Category Archives: School Counseling

Hindsight is 2020

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  1. The day that Joe Biden and Kamala Harris were announced the winners of the 2020 election – although so many things happened in my family this year that kinda defined the year, the hope and relief that moment held was hugely impactful for me.
  2. Relying on exercise, movement, and meditation to keep me mentally and emotionally strong for my family.

3. Drinking a glass of wine/beer each night – figured out this severely impacted my sleep and my mood the next day.

4. My creative problem solving and reliance on my knowledge of trauma even when faced with “authorities” who claim to know more/differently.

5. Public speaking (writing?) about trauma, education, healing, etc.

6. That systems are broken, are subjective, and human error (even with the best of intentions) in a matter of seconds can change history….especially in the case of CPS, police investigations, racism, discipline in schools, equity in education. I already knew this on a theoretical level, but our involvement with these systems this year really brought me new perspective and lowered my overall trust in many things.

7. Our attachment therapist – hands down. Literally an angel placed in our lives 4 years ago (okay not placed, I actually stalked her in order to get her in my family’s life) and I don’t know how I would have gotten through this year without her. And my former stepmother, who stepped up to take WonderGIRL for 3 months during the hardest season of this year. I do not know what we would have done without her stepping up (and whether or not WG would still be here if she didn’t).

8. I am thankful for these silver linings (this could probably be its own post):
– trauma-informed classrooms and increased focus on social emotional health in schools
– zoom learning for WG and WB (with their attention and focus issues, this has actually benefited their learning big time)
– attachment and trust that has come after WonderGIRL’s spinal fusion surgery in September
– Scott’s openness to different modes of healing/therapy
– more people open to natural solutions for mental and physical health
– date nights outside under cozy tents
– learning that I am more of a homebody than I thought and the slower pace of life without over scheduling is key to our collective wellness
– soft clothes, pajamas, jumpers please and thank you
– so much board game time with our kiddos this year (Dutch Blitz, Phase 10, and Sequence)
– extra time for camping and road trips
– no Fall volleyball season means I got to celebrate my birthday in Vegas with my girlies!

9. Dear self (full of optimism and vision and hope),
Hold on for dear life. You know what you’re doing. They need you. You will get to the other side. It’s okay not to be okay.
Love,
Me (full of more accurate vision of reality and still a little hope left)

10. Wildest dreams for 2021: More time for this……

Just kidding (kind of). Still marinating on what next year could look like….stay tuned!

On preparing for “back to school”

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I was dragging my feet for quite a bit preparing for school this Fall. Like many of us, the stress of not knowing so many factors really stunted my excitement level that is usually in OVERDRIVE during this back to school season. Here are a few ways I lit a fire under my own behind to prepare our home, our hearts and our fridges for back to school.

Up first, our mindset. I am working really hard to speak and think positively about the school year. I am colleagues and friends with 100’s of educators literally putting in hours to make this year a successful one filled with all the joys of in-person school as well as the benefits to a child’s social, emotional and academic growth. I want my kiddos to be excited about this new opportunity as well and be overwhelmingly thankful for what their teachers are providing to them.

Bitmojis are all the craze right now with educators but my Wonders loved creating their own. With working and schooling from home, we also created some door signs signifying when it’s okay for family members to enter during the day. Hoping these prevent some WonderBOY zoom bombs during my meetings (along with some creative switching around where zoom cameras are pointing).

One thing we struggled with last Spring was lunch getting too complicated (and honestly taking up too many dishes/uneaten leftovers, etc.). We are going back to food prep on Sundays where the kiddos can grab and go each lunch just as if they were packing their lunches before school. See picture above for our tubs (WB must have something from each bin and then can choose one extra/dessert).

Back to the counseling world means back to cheesy superhero costumes, amazing children’s books about feelings, and a whole school full of students and families to meet!

Oils and all the oils for this back to school transition. We have been relying on diffusers in our work stations and rollerballs like the ones above not only to keep us healthy but mostly to keep our emotions in check during this time. I have loved hosting this workshop for others too who are feeling all the feels during this time. You get this set for FREE when hosting (all you have to do is invite some peeps to a fun online class and I do all the rest). Reach out if you’re interested!!!

