Category Archives: Team Brave Dinosaurs

on a new kind of heartache….

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I had big plans to set up multiple blog posts during my Spring Break. Something big and hard hit our family this past week and I find myself grieving on a daily hourly basis…..something I want to write about and process before other posts get published.

And I’m not there yet…..and I’m okay with that. Today, as our little family breaks out of our home that has been a bit of a prison for the past 9 days and jumps onto a ferry to enjoy the sunshine and enjoy each other – I pray for more laughter than lectures, more smiles than tears, and more comfort than fear.

On the transition…

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Many people have asked how the transition to the new house has been on our sweet little Wonders. I had this post scheduled for today with only pictures (mattress store selfies while Dad does the shopping negotiating everything else less important than laying on beds and taking pics with the kiddos) but then wrote it last night when a few other transitions had popped up to cope with and process as well.WonderBOY was extremely anxious about moving. He was typically pretty anxious in our old home, never wanting to be on a separate floor from us and on most nights, ending up on the floor in our room or at the top of the stairs sleeping so he can hear us watching tv downstairs. I remember the day that Scott got our keys to the new place and started moving our first load…..we came in after the packing and as soon as WB saw the “empty” living room, he just started crying. The fear of not knowing where “our things” went was very hard for him.

The deep fears of loss and abandonment not only get attached to people, but to belongings that hold memories and comfort for this little man. Assuring him that our things were indeed at the new house and even his self-packed boxes were waiting for him in his new room were not enough…..after another load was packed, he was filled with relief and joy when seeing his new room and his “stuff.” So excited in fact, that he didn’t even look at the rest of the house and got to work right away organizing his room. So sweet…..since settling in, he has started to feel more comfortable and has even tested out sleeping in his own room (even though we are on separate floors now and out of earshot). Throwing our big “snow week” into the mix after the move may have done more damage than good with transitioning as my little man craves structure and routine and that week had absolutely ZERO of that. I am looking forward to a few weeks of normal schedule here to get us back on track.WonderGIRL has loved the move to our new house, due to the fact that she has some fun girl friends she already knows that live close by (thank you coaching world for inserting players and their younger sisters into our tribe for this very benefit). Working on her room together and giving her more independence with the kitchen and more breathing room is going to be such a positive for her.

WG has been praying for more “foster siblings” since we moved as we had to renew our home study and paperwork last week. In a fate-filled turn of events, two sweet young girls came home with us for a short-term stay (on the very date WG and WB came home with us three years prior – crazy right?). The one thing WG thought she was missing from her life came with some very hard feelings when the reality of that wish came true. Feelings of “being replaced” and jealousy toward the other girls in the house were big topics of conversation as we cared for new friends in our home and shared our rooms, our meals, and our love. I have faith this will get easier for her as we continue to open our homes to children in need and start trusting that she is ours forever and ever, no matter who we get to love on and care for temporarily.

As I shared the news today with my Wonders that our new friends wouldn’t be coming back home with us tonight and that they were waiting for a new plan at the CPS office, WG promptly replied “Shouldn’t we go sit with them? They are probably so scared.” Tears start forming as I remember this because I knew they were scared too but didn’t have the same panic response as her who lived it and endured it a few years back and THAT breaks my heart and makes me love her so so much all at the same time. It is moments and statements like these (which I NEED) to remind me that this girl is:
1. a fighter and has endured tragic events so much worse than I can even imagine.
2. ready to care for others (probably better then she can care for herself).
3. learning about compassion and perspective taking in some big ways.
4. someone that can use her trauma to help others, maybe only to inspire them when she thrives as a hopeful story but also to connect in ways that may of us truly can’t understand.

3 year live-a-versary!

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3 years ago today, WonderGIRL and WonderBOY got to come home with us. The first couple of days were a lovey, chaotic blur. Interested in the whole story? Click here to relive that weekend.

