Category Archives: Personal Development

On WG’s 19th birthday

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY WonderGIRL – we couldn’t be more proud of you. Yes, of the graduation and your sweet personality and the landing of your first job….but MOSTLY for the work you’ve put in and the emotional growth you have shown over these last 8 years with us. It has taken excruciating painful hours and tears to get to this point but you’re DOING it – you are changing the wiring of your brain. You’re blazing new trails for your future family. You’re learning to love in healthy ways. Ready for the world you are….we can’t wait to walk alongside you and cheer you on.
Love, Team Hoelzle Brown (your #1 fans always)

It’s been a while since we did some interview questions – let’s capture her brain, thoughts, and dreams as she heads into her 19th trip around the sun!

  • What Makes You Happy? My job and my boyfriend. Rexie – the cat. And music….like country and love songs. My favorite song right now is “Don’t You Want to Know” by Noah Schnacky.
  • What Makes You Sad? Missing my sister Haillee. When bad things happen to good people…..like when others die for no reason (car accident) or when someone loses someone they love.
  • What is Your Favorite Thing to Do? Hang out outside of this house. Get ice cream. Sleep.
  • What is Your Favorite Food? Spaghetti – the “OG” kind. Not anything fancy.
  • What Do You Like to Learn About? People’s lives.
  • What WAS Your Favorite Subject in School? Culinary….because I enjoy the teacher and it was fun to learn new recipes.
  • Who is Your Best Friend? Sophia – She is understanding and loving no matter what.
  • What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up? I DON’T KNOW (she says frustrated). Right now I’m a caregiver at an assisted living home – I love the residents, but am not sure I can emotionally handle some of their struggles.
  • Where Would You Like to Travel? I want to go to Paris one day. I want to visit Rome. I want to go to Georgia again. Disneyworld would be fun. And London.
  • What’s Your Favorite Place to Be? The beach and water – it’s very soothing.
  • What Are Your Favorite Shows to Binge? The Vampire Diaries, Gilmore Girls, Legacies and On My Block
  • What Would You Buy Right Now If You Could? A new bed….because I don’t want my old one anymore. Because there’s too many memories and hard emotions on it. Or a house.
  • Where do you hope to be in 1 year from now? I hope to have a stable job. I hope me and (boyfriend) are still together. I want to be more accepting of myself (with the help of you – Mom). And I hope to be driving with my license by then as well.

On my solo camping weekend

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I have been dreaming about a solo camping retreat for a while….and Mother’s Day seemed to the perfect weekend to ask for it. My hubby transported the trailer back and forth and I got to enjoy an entire weekend of my own food that I enjoy, fire and walk schedules when I wanted to do them, and the entire stereo only playing songs I enjoyed! It was glorious.

My husband did call once for a parenting decision around game time and I promptly gave him authority and the experience of being the bad guy and hung up – no “Mothering” for me this weekend!!! (He was thrilled I am sure).

Walking along the beach at sunsets is always something I want to do while we’re camping and everyone else is always wanting S’mores time at the campfire. So this was perfect!!!
The two ginger kittens thoroughly enjoyed their time as well.

For a brief time in my 20’s, I lived alone in a small one-bedroom apartment. Many folks told me I would hate it due to me being so social…..but in contrast, I really loved living alone and miss it sometimes. Although I am fairly extroverted, I highly value quiet time, actual silence and being in charge of my own space (and consequent mess) so this weekend was a great little refresher back to that life. With full time school underway, this weekend was a great way to replenish my soul and energy for the homestretch to summer!

If you are a camping family and have been thinking about something like this, I HIGHLY recommend. It was easy for my hubs to pull off and I felt a huge shift in my energy and mood afterwards. I also think a few terrific lady campers all lined up in a row could make for a run weekend as well (wink wink…..let’s make it happen).

On the 2nd annual Team HB annual review

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Last year, we had an official meeting at our local coffee shop and although the year got away from us for a number of reasons, I really loved the time to stop and reflect/look forward together. And because our children are ours, they have an affinity for workbooks and goal-setting right alongside me!