Many of my teacher friends have reached out asking what oils are in my “distance learning” survival kit so I created this pic below with my daily must-haves and thought you might want to peek too!!!

I know many of you have been working hard to set up learning spaces in your home. I created this short video for our school district with a ton of great ideas if you need some further inspiration!!!

Wishing you the best of luck this Fall!! It is my hopes to get to writing a bit more so hopefully some other inspiring ideas will be flowing out of this space…..TAKE CARE!

On our “trauma-responsive” homeschooling approach

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As an educator, I was hopeful about the school closure and what I would be able to accomplish with our 6th grader, WonderBOY. Then the first two weeks hit and it was BUMPY….tantrums, holes in walls, and a very frustrated mama who was also trying to work from home. He is a bit behind in multiple academic skills so I was determined to help him fill in some of those gaps while we had dedicated time to do so the last 3 months.

A glimpse into his weekly schedule….assignments broken down in morning and afternoon chunks (icons on side represent physical activity, chore, and water before game time).

And then, I decided I was ready to experiment. To put all of my hopes and dreams into what a “trauma-responsive” environment could look like for him (and in my actual dreams, what an entire classroom doing this might mean for so many of our students with trauma histories). So we shifted our expectations and found great success with the following adjustments:

1. Meeting him where he was at each morning. We held a morning meeting and assessed his mood, tired-ness, weather outside (impacts him greatly), stress level with family, etc. This improved our trusting relationship and grounded him in the expectations for the day.

2. Go over assignment chunks each day (not entire assignment at one time) and adjust if mood not fitting….this means we might move assignments around or add in more physical activity or rest time.

WB loved to zoom bomb my meetings and see if he knew any teachers on my calls – what a goof.

3. Work in 20-30 minute increments….we had a timer system set up that he was in charge of. If he worked for 30 minutes, he always received a break to move his body, relax his mind, or do mindfulness in between work times. This was the BIGGEST factor in him staying focused and him producing quality work.

4. Find interest projects – he was not motivated by the art projects assigned but we wanted him to stay accountable for completing assignments. We switched up the assignments to photography collages and/or painting with Dad so he was highly motivated to work on them.

This collage prompt was “How I know I’m home.”

5. Part of increasing the success we were having meant we had to DECREASE his work load. But that did not mean we weren’t holding him to standards….we stayed consistent in what we expected every day, gave him choices of when to do certain items not IF he was going to do them, and adjusted to his escalations/anxiety. And it was still tiring on certain days as evidenced by the picture below. This nap lasted 3 hours and instead of hounding him with work upon waking, we just moved his work to the following day. We considered each week as an entity with work due by the end of the week, not due dates each day.

A return to Kindergarten nap times in the old days.

So what came of this all? Our relationship is strengthened and he is a lot more open to our feedback than prior to this homeschooling. We learned a ton about how he works, when he is distracted, and how we can set up his work times better. And his work was crazy improved from what he was able to produce in class….I’m pretty sure some of his teachers thought I may have been helping with the actual work in disbelief WB could produce what he was producing. He improved two entire grade levels in his online reading curriculum…..and I am confident he can continue to do the work into the summer months without complaints.

Now can this continue in a school building? I am not sure…..so many distractions from peers, no 1-on-1 attention from a trusting adult consistent throughout the day, multiple stressors in a middle school life make this “trauma-responsive” environment a hard one to replicate.

But rethinking education a little might move towards a safer environment for kiddos just like WB….what IF they only had one teacher for an entire day? What IF they had smaller class sizes? What IF each day started with an individual check in with each student, assessing their emotional “availability” to learn for the day? What IF there was a space for kiddos to go and get basic needs met like food or rest without needing to get it by acting out? What IF we structured a longer school day with MORE breaks built in for busy learners?

A trauma mama can dream right?????

