Two years ago I wrote about my new love and discovery of the Enneagram personality typing system. And let me tell you, my excitement and the novelty of that discovery has NOT worn off over time. Anytime I am discussing relational health (or dysfunction) with others, I ask if they know their enneagram types and whether or not that information might be helpful in understanding the other person. There is something about knowing my spouse’s and childrens’ types that almost depersonalizes their hurtful behavior (whether intentional or not) and helps bring us to a place of resolution much faster.
As a devoted and (sometimes embarrassingly passionate) enneagram 3 – I want to be best at understanding how this assessment works, my type and how to use it to achieve success and the best possible outcome. Next step is of course – read all the things!!! Here are a few of the books I have read in diving deep into this topic.
I would highly recommend the Becoming Us book although it does have a heavy biblical base to it.
There are lots of other places to find information too. I follow some amazing instagram sites where creators add memes, videos or other graphs visuals about types that can help you understand yourself and those around you better. DM me on instagram and I can point you in the right direction or just search enneagram hashtags for some great content!
I have presented multiple workshops on this topic throughout my school district (my fave was to our whole entire crew of bus drivers – it was awesome) to raise their self-awareness, the most courageous act of self-care there is in education I believe. Even just knowing our little set of school counselors’ enneagram types can help me relate to them more and provide meetings/professional development that will be truly effective for them.
This coming week on Wednesday, I am SUPER stoked to present a workshop combining the Enneagram and my other love, ESSENTIAL OILS at my house. We are going to be talking through our types and which oils might be beneficial to us (especially in times of misalignment or stress). If you’d like an invite, just message me and I’ll get you the details. I have been working this idea in my head for a while so we’re excited to offer it this summer – and in person too!!!
Let me know if you’d like to come to our workshop – Wednesday, 7/14 at 6pm!
Want to start figuring out your type? There are a lot of different quizzes you can take….or some people read about each type and try to figure out which resonates the most for them. Here is the quiz that I most often give to people to take which also gives short descriptions of each type: Fast Enneagram Test
Let me know if you’re as into this as I am! I love to geek out on types and figure out how everyone in my circle of love works – inside and out!
We crammed a lot into this month – here is a little photo dump of all the things.
Most importantly, a lot of naps were had.
WonderGIRL’s grad party – loved seeing her biggest fans all in one spot! Oh…and of course an excuse to make a huge charcuterie board – my love language.
More graduation celebrations.
Last day of 8th grade and my first year at Central Elementary – whoo this year was a DOOZY!
Our 2nd annual “fire family” campout at Sun Lakes did not disappoint – in amazing weather and the best company!
WonderBOY has decided to give football a try this Fall – look at him in his gear!!!! Stop growing little man!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY WonderGIRL – we couldn’t be more proud of you. Yes, of the graduation and your sweet personality and the landing of your first job….but MOSTLY for the work you’ve put in and the emotional growth you have shown over these last 8 years with us. It has taken excruciating painful hours and tears to get to this point but you’re DOING it – you are changing the wiring of your brain. You’re blazing new trails for your future family. You’re learning to love in healthy ways. Ready for the world you are….we can’t wait to walk alongside you and cheer you on. Love, Team Hoelzle Brown (your #1 fans always)
It’s been a while since we did some interview questions – let’s capture her brain, thoughts, and dreams as she heads into her 19th trip around the sun!
What Makes You Happy? My job and my boyfriend. Rexie – the cat. And music….like country and love songs. My favorite song right now is “Don’t You Want to Know” by Noah Schnacky.
What Makes You Sad? Missing my sister Haillee.When bad things happen to good people…..like when others die for no reason (car accident) or when someone loses someone they love.
What is Your Favorite Thing to Do? Hang out outside of this house. Get ice cream. Sleep.
What is Your Favorite Food? Spaghetti – the “OG” kind. Not anything fancy.
What Do You Like to Learn About? People’s lives.
What WAS Your Favorite Subject in School? Culinary….because I enjoy the teacher and it was fun to learn new recipes.
Who is Your Best Friend? Sophia – She is understanding and loving no matter what.
