February Faves

Posted on March 4, 2021 by Patti Hoelzle

All three members thrilled to start in-person hybrid today!

February was a short month with a ton of events packed in….February 1st meant my 12th grader (she’s a senior?!?!?) and 7th grader got to return to in-person learning for 2 days per week. The day before, we had lots of nerves and questions and high emotions but both were ready to go the next morning. And the happiest guy on the block was Daddy….finally getting his precious 7 hours of alone time back after almost a year of missing out on these restorative hours after work shifts.

Although we are still in the middle of this pandemic, WIAA has shifted seasons and volleyball also started this month. With lots of new protocols and logistics to balance in my brain, being around my hard-working players who are so excited and grateful to be competing again has been amazing (and feels……dare I say it….normal???).

Haha my friend took this during one of our away games – made me crack up on the bus ride home.

A few other fun moments from the month below…..

My staff and students spoiled me for NSCW!

Still trying to hold strong to our family goals…..volleyball games during weekends made it tight but we did fit in our February hike on the last day of February. Hoping with the better weather, we can find new beautiful places to explore in the coming months! Also, how no one told me about the comfort of good hiking shoes…..game changer!!!

5 months post-op

Posted on February 21, 2021 by Patti Hoelzle

5 months ago, we were anxiously waiting for 2 rods and 22 screws to be installed into WonderGIRL’s back by an amazing surgical staff at Seattle Children’s…..now here we are, pain-free and working on what a healthy attachment between Mama and daughter actually means and feels like after 7 years together.

A look back at her Spinal Fusion Surgery journey:
The lead up
The day of and time at Seattle Children’s
The aftermath

Snowy photo shoot from last week to highlight the rad-ness of her scar….

On the story of US – 7 years later

Posted on February 13, 2021 by Patti Hoelzle

This year I’ve encountered some new friends and colleagues that don’t know much about our family’s history – and I love sharing some of the monumental peaks and valleys woven throughout our now 7 years together (today is our “live-a-versary” as we have termed it….we love adding holidays to celebrate into the mix).

In honor of this day, I thought I would try to collect the different stories I have written here on this blog together in one spot, just in case anyone is interested in taking a look back….click the blue links to read more about each milestone!

1. The first few days

The first picture we took together – Valentine’s Day dinner at Red Robin. Team Brave Dinosaurs was named here. Their little scared faces break my heart.

2. Bio family’s termination of rights

3. The proposal

4. Adoption day

5. Moving to Ferndale

6. The first cat

A snowy walk from last year around this same time!

Thanks for showing up, reading a bit, and supporting our family through the ups and downs of it all….we love you!

On the “suck” of parenting right now

Posted on January 28, 2021 by Patti Hoelzle

Last night I presented to a group of 60 or so parents and educators on supporting small children through the highs and lows of our world right now….they had great questions and affirmed that yes, parenting right now is extra crazy, extra hard, and extra exhausting.

I believe in my core that most, if not all ~~parents~~ humans are struggling right now to stay afloat in this pace and demands of life (pace pre-Covid, demands during Covid/racial reckoning/politics, etc.). So here is a little learning that I have discovered for my two kiddos with trauma that might help any of you work towards normalcy and calm during this pandemic.

Unpredictability, especially in brains with trauma, is the fastest trigger for a fear response, thus alerting our fight or flight to jump into action! Routines and rituals can help calm this limbic system part of our brain that is constantly scanning for threats or safety (ahem, the coughing next aisle over in the grocery store that you never paid attention to before)….with outside practices, social engagements, sometimes school and activities shut down – how can we set up routines and rituals within our home that ground ourselves and our children into a flow state?

Here are a few ideas that we have tried…

One of my fave places for our Take-Out Tuesday routine (trying to support local restaurants each week during the shut-down) – Skai Sushi!

If you have kiddos that already have BIG feelings and reactions, I’m sure throwing this pandemic into the mix hasn’t been the easiest transition. I did a post about this here if you’d like to read more tried and true strategies from my work as a school counselor.

While I think about this work, I am reminded that this time at home has been a time for me and my hubby to commit to intentional healing with our kiddos….we have the time to set new routines in motion, fix old negative habits, restore past hurts and for that, I am grateful.

The routines and rituals aspect has helped my energy level and patience through this hard time as it also gives me something to look forward to with my family….and the repeating each week just feels stable, calm, and safe in a way that I can’t describe.

What routines and rituals have you implemented since quarantine?? I’d love to hear more ideas!!!

On Team HB’s new house assistant

Posted on January 15, 2021 by Patti Hoelzle

Early last year, I saw the idea of a house assistant from an oily leader I follow and was immediately intrigued. While I don’t necessarily make enough to justify hiring someone to do this full time, I know that my mental health would significantly improve if I could “outsource” small little projects and goals I have each week that tend to always be on my list and never get checked off.

