Category Archives: Personal Development

A look back….a look forward

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Some of our best decisions as a couple and parents this year:

– make date nights a priority (and start trusting kiddos to be home by themselves more)

– weekly schedule planning sessions

– go after career goals and support each other through promotions and moving on

– invest in quality therapy for kiddos and not just what was right in front of us at the time

– talking about our values as a couple and analyzing if we’re sticking to those or not

– scheduling in self-care (massages/facials monthly for me, chiro/hunting meet ups for him)

– quiet times/morning times to highlight what I’m grateful for and get set for the daySome missing pieces that we’d like to change next year:

– being more intentional with how we’re showing love to our children (love languages, quality time, etc.)

– accept where they’re at

– commit to a trip together without kiddos

– attend a personal development conference together

– more transparency about mental health struggles in hopes that stigma goes down in families around us

– host more things at our house….we love our space and want more people in it with us!!!

Excited to see what 2019 has in store for this crew of mine and all of our collective hearts and minds!

On complaining

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A few different messages in the form of this excerpt from my morning reading and a video I saw at a recent training has me thinking about complaining. And although I don’t think of myself as a “complainer”, I do hope to be mindful and intentional this month about staying positive and looking for strengths and wins over dwelling on the negatives and failures.

I love this spoken word video (warning – swear word included) and hope you can gain some perspective from it as well. Although it diminishes some very real suffering many are going through, I think it also highlights a gratitude for being alive and in community, no matter what our circumstances.

On moving on…

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Fall is here and I am ready….mostly because I am pretty pumped September is outta here!!! We went through some stressful times in our fam last month so we are ALL ready to move onward and upward together!!!

We had one week in particular in September that was nothing short of a steaming hot mess. While walking hand in hand with each kiddo through that in their own ways, me and WG stopped to name all the bad stuff and then also all the good stuff we could think of. And admidst the mess, there was so much to be thankful for. I’d thought I would share a few of those bright spots here:

1. This manWe are bonded through battle….becoming a united front and navigating this parenting kids from hard places gig has stretched our relationship in ways we could have never done on our own. I am grateful to him everyday that he said yes and continues to say yes to the chaos showered over us daily.

2. This teamI am the luckiest coach to show up everyday and teach/guide these young women to be the best versions of themselves and team they can be. They are ridiculously funny, loving and hard working and it’s resulted in an undefeated season so far and a few more celebrations are sure to be on the horizon for this squad.

3. My new positionThis new “systems” level work in my district has been a whole new world for me as I’ve been so used to working directly with students day in and day out. I am starting to appreciate the process as much as the outcome (this is challenging for me to wait for as many of you know). It has been just what my mom heart needed to not have my compassion and patience stretched so thin at school that I couldn’t be the best mother I needed to be at home. I am very proud of the work our team has been working on and can’t wait to see the potential play out for our students, families and community!

I challenge you to start this new month with gratitude….and if anyone would like to join me in prayers for some of the lessons learned in September buying us at least one month of calm in October, Team Hoelzle-Brown would greatly appreciate it. ??????

On #couplegoals

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Like many other women these days, I have been drinking up the Rachel Hollis Kool-aid, complete with reading her book, consuming all of her online content and listening to her new podcast with her husband. She is a force of a woman and I love that about her. I also appreciate her intentional moves with her husband to connect and plan their life….something that’s been nagging at my heart and our marriage for a while as we navigate a new life with 3 older children.Once I thought through some of the latest squabbles in our relationship, so many of them came from little misunderstandings about our busy schedule. Honoring your partner’s need for hobbies, and interests and yes their own life AND getting all the kids to all the things is a tricky balance. I love Rachel’s suggestion of sitting down each Sunday and going through the week…we are one month into this new adventure and it’s been a great connecting point at the end of each weekend and has made our weeks (filled with three different school schedules, my volleyball schedule, and Scott’s hunting) feel a little bit smoother.We have also been trying to get a monthly date night in starting this summer and hopefully continuing….making this an effort will not only improve our own connection, but also show our kiddos who are starting to be interested in romantic relationships a positive model of respect and pursuing your partner, even as adult married (yet still independent) humans.

One conversation we held during a date night during the summer was setting our VALUES as a couple. I thought I would document those here (just in case we lose our way and the only way back is to google search my blog for important life contents).

