WonderGIRL was originally scheduled to have this Spinal Fusion Surgery in November of last year….due to the Children’s Hospital having some mold issues, the surgery was postponed (then Covid, then more mold….then we got a date)!
WG’s scoliosis had progressed to the point of needing surgery (see above x-ray) which you can imagine caused a huge amount of anxiety for her. Any major medical procedure is, of course, cause for anxiety, but for a childhood victim of sexual abuse – the vulnerability of being under anesthesia while strangers “fixed” your body really took a lot of counseling sessions and pep talks to even agree to the surgery. Even when she brought this fear up to her surgeon, the doctor’s response of “You won’t even remember it” did not appease the anxiety at all, instead, it multiplied the fear.
I documented the entire journey on my Instagram stories here if you want to peek – I’ll share a few highlights throughout my blog posts as well.
We had to go down to Seattle the day before for her Covid test and stayed in a hotel nearby….saying goodbye to little bro and Dad were hard (only 1 parent was allowed in the hospital due to Covid) but we tried to have a calm night before heading in early to her procedure.
She was so incredibly brave the morning of, amidst many tears…here she is waiting for the anesthesiologist to come in at 6am in the morning.
I’ve always loved the phrase KNOW better, DO better and it’s something I strive for in my personal development efforts. There have been a number of podcasts that have really opened my eyes (my ears???) to some new perspectives that I’d love to share with you if you’re looking for more personal development growth as well.
The Goop podcast. I also highly recommend the mini-docu series they did on Netflix as well. Alternative healing messages, interesting viewpoints on parenting and connection and other non-traditional offerings of living, learning and loving. I never miss an episode and learn something new every time.
2. Nice White Parents. The tale of segregation in New York City public schools. From the creators of my all time favorite Podcast, Serial, this is well-done and entertaining to listen to. Be prepared to think about your own privilege and power when advocating for your children in education. There were times I was walking and listening to this and literally clapping, raising my hallelejuah hands and hearing someone articulate back to me my own frustrations with our current and BROKEN educational system.
3. Unlocking Us by Brene Brown. I’m sure you’ve already heard of this amazing author and shame researcher, but her podcast puts her knowledge (and amazingly soothing voice) into bite size nuggets to absorb the goodness. Loved this particular session with Austin Channing Brown.
4. I Mom So Hard podcast. Because I need a little balance on my walks….want to laugh and listen to two ladies that I want to be friends with? I have loved their youtube/their instagram lives/their live shows and now they have a podcast which is equally laugh out loud hilarious. Check it out!
What are you listening to right now? Any recommendations? Leave them below!
I was dragging my feet for quite a bit preparing for school this Fall. Like many of us, the stress of not knowing so many factors really stunted my excitement level that is usually in OVERDRIVE during this back to school season. Here are a few ways I lit a fire under my own behind to prepare our home, our hearts and our fridges for back to school.
Up first, our mindset. I am working really hard to speak and think positively about the school year. I am colleagues and friends with 100’s of educators literally putting in hours to make this year a successful one filled with all the joys of in-person school as well as the benefits to a child’s social, emotional and academic growth. I want my kiddos to be excited about this new opportunity as well and be overwhelmingly thankful for what their teachers are providing to them.
Bitmojis are all the craze right now with educators but my Wonders loved creating their own. With working and schooling from home, we also created some door signs signifying when it’s okay for family members to enter during the day. Hoping these prevent some WonderBOY zoom bombs during my meetings (along with some creative switching around where zoom cameras are pointing).
One thing we struggled with last Spring was lunch getting too complicated (and honestly taking up too many dishes/uneaten leftovers, etc.). We are going back to food prep on Sundays where the kiddos can grab and go each lunch just as if they were packing their lunches before school. See picture above for our tubs (WB must have something from each bin and then can choose one extra/dessert).
Back to the counseling world means back to cheesy superhero costumes, amazing children’s books about feelings, and a whole school full of students and families to meet!
Oils and all the oils for this back to school transition. We have been relying on diffusers in our work stations and rollerballs like the ones above not only to keep us healthy but mostly to keep our emotions in check during this time. I have loved hosting this workshop for others too who are feeling all the feels during this time. You get this set for FREE when hosting (all you have to do is invite some peeps to a fun online class and I do all the rest). Reach out if you’re interested!!!