On our recent grief

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On February 20th, I posted the following to my Facebook page:

In a matter of two weeks, so much of my world and my identity that I’ve worked very hard for has been questioned and threatened in ways I never imagined. 
My role as a mom, systems that are supposed to protect, my job, my sports program…..our family and me (along with a whole group of educators) could use some prayers right now to stay afloat. ? So much loss and uncertainty has been hard on all the hearts of Team Hoelzle Brown. 
I don’t usually post this stuff but maybe a little more “messy” on social media feeds will normalize the hard seasons of life and break down some walls between reality and online presences. 
And thank you to our helpers and our support system – I so appreciate you, your words, your check ins and your space when we need it.

And here we are on May 16th and I’m still struggling to put into words what has happened in our family (well and this world with a global pandemic happening) over the course of the past 4 months. There is a part of me that deeply wants to document the pains, the hurts, the injustice we encountered and the lessons learned here but also feel hesitation and don’t want to shame the loved ones involved.

So if you have been wondering, here is a readers’ digest version of our roller coaster the past few months –
1. (Week 1) Allegations were made that put our family in an open CPS and police investigation. This resulted in WonderGIRL not living with us due to a mandated safety plan. And resulting in an uncertain future for both our employment and her remaining in our care. (Identity as Mom and mandated reporter in question)
2. (Week 2) I was notified that my district position was eliminated due to a failed levy in our school district. A position that I am SUPER passionate about and know in my bones is a positive move for our community and for children in general. That same failed levy also put my next volleyball season at risk. (Identify as professional and coach threatened to be removed)
4. (Month 2) Then our state closed and schools closed and all of these traumatized and fragile beings were forced got to be in a house together 24/7 (minus WG) and the pain and the ripple effects during this stay at home order has been complicated at best.
5. (Month 3) 90 days later, CPS determined our case was unfounded (which we already knew) and now we are working to rebuild what a “new normal” looks like within our home…..
6. (Month 4) as the entire world determines what the “new normal” looks like for living, education, and beyond.

And just the irony of this all, if you had checked out my RootedWELL instagram story just days before any of this tsuanami of trauma hit, I was reflecting on “bits and pieces of my life and my interactions all colliding for good and for a purpose that is on fire within me.” And NOW in hindsight I am now considering (not believing yet) that there might be lessons in this for me to use. For me to light my passion even more. And like it says in the picture above, for me to use to help and guide someone else’s survival story.

I read today in an amazing book that I’m reading, “You have to endure the wound in order to heal the pain.” That resonates with me and with the mission we have for WonderGIRL and our family moving forward in a big way…..we endured the wound and now we heal. Prayers and good wishes are continued to be needed and as usual, thank you to our circle of loved ones for the check-ins, the support, the drop everything and come keep me company visits – all so very much appreciated.

A few game-changers….

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I love when random things drop into my life and then poof! I can’t imagine what life was like before them….here are a few things (with links for discounts!) that have upleveled my work/home/foot/healthy eating game as of late.

Bombas socks have quickly become my favorite….the right amount of thickness and support so my feet don’t hurt after a day at work and practice. They just released these new “no-show” socks and I love them!!! But what I love the most is the mesh bag you can add on to your order to wash them in so you don’t lose them – genius!
Want some of your own? Click here to get 25% off your order!

A while back I was super interested in these Daily Harvest subscription boxes, that had proportioned smoothies and other meals ready to go. I love having a smoothie in the morning, but I could never keep up on having fresh fruit and greens in my fridge and ready to make quickly. Then my friend Amy posted about them and I quickly snagged my first box. I love how easy it is just to add liquid (I add half almond milk and half water), blend, pour back into the container and take with me to work!!!
I have a special code for you on this one as well – get $25 off your first box by clicking here. You will not regret trying this one out – I can’t wait for my second box to get here this week!

I know I am definitely late to the game on this one but an extended screen situation at my standing desk has been AWESOME!!! My poor eyes staring at my laptop for the past couple of years really needed an upgrade….lucky for me I found this ancient screen ready to go to surplus and I snagged it up. I have also been relying on my blue light blocking glasses to help with my headaches (my brain and body is still getting used to the new screen demands of my current position).