WonderGIRL hasn’t been cleared to work quite yet since her spinal fusion surgery in September but has quite the itch to start earning and saving money. And since she has turned 18, we are starting the process of transitioning to experience what it’s like to pay bills, rent, etc. practice which you can’t practice if you don’t earn money!! Which led to my idea to have WG start some hours each week as our house assistant…..

The interview process – I “posted” the job for her to read and then she called and asked for an interview. We are trying to really simulate an actual working environment versus just glorified chores whenever she can fit in….hence the silly interviews.

She has worked for two weeks now (two shifts per week) and I think this might be my best parenting idea YET! I have found that I am more motivated to clean/get projects done when I make a list for her shifts and then the mental health and clarity I feel when said projects are completed has been huge for me!!!

Don’t tell her this but basically her list each week consists of things I know I should do around the house but basically don’t want to or have been putting off – then when it’s done, I think “Oh ya!!! that’s why I put that on my list way back when!!”

My goal this month was to PRIORITIZE….my time, my spaces, and people – and sometimes this prioritizing means you have to hack other parts of your world that are taking away from those priorities.

So….just an idea of any of you with a teen in your house that is not finding work OR other mamas (especially with network marketing businesses – what she does for my oils gig (organizing and creating samples, mail, filing paperwork, cleaning supply room, etc.) has been life changing. And if you don’t think someone in your own family might fit the bill for what you need, maybe think about hiring out – so many wonderful humans out there right now that might need work.

And then the payoff – what she bought with her own money recently!!!

One Little Word 2021

Posted on January 9, 2021 by Patti Hoelzle

I got some practice with my word for this year earlier in 2020 when it was needed desperately after some events literally broke our family and our future’s predictability into pieces. Restoring back to some version of “whole” was my focus for myself and for members of my family for the greater part of the year.

And now, I hope this word continues to be a prominent action (because I view it is an action, not an outcome) in our household but also I hope it takes root and grows and grows within our communities, nation and world.

My intentions for what this will look like:
– explore pathways to healing that we haven’t explored before
– prioritize time for each individual to find their “whole” self (personal development, mindfulness, exercise, etc.)
– prioritize time for relationships to heal and grow (not just as one larger family unit)
– become clear in the “why” of what I do, both professionally and personally

Obviously this is my greatest wish not only for the global Covid-19 pandemic but for the racial reckoning happening right now as well.

Also, a little knowledge to impart that I didn’t know before that inspired my choice of this word – did you know that “holy”, “health” and “hale” all come from the same root word, meaning “whole”? To quote Julie Holland from the book Good Chemistry, she writes “to heal is to restore to a state of wholeness. That’s my first job.” Amen and me too…..

On the 2nd annual Team HB annual review

Posted on December 31, 2020 by Patti Hoelzle

Last year, we had an official meeting at our local coffee shop and although the year got away from us for a number of reasons, I really loved the time to stop and reflect/look forward together. And because our children are ours, they have an affinity for workbooks and goal-setting right alongside me!

Due to coffee shops being closed, we grabbed some pizza and soda to go and set up shop around our dining room table for our meeting. It took 3 different sessions to work through the following agenda items:
– reflect on 2020
– set personal goals for 2021
– set family goals for 2021 (this portion took a solid hour and had some unprofessional behaviors that may need a write up from admin if I do say so myself).

Here are a few highlights from their work – always fun to look back on to see this moment in time:
WonderGIRL –

Very powerful lesson learned – for all of us.

WonderBOY –

Next up – our family goals (still marinating on a few):

Did you include your kiddos in any goal-setting this week? If not and you want to, I would highly recommend the Big Life Journals (they have different age workbooks as well)…..Happy New Year!

Hindsight is 2020

Posted on December 30, 2020 by Patti Hoelzle

The day that Joe Biden and Kamala Harris were announced the winners of the 2020 election – although so many things happened in my family this year that kinda defined the year, the hope and relief that moment held was hugely impactful for me.
Relying on exercise, movement, and meditation to keep me mentally and emotionally strong for my family.

3. Drinking a glass of wine/beer each night – figured out this severely impacted my sleep and my mood the next day.

4. My creative problem solving and reliance on my knowledge of trauma even when faced with “authorities” who claim to know more/differently.

5. Public speaking (writing?) about trauma, education, healing, etc.

6. That systems are broken, are subjective, and human error (even with the best of intentions) in a matter of seconds can change history….especially in the case of CPS, police investigations, racism, discipline in schools, equity in education. I already knew this on a theoretical level, but our involvement with these systems this year really brought me new perspective and lowered my overall trust in many things.

7. Our attachment therapist – hands down. Literally an angel placed in our lives 4 years ago (okay not placed, I actually stalked her in order to get her in my family’s life) and I don’t know how I would have gotten through this year without her. And my former stepmother, who stepped up to take WonderGIRL for 3 months during the hardest season of this year. I do not know what we would have done without her stepping up (and whether or not WG would still be here if she didn’t).