Due to coffee shops being closed, we grabbed some pizza and soda to go and set up shop around our dining room table for our meeting. It took 3 different sessions to work through the following agenda items:
– reflect on 2020
– set personal goals for 2021
– set family goals for 2021 (this portion took a solid hour and had some unprofessional behaviors that may need a write up from admin if I do say so myself).

Here are a few highlights from their work – always fun to look back on to see this moment in time:
WonderGIRL –

  • Very powerful lesson learned – for all of us.
Her self-reflection has been a HARD process this year but I am proud of her for doing some internal work that others survivors of trauma never have the courage to do.

WonderBOY –

  • President Biden already has a nickname.
A few themes – his love of Big Guy (Daddy) and some motivation and curiosity over Black Lives Matter. I love his heart.

Next up – our family goals (still marinating on a few):

Ready for action…..

Did you include your kiddos in any goal-setting this week? If not and you want to, I would highly recommend the Big Life Journals (they have different age workbooks as well)…..Happy New Year!

Hindsight is 2020

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  1. The day that Joe Biden and Kamala Harris were announced the winners of the 2020 election – although so many things happened in my family this year that kinda defined the year, the hope and relief that moment held was hugely impactful for me.
  2. Relying on exercise, movement, and meditation to keep me mentally and emotionally strong for my family.

3. Drinking a glass of wine/beer each night – figured out this severely impacted my sleep and my mood the next day.

4. My creative problem solving and reliance on my knowledge of trauma even when faced with “authorities” who claim to know more/differently.

5. Public speaking (writing?) about trauma, education, healing, etc.

6. That systems are broken, are subjective, and human error (even with the best of intentions) in a matter of seconds can change history….especially in the case of CPS, police investigations, racism, discipline in schools, equity in education. I already knew this on a theoretical level, but our involvement with these systems this year really brought me new perspective and lowered my overall trust in many things.

7. Our attachment therapist – hands down. Literally an angel placed in our lives 4 years ago (okay not placed, I actually stalked her in order to get her in my family’s life) and I don’t know how I would have gotten through this year without her. And my former stepmother, who stepped up to take WonderGIRL for 3 months during the hardest season of this year. I do not know what we would have done without her stepping up (and whether or not WG would still be here if she didn’t).

8. I am thankful for these silver linings (this could probably be its own post):
– trauma-informed classrooms and increased focus on social emotional health in schools
– zoom learning for WG and WB (with their attention and focus issues, this has actually benefited their learning big time)
– attachment and trust that has come after WonderGIRL’s spinal fusion surgery in September
– Scott’s openness to different modes of healing/therapy
– more people open to natural solutions for mental and physical health
– date nights outside under cozy tents
– learning that I am more of a homebody than I thought and the slower pace of life without over scheduling is key to our collective wellness
– soft clothes, pajamas, jumpers please and thank you
– so much board game time with our kiddos this year (Dutch Blitz, Phase 10, and Sequence)
– extra time for camping and road trips
– no Fall volleyball season means I got to celebrate my birthday in Vegas with my girlies!

9. Dear self (full of optimism and vision and hope),
Hold on for dear life. You know what you’re doing. They need you. You will get to the other side. It’s okay not to be okay.
Love,
Me (full of more accurate vision of reality and still a little hope left)

10. Wildest dreams for 2021: More time for this……

Just kidding (kind of). Still marinating on what next year could look like….stay tuned!

On that new toy

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This bike and app has gotten me through one of the darkest years I’ve experienced so far.

Working out in short bursts by myself at home is the key combo for me….someone prone to disordered exercise, calorie counting and shameful body comparison. I am sad it has taken me so long to figure it out but am grateful to this little Peloton family I have cultivated to join me on rides and celebrate the milestones with!!!

I have exercised more days than not this year which I can’t say has really happened since college!!!

