Category Archives: School Counseling

On moving on…

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Fall is here and I am ready….mostly because I am pretty pumped September is outta here!!! We went through some stressful times in our fam last month so we are ALL ready to move onward and upward together!!!

We had one week in particular in September that was nothing short of a steaming hot mess. While walking hand in hand with each kiddo through that in their own ways, me and WG stopped to name all the bad stuff and then also all the good stuff we could think of. And admidst the mess, there was so much to be thankful for. I’d thought I would share a few of those bright spots here:

1. This manWe are bonded through battle….becoming a united front and navigating this parenting kids from hard places gig has stretched our relationship in ways we could have never done on our own. I am grateful to him everyday that he said yes and continues to say yes to the chaos showered over us daily.

2. This teamI am the luckiest coach to show up everyday and teach/guide these young women to be the best versions of themselves and team they can be. They are ridiculously funny, loving and hard working and it’s resulted in an undefeated season so far and a few more celebrations are sure to be on the horizon for this squad.

3. My new positionThis new “systems” level work in my district has been a whole new world for me as I’ve been so used to working directly with students day in and day out. I am starting to appreciate the process as much as the outcome (this is challenging for me to wait for as many of you know). It has been just what my mom heart needed to not have my compassion and patience stretched so thin at school that I couldn’t be the best mother I needed to be at home. I am very proud of the work our team has been working on and can’t wait to see the potential play out for our students, families and community!

I challenge you to start this new month with gratitude….and if anyone would like to join me in prayers for some of the lessons learned in September buying us at least one month of calm in October, Team Hoelzle-Brown would greatly appreciate it. ??????

Helllooooo August!!

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Soooo….just to be real transparent, August 1st kind of gives me a panic attack. School starts back again, tons of meetings, and volleyball tryouts are right around the corner!! Every year, I have to try and settle my self-talk down about the 2-3 weeks I have RIGHT NOW to relax, enjoy time with my family, camp and relax a bit….but the looming 2-3 weeks after that kinda freak me out.

This year, I am starting a new position, WonderGIRL is starting a new school, and life will just look and feel a bit different….which is both exciting and challenging all at once. So my goal this August is to just be in the present, have some courageous confidence about the role I’m stepping into, and try to transform my panic into preparedness for the Fall and thus, into excitement for what is to come!!!I already shared this graphic on my social media, but I really do love it. In all areas of my life whether it’s my chosen profession or a few of my little fun side hustles, I hope to have a purpose when showing up to all of them, including parenting my littles. Sometimes, the purpose feels big and world-shaking, other times it feels super intimate and inside family walls only….but I like that divergent part of our world and our tribe…keeps things from getting too boring around here.And just to end this post but start August on a CUTE note, look at Rexie Roo cuddled up on my legs. Not quite a lap cat YET…..but baby steps (right after this flash went off, he realized he was being somewhat cuddly and nice and quickly abandoned ship…..grrrrr).

On becoming the Alfred….

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A few weeks ago in church, our pastor spoke about the importance of Alfred to Batman’s superhero status and conquests. Behind the man who was saving the world was someone that unconditionally cared for him, created tools and strategies necessary for his work, and always provided a safe haven for him in times of trouble. The pastor said, “sometimes we are Batman and sometimes we are Alfred.”

This particularly resonated with me as I transition into a new support role in the next school year. Leaving my student-centered, school-centered post as a school counselor and leaning into the position as the Social-Emotional Learning Coordinator for our district. I am so excited to support the whole child in our community, focusing not just on academics but a child’s entire being of what makes them HUMAN and connected to others. I am SUPER excited about supporting the amazing team of school counselors, teachers and support staff (the BATMANs of the world in my humble and very biased opinion) and can’t wait to promote what they do and create some synergy for even more awesomeness heading forward.

And I am nervous and grieving a bit….I am kinda obsessed with my job and with working with children at the elementary level. I love playing jenga and candyland to teach social skills, leading small groups teaching children coping skills amidst a death or a divorce in their life, and teaching classes that teach ALL children the skills they will need for life and family and friendships in the future. I love my “Hoelzle hugs”, wearing super shoes and Meow Monday cat ears, and practicing flying with Mr. Grit. I will truly miss that “in the trenches” work and will return to it once I feel like the purpose and direction for this new position has played out successfully.