Many of my teacher friends have reached out asking what oils are in my “distance learning” survival kit so I created this pic below with my daily must-haves and thought you might want to peek too!!!
I know many of you have been working hard to set up learning spaces in your home. I created this short video for our school district with a ton of great ideas if you need some further inspiration!!!
Wishing you the best of luck this Fall!! It is my hopes to get to writing a bit more so hopefully some other inspiring ideas will be flowing out of this space…..TAKE CARE!
Although the summer wasn’t fully what we expected – with the Pandemic, most places and activities were shut down (including volleyball for the first time ever – how strange to truly have the summer off!).
But camping was still on the agenda (for us and everyone else in the nation it seems as well based on how busy all campgrounds were!). So in August, we set off for Yellowstone with a bunch of fun stops along the way. Because of the year we had endured so far, all 4 members of Team Hoelzle Brown were ready for some quality time together both in the car, in the trailer and exploring new places.
10 days in our home away from home!
We created some intentions early and our mantra for the trip was “KNOW BETTER, GROW BETTER”. We used this trip for some study materials in the car, interesting journal prompts, and a chance for us to restore and grow our relationships in a better direction (a few of them took some major hits early in the year).
Here are a few highlights –
Stopping to explore any place we wanted!
Pool time every where we could find it!
Roadside stops and breaths.
We set a goal of 100 miles walked/hiked and completed it on the last day!
Such beautiful scenery!
I was that mean Mom that made our kiddos do some learning in the car – we used these workbooks intentionally to fill in our some gaps of learning including some math and a whole lot of “real life” knowledge (that even I needed to grow better in as well).
We had friends and family along our road trip route that we couldn’t pass up the chance to see and catch up with. Here are a few of our fave meet ups!
We love the Englers!
My bestie from college!
Dennison crew.
Cousin Shelby!
Floating adventure.
A few places that we definitely want to return to on a future road trip include: – Fairmont Resort in Montana (hot spring pools, water slide, RV park, and some pool side drinks for the parents) – WSU (yearly pilgrimage perhaps?) – Missoula – hike the M (or was it W?) and loved the KOA there!
Meeting the bears.
Ferdinands!
One of my favorite stops!
Anniversary date at the Coug.
By the time we made it home, we already started planning next year’s adventure – I am so very grateful we have our trailer this summer (and beyond for this Fall and Winter while we’re still shut down from sports and other activities) to still create such special memories.
There has been a LOT of emotions surrounding WonderGIRL’s 18th birthday….not just recently because of the sudden loss of her first mother a month ago….but we have been talking about this transition for the past YEAR in therapy. Since WG doesn’t have many peers in the same life season or with the same life history as she does, her frame of reference for what being “an 18 year old” actually looks like is largely based on fantasy, movie/tv show reality, and a history of irresponsible people in her life who were supposed to be the “adults.”
We knew we had to be careful with how we talked about this transition and how we approached her emotions with it….but also how we scaffold what it does actually mean to be an adult and start assuming responsibility for parts of her life she can have some agency over.
We made a list of some “adulting adventures” to try out the week of her birthday (and had some great suggestions from FB so thank you circle of influence)….each day she resisted and tried to negotiate out of each one, but afterwards, I could see the pride in her heart and eyes with what she accomplished all on her own.
Adventure #1 – learning to navigate public transit using bus schedules and our iPhone. Also, returning product to a retail store.
Adventure #2 – PAPERWORK. WG applied for further disability support by going through her (very thick) medical and IEP files to find appropriate documents, then scanned and emailed to our social worker. She also called Children’s Hospital to check on the status of her survey and applied for a state ID card through the DMV. She thought this task was by far the most exhausting. All mamas agree!!
Adventure #3 – these two volunteered at the Food Bank in the morning and rode the bus home without an adult. Then we took the rest of the day to enjoy ourselves, pamper our bodies and treat ourselves to a fun night in a nearby hotel room. Self-care is something I have been very intentional in showcasing to her through easy and hard times in our family.