On knowing better

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I’ve always loved the phrase KNOW better, DO better and it’s something I strive for in my personal development efforts. There have been a number of podcasts that have really opened my eyes (my ears???) to some new perspectives that I’d love to share with you if you’re looking for more personal development growth as well.

  1. The Goop podcast. I also highly recommend the mini-docu series they did on Netflix as well. Alternative healing messages, interesting viewpoints on parenting and connection and other non-traditional offerings of living, learning and loving. I never miss an episode and learn something new every time.

2. Nice White Parents. The tale of segregation in New York City public schools. From the creators of my all time favorite Podcast, Serial, this is well-done and entertaining to listen to. Be prepared to think about your own privilege and power when advocating for your children in education. There were times I was walking and listening to this and literally clapping, raising my hallelejuah hands and hearing someone articulate back to me my own frustrations with our current and BROKEN educational system.

3. Unlocking Us by Brene Brown. I’m sure you’ve already heard of this amazing author and shame researcher, but her podcast puts her knowledge (and amazingly soothing voice) into bite size nuggets to absorb the goodness. Loved this particular session with Austin Channing Brown.

4. I Mom So Hard podcast. Because I need a little balance on my walks….want to laugh and listen to two ladies that I want to be friends with? I have loved their youtube/their instagram lives/their live shows and now they have a podcast which is equally laugh out loud hilarious. Check it out!

What are you listening to right now? Any recommendations? Leave them below!

On our epic summer road trip

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Although the summer wasn’t fully what we expected – with the Pandemic, most places and activities were shut down (including volleyball for the first time ever – how strange to truly have the summer off!).

But camping was still on the agenda (for us and everyone else in the nation it seems as well based on how busy all campgrounds were!). So in August, we set off for Yellowstone with a bunch of fun stops along the way. Because of the year we had endured so far, all 4 members of Team Hoelzle Brown were ready for some quality time together both in the car, in the trailer and exploring new places.

10 days in our home away from home!

We created some intentions early and our mantra for the trip was “KNOW BETTER, GROW BETTER”. We used this trip for some study materials in the car, interesting journal prompts, and a chance for us to restore and grow our relationships in a better direction (a few of them took some major hits early in the year).

Here are a few highlights –

  • Stopping to explore any place we wanted!
  • Pool time every where we could find it!
  • Roadside stops and breaths.
  • We set a goal of 100 miles walked/hiked and completed it on the last day!
  • Such beautiful scenery!
I was that mean Mom that made our kiddos do some learning in the car – we used these workbooks intentionally to fill in our some gaps of learning including some math and a whole lot of “real life” knowledge (that even I needed to grow better in as well).

We had friends and family along our road trip route that we couldn’t pass up the chance to see and catch up with. Here are a few of our fave meet ups!

  • We love the Englers!
  • My bestie from college!
  • Dennison crew.
  • Cousin Shelby!
  • Floating adventure.

A few places that we definitely want to return to on a future road trip include:
– Fairmont Resort in Montana (hot spring pools, water slide, RV park, and some pool side drinks for the parents)
– WSU (yearly pilgrimage perhaps?)
– Missoula – hike the M (or was it W?) and loved the KOA there!

  • Meeting the bears.
  • Ferdinands!
  • One of my favorite stops!
  • Anniversary date at the Coug.

By the time we made it home, we already started planning next year’s adventure – I am so very grateful we have our trailer this summer (and beyond for this Fall and Winter while we’re still shut down from sports and other activities) to still create such special memories.

On my new relationship

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…with my body!!

Let’s just say historically, this particular relationship has been through a lot….abuse, neglect, anger, resentment and shame between me and the very thing keeping me alive every single day.

Evidence of growth – the taking of a photo of me in a swimsuit and then bonus growth points….posting it on here!

I struggled big time with disordered eating and dysmorphia after my “athlete” label was removed after freshmen year in college. And since then my body has been a tricky subject to address and deal with.

But in the past 6 months or so I have decided to heal that relationship….with regular movement, mindfulness and intuitive eating I really feel as though I’m in a new chapter of this story. A story I know many women struggle with….with comparison and shame and ridicule, I have said things to my body that I would NEVER ever say to anybody on this planet.