Saying yes to “an short term” emergency weekend stay for the Wonders was preceeded by an activity inspired by a church sermon at Cornwall, encouraging us to surrender our plans and our control to God. These paintings were an artistic outlet for me in processing that message and making it apply to my life. Little did I know that three days later, I would be asked to surrender in a HUGE way and then be rewarded in an even GREATER way than I could have imagined. (Also surrendered in the process – sleep, scrapbooking, my sanity, faith in my abilities to keep a kiddo with trauma safe, time to get ready, and date nights but who’s keeping track). We have created so many fun memories together on our “live-a-versary” celebrations (monthly for the first year and now annually) – the following pictures are from our secret weekend field trip from last year to Seattle. The year before that, we traveled to Friday Harbor, a favorite date spot of Scott and I.This year, we will have a quiet celebration at home followed by a bigger celebration this coming weekend as we get to celebrate our official adoption and welcoming our loved ones to our new home.

Funny story – I’ve been trying to plan our adoption party for quite a few months now…..venues and dates just never seemed to work out for all sorts of silly reasons. In hindsight, I attribute this to another reminder that God is in true control as now we have the perfect “party house” for the perfect “party” reason on the anniversary weekend of what turned out to be the perfect way for us to start our forever family – all which were causing my constant need for control personality quite a bit of anxiety. Perhaps I need to listen to that “I surrender” message a few more times…..

A WONDERful 2016

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My intention with this blog was/is to document the big and little stories of US just as we are. Here are a few slices of that world that I hope never to forget.

First of all, these two littles ones love each other so much. Their joy and giggles when they are around each other are truly unique, considering how many years are between them. This year, they begun having some deeper conversations but also begun pestering each other to no end. And while I know that is a normal sibling phenomenon, I find a spark of comfort in their endless bickering because it is far better than their dysfunctional parenting dynamic when they came to live with us….in our home, when WB and WG are exhibiting age-appropriate and normal behaviors, even the problematic ones, we are happy about it!WonderGIRL’s highlights from 2016:First of all, these pictures give me all the feels because our LITTLE girl is growing up. Especially in the last 6 months or so, her attitude, demeanor and looks have really matured. I am especially proud of how much she is overcoming in regards to adjusting to our new family and accepting/processing her past family and memories that pop up for her. We are really grateful for a great counselor for WonderGIRL to help with this processing because sometimes my own emotions can cloud the true listening that she needs.

This year, she got braces, a new cell phone, and a broken leg as she performed a pretty awesome front flip at the Trampoline Zone. This year, she also complained about her braces, lost her cell phone due to breaking our fairly strict contract, and gained lots of sympathy and attention for said broken leg…..all markers of a darn-near typical teenage girlie.

WonderGIRL’s highlights:
Movie: Moana (girl power!!!) and Pirates of the Carribbean
TV show: Gilmore Girls with mama
Books: Twilight series and A Dog’s Purpose/Journey
Music: Ariana Grande, Alessia Cara and Justin Beiber
Favorite memory: Getting my phone (she says with jazz hands above her head)
Funniest quote that Mama’s brain can remember on Dec. 30th: “This sand is so different than the sand in Cannon Beach.” (Mama: “Uh….this is Cannon Beach”). Her memory and attention skills create some pretty humorous (and repetitive) conversations, let me tell ya.

WonderBOY’s highlights:
This boy turned 8 this year and while I still view him as my little squishy, cuddly, little guy….sometimes his maturity and logic really amaze me (as does the picture above where he looks so darn grown up)! This year, he has finally started connecting the dots between making good choices and being truthful and how much more peaceful our days can be together. He is down to only 1 timeout every couple of weeks and that, my friends, is a miracle. There are many times during family conversations that WB has the appropriate and wise answer regarding behavior and choices before his big sis.

This year was our first conference at school, that his BEHAVIORS fit in with the rest of his peers. Although he still struggles with some learning, he is respectful and focused in class and we are so proud of him for that! At home, WB is most often found in his underwear as this kid just runs at a hotter temperature than the rest of us. With the big snow that came this year, we had to buy some athletic leggings to go under his usual uniform of basketball shorts and a t-shirt. Speaking of basketball, he began playing on an organized team this year and we love watching his skills and understanding of the game grow and grow. My coach’s heart and brain is especially happy when I see what a good teammate he is from the bench, cheering on his teammates and supporting their every move.