8. I am thankful for these silver linings (this could probably be its own post):
– trauma-informed classrooms and increased focus on social emotional health in schools
– zoom learning for WG and WB (with their attention and focus issues, this has actually benefited their learning big time)
– attachment and trust that has come after WonderGIRL’s spinal fusion surgery in September
– Scott’s openness to different modes of healing/therapy
– more people open to natural solutions for mental and physical health
– date nights outside under cozy tents
– learning that I am more of a homebody than I thought and the slower pace of life without over scheduling is key to our collective wellness
– soft clothes, pajamas, jumpers please and thank you
– so much board game time with our kiddos this year (Dutch Blitz, Phase 10, and Sequence)
– extra time for camping and road trips
– no Fall volleyball season means I got to celebrate my birthday in Vegas with my girlies!

9. Dear self (full of optimism and vision and hope),
Hold on for dear life. You know what you’re doing. They need you. You will get to the other side. It’s okay not to be okay.
Love,
Me (full of more accurate vision of reality and still a little hope left)

10. Wildest dreams for 2021: More time for this……

Just kidding (kind of). Still marinating on what next year could look like….stay tuned!

On the aftermath

Posted on October 21, 2020 by Patti Hoelzle

OOF – I was NOT prepared for how hard it was going to be to support WonderGIRL’s recovery at home from this procedure. Up all night, trying to manage the excruciating pain and pain meds, and the needs of other members of our family was something I am sure newborn parents know the demands of, but we had never experienced.

Luckily, brother and Dad were great helps in keeping her brain distracted from the pain (shows she binged: Vampire Diaries (again), The New Girl, Julie and the Phantoms) and going on walks in the sunshine.

The care and exchanges that happened during this time were so powerful for WG to attach to me….something that hadn’t happened in 6 years of her living with us. Many do not know, but WG has suffered from reactive attachment disorder for most of our time together – meaning she very easily trusts and attaches to most humans, but hasn’t to us, her caregivers and especially me, her mother. Up until this point, she hasn’t come to me for help when needed, doesn’t miss me when away, and doesn’t actively seek out any affection or attention from me.

The bonds that happened during this recovery were just what she needed to feel tethered to me and on the first day I went back to work in-person, I got many text messages “missing me.” She even told me after work that she thought something was wrong with her because she “thought about me all day.” We got to explain that this was actually normal for children and similar to what a toddler feels when being dropped at childcare for the day. I am grateful for this surgery in giving us all chances to heal and move forward.

A few progression pics from her one-month follow up appointment and scar healing:

This is “Mocha”, WG’s Higgy Bear, a present we found for her on the day of her one-month check up. She named him Mocha, in honor of the winner of the nurse milkshake competition. We got her a monkey, since she was telling all nurses that she wanted to get a pet monkey when she grows up while under the influence of her pain meds.

Upon returning home, a dip in the hot tub was the first “cleared” adventure.

Thank you all of your love and check-ins on her progress. We are still amazed at the freedom that this procedure has given her….and can’t wait to see her mobility and flexibility grow and grow in the months and years ahead.

On the surgery and recovery

Posted on September 25, 2020 by Patti Hoelzle

After almost 8 hours in surgery, our surgeon came out to let me know that everything went smoothly with the procedure….and what an amazing procedure it is – 2 rods and 22 screws later!

I will say, WonderGIRL coming down from the anesthesia was filled with scary delusions and statements. I am glad I was assertive in asking I be there for this process (they usually don’t let parents in until the patient is all the way lucid) as her past abuse and trauma coming out would have been handled differently by nurses if I had not been there to assure her safety.

That day was also filled with some pretty cute and funny statements.

The following days in the hospital were HARD – she was emotional, in pain, and scared. With only me being there, I didn’t have anyone to “tag in” to the room to support her which was taxing at best. We are so grateful to the nurses in the hospital – they were amazing with WG and participated in her milkshake competitions with joy. `

As soon as WG was out of surgery, she was even asking for Nurse Amy (from the clinic) when barely lucid. Here is a pic with Nurse Amy 2 days after surgery:

Recovery from this surgery is intense – sitting up on day 1 and walking on day 2!! This video of her walking and the amazing nurse guiding her gives me all the proud mama feels….here is a peek at what her scar looks like on Day 3:

On day 4, WG had met all of her post-surgical goals and we got the okay to go home (after leaving with what felt like half the pharmacy at Children’s). As you can imagine, the 1.5 hour ride home with a spinal fusion surgical patient in the passenger seat was a nervous one for me, the driver. About halfway home, our moon roof window IMPLODED and sounded like a bomb went off on top of our car….anxiety times 100 for the rest of the drive home (also….so many pot holes in our neighborhood – sorry sis!).

We arrived home in tears but was quickly encouraged with an outpouring of love from our loved ones….

Next up – recovery at home and how it has impacted our relationships.

Simple Shenanigans

A WONDERful collision of chaos, calm and craftiness (and maybe a few cats too)…..

Category Archives: Parenting