Do you use glasses like these? Mine are from https://ladybossglasses.com but many people have snagged them from Amazon too.

Any new game changers in your life??? Leave them below so I can go check them out – we all need to share our life hacks when we find them!!!

Yay to May!

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There are so many things I love about May. The spring sunshine and new growth. My break between club volleyball and high school seasons. People excited to be coming out of houses and socializing a bit more. Celebrating successes of students and planning for goals and growth for the coming school year.

May is also Mental Health Awareness month…one of the things I love most about my job both as a school counselor and sharing essential oils is reducing stigma around mental health. I believe we all are at different points on the spectrum from illness to wellness and that “point” can change from life season to season or even day to day. I love connecting with teachers, parents and students around their mental health and just by talking about their anxieties, symptoms, etc. we are bringing the darkness into light and finding solutions to these common struggles.

If you’re interested in learning more about mental health, click here for a 31 days of education workshop (watch videos at your own pace)! The first topic is PTSD which is the MAIN struggle in our house on a daily, hourly, minute-by-minute basis….loved the tips shared here. 7-8 out of 100 people struggle with PTSD (spoiler alert: it is NOT just for military personnel, but affects most foster children and first responders in a heavy way).

Next week, the girls and I get to travel to Atlanta, Georgia for this amazing conference. As most of you know, I am passionate about helping WonderGIRL turn her story into a story for good and for justice and action. She (and BraveGIRL) applied to be youth representatives for a local organization and were gifted this trip and this experience. I am so excited to support them throughout this conference and be in community with other activists and sexual violence survivors.

On the Grey’s Anatomy episode…

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….that wrecked me.

1. When I see parts of WonderGIRLs life both from her past or from what I imagine is in her future I dive in and become obsessed with the outcome even if it’s just on a show or movie. A while back I read this book about a Moms journey with her severe premie daughters birth and all the complications and I was enthralled in the story and hoping some details from that story could bring me closer to what I missed out on being a part of in her life story. So when the character in the show goes searching for her birth mother I imagine my own daughter doing the same thing and wondering what closure/trauma/emotions that will bring to her vulnerable heart. And it wasn’t a happy ending In the show and it left more questions than answers and that will most likely be true for WG too whenever she decides to venture after that curiosity.

2. The sexual assault storyline. First, I love that GA showed the pain and horror and resistance of a victim to go through a sexual assault crime kit. The scene where the women lined the hallways so she wouldn’t be triggered by male faces was simply beautiful (and ugly cry inducing).
And the consent portion of the show was amazing. I think parents know they need to talk with their kiddos about it but aren’t sure what to say and how to say it always. And truly that doesn’t matter….just say something and relay what consent is (and more importantly, what it ISNT). Need more ideas on what to say? Click here.

On encouraging “thinking”

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Here are a few strategies or prompts to help develop your child’s “wonder”, curiosity and ability to think through different scenarios when faced with a question or struggle.