WonderBOY’s highlights:
Movie: Sing
TV show: Teen Titans GO!
Books: Notebook of Doom and Eerie Elementary
Music:Jason DeRulo and FloRida
Favorite memory: Great Wolf Lodge, Portland on the train, and Cannon Beach
Funniest quote that Mama’s brain can remember on Dec. 30th: “Hey there how ya doing….balk balk” (said in an extremely cute and accurate parrot voice with a switch to a chicken for the finale)This pic cracks me up because we get this blank look as soon we ask WB to do something he doesn’t want to do. We’re onto you and your little tricks of looking cute to get out of hard work…..and it only worked a few times half the time mister.

Thank you for reading this little blog stroll along memory lane…..I can’t wait to check back in a year and see how far they will continue to grow and thrive! Cheers to a new year!!!

Holiday highlights 2016

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Holidays are pretty magical with kiddos – our favorite parts often are smaller moments that come from seeing old friends, completing our Christmas countdown activities, and celebrating the birth of Jesus. Although presents are fun and exciting, I feel like our little fam does a good job balancing the small joy of those with the BIGGER joy of being together and showing acts of compassion towards others.

I am lucky in that some of my bests come home each year to see THEIR family which gives me some small moments to sneak in visits and dates out of the house. Matching sweaters for the festive win!My littlest niece is the cutest right??? So smiley…..And my oldest niece from my side is pretty darn cute herself…..same size as WonderBOY and just as tough. Love her to pieces!This year, my family served at a Cornwall church service and we got to hand out links as families walked in. What a great practice of social cues for WG (eye contact and facial expressions) and a fun privilege for WB who loves sneaking into “big human” church when he can! Favorite song from our service this year from him included a peppy version of “Go Tell It On the Mountain” in which he sung “go tell it! go go tell it!” all night long.WonderGIRL’s gift from Santa – a new instax camera. Super cute, actually good quality photos and some fun accessories to go with it. Also, check her new Christmas eve HAPPY JAMS – so many emojies, so many selfies, so little time…..WonderBOY’s “something you want” gift from us was this starter BB gun. Scott is big on teaching him appropriate gun safety so safety glasses are a must. I think this pic of him in his new robe and snowboots (a white Christmas for once!) with Scott in shorts and romeo’s behind him are pretty darn cute so I had to include it here!
Our favorite gift this year was surprising the kiddos with a Disney Cruise for NEXT Christmas. Scott and I have been saving all of our overtime (his) and doTerra commissions (me) towards this trip for over a year now and we’re too excited to wait even a year. They had to embark on their annual scavenger hunt for this present which was a surprise at the very end of the morning.
With all of the Hoelzle children together in a household, shenanigans often arise. This year, Mom surprised us with our favorite childhood meal, “red weiners”!!! You can see our excitement below. Along with this meal, there are some strict meal guidelines one must follow: 1. Create an appropriate mashed potato volcano for the gravy to rest in before eating. 2. Enjoy this delicacy made of dollar store ketchup and hot dogs by pretending treating it like the best meal you’ve ever eaten.The family fantasy football league championship game down to me versus my older brother, BJ this year. The deciding game was MNF’s Dallas game. Off to Buffalo Wild Wings with the children in tow we went (tablets to keep them occupied…..boneless wings to keep BJ satisfied). The “Audrey” trophy sat atop our table the entire time, which attracted a large number of waiters coming over to join in on the rivalry. Here I am posing with MY new trophy as I was declared the winner early in the 4th quarter of the game. First time winning for me – woot woot!Safely buckled for the ride home with Mama!

Other fun memories I want to document:
– playing Pie Face and BeanBoozled for the first time with friends and family
– Scott and his lack of rhyming skills for the scavenger hunt
– my experiments with the Instant pot and mini cheesecakes for Christmas dessert
– Christmas extravaganza with Mallory and Travis at Warm Beach with 20 degree weather to see the Lights of Christmas (never again)
– Snow days and late starts to school
– Santa train with the McConkeys out in Blaine (must do if you didn’t get a chance this year)

On my favorite ornaments….