Scott and Patti’s Relationship Values (in no particular order of importance):
1. Quality time together – yearly vacations, building downtime into weekends (saying no to all the invites)
2. Communication about conflict/feelings – we don’t keep things under wraps and we don’t allow our children to let things go “unresolved” (we also resolve our conflict in front of our children….hoping they see the problem solving, grace, and forgiveness involved in a true relationship)
3. Personal Growth – we believe in therapy, we believe in personal growth books, we believe in moving forward and becoming better selves
4. Pursuit of passions – each of us has passions outside of our family and we support each other in time away to enjoy those things
5. Traditions/Celebrations – we love yearly chances to celebrate family moments and we do so, unapologetically…..live-a-versaries, forever family days, birthdays, behavior improvement rewards, etc.Have you tried this with your partner or children?? It turned out to be a great conversation and led me to do some analyzing about how we spend our time and whether or not that REALLY matched up with the values we agreed upon. Happy Thursday everyone!

On craving community….

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It’s amazing to me that even though I love being social and outgoing and all that jazz…..staying at home and hunkering down into routine is always a default mode. Especially with kiddos, sometimes its just easier to “chill at home” then make the effort to get out and see other people.

But then we do that and I love it so much….being in community with others makes me crave more community with others. And at this season in our life, it doesn’t always have to be a big fancy dinner (although I do love that) or something hugely entertaining for the kiddos (although that’s an added bonus so we don’t have to hear “mom” every 10 seconds)….it just has to be us out of our house, out of a normal routine and connecting with others while we’re at it.

Moral of the story – text me and lets hang out!!!!! Oh….until August 20th. Then its volleyball season and ain’t nobody got time for a social life when there are games to be won. ?

Helllooooo August!!

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Soooo….just to be real transparent, August 1st kind of gives me a panic attack. School starts back again, tons of meetings, and volleyball tryouts are right around the corner!! Every year, I have to try and settle my self-talk down about the 2-3 weeks I have RIGHT NOW to relax, enjoy time with my family, camp and relax a bit….but the looming 2-3 weeks after that kinda freak me out.

This year, I am starting a new position, WonderGIRL is starting a new school, and life will just look and feel a bit different….which is both exciting and challenging all at once. So my goal this August is to just be in the present, have some courageous confidence about the role I’m stepping into, and try to transform my panic into preparedness for the Fall and thus, into excitement for what is to come!!!I already shared this graphic on my social media, but I really do love it. In all areas of my life whether it’s my chosen profession or a few of my little fun side hustles, I hope to have a purpose when showing up to all of them, including parenting my littles. Sometimes, the purpose feels big and world-shaking, other times it feels super intimate and inside family walls only….but I like that divergent part of our world and our tribe…keeps things from getting too boring around here.And just to end this post but start August on a CUTE note, look at Rexie Roo cuddled up on my legs. Not quite a lap cat YET…..but baby steps (right after this flash went off, he realized he was being somewhat cuddly and nice and quickly abandoned ship…..grrrrr).

Sparked in April….

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Sometimes…..the plans with the best of intentions don’t happen….and then I start feeling a bit of shame and embarrassment because I actually wrote about it on the blog and at least 5 people read it and then I never reached out to actually follow through thus sparking more shame and embarrassment (such an ugly cycle us women put ourselves through am I right?!?!?).

But they CAN plant seeds for future growth and that’s about how my big goal of social outings in March spilled into April. I survived March with a crazy work schedule and Scott and WG heading off to Haiti (a bigger post from her perspective is in the works) and then got to see lots of lovely ladies in April for some much-needed Mama self-care, we-care time.(love these women…..and the sweet birthday girl in the middle)And throughout multiple fun opportunities to hang out with women, walk through craft fairs with women, host fun parties with women…..it reminds me over and over how important that community is. Learning their perspectives on things I inwardly struggle with helps me process and have grace. Their ideas around parenting and marriage sparks changes in my heart and home. Empathy and grace can’t happen if you have no one there receiving it and giving it right back…..and I have more of those two things to give besides pouring it all over my kiddos and hubby (plus I need a whole lot of it in return).

I recently read and explored the Strengthsfinder 2.0 book which includes a code to analyze your own strengths. I loved this (again….reminds me of Seventeen quizzes that I LIVED for in the 90’s…..pretty sure it set the stage for my passion in psychology/counseling) and have been trying to match my strengths with work endeavors and even some relationship changes as well. You don’t have to buy the book to take the quiz either (I think it’s $19.99 for a description of your top 5….lots of info!). Have you taken this quiz? I would love to hear your strengths!!!

