Throughout my years as a school counselor and then as a mama to my Wonders, I have fallen into the lane of diving into, educating about, and training colleagues on how to work with kiddos who have experienced trauma. There has been so much current research and actual neuroscience that SHOULD change the way we do business with kids (and frankly, with adults as well). And since it hasn’t caught on as widespread as I would like, I try and do my part to influence who I can on the importance of this information.
With some new folks visiting my blog, I thought I would do some posts that will collate some of that information. Tik Tok episode 1: Whatever you are, be consistent (ie, “predictable”)!
And if you’re more of a book reader versus a Tik Tok watcher…here are my top 3 suggestions!
All books (and more) linked in my Amazon storefront! Stay tuned for more information regarding this topic….and if you’re here for cute pics of my kiddos and cats, then check back later!!
I am approximately 6 years late to the Tik Tok world….and I’m well aware of my failings as an elder millennial on that piece. I started dabbling during volleyball season this past year and enjoyed the creativity of creating silly videos for the 80-100 folks that were following me at the time. Vball tik tok
Then I made a small bet incentive for one of my students….if she met some specific goals, I would agree to a TT with her. I posted this on a Friday afternoon and by the following Monday, the video had over 100,000 views! She (and I) were shocked…viral Tik Tok
And then something crazy happened – folks started following me and then watching my old videos. And then those caught on. I loved seeing other teacher creators’ content on the app and also got excited about spreading some “trauma informed schools” knowledge in this space. And slowly but surely….two months later and we’re here at over 5,000 followers (and actually by the time I’m posting this a week later, now over 6,500 followers):
And before you think I’m all serious school counselor-y on the app, let me leave you with my latest video that was just for fun and made me smile (just to myself). Bridgerton Tik Tok
And also, feel free to follow me. As long as you fully acknowledge I am posting this content for strangers only (and if you bring any of my craziness up in person, I will deny it). You’re signing up for a whole lot about school counseling and kids with trauma and a teeny tiny bit of life (if I can convince WB to join me).
As a human that fell in love with a man with complex PTSD and a handful of elementary school children with similar struggles (before we begun our fostering journey), there was a period of time when I felt super frustrated with what was available to me and them as far as resources. When I am faced with a situation I don’t understand, I want to learn more and research and dive into the topic.
But at the time (over 10 years ago), there was not a lot available as far as reading, internet groups, documentaries, etc. on this topic. And I knew in my gut that there had to be more out there and different ways of doing things, healing, shifting the education system to better support folks that have experienced childhood trauma.
This book really helped me understand the role of traumatic experiences living inside our bodies and playing out in physical responses (versus being just a brain/thought process that was affected). And although I had graduated with my masters in counseling, the spectrum of other services and resources that actually showed greater healing potential than just talk therapy outlined in this book really opened my eyes.
Reading this book motivated me to look further into other modalities of healing for both my husband and my students (and for my future mama self, my foster children). Unfortunately, some of the only recommendations offered to folks (especially children) who have experienced trauma is medication and talk therapy. And although sometimes those do help address the symptoms, there are so many other options out there that I wish would be promoted as options as well. These include things like yoga, mindfulness, EMDR, psychedelic interventions, and specific trauma informed types of therapy.
Later, this book was a catalyst in me advocating for my WonderGIRL as her parade of counselors provided by the state were just not doing anything for her or for us. I dove into attachment therapy and really felt like it was what she needed. It led us to our current therapist who is still treating WG and I am the MOST grateful we found her and she agreed to walk alongside our family during some of our toughest years.
Since I read this, I have also found other books that have really helped me become more trauma-informed and invested both at work and in my family. If you are interested in some of these reads, here is a link to my recommended reading list.
A little reflection on my One Little Word, RECLAIM, one quarter into this year.
First things first, I am really trying to reclaim some time for myself to recover and restore from the stresses of the current school year. I knew a big exercise goal would not be healthy for me so just focusing on 20 minutes of movement each day (no matter what it looks like or how many calories I actually burn) has been helpful. Plus, I love seeing the progress on this little circle tracker for the year.
I have loved my Pelo treadmill – the walk playlists and the ability to blog/be creative while I walk has been awesome for me!
With some amazing progress on his own self the past 6 months, Scott and I are trying to also work on our relationship and prioritizing date nights. We are on track for one date per week – we don’t want to get bored though so pass along any fun date night or day suggestions so we can keep things fresh!
As far as travel and adventures, we have been to both Arizona on a plane, Anacortes in our trailer and Leavenworth in a hotel – all great adventures both as a couple and with WonderBOY with us. We still have big dreams of going somewhere warm and tropical over Christmas vacation….but with a few looming family situations, we have to wait a while to officially book it.
Some of the things and/or activities I am still looking forward to reclaiming this year a bit more: – reading more – writing more (I’ve hit a bit of writers block for my 40 moments series) – making money from my professional teachings/trainings
Overall, I am really leaning into listening to my body and giving it and my heart what it needs to navigate each day, hour, new stressful situation….I have always struggled with an even pull towards laziness and productivity with a special dose of guilt for each so finding this balance is always tricky for me.