I am also extremely grateful. As I process this new position, I realize once again that God put this directly in the middle of my path knowing that this year has been such a struggle. When I devote 100% of myself and my energy to 500 students day in and day out, many of whom struggle with trauma and attachment issues themselves, I am drained and not fully present at home when I have three struggling in my very own home. I have found myself less patient, less compassionate, and less willing to use the very same skills I used an hour earlier to my students. And that’s not fair and I hope a break from this intensive work will boost the love, attachment and healing in my home in ways I can’t even imagine.

So whether or not you are a Batman or an Alfred – please know we need BOTH of you to save our world each day, each school year, each season of life. The work is never finished…..

Some nuggets of truth…

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I have been soaking up professional development in this last month….but conferences can be hard when there is so much information and not enough time to “download” and process it all. These two gems stuck with me once I returned home so in hopes to ground them in writing somewhere, I want to document them here and maybe pass on the inspiration to you as well! I got to listen to an entire day from two wonderful presenters around mindfulness with children (and adults) and both of these quotes came from that day.Although it sounds so counter-intuitive, when tragedy strikes (a person, a family or a nation), sometimes it is a cry out for change or an awareness rises out of the tragedy that can advocate for a person or people in a new way. Right now with the school violence as a hot topic, we are talking about what needs to change for increased safety in school. This is obviously important to me in my work…..I still hold steady to a belief that more school counselors having chances to dig deeper with all students AND teach proactive coping skills/mental health prevention to all students really is the answer. So the gift for me of he recent tragedy is that others are speaking up and advocating for a smilier belief to mine which hasn’t always been the case (especially when sometimes the counselor is pitted against smaller class sizes which is a hard case to make for administration).

And on a personal note, my own Wonders’ tragedy brought them on a broken road to us as their parents and that really is one of the most amazing gifts that has ever been given me. We use this language a lot with all of our kiddos, because it can be so hard to rationalize the “why” of trauma and things being done to you as a child, but a greater plan and purpose for them is there and we must communicate that to them over and over.My new favorite quote EVER….like in the history of ever!!!

With what we know about burn out, compassion fatigue, secondary trauma and the effect of childhood trauma on our actual medical life outcomes….this is HUGE!! I feel like self-care has alway been thought of as a fuzzy term just held sacred for the uppity ups of our world….but small moments of self-care can be hugely impactful to anyone’s day. Whether it’s some quiet moments of calm in the morning or in the midst of you work day, some power poses before bed, or just making conscious efforts to meet up with your loved ones – self-care can not be an option. It is a requirement, just like exercise, to cope with our increasingly pressurized and stress-filled world.

P.S. I realize that my blog has been overloaded with lots of “deep” as of late…..apparently the thoughtful me has been dominating!!! I need to get these cute kiddos of mine on here with an update and some kid quotes ASAP……stay tuned!!!

On all the shootings…

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Here is the truth – I go dark when there is a school shooting. I obsess over the news and my husband has to force the tv off. I have massive anxiety at school. I run around and check our crisis plans at school and annoy all my people trying to find it and check it’s validity. I read all the Facebook posts and get sad over and over. My husband tells me sadly that he knows in this situation, I would most definitely sacrifice my life for the life of my students (as is reverse for his first responder self as well). But mostly I hope that I won’t have the reoccurring nightmare that’s been haunting me since One Tree Hill’s school shooting episode way back when. I get anxiety because what I know is that people/kids that do this are STRUGGLING. Whether it’s mental health, childhood abuse or family/attachment dysfunction – the hurt is so bad that they feel it has to come out in this most brutal way. And my entire life’s work is working closely with these people and these children and working tirelessly to make sure it doesn’t happen here.But my work stops at 3:30 in the afternoon. And it stops when a family can’t access mental health resources due to language barriers or insurance barriers or an incredibly long waiting list barrier. And unfortunately it stops when people blame guns (although I think gun control is a needed topic to discuss) or politicians (although I think there are obvious problems here) or parenting styles (although shifts in society are concerning to me in this realm too). So what can we do? We can love. And we can report suspicious activity and suspicious people. We can pray. We can teach our children that reporting is a life-saving behavior, not “narking”. We can monitor our childrens’ social media and teach them about the harmful effects of comments like “KYS” (kill yourself) and other such anonymous feeling disses. We can attack bullying head on with clear policies and an increase in social/emotional lessons teaching empathy and how to manage stress. But most of all, we can love. On kids that our ours and the ones that are not. Love on the kids that have no one and on the ones that seem to have everything but when they go home and lock themselves in their room to hurt others online, show that they are truly alone.