While all else was crumbling in my world, I stuck to the healing of this relationship. While everything else closed, I stuck to the commitments inside my home and inside my self. And I am positive that it was my commitment to my physical health that carried me through the worst valley I have found myself in emotionally as an adult these past couple of months.

This self care wasnt in addition to….it was the FOUNDATION of how I was showing up and taking on challenges thrown at me from every angle. My focus wasn’t on self care or even on how I LOOKED….it was JUST self preservation. And that switch in focus really changed some things for me and how I view this vehicle for my heart, my mind and my potential. And for that I am thankful.

I’m sharing this with you right now just in case you need to heal this very same relationship….or heck, even start a brand new relationship with YOUR body. I’m happy to help if you need a little nudge or a little accountability!!

I found this little email campaign that incorporates many of my new habits and would love to share it with you (7 days, 7 emails).

Click here to register and let’s go on this journey together!!

On my personal development READS

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Not all therapy happens in a therapist’s office…..I have relied on reading for personal development, self-awareness, and reflection during my morning routines for the past 2 years – all leading to what I hope turns into a better version of myself. It’s been amazing and I have learned sometimes a little and sometimes a lot from the books I’ve read. In case you’re wanting to read a bit more this 2020, I’m going to leave one line from what I remember/took away from each book here.

So much enlightenment in one STACK!!!

White Fragility – My own privilege and racism is here whether I like it or not.
The Path Made Clear – So many seasons of life and so many different reflections and guidance needed at each one.
Becoming – Inspired by her boss-ness, independence, and drive.
Blind Spot – Haven’t read it yet but always trying to fill in the blanks of what I might not know about myself and others.
No Fail Meetings – Stop having sucky meetings. The end.
Leadershift – New leadership requires serving, not dragging along behind you.
The 5 Second Rule – Stop waiting….5-4-3-2-1 do it.
Scoot Over and Make Some Room – Everything in my family will be figured out, including how many kiddos come in and out of our doors and hearts, no matter their needs.
The Body Keeps the Score – Trauma IS a diagnosis, IS NOT being treated the way it should be, AND explains so much of our mental health, education, and general system dysfunctions. *If you have been anywhere around me this year, I’m sure I’ve recommended this one….MUST READ trauma mamas and papas and educators and doctors and social workers and therapists, ETC.
The Moment of Lift – Get me around powerful and passionate women and let’s change the world together (inspired one of my 2020 goals to do this)!!
Quantum Wellness – Intentional eating, intentional everything having to do with my body – but it doesn’t take a grandiose plans…..multiple tiny steps creates massive impact.
What Happened to My Child – Opened my eyes and brain to PANS/PANDAS and cemented my love and inspiration I find constantly in my friend Heather, the author.

  • Still inspired by flipping through this!!!
  • Enneagram nerds unite!!!

What other inspirational reads do I need to add to my list?? Let me know in the comments!

On our 2020 snow days

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In my opinion, these snow days were pretty perfect. The snow didn’t last all that long. People could still (for the most part) get out and get to work/appointments as needed. And from what I saw/read on social media, many mamas and families were taking some needed time to SLOW down, breathe and just be together. This reminder of forced “downtime” always reminds me to intentionally schedule it in when not forced by the weather….

Got some family photos in during a nice walk with the sunshine shining!!!

There were a few life habits that I started during Winter break that I was a bit worried about keeping going during the work week and honestly, having some of these snow days really helped me cement in a few things like:
1. drinking 1/2 my body weight in water ounces
2. started a 30-day cleanse
3. moving my body daily for at least 30 minutes
4. more board games/card games with my kiddos/Scott
5. all diffusers running with essential oils to calm our home

Loved seeing the snow contrasted with a few Christmas decorations still up!
My “grand central station” of coziness, reading, and personal development during the snow days (and my daily morning routine).

What about you? Any lessons you learned from snow days that you’re hoping to transfer to real life?