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For the past three years, I’ve added a photo ornament to my Christmas cards order from Tiny Prints and I love giving them away to grandparents and adding them to our ornament collections. This one was from the “just married” collection but I think it pertains to our first Christmas as a forever family as well.WonderBOY coming home from school with these adorable handmade ornaments are dang precious….this year, he chose to gift his to special Uncle Jake which makes my heart a teeny sad, but happy that he is spreading the handmade love around.This was our version of a  “baby’s first christmas” ornament by gluing sweet pictures of the kiddos to snowflakes and writing on the back. It will be fun to look back on these in years to come and remember their sweet faces the first couple of months they lived with us.

Another Tiny Prints ornament from our first crazy and lovey year together in 2014.

This was a very PIN-spired ornament I made the first year we lived in our home. I love the imprint of our key (although it’s ironic because I don’t think I’ve used that key even one time since I’ve lived here). Our address is hiding under that green star. 

Once my first niece was born, I thought it would be cute to document her adorable little hand as a Christmas ornament. Now that my brother has three adorable little ladies, these are some of my favorite ornaments to unpack.And last but not least, one of my childhood bests, Taryn, made this for me in high school and I love love love it. So creative even before Pinterest Tare!!!

Tonight is our annual sleepover and movie marathon sleeping around the Christmas tree where I can’t wait to admire all of this cuteness!

WonderBOY takes over the blog…..holiday edition

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WonderBOY’s (8) thoughts on….
Holiday traditions – They are fun and sometimes they are things that we have never done before. Tonight we ate red and green food for dinner. I thought the green eggs would be gross but they were still good to eat. My favorite tradition is delivering stuff to people and giving presents to people that don’t have anything to live.

Sis’ broken leg – Actually, in more than 6 months the cast will be gone. I hope she doesn’t break her other leg 2 days after that cast comes off. She might break it my probably not being careful or running and twisting it. Or by a trampoline. (Mom: So does that mean we can’t go back to trampoline zone?) NO! It just means she needs to be more careful next time.

Snow day – We don’t have any hills in our backyard so I wish we could have sled. Both Mom and Sis had broken something (toe and leg) but they had fun with us because Mom just needed to be careful and stand sill and Sis crawled everywhere. It was fun and kind of not fun not going to school because I miss my friends and hanging out with my friends and playing 2-square. The thing that I liked was hanging out with my family and playing in the snow.

Christmas wishes – I wish for a jaguar race car, my civil war guys and that homeless people have a great Christmas.

Wonders take over the blog….holiday edition

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WonderGIRL (age 14) on……
Holiday traditions – I think that some are like really good because you get to learn more about your family and I like spending time with my family. My favorite traditions are going to church on Christmas Eve, look at lights with music on, and a scavenger hunt for our gift. We always do the Christmas Countdown and then we do things for other people and look out for others like praying, and learning the Christmas story from the bible.

My broken leg – It’s really annoying. I wish I could run around and that I could walk normally. When it’s wet, I fall which is embarrassing. However, I do like that I don’t have to do PE or run so that’s kind of nice. I also get out of some chores so I like that.

Romantic relationships – Well….I think it’s a good thing because you get to learn how to love even though it’s hard when you break up. If you do it at a young age, then you can make smart choices when you’re older like my Mom who chose the perfect man to marry. I think you should go slow and not rush anything. Not very many people at my school do anything….they just tell people they are dating and then don’t do anything because they don’t want their parents to know. I only know one couple who holds hands. Scott doesn’t like the idea of me going out with anyone because he thinks that guys are not very kind and he also thinks that it would be unsafe. He says I can’t date until I’m 32. My mom says if I’m mature and can handle rules at home and with my phone, then maybe when I am a sophomore and 16, I can possibly date but it depends on my behavior. She always says that my choices will affect her choices. Rules = maturity.

Christmas wishes – I want $25 for my middle school yearbook. I also want the Magic Light speaker and really really want this Wowie Chip Dog, but my Mom says that they are not choosing to spend their money on that because I tend to lose and break expensive things. My wish for others is that my family adopts another child so we can help others have a Christmas where they are safe.

Tomorrow…..WonderBOY gets a turn at being witty and clever on the blog.

On our adoption day

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I know it’s been a whole week and a bit since our adoption and I’ve been planning to do a re-cap on this blog, but it seems so HUUUUGGEEEE and lovely as an event, that it’s hard to put my feelings into words…..thus I just let the feelings sit in my heart and “marinate” as I like to say. So I will just add a few pictures from the day with a few words and go from there…..perhaps my processing will grow in the future and I can look back and journal more thoughts.