Now to get back to that work with my own hurting little beings in my home and in my school…..one day at a time. ❤

Click here for a great article on how to talk with your children about school violence.

on Wonder….

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For those that know me as a school counselor, you know my love and obsession with the book Wonder. For those that know me as a Mama, the inspiration for my kiddos’ blog nicknames came from this book and even calling them Wonders seems like a huge understatement for the magnitude of their bravery and resiliency. 

I love this book, the message and the character Auggie with my whole whole heart and can’t wait for the movie to come out soon!!!! Every time the trailer comes on tv, my family looks at me to spot the first tear escaping my eyes but I’m saving them all up for the theatre. 


Isn’t this poster the awesome-est?!?! You can make your very own here.

On hospitality….

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A few years back, Scott and I took a class at our church diving deeper into our faith and as most reflection classes do, this class encouraged us to explore what our “spiritual gift” was and how that played out in our life. At the time, I thought “teaching” or “leadership” would totally be on top of my list and since I always guessed my Seventeen quiz outcomes correctly…..surely this would turn out as I wished as well (spoiler alert – the answers are on the next page). But as the final page popped up and right at the top of the list, winning by a long shot was HOSPITALITY, I remember being severely disappointed.

“Really God? I’m good at throwing parties? That’s not going to change the world!!!!” I thought and as any good 3.98 high school graduate student would do, I promptly went back to the start and took the quiz again so I could get more right answers than I got before. I changed at least 10 of my answers and still got HOSPITALITY. Grrrr…..

And then I moved on from that harrowing experience of not being able to retake a quiz for “more credit”….because well adulting means those stupid quizzes don’t matter right?

Fast forward to NOW and the act of HOSPITALITY is quite possibly the foundational piece of my home, my heart and my marriage and something we live out (and have to remind ourselves is a GIFT) on a daily basis. By definition, hospitality means “the friendly and generous reception and entertainment of guests, visitors, or strangers.” We generously give what we have (right now rooms and beds in our home, our hearts to kiddos who need it the most, and our resources to whoever and wherever needs it). So…. long story short (k 500 words short)…..as a message at church a few weeks back encouraged the congregation to use their gifts and not hide them within themselves, my memory of this test from years before and my utter disdain at the results was ironic to say the least.

I am proudest of this gift and how it lives outside of me in the following ways:

These three little beings below filling our home with love, laughter, and the need for protection and the hundreds of others I get to generously welcome and love on at school. Meet our newest special houseguest, BraveGIRL…..one of WG’s friends that we’ve loved for many years and now we get to love her tighter and closer (plus look what she does for our collective height average).

One of my FAVORITE parts of my career as an elementary school counselor in the past couple of years has been WELCOMING new counselors or interns into the field and mentoring them through their first year(s) of what sometimes is a heart-wrenching, “who would want to put themselves through this?” kind of job. Pictured below are a few school counselors in my new district that I am very excited to work with this year.

I’ve said this many times before, but I do long for people stopping by my house whenever they want to and coming in for coffee/wine/Cougar Gold cheese/free scratches from our devil cat or whatever your heart desires. Now you know the true reason behind this longing…..well God told me I was good at it and sometimes, you just can’t retake the quiz and have to be okay with the results.

 

Summer 2k17 in photos – August

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Such a fun month as summer training for volleyball dies down and we get to cram in a bunch of fun family memories! This year, we traveled to Idaho to visit Silverwood and it was a hot, sweaty blast. I am pretty sure WB’s version of heaven would include a lazy river and WG’s would include death-defying adrenaline-overload rides so 2 days here were just perfect.