What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up? I DON’T KNOW (she says frustrated). Right now I’m a caregiver at an assisted living home – I love the residents, but am not sure I can emotionally handle some of their struggles.
Where Would You Like to Travel? I want to go to Paris one day. I want to visit Rome. I want to go to Georgia again. Disneyworld would be fun. And London.
What’s Your Favorite Place to Be? The beach and water – it’s very soothing.
What Are Your Favorite Shows to Binge? The Vampire Diaries, Gilmore Girls, Legacies and On My Block
What Would You Buy Right Now If You Could? A new bed….because I don’t want my old one anymore. Because there’s too many memories and hard emotions on it.Or a house.
Where do you hope to be in 1 year from now? I hope to have a stable job. I hope me and (boyfriend) are still together. I want to be more accepting of myself (with the help of you – Mom). And I hope to be driving with my license by then as well.
BraveGIRL after months of not speaking to us, gave us two tickets to see her graduate. We are so proud of this one and so happy to be back in her life – for as long as she’ll have us!
Excerpt from Instagram: Fostering teens is messy. Their trauma plus normal teenage changes can create some storms that can last days and even months.
And as I tried to tell myself in the middle of those storms….when they ran away from home, blocked me from any contact, yelled all the mean things, threatened suicide and even sat in a jail cell for a night – we were planting seeds that will eventually grow. More seeds. More water. More seeds. More water.
Seeds of healthy relationships with more trust and less manipulation. Seeds of wellness and coping skills vs. easy fixes. Seeds of learning and growth vs. avoidance and excuses. Seeds of restoration and healing vs. denial and going through the motions.
This weekend our two foster teens graduated high school with smiles on their faces and joy in their hearts. With their histories pulling them back from this milestone every step of the way, they persevered and rose above what had happened to them. The harvest could not be prevented….
If you’re in the middle of a relational storm right now….focus on the seeds. Little tiny actions you are modeling that exposes the other to your goodness and light without forcing them to show theirs in the exact same ways. ?
And also….I see you. I honor the work and the exhaustion. Keep breathing. Keep going. Give yourself grace – you only need enough for right now. ✨✨✨ More is on its way…..
A piece of writing that BG wrote in her senior English class – tears upon tears.
June was a blur of celebrations, school coming to a close for the craziest year yet, and start of summer shenanigans. Let me catch up with a few blog posts….
First up – WonderGIRL’s graduation day! With so many conflicting feelings leading up to this day, we were filled with joy to see relief and smiles on her face the night of the ceremony, surrounded by her family and boyfriend to share in the occasion.
So proud of your persistence and grit getting to this moment – and please remember that while you may have earned your title of “graduate” and “adult” this year, we will always be by your side to help and support you each step of this life’s journey!!! Love you forever and ever…..
“she will RISE with a spine of steel and a roar of thunder”…..and she did just that. Happy graduation day sis!!
We couldn’t be more proud of you and the amazing human being you’ve turned into. Continue to shine your light for all to see and always remember you’re so much more than what has happened to you.
A look back at each grade….the photos (sorry sis), the memories, the favorite teachers, and lessons learned! Enjoy!
5th grade This is the year I met my WonderGIRL. She was new to our elementary school (since moving in with her Grandma the summer prior) and very excited to meet with me whenever she had the chance. I had a special lunch for all of our new Nooksack students and left a small paper invite on her desk the day of the event. She bounced in enthusiastically and was instantly the life of the party. Long story short….after that day, we had weekly meetings uncovering crisis after crisis outside of school, which led to a disclosure, which led to placement in foster care, which led to a final spot in our home. At the end of the school year, we cleaned out her backpack and tucked inside a little pocket was the invite from me to the special lunch she had saved…..when I asked her why she saved it, her reply was “It was the first time I had ever received an invitation to anything.” (insert heartbreak here).
I didn’t get her school pic this year but she participated in dance this year and loved it! I however had a lot to learn about being a dance Mom – her teacher, Mrs. Jones had to drag me kicking and screaming instruct me every step of the way.