And per usual, a fun tik Tok to tie up this blog post:
When I was in grad school, my parents, who had been married for 25+ years were going through what I would consider to be a messy divorce. And learning about how to support children with family changes as a school counselor and then living it as an adult child out of the home was particularly difficult for me.
I had a hard time managing my own boundaries with supporting my family and their needs…..plus finding the energy to put forth effort into my graduate studies and assignments.
When having a 1-on-1 discussion with one of my professors at the time, who I respect very much, she told me that in the future as a professional, “there will always be crises and pressures outside of work that are going to affect your emotions. You have to find a way to cope and manage those so you can show up to work and do what’s best for students.”
I was only 24 at the time….and I remember being super bitter at this professor for saying this. I felt like she was dismissing my pain. Not realizing the impact of my family falling apart…..and telling me that I needed to “buck up and be tougher.”
But NOW, 15 years under my best as a school counselor…..8 years as a mom to kiddos with significant trauma needs….and just life in general – WOW I realize her words are so incredibly true. Life, as an adult with a family, is just a constant rotation of joyous moments and heartbreaks. Life, as an elementary school counselor has the same roller coaster feel most days. You don’t turn off the “mom” hat when going to work. And it’s hard to turn off the “educator” heart when driving home for the day.
I feel that one of my strengths I’ve developed over the years is my own emotional BOUNDARIES – I can be incredibly upset about something happening at home AND show up with joy and compassion at school for my students. I had a student intern ask me how I developed this…..and it just came with time. And a large toolbox of coping strategies (mindfulness, daily movement, support network, alone time, cognitive self-talk and reminders of my worth) that I rely on daily.
With that being said, compassion fatigue and burn-out are HARSH realities for educators….and I have felt those at times throughout my career. But I also think there are skills and habits we can learn that help us move through those times and keep on keeping on…..with a little help from our friends and role models of course.
This image really struck out to me as being helpful when navigating this constant push towards “work-life balance”:
Working on my wellbeing is always something I can improve on…..lowering my standards of what this looks like and maintaining daily habits is incredibly important to me. Side hustle commercial break: Our wellness community is doing a fun little online event focusing on these habits – if you’re interested in this class (and some oily freebies from me!) – click here to register.
Although I had a negative reaction at the time, her words are still very important to me as I reflect on showing up for both my school and home family in the healthiest way I can……and just like Mr. Larson in my first story, I appreciate a mentor’s willingness to say something hard and be faced with potential conflict, knowing it might push the receiver to a healthier and greater place as a result.
Throughout the past two years, as my family and I have been struggling through some ruptures and bouts with depression, I have come to rely on savoring small moments of joy or activities that give me a quick boost in the middle of days (or nights when I’m laying awake)! And per usual, if there’s not a pic or a blog post, did they even really exist in the first place?
Teacher Style Box I found this subscription clothing service through instagram and stalked their page for a good long while before committing. And I have loved MOST of the clothes that have come my way….here’s how it works: you pick the pieces you want to be saved in your closet. They send you two pieces a time. You wear (or purchase to keep) and then send back for cleaning.
Rented pants. New boots from Christmas. Rainbow tee shirt? It was a good outfit day.Bag and label ready to go!Banana republic slacks. Cute top.
Using this service has really kept me invested in choosing fun outfits for work. PLUS, I don’t have official statistics on this – but it has actually made me do less online shopping and browsing because I’m excited to pair things already in my closet with my TSB pieces. AND if I want to try something trendy but not sure if it will be a good fit for my body, I can always order it from this service and just send it back after trying! Check it out here if you’re interested ($10 off your first month!).
Blog book Each January, I get excited to print my blog posts into physical print. Although no one around here ever looks at them, I dream of future generations pawing through them and gasping at outfits/hair and reading some thoughts of their (great, great) grandmother living during this crazy time. I switched to a new company just to try a different format and I fell in love – now I have to fight off the urge to get all of my old books printed just like these ones. We’ll see how long I can hold off.
Beautiful cover.Monthly title pages.
The pages are thick and beautiful. The text and photos are laid out in magazine style which I love. Plus, at the beginning of each book, they take all of your photos and make a double page collage layout – my favorite part of the whole thing!!!
My little scrapbooker’s heart is so happy looking at this!
Writing for me has always been therapeutic….and now putting that writing into this blog and then printing into books feels beautifully creative – just like scrapbooking did. But all of it really is summed up in a love for STORYTELLING. Living my life, capturing photos and words, and fitting them back together is the purpose of this blog and I’m happy you’re here to share the journey with me.
Tik Tok If you’ve been around me at all in the last two five months, you know I am always humming Tik Tok songs and have been creating ridiculous videos just really because they make me laugh. Then I promised a student that if she met a few goals we set together, I’d make a TT with her. And then she did. And then we did. And then that video ended up getting over 90,000 views in a matter of days!!! Isn’t that madness?