Adventure #4 – grocery shopping on a budget. WG was given $50 to buy breakfast/lunch supplies for a week as well as plan and cook a family meal for 4. Our taco feast this night was delicious and she did amazing at calculating how much she was spending each step of the way.
Adventure #5 – Mrs. Fix It! This was a suggestion from Facebook and honestly I needed the tutorial as well. Learning what each tool is for followed by the task of fixing a broken board in her bed. She surprised both parents with how quickly she picked this up!
And to reward our sweet girl, her actual birthday consisted of NO responsibilities….just a day at home (her request) with close family and friends stopping by throughout the day to show their love. Thank you to those of you that took time out of our family holiday to spread the love to our little lady!!!
I will probably share more of her journey a bit later on the blog but both Scott and I have been commenting on a feeling of “turning a corner” in our journey with WonderGIRL. We are hopeful that growth is sprouting in big ways right now and that the harvest of strength and maturity to take on her own life is coming. Prayers and good vibes toward this are GREATLY appreciated.
As an educator, I was hopeful about the school closure and what I would be able to accomplish with our 6th grader, WonderBOY. Then the first two weeks hit and it was BUMPY….tantrums, holes in walls, and a very frustrated mama who was also trying to work from home. He is a bit behind in multiple academic skills so I was determined to help him fill in some of those gaps while we had dedicated time to do so the last 3 months.
A glimpse into his weekly schedule….assignments broken down in morning and afternoon chunks (icons on side represent physical activity, chore, and water before game time).
And then, I decided I was ready to experiment. To put all of my hopes and dreams into what a “trauma-responsive” environment could look like for him (and in my actual dreams, what an entire classroom doing this might mean for so many of our students with trauma histories). So we shifted our expectations and found great success with the following adjustments:
1. Meeting him where he was at each morning. We held a morning meeting and assessed his mood, tired-ness, weather outside (impacts him greatly), stress level with family, etc. This improved our trusting relationship and grounded him in the expectations for the day.
2. Go over assignment chunks each day (not entire assignment at one time) and adjust if mood not fitting….this means we might move assignments around or add in more physical activity or rest time.
WB loved to zoom bomb my meetings and see if he knew any teachers on my calls – what a goof.
3. Work in 20-30 minute increments….we had a timer system set up that he was in charge of. If he worked for 30 minutes, he always received a break to move his body, relax his mind, or do mindfulness in between work times. This was the BIGGEST factor in him staying focused and him producing quality work.
4. Find interest projects – he was not motivated by the art projects assigned but we wanted him to stay accountable for completing assignments. We switched up the assignments to photography collages and/or painting with Dad so he was highly motivated to work on them.
This collage prompt was “How I know I’m home.”
5. Part of increasing the success we were having meant we had to DECREASE his work load. But that did not mean we weren’t holding him to standards….we stayed consistent in what we expected every day, gave him choices of when to do certain items not IF he was going to do them, and adjusted to his escalations/anxiety. And it was still tiring on certain days as evidenced by the picture below. This nap lasted 3 hours and instead of hounding him with work upon waking, we just moved his work to the following day. We considered each week as an entity with work due by the end of the week, not due dates each day.
A return to Kindergarten nap times in the old days.
So what came of this all? Our relationship is strengthened and he is a lot more open to our feedback than prior to this homeschooling. We learned a ton about how he works, when he is distracted, and how we can set up his work times better. And his work was crazy improved from what he was able to produce in class….I’m pretty sure some of his teachers thought I may have been helping with the actual work in disbelief WB could produce what he was producing. He improved two entire grade levels in his online reading curriculum…..and I am confident he can continue to do the work into the summer months without complaints.
Now can this continue in a school building? I am not sure…..so many distractions from peers, no 1-on-1 attention from a trusting adult consistent throughout the day, multiple stressors in a middle school life make this “trauma-responsive” environment a hard one to replicate.
But rethinking education a little might move towards a safer environment for kiddos just like WB….what IF they only had one teacher for an entire day? What IF they had smaller class sizes? What IF each day started with an individual check in with each student, assessing their emotional “availability” to learn for the day? What IF there was a space for kiddos to go and get basic needs met like food or rest without needing to get it by acting out? What IF we structured a longer school day with MORE breaks built in for busy learners?