I am BEYOND grateful for the staff at NES for their support of WonderGIRL and little bro (and ME) this school year. The pursuit of their foster placement then inviting them to our home, then working through childcare and juggling my life as a new and instant parent was as HEAVY and chaotic lift and this staff held me and the kiddos above water daily and I will never forget these months in transition with them. They were equal parts therapists, feeding specialists, bodyguards (against bio family), and most importantly, our cheerleaders every step of the way.
Mrs. Malpica
Ms. Tjoelker and Mrs. Maxwell
Middle School 6th-8th grade Well….I was going to try to go year by year but this entire season of our life was a bit of a blur. As the honeymoon phase ran out in our home for both kiddos, middle school was a TOUGH time for WonderGIRL. She was facing insurmountable trauma with a looming criminal trial against her bio father (where she had to testify in person) and at the same time, trying to attach and be cared for by our family. School had always been a safe place where WG could leave the troubles of home and create her own world of personality, attitude and stories to get what she needed…..and middle school was no different. We learned how to tackle missing assignments and homework (with minimal bumps and bruises), managing multiple teachers and expectations (very challenging for kids with trauma still early in attachment skills), and a lot of lessons in friendships – the creating and keeping of quality relationships during this stage was hard.
6th grade
7th grade
8th grade
During her 7th grade year, we got to adopt WG and going to the school to tell her she was legally free to adopt is one of my favorite memories of this time. Her teachers rallied around her excitement and shared the joy as if they were in our family as well.
8th grade was a bit of a minefield with behaviors and academics – but we survived and were ready for a fresh start in a new home and new school district.
Freshman Since moving to Ferndale, we knew that WG would start her career at Ferndale High School (my alma mater) and I was excited for her to experience new opportunities, new classes, and new students to create friendships with here that lived close to us. She had mixed feelings about the teachers knowing me and all her uncles, but loved taking a variety of classes (especially culinary!) and jumped head first into trying to make new friends (although she would report she could have made some better choices in this arena). All in all, it was a bit of a rough year but we survived and learned some lessons along the way.
Sophomore After we evaluated our safety concerns with WG at the public high school and doing some research, we decided to enroll her at a tiny private school down the road from us. We were confident with a small class size and one teacher for an entire day, WG would be able to cope appropriately with her social-emotional needs, and be able to access academic learning. This year, she met Ms. Hanson, literally a teacher angel sent down from heaven, to be WG’s teacher. WG instantly felt connected to her and trusted her (two vital precursors to kids with trauma being able to learn) and later we found out that this teacher had a trauma and adoption history of her own….her understanding and protection of WG this year was such a blessing to our family.
The structure and predictability that this school provided for WG created a “trauma-responsive” school setting that truly allowed WG to grow academically in big ways. We began to see growth not only in her assignments, but in her truth telling, friendship skills, and trust in us as her caregivers.
Junior Because of Ms. Hanson, we decided to try another year at this school. The growth continued. WG now had a best friend from the school that she was inseparable with and started dating, both milestones that created a lot of lessons (and some grief and loss) this school year. Our beloved Ms. Hanson had to leave before the end of the school year, thus proving the only thing keeping WG at this particular school was the felt safety and care that she provided. Plus we felt WG had made some huge improvements in her behavior, trustworthiness, and academics enough to be ready to finish her schooling at FHS.
Senior We are so proud of WG this year finishing stronger than ever academically, socially, and beyond. When hearing the results of her cognitive and academic testing for her special education plan, our team was in awe of her jump in scores in every area. I knew that her inner healing from daily (forced) movement and oils, private school, years of counseling, and other methods had done wonders…..but it was nice to hear them in number/evaluation form too.
This was also the year she finally received her spinal fusion surgery (originally scheduled a year prior). That journey is an entire story on it’s own. Click here to read.
WG’s goal this year was for peers and teachers to see her as completely different than her freshman year. And I’m hoping they did….because we do! Ending the year, she already started a job as a caregiver at a local assisted living home, has a wonderfully sweet boyfriend, and is working on financial savings to start paying bills to truly transition to “adulthood.” Next up – graduation and our grad party with our amazing