  1. Don’t answer their question(s) with your sage wisdom…..I know this is counterintuitive to the whole “I’m the parent and I need to teach my child all the things so they are a super genius when they get older.” But, a true genius thinks for themselves OR they have a super genius knack for knowing where to find the answer. Brain development happens when we…..wait for the shocking news…..actually use our brains. Just like our muscles, when we use them more, they get bigger/stronger/faster. If we are answering ALL of the questions or allowing our little ones to run to Alexa/google when the question looms, this “muscle/brain building” will not happen.
  2. When your little one comes to you with a social conflict…..
    First, go with empathy….”man that sounds really hard. I’ve had that happen to me and I felt really __________  (frustrated, left out, sad, choose any Inside Out Character here for street cred).
    Then, go with curiosity…..”what do you think you might do next?”
    Then…..(most important step)…..encourage them to try it…..(even more important)….EVEN IF you know with your sage wisdom that it’s a terrible solution and it will fall flat on its face. Falling flat on said face is LEARNING (cue….your sweet cherub learning to walk….face plant….walk….side of a table….you get the point).
  3. When your child/teen comes to you with a problem at school….hesitate on the whole “superhero swoop” phenomenon that is happening left and right these days. Allow some time to brainstorm what your child can do with their team of trusted adults at school to problem solve on their own. Have they already had a discussion with their teacher/coach/peer yet? Are they comfortable doing that? If not, can they practice with you so it’s easier?
    – There is a mass exodus happening on college campuses right now where college freshmen are flocking back home after just a few weeks “on their own” due to extreme anxiety and lack of skills to function as an adult. We need to arm our teens (when appropriate and safe) with freedom to work out their own problems, improve their grades on their own effort, have conversations with adults to move forward with a problem so they can learn these skills before leaving your nest. And if they fail, we brainstorm coping skills with them and we encourage them to use them. We don’t shame them for failing….we praise them for trying.
  4. This one is very popular and pretty well known but it’s so important that it bears repeating….let them be bored. Let your child sit and stare out of a window (it’s a beautiful world out there). Let your child sit at a restaurant and wait for food without a screen…..maybe even engage in a little conversation if the mood fits. Limit their screen time – my only soap box on screens….while I love screens and they can be a valuable tool in certain situations, their very design is IMMEDIATE gratification…..the repeating of this for hours on end is very damaging to the brain’s need for rest, stillness, and the message that “we don’t always get what we want by tapping a screen over and over.”

Perhaps within your organization or your family, you can think of a few ways today you can develop these seriously tough muscles of thinking. Ask a new question or even better yet, DON’T answer a new question…..or encourage your child to “wonder about that.” I got a message from a sweet professional who engaged her staff of youth counselors in this discussion and they brainstormed ways within their programs they could further develop their children’ autonomy in thinking. What a powerful way to push kiddos and build up their independence??? Love it!!!!

On the crisis of childhood…

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I have seen and experienced a lot in my years of school counseling and then recently, in my interactions with my own children and others in our community. And what I know for certain is that kiddos are struggling now more than ever. Epidemics of anxiety, suicidal ideation, and mental health struggles are one on the rise and our school counselors, teachers and mental health professionals are working OVERTIME to help the overwhelming number of kiddos dealing with these issues.

I have been asked multiple times “why” this might be….many people like to place blame on broken families, divorce, unstable jobs, drugs, and alcohol but I have some different theories that I thought maybe I would try to put into words here on my blog. My theory is not placing blame but instead highlights something that we are not developing in our kiddos from a very young age (and sometimes for very good reasons) – and that THING is that we are not encouraging and developing our kiddos’ ability to THINK.

To think is to pay attention to the ongoing narrative inside of our brains. To think is to sit and ponder something WITHOUT automatically getting the answer from someone (or google/Alexa/Apple Watch, etc.). To think is to problem solve. To think is to calm ourselves down. Thinking is not just for academic subjects but should be happening each waking moment. But if you were to ask today’s nation of kids “when do you think” – they will most likely say…..in class/school. To which I try to educate them in that they are THINKING all of the time. Those are not VOICES inside of your head that magical fairies put there…..that is your brain and it the most powerful tool you have to stay safe, thrive, and have healthy relationships. But in order to use it as a tool, you have to KNOW it is there and pay attention!!! And in order to know it is there and pay attention, you have to STOP and listen.

Our society as a whole, including this huge generation of kiddos are pretty terrible at one thing – stopping. And when we don’t stop, we don’t listen. We don’t pay attention. We don’t brainstorm alternative solutions. We don’t always choose empathy and compassion. We don’t proceed with caution…..instead we proceed with blazing, dangerous full speed ahead, no matter what is in our path.So how do we fix this? What do we do within our families and our schools to help our children develop these SKILLS (yes skills, not natural God-given IQ, brain power)? What can parents do? School systems? I will go into this on part 2 of this blog post later this week…..if you have any thoughts or wonderings about this topic, please feel free to leave comments or questions. I would love to see them!!!