Category Archives: Personal Development

On the first spark…

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As I talked about earlier this month, my focus word this year is Spark (the verb). One slice of my life I really wanted to be intentional about to start my year is my spiritual health and practices. I talk so much in my head about what I should be doing or practice when I have time but then (((((crickets)))))….always knowing just the thoughts are not enough.

Some intentional ways I am feeding myself spiritually this month:
Daily reading plans (I use this app and love it)
– I’m working hard to make sure I am reading a regular book or the Bible/devotional as much as I scroll insta and facebook

Reminders and alerts throughout my day
– Prayers that I want to pray regularly I like to put as a reminder so it pops up during different times and different days

Planner accessories (these stickers are the cutest)
– making sure my prayer requests and gratitudes are in front of me each and every day
Making church a priority (not just the live stream…..ahem…..Sunday morning self…..get out of your pajamas!!!)

Scripture art
– I love putting passages that speak to me into pictures. Not that I even do anything with them but I scroll through my pictures often and these serve as small reminders to get my brain straight and encourage me to pause and reflect.

One Little Word 2018

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If you’ve been reading this little blog for a while, you know each year I try to pick a word to focus on with intention for the year. Here is last year’s post……

This year, my word will be spark….the verb version to be exact. I’ve always been a pretty big idea person. I have a ton of ideas rolling around all the time….some I verbalize to people and some I don’t. Over the years, I have realized that I don’t always have the power, the people, the time, or as of late, the energy to make all these ideas happen so verbalizing them is not always good. It results in me sometimes appearing to have a lack of follow-through…..again, something I am very aware of. At work, I try to compensate for this by making an extreme amount of lists and constantly asking co-workers to remind me of my own ideas later so they don’t fall off the face of existence.

My word this year embodies action. Bold action that is fiery and bright. I like to think of a camp fire with the flames so brilliant and bright….the sparks are flying off in dramatic fashion. I hope the passion and fire I have for different roles I have in my life spark off into the world in this same way. Here are some ideas real steps I hope to take this year to live out this word:

More action, less hesitating
More finished to-do lists
Planning ahead so busy schedules aren’t a barrier
Not being afraid of people judging, disapproving of my actions
Collaboration with other fire-starters
More time to plan – morning or evening quiet times, monthly solo reflection time
More transparency on social media – the real stories
Commitment to blogging – cementing stories in history of our families’ journey and broken road to healing

Getting my family involved – still loving these Daily Goal-Trackers from Elise Joy

What is YOUR word for 2018???? Happy New Year to all of my readers and loved ones – fingers crossed for your best year ever.

December already?!?!

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I am in full December shock mode and also in full blog avoidance mode…..and a very loving friend of mine reminded me this weekend (Hi Lori!!!!) that people actually read my blog and I’ve left a few of them hanging on some life updates.

While I’m not sure I have the words for a life update, I will share a few nuggets of our silly little life as of late!Even though we own a house and have children and are fully adults, for some reason hosting Thanksgiving and being in charge of THE turkey felt like the next level of his whole adult gig. And it went fairly smoothly and people left extra bottles of wine behind so it was a raging success I’d say. 6th in state! These girls did awesome and my heart overflows with pride and love for them and their families. What a beautiful journey it was this year….Two things I am loving right now: my adorably feisty savage cat Rexie and the Clicklist option at Fred Meyer (aka the rare chance to sit in the parking lot eating my dollar tacos from Jack in the Box while sweet college students load up my trunk with groceries as my two kiddos interrogate them about their life and I get to focus on nothing but not spilling that red hot sauce in my new car). Also I should note the cat willingly got into this bag…..there was no grand suffocation hit out on the cat for this to happen – I swear. I got to sneak away for a fast and furious (“R-U-L-E”) trip to Vegas with a dear friend and I finally found my Ellen slot machine. It was fun. I lost all my money. It was still fun. This pic has gotten some attention on social media and I completely stole it (like word for word on the letter stole it) from someone so please steal it from me and let’s make these hard-working delivery people feel appreciated during their peak crazy season. Snack it forward guys!!!!

On being the keeper….

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This Facebook post got me to click….and keep reading….and feel united with millions of other keepers around the world and I so appreciate these gems late night in bed while my brain is refusing to shut off. 

It also got me thinking about my own journey with the “weight and overwhelm” of being the keeper and how surprisingly, it has felt far from heavy on most days. In the past year, some amazing books have stumbled across my path that have helped me review and re-align my life and my time management especially now with kiddos in our mix. The messages from these authors have shifted my mindset of time (and stuff) from one of scarcity (needing more) to abundance (I have what I need). 

I won’t go into detail about each one but will let you peruse if wishing to do so (or if you have time to do so) but I did post them in rank order of how much I would recommend it – happy reading and happy “keeping” all!!!!

On hospitality….

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A few years back, Scott and I took a class at our church diving deeper into our faith and as most reflection classes do, this class encouraged us to explore what our “spiritual gift” was and how that played out in our life. At the time, I thought “teaching” or “leadership” would totally be on top of my list and since I always guessed my Seventeen quiz outcomes correctly…..surely this would turn out as I wished as well (spoiler alert – the answers are on the next page). But as the final page popped up and right at the top of the list, winning by a long shot was HOSPITALITY, I remember being severely disappointed.

“Really God? I’m good at throwing parties? That’s not going to change the world!!!!” I thought and as any good 3.98 high school graduate student would do, I promptly went back to the start and took the quiz again so I could get more right answers than I got before. I changed at least 10 of my answers and still got HOSPITALITY. Grrrr…..

And then I moved on from that harrowing experience of not being able to retake a quiz for “more credit”….because well adulting means those stupid quizzes don’t matter right?

Fast forward to NOW and the act of HOSPITALITY is quite possibly the foundational piece of my home, my heart and my marriage and something we live out (and have to remind ourselves is a GIFT) on a daily basis. By definition, hospitality means “the friendly and generous reception and entertainment of guests, visitors, or strangers.” We generously give what we have (right now rooms and beds in our home, our hearts to kiddos who need it the most, and our resources to whoever and wherever needs it). So…. long story short (k 500 words short)…..as a message at church a few weeks back encouraged the congregation to use their gifts and not hide them within themselves, my memory of this test from years before and my utter disdain at the results was ironic to say the least.

I am proudest of this gift and how it lives outside of me in the following ways:

These three little beings below filling our home with love, laughter, and the need for protection and the hundreds of others I get to generously welcome and love on at school. Meet our newest special houseguest, BraveGIRL…..one of WG’s friends that we’ve loved for many years and now we get to love her tighter and closer (plus look what she does for our collective height average).

One of my FAVORITE parts of my career as an elementary school counselor in the past couple of years has been WELCOMING new counselors or interns into the field and mentoring them through their first year(s) of what sometimes is a heart-wrenching, “who would want to put themselves through this?” kind of job. Pictured below are a few school counselors in my new district that I am very excited to work with this year.

I’ve said this many times before, but I do long for people stopping by my house whenever they want to and coming in for coffee/wine/Cougar Gold cheese/free scratches from our devil cat or whatever your heart desires. Now you know the true reason behind this longing…..well God told me I was good at it and sometimes, you just can’t retake the quiz and have to be okay with the results.

 

GLS – Day 2

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Some more recaps of the sessions I was honored to listen to at last week’s Global Leadership Summit.

Laszlo Bock (Google advisor) –
Nuggets: Meaning matters – figure out what career/job means to person. Are they values we talk about or values we live?
Action: Keep each players’ objective and key results visible and check in on them often.

Juliet Funt (CEO, my favorite speaker!!!) –
Nuggets: Taking time during day for “strategic pause” is where ideas can grace us with their presence. We are too busy to become less busy. White space is the oxygen that allows other things and ideas to catch fire.
Action: I love this whole idea and have read other Personal Development books about how important space and breathing time is for our brains and our bodies, especially in today’s world. I am excited about bringing this to my work with my own kiddos and at school. This should probably warrant it’s own post because I love talking about it so much.

Marcus Buckingham (author) –
Nuggets: Make the individual feel special WHILE integrating into the team. Me and We is equally important. Human beings are unreliable in rating other humans. Most success found by having frequent strengths-based check-ins about near-term future work.
Action: Give attention, not feedback to my players. Have them rate their own feelings on team values and individual strengths. (I’m really excited about following this adventure/research project).

Angela Duckworth (University of Penn researcher on GRIT – one of my favorite topics as many of you know) –
Nuggets: Talent x Effort = Skill, Skill x Effort = Achievement (Talent does matter, but effort counts twice). “I love you so much that I won’t let you quit just because you’re having a bad day.”
Action: I already am all in on the GRIT front but if you want to assess your own grit go to this website and see how you measure up.

Gary Haugen (CEO, International Justice Mission) –
Nuggets: All learning is useless if fear is present. Most powerful force between knowing and doing is how much fear is present (“fear is the silent destroyer of dreams”). Increase the community of courage around someone when fear is present.
Action: Decrease fear in players and students I work with. Teach staff about fear robbing the brain of it’s capability to learn/act/follow directions, etc. Take quiet time in mornings to “prepare my interior” for the day. Label fears when they creep in and make a plan to defeat them.

Whew!!!! That was a lot but if any of it intrigues you, I HIGHLY recommend you google some of these speakers and websites and see what you can glean for your own leadership or personal development.

On being a leader….

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Each year, Scott and I attend the Global Leadership Summit, streamed live at Cornwall and each year, I walk away with some amazing take-aways about how to better myself as a leader, both on the court, in the building I’m working at, and within our family with our kiddos and my husband. In order to keep these take-aways fresh in my brain as we transition to fall, I thought I would record them here as a way to process these amazing two days full of speakers that truly spoke into my heart and life in big ways.

Bill Hybels (pastor of huge church in Chicago) –
Nugget: God is an equal opportunity storywriter and every leader can be developed into something great.
Action: Foster young leaders and affirm their leadership material (2 minute conversation for lifetime impact). Take chair time each day to read, reflect, pray, surrender and let leadership ideas come into your space.

Sheryl Sanberg (Facebook CEO, woman crush, author of Lean In)-
Nugget: Switch from post-traumatic stress disorder to post-traumatic GROWTH. Helping others fix the common mistakes of grieving (personalization, pervasiveness, permanence). We shouldn’t measure how much resilience someone already has but focus on how to build it.
Action: Keep the course in walking with others who are experiencing grief/trauma right now in their families/marriages/childhoods. Foster gratitude and joy each day within our littles so their growth is bigger than their grief.

Marcus Lemonis (business guru, from The Profit tv show) –
Marcus was adopted and talked about this mom “being able to adopt” instead of “unable to have biological children” and I loved this phrase and mindset so much. We get a lot of questions about having our own biological children and the simple answer is….we are able to foster and adopt and that’s it.

Bryan Stevenson (wrote Just Mercy about the unfair incarceration and justice needed for so many African Americans – must read, can borrow my copy!) –
Nugget: Hopelessness is the enemy of justice and leadership. We must choose psychological and physical discomfort in order to enact change. The broken teach use how grace is SUPPOSED to work. The opposite of poverty is justice, not wealth.
Action: What am I doing to foster hope within my elementary students, families and staff?

Andy Stanley (pastor/leadership author) –
Nugget: If we were to do it all over again, what would we do all over again? Being a leader and leading are two different things.
Action: When looking at data/stats – focus on successes and then how to “make it better”

Day 1 – done and done. My brain was full but my heart was ignited…..

 

Insert chorus of any country song about a small town here….

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I always knew I loved my hometown and my childhood filled with neighborhood hide and go seek, walks down Vista to the drug store with my friends and the general small town “Friday Night Lights” vibe. There was no hesitation in the decision to move back here in February but the bonus perks and feels (beyond our new cozy home) have been pretty awesome to (re)discover.

This view of Mt Baker is something that I probably paid NO ATTENTION to as a child but as an adult, I am obsessed with it on a clear day. From our deck…..while I’m driving…..overlooking fields – it’s an amazing reminder of all of the natural beauty around us when we look up and take it all in. The other piece of Ferndale that I don’t know I ever paid attention to is the sound of the trains coming through town…..I have heard some people complain about the noise, but I find it extremely peaceful, especially at nighttime. I feel like both of these landmarks/staples of the town are anchors here keeping me grounded and appreciating on a daily basis where I have been (re)planted.One of the parts that I wasn’t sure about when moving back was running into people I knew when out and about – and I actually am rather enjoying this part of small town life!!! I also love that people can drop by our house to quickly exchange something or just to say hello (my dream – someone to stop by my house unannounced every single day and hang out on my deck with me…..ready GO). A few of my players have had to swing by or one of my many MOMBOSS friends delivering me whatever fabulous product I have gotten hooked on recently. Also, since both of my parents live so close, they get to stop by and see the kiddos whenever they want to!

Also….Maggies. Love it. And a new winery (Leaderblock???) I have yet to check out but it’s on my list TODAY.

I have already gotten a sneak peak of the time I will be saving by living here with our summer volleyball practices happening 2 minutes away at our high school….finishing practice and being home with time to spare before bedtime is magical!!! Getting to do some strength and conditioning with my girls down at the school, on my old track, and in the weight room is still part of my job, but brings back so many positive memories and feels that it truly feels like I’m volunteering for the pure love of it all.

P.S. They don’t do weight room max days anymore – wussies. P.P.S. My records are still on the weight room wall. P.P.P.S. My picture is up in the school and I pretty much look the same but with 100 gray hairs and WG is going to be so embarrassed every time she walks by and someone points it out to her – hahaha I love this part.

And last but not least, the one thing that has surprised me about moving here is getting excited to be planted somewhere permanently in a place where years ago, I found myself, my passion for children, and my lifelong friends…..and dreaming of that very same thing for WonderBOY and WonderGIRL as they meet a whole new crop of people this Fall. My wish for them is to find the same amount of kindness, leadership, and selflessness that my bests have inspired and poured into me for 20+ years (what what?!?!?!?) years now.

 

Quotes I live by (Thursday)

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A tension to manage, not a problem to solve – unknown but whoever you are, you are an absolute GENIUS in my world/book

As many females and moms can relate to, we like to FIX problems. When something comes across our realm of reality that is uncomfortable, we tend to rally ourselves or our troops to help fix it. Also, as a counselor, I feel compelled to listen deeply, empathize and then HELP OTHERS do their own problem solving.

But some problems are not merely fixed with an easy one-stop, solution. Some problems may not be problems at all, but just constant tension that just needs to be managed or eased through certain actions. This quote plays in my head when feeling pressure to act or fix or cure, especially when there is a timeline attached (real or perceived)….and it lessens the pressure by just thinking about these negative stressors as something to be coped with on a lesser scale of action.

Some examples of these tensions that might not be “fix-able” in the short term that show up in my life on the regular:
– unease about my children’ future
– my children’s deficits in __________ (school, social skills, following directions)
– the balance of work and family life
– social media/technology dangers for young people
– trauma triggers at home from all members of my family
– a constant pull towards being creative, with a constant nag that something else is more important