Haha…..I’m not really sure how videos do on here but I’ll try and post it so you can peek at this viral masterpiece.
Isn’t it the cutest?!?! Also, yes she’s a 4th grader. Yes, she’s very tall. Yes, I’ve already recruited her for volleyball. The end.
Stay tuned for probably more Tik Tok fun….I try to pretend like it’s not a big deal but I’m obsessed.
I’ve gotten a few messages from folks receiving our Christmas card checking in on us (thank you btw), where I expressed how hard it was for me to send the card knowing our family was in a state of crisis healing. But what I loved about the creation of the card was going through an entire year of photos and remembering some bright moments that occurred (darn it anxious feelings for taking those away from my frontal lobe).
A few other unexpected JOYS from this year:
The silliness of this crew (oh ya and our 3rd place finish – the best JOY yet)!
Throwbacks of me and Beej.
Decorating my hallway/door at school.
Capturing my SC fits on tik Tok (tik Tok in general brings me joy).
Holiday decor at Gramma’s.
Chats (and silly photos to past players) with T!
My friendship with these ladies (and the Nelly concert that was 100/100)!
How loving and considerate this boy is.
When WG shows up!
My monthly calls with my school counseling soulmate!
Two years ago I wrote about my new love and discovery of the Enneagram personality typing system. And let me tell you, my excitement and the novelty of that discovery has NOT worn off over time. Anytime I am discussing relational health (or dysfunction) with others, I ask if they know their enneagram types and whether or not that information might be helpful in understanding the other person. There is something about knowing my spouse’s and childrens’ types that almost depersonalizes their hurtful behavior (whether intentional or not) and helps bring us to a place of resolution much faster.
As a devoted and (sometimes embarrassingly passionate) enneagram 3 – I want to be best at understanding how this assessment works, my type and how to use it to achieve success and the best possible outcome. Next step is of course – read all the things!!! Here are a few of the books I have read in diving deep into this topic.
I would highly recommend the Becoming Us book although it does have a heavy biblical base to it.
There are lots of other places to find information too. I follow some amazing instagram sites where creators add memes, videos or other graphs visuals about types that can help you understand yourself and those around you better. DM me on instagram and I can point you in the right direction or just search enneagram hashtags for some great content!
I have presented multiple workshops on this topic throughout my school district (my fave was to our whole entire crew of bus drivers – it was awesome) to raise their self-awareness, the most courageous act of self-care there is in education I believe. Even just knowing our little set of school counselors’ enneagram types can help me relate to them more and provide meetings/professional development that will be truly effective for them.
This coming week on Wednesday, I am SUPER stoked to present a workshop combining the Enneagram and my other love, ESSENTIAL OILS at my house. We are going to be talking through our types and which oils might be beneficial to us (especially in times of misalignment or stress). If you’d like an invite, just message me and I’ll get you the details. I have been working this idea in my head for a while so we’re excited to offer it this summer – and in person too!!!
Let me know if you’d like to come to our workshop – Wednesday, 7/14 at 6pm!
Want to start figuring out your type? There are a lot of different quizzes you can take….or some people read about each type and try to figure out which resonates the most for them. Here is the quiz that I most often give to people to take which also gives short descriptions of each type: Fast Enneagram Test
Let me know if you’re as into this as I am! I love to geek out on types and figure out how everyone in my circle of love works – inside and out!
We crammed a lot into this month – here is a little photo dump of all the things.
Most importantly, a lot of naps were had.
WonderGIRL’s grad party – loved seeing her biggest fans all in one spot! Oh…and of course an excuse to make a huge charcuterie board – my love language.
More graduation celebrations.
Last day of 8th grade and my first year at Central Elementary – whoo this year was a DOOZY!
Our 2nd annual “fire family” campout at Sun Lakes did not disappoint – in amazing weather and the best company!
WonderBOY has decided to give football a try this Fall – look at him in his gear!!!! Stop growing little man!
All three members thrilled to start in-person hybrid today!
February was a short month with a ton of events packed in….February 1st meant my 12th grader (she’s a senior?!?!?) and 7th grader got to return to in-person learning for 2 days per week. The day before, we had lots of nerves and questions and high emotions but both were ready to go the next morning. And the happiest guy on the block was Daddy….finally getting his precious 7 hours of alone time back after almost a year of missing out on these restorative hours after work shifts.
Although we are still in the middle of this pandemic, WIAA has shifted seasons and volleyball also started this month. With lots of new protocols and logistics to balance in my brain, being around my hard-working players who are so excited and grateful to be competing again has been amazing (and feels……dare I say it….normal???).
Haha my friend took this during one of our away games – made me crack up on the bus ride home.
A few other fun moments from the month below…..
My staff and students spoiled me for NSCW!
7 year live-a-versary love!
Spooning cats.
Hairstylist cats.
Still trying to hold strong to our family goals…..volleyball games during weekends made it tight but we did fit in our February hike on the last day of February. Hoping with the better weather, we can find new beautiful places to explore in the coming months! Also, how no one told me about the comfort of good hiking shoes…..game changer!!!