Truth be told, I never really look forward to Mother’s Day. Internally, I can be so incredibly grateful for this role that I own and for the children that I get to take care of but every year for our family, it’s so freaking hard and complicated. Tensions are high and patience is short and it never works out the way each individual thinks it’s supposed to.
This year, we were one week out from having to disclose to our Wonders that their first mother had passed away. That they would be robbed of a chance they both wanted to see her again and ask her questions. That a piece of their story that loved them into existence had vanished without any closure.
And so I was worried. Worried that the grief and confusion of that event would stifle their ability to be joyous with me and appreciate their second mama.
Here is where the surprise came in….if you peruse the following images….
A dinner comprised of cheese and crackers (and no fighting or blood please) at the lake – mission accomplished.
Our day began and ended in the same way thanks to the brilliant sunshine that day – snuggles and chats in the little nest I’ve established on our deck.
What do you see? What I felt on that day and the days since has been what I am now calling my Wonders being “untethered.” They are no longer stuck in loyalty between two worlds. No longer feeling guilt if they love me more or wondering if their first mom loves them still. The tug-of-war has been (tragically) ended. And even I, a trained professional in this field, was blown away by how transparent this all was playing out right in front of me. Their mannerisms, their words, and their hugs just felt different and overwhelmingly deeper this year than in days past.
Since they have learned for their first mama’s death, WonderGIRL has been 143% more affectionate and kind toward me (see sweet letter above). The day after we told WonderBOY about the death, he started spontaneously claiming over and over again “you’re the bestest of the bestest of the mamas in the world” and hasn’t stopped since.
Typically as mamas, we don’t like surprises (or is it just me?). We like predictability and control and felt safety. But this surprise has been a good one and I wanted to document this day into history and perhaps adapt my own narrative about Mother’s Day in years to come.
On February 20th, I posted the following to my Facebook page:
In a matter of two weeks, so much of my world and my identity that I’ve worked very hard for has been questioned and threatened in ways I never imagined. My role as a mom, systems that are supposed to protect, my job, my sports program…..our family and me (along with a whole group of educators) could use some prayers right now to stay afloat. ? So much loss and uncertainty has been hard on all the hearts of Team Hoelzle Brown. I don’t usually post this stuff but maybe a little more “messy” on social media feeds will normalize the hard seasons of life and break down some walls between reality and online presences. And thank you to our helpers and our support system – I so appreciate you, your words, your check ins and your space when we need it.
And here we are on May 16th and I’m still struggling to put into words what has happened in our family (well and this world with a global pandemic happening) over the course of the past 4 months. There is a part of me that deeply wants to document the pains, the hurts, the injustice we encountered and the lessons learned here but also feel hesitation and don’t want to shame the loved ones involved.
So if you have been wondering, here is a readers’ digest version of our roller coaster the past few months – 1. (Week 1) Allegations were made that put our family in an open CPS and police investigation. This resulted in WonderGIRL not living with us due to a mandated safety plan. And resulting in an uncertain future for both our employment and her remaining in our care. (Identity as Mom and mandated reporter in question) 2. (Week 2) I was notified that my district position was eliminated due to a failed levy in our school district. A position that I am SUPER passionate about and know in my bones is a positive move for our community and for children in general. That same failed levy also put my next volleyball season at risk. (Identify as professional and coach threatened to be removed) 4. (Month 2) Then our state closed and schools closed and all of these traumatized and fragile beings were forced got to be in a house together 24/7 (minus WG) and the pain and the ripple effects during this stay at home order has been complicated at best. 5. (Month 3) 90 days later, CPS determined our case was unfounded (which we already knew) and now we are working to rebuild what a “new normal” looks like within our home….. 6. (Month 4) as the entire world determines what the “new normal” looks like for living, education, and beyond.
And just the irony of this all, if you had checked out my RootedWELL instagram story just days before any of this tsuanami of trauma hit, I was reflecting on “bits and pieces of my life and my interactions all colliding for good and for a purpose that is on fire within me.” And NOW in hindsight I am now considering (not believing yet) that there might be lessons in this for me to use. For me to light my passion even more. And like it says in the picture above, for me to use to help and guide someone else’s survival story.
I read today in an amazing book that I’m reading, “You have to endure the wound in order to heal the pain.” That resonates with me and with the mission we have for WonderGIRL and our family moving forward in a big way…..we endured the wound and now we heal. Prayers and good wishes are continued to be needed and as usual, thank you to our circle of loved ones for the check-ins, the support, the drop everything and come keep me company visits – all so very much appreciated.
This morning, our little crew took a trip to our local coffee shop to reflect together on our year and make big plans for 2020! We called it our annual review business meeting and even snagged the important meeting room to make it official.
For Scott and I, we reflected on this blog post to determine how far we made it on our goals. Turns out, we still have a lot of items still to check off and make more of so we’ll be continuing these efforts into 2020 (and maybe beyond that depending on the goal):
(From blog post) “Some missing pieces that we’d like to change next year: – being more intentional with how we’re showing love to our children (love languages, quality time, etc.) – accept where they’re at – commit to a trip together without kiddos – attend a personal development conference together – more transparency about mental health struggles in hopes that stigma goes down in families around us – host more things at our house….we love our space and want more people in it with us!!!”
I also downloaded an awesome packet for both wonders from Big Life Journal and had them work on it together. The prompts and questions were easy for them to navigate while still digging deeper than a surface level conversation starter like “how was your year”? Plus it’s 25% off through Thursday the 2nd if you’re interested in doing this activity with your kiddos also!! Once they are finished, I will share some of their thoughts and writing to check back on later this year.
A little coloring action to highlight my 2019 word – VALUE.
My one little word this year was VALUE – although it didn’t resonate with me big time, when I took the time to reflect on the word and compare my daily actions or behaviors it really helped me stick to boundaries and priorities in my life. Read more about my 2019 word HERE. I can confidently say that my values of connection and growth were lived out on the daily in my life both personally and professionally this year – even when that connection or growth felt HARD and HEAVY.
We decided as a team this morning to keep checking in on these goals by having a “business meeting” each month to bring up our goals and reflect on our growth towards them. This is where having older kiddos has been so great for me – teaching goal-setting, growth mindset, and self-care to two kiddos who will NEED those things big time in their adult lives (plus how it helps the hubby and I right along with them).
Many of you know that I love a good personality quiz….I love people’s stories and I love being curious about the “why” behind people’s actions (including my own).
I was introduced to the Enneagram through a workshop I attended a few years back and have been intrigued ever since. The more I learn about this tool, my “number” and the types of those around me, the more I can understand others’ motivations and react in ways that will support them versus trigger them (very important obstacle course to navigate in my home).
What is the enneagram? The Enneagram comes from the Greek words for nine (ennea) and drawing (gram). Each point represents a basic personality type and a specific pattern of thinking and way of being.
Figuring out my type, Scott’s type and then starting to discover both WonderGIRL and WonderBOY’s types have led to some really thoughtful and intentional discussions about our behavior and how we treat other people, especially in times of stress. We love reading specific instagram posts that help us learn about types and commenting occasionally to the other “That’s so very type 1 of you.” Here is our constellation of types in Team Hoelzle-Brown:
Scott
WonderGIRL
Me! (no one is shocked by this one)
WonderBOY
How did we find out our type(s)? There are a lot of different quizzes you can take….or some people read about each type and try to figure out which resonates the most for them. Here is the quiz that I most often give to people to take which also gives short descriptions of each type: Fast Enneagram Test
This might be a powerful tool for you in any team you work with as well. I know the types of each of my volleyball players and we often discuss how to interact differently with each type on and off the court to lead to a more positive climate. There are a lot of great Instagram profiles to follow that can highlight all sorts of interesting conversations about your type – just search “enneagram” into the user search and voila! research away!!! Some you will find more accurate (sometimes scary accurate) than others, but still good “food for thought” anyway.
I would love to know your type!!! Take the test and post in my comments….also feel free to message me with any questions (I am no expert but can point you in some helpful directions) or for suggestions on Instagram accounts to follow!! Happy “gramming” everyone!