Celebrating our 5 year anniversary (and the welcoming of WG’s friend – BraveGIRL, to our household making us 5 deep as a family) by getting some ice cream on a lazy day – everything I dreamed about for summer. Pajamas, no schedule, ice cream – check!My favorite part of the end of summer???? The start of volleyball…..we have a new floor in our gym and I have a brand new team to love on and develop and after one week so far, my heart is happy with my current group (and their super supportive parents) and all of the hard work they are putting in (both mentally and physically during our two-a-day practices). To say I am excited about this season is a true understatement….it’s going to be a good one. You should probably look up our schedule and write some games in your planner now.

My move to a new district brings me a new team to work with and it’s been so fun getting to know these women and plan what is going to be quite the adventure this first year together!

WG has been trying to earn a little pink hair this entire summer and finally got her wish (thanks to WonderGRAMMA) this week. Both her and her daddy are loving the new style and it’s safe to say this little one is sooooo ready to take on freshmen year!

A few favorite things from August

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These little guacamole cups make for awesome avocado toast first thing in the morning. Costco for the win!THIS SHOW…..stole a lot of sleep from me this past month. Similar to Orange is the New Black but way darker and sometimes a little hard to watch. And hard to NOT watch. There are 5 seasons on Netflix and he 6th won’t be out until June 2018. Toooooo long. My beloved little Prius was getting a little squishy for our fam so we upgraded to Toyota Highlander and we love it so far. The best part? There is a speaker system in it so when I speak to the kids in the back seat my voice gets pumped over the music through the back speakers. No more hollering “leave your sister alone” over and over when a softer voice into my steering wheel will do the trick.Still loving my 31 gifts Zip Top Organizer Bag for work related stuff. It can fit my laptop and multiple files along with my varied beverages, keys, and lip glosses in the pockets. Want one of your own to personalize and take with you? Click here. This view hasn’t gotten old and doesn’t disappoint on summer nights like last night. Swoon. 

GLS – Day 2

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Some more recaps of the sessions I was honored to listen to at last week’s Global Leadership Summit.

Laszlo Bock (Google advisor) –
Nuggets: Meaning matters – figure out what career/job means to person. Are they values we talk about or values we live?
Action: Keep each players’ objective and key results visible and check in on them often.

Juliet Funt (CEO, my favorite speaker!!!) –
Nuggets: Taking time during day for “strategic pause” is where ideas can grace us with their presence. We are too busy to become less busy. White space is the oxygen that allows other things and ideas to catch fire.
Action: I love this whole idea and have read other Personal Development books about how important space and breathing time is for our brains and our bodies, especially in today’s world. I am excited about bringing this to my work with my own kiddos and at school. This should probably warrant it’s own post because I love talking about it so much.

Marcus Buckingham (author) –
Nuggets: Make the individual feel special WHILE integrating into the team. Me and We is equally important. Human beings are unreliable in rating other humans. Most success found by having frequent strengths-based check-ins about near-term future work.
Action: Give attention, not feedback to my players. Have them rate their own feelings on team values and individual strengths. (I’m really excited about following this adventure/research project).

Angela Duckworth (University of Penn researcher on GRIT – one of my favorite topics as many of you know) –
Nuggets: Talent x Effort = Skill, Skill x Effort = Achievement (Talent does matter, but effort counts twice). “I love you so much that I won’t let you quit just because you’re having a bad day.”
Action: I already am all in on the GRIT front but if you want to assess your own grit go to this website and see how you measure up.

Gary Haugen (CEO, International Justice Mission) –
Nuggets: All learning is useless if fear is present. Most powerful force between knowing and doing is how much fear is present (“fear is the silent destroyer of dreams”). Increase the community of courage around someone when fear is present.
Action: Decrease fear in players and students I work with. Teach staff about fear robbing the brain of it’s capability to learn/act/follow directions, etc. Take quiet time in mornings to “prepare my interior” for the day. Label fears when they creep in and make a plan to defeat them.

Whew!!!! That was a lot but if any of it intrigues you, I HIGHLY recommend you google some of these speakers and websites and see what you can glean for your own leadership or personal development.