Opening the box from our wedding that included our vows, notes from our parents, and a special bottle of wine was a fun way to start off the night before the adoption. The kiddos were involved and were so excited that we had prayed and thought about adding them to our lives before we had even met them. The night before was hard hard hard…..the kiddos were extremely overwhelmed with such a huge event looming and WonderBOY sobbed with big man tears in my arms for about 20 minutes before being soothed to bed with a promise that he would feel better once it all got taken care of. A combination of leaving their past behind them and mistrust that it’s all too good to be true are common feelings when kiddos get adopted out of the foster system.

A special day should always include two things: new fresh outfits and oversized balloons. This mantra has influenced most celebrations I am involved with….including my wedding where balloons were one of the major costs of the whole day. Here we are trying to get everything in line for a picture (and away from those hot lights in the court hallway).

Judge U. is the same judge that we had for the criminal trial against the Wonders’ biological father so both him and this courtroom had many mixed feelings for all of us that were involved in that trying process. But on THIS DAY, he graced us with this gift of a forever family and he delivered that gift with kindness, gentleness and joy (breaking out the Thor gavel just for WB) and for that, we are so grateful.

Check out this tribe of amazing people below that have been such a big part of the creation and continued support of our family. All grandparents got to be present (including the Wonders’ biological grandmother and grandfather) and our team from the legal side of this process (social workers, lawyers, and guardians).

This lady right here was the kiddos’ first social worker and the one that really had to make the HARDEST decisions for them and for their family. The only tears from the day came when I got to hug her and thank her for everything she had to do and endure to keep these children in our care. She is not even a current social worker with DCFS and made a special trip and day off from her job to come celebrate with our family. We love her so much!!!

Even though the rain was falling throughout the whole morning, right after our court appointment was finished and pictures were taken….the amazing Fall sunshine came out! I love this shot of the trees behind us during this season that is all about change and transition….trees shedding their past leaves and getting ready to begin new growth and prepare for a brand new season of life….just like Team Brave Dinosaurs!

After our picture session was up to my liking (thank you Stori and Elke for your patience and understanding of my extremely rigid expectations), we enjoyed a yummy lunch at Scotty Browns and then some Menchies right after (shocking I’m sure)!!! What a lovely time talking through the morning and answering very sweet questions from the kiddos. Hearing WB call Scott “Daddy” over and over melted my heart time and time again. Since their biological father was a main source of stress and fear for both kiddos, they have always been at different levels of comfort with using this label for him. Hearing these words out of both of their mouths is a tangible sign that their hearts are healing.

Thank you again for all of your amazing kind words, cards, and special celebrations for our little family. We are so blessed to have you in our lives and I know that one of the special parts of joining our family for WB and WG is all of the extra people that have graced them with love, patience and true acceptance along the way.

On the proposal

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Children in the foster system have a million and one decisions made FOR them and TO them. One common character trait of MOST foster children include a need to control their environment….which of course comes from their complete lack of control in their past and their previous families. Knowing this, we wanted to make sure that our older wonders knew that our pending adoption was as much under their control as it was the state’s and ours.

Therefore, we decided to propose to them similar to a marriage proposal. We wanted them to know we respected them enough to truly give them the choice. But even more, we wanted them to know without doubt that we CHOSE them to be our forever son and daughter and that we are HONORED they would even want to be part of our beautiful mess of a family in the first place. The video is too long to post so here is a link to it on youtube: TBD Adoption Proposal. Enjoy!

Although this video is very sentimental and beautiful, it includes so much of the reality of our family….braces malfunctions, nervous outbursts of behavior and avoidance, and most of all, the love and laughter we get to all share together on a daily basis.

Many people have asked if the video meant that our adoption was final….and no, we haven’t had our official court proceeding yet but we already have a judge assigned to us and are awaiting some available times so it’s coming soon soon soon!

Thank you to all who have left messages and comments of love and support to our little family – it means a lot to all of us and I’m glad our video brought a little joy to your lives during a weekend and events in Burlington that left us all saddened and grieving.