I am also interested in what other busy mamas do for self-care AND if it might be kinda cool to have some intentional events around self-care…..if you are interested in this topic, click this link to take a quick survey describing what that might look like for you. For one, I am just kinda interested in what everyone thinks and for two, my strategic strength is pushing me to be more intentional and group-minded with this whole concept so I want others feedback before I do!!

Happy May to all of you readers…..MAY it be filled with lots of grace, empathy, together-ness, and SUNSHINE!!!!

(My May SPARK goal is under wraps as of now…..protecting myself from the whole shame cycle highlighted above…..actually maybe my goal should be not having shame around silly things…..hmmmmmm)

Some nuggets of truth…

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I have been soaking up professional development in this last month….but conferences can be hard when there is so much information and not enough time to “download” and process it all. These two gems stuck with me once I returned home so in hopes to ground them in writing somewhere, I want to document them here and maybe pass on the inspiration to you as well! I got to listen to an entire day from two wonderful presenters around mindfulness with children (and adults) and both of these quotes came from that day.Although it sounds so counter-intuitive, when tragedy strikes (a person, a family or a nation), sometimes it is a cry out for change or an awareness rises out of the tragedy that can advocate for a person or people in a new way. Right now with the school violence as a hot topic, we are talking about what needs to change for increased safety in school. This is obviously important to me in my work…..I still hold steady to a belief that more school counselors having chances to dig deeper with all students AND teach proactive coping skills/mental health prevention to all students really is the answer. So the gift for me of he recent tragedy is that others are speaking up and advocating for a smilier belief to mine which hasn’t always been the case (especially when sometimes the counselor is pitted against smaller class sizes which is a hard case to make for administration).

And on a personal note, my own Wonders’ tragedy brought them on a broken road to us as their parents and that really is one of the most amazing gifts that has ever been given me. We use this language a lot with all of our kiddos, because it can be so hard to rationalize the “why” of trauma and things being done to you as a child, but a greater plan and purpose for them is there and we must communicate that to them over and over.My new favorite quote EVER….like in the history of ever!!!

With what we know about burn out, compassion fatigue, secondary trauma and the effect of childhood trauma on our actual medical life outcomes….this is HUGE!! I feel like self-care has alway been thought of as a fuzzy term just held sacred for the uppity ups of our world….but small moments of self-care can be hugely impactful to anyone’s day. Whether it’s some quiet moments of calm in the morning or in the midst of you work day, some power poses before bed, or just making conscious efforts to meet up with your loved ones – self-care can not be an option. It is a requirement, just like exercise, to cope with our increasingly pressurized and stress-filled world.

P.S. I realize that my blog has been overloaded with lots of “deep” as of late…..apparently the thoughtful me has been dominating!!! I need to get these cute kiddos of mine on here with an update and some kid quotes ASAP……stay tuned!!!

Sparking self-care….

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For my February commitment to my One Little Word for 2018, I wanted to focus on self-care. Meaning the way I take care of my own self, both physically and emotionally, so that I can continue to care for others fully and enthusiastically. Sidenote: it is rare to describe an adult as enthusiastic…..typically it’s used as a negative as if that said enthusiasm is annoying or overbearing….I personally think more enthusiastic adults would create more enthusiastic children these days.

It felt good to increase the amount of time I spent committing to self-care:
– getting up earlier and having quiet time to read/meditate/stretch/enjoy my coffee (loved The Miracle Morning – thanks Holly)
– writing more….both in my planner (unloading my ideas) and on my blog (short month = best ratio of days to posts since I started)
– less social media, more playtime with the kiddos

– more learning….I flipping love professional conferences. My district has been amazingly generous in sparking my professional growth this year and I have loved being around brilliance in my field and soaking up ideas that then generate more ideas that then generate more ENTHUSIASM for my chosen role and passion in schools (plus I REALLY like my new cohort of strong, passionate counselors I get to work with)

Up next for March? Meet ups – I want to see more people, drink more coffee (or wine) and connect with others, I want things on the calendar so I commit to friends and family before appointments that can be changed and moved…..update coming later this month on how this all goes (seeing as how I just made it up on the spot right now).