvement, breaking free of addiction/abuse/depression or anything else – take a few moments today to pause and reflect on how far you’ve come. Where you started and how many teeny tiny baby steps and decisions it took to get you where you are today….give yourself the credit you deserve for that work and be proud.

Also noticed in the photo journey above – 100 new gray hairs (thank you parenthood) on my head and a consistent love of those trusty brown boots that have lasted an amazingly long time. Good purchase self (practicing what I preach – see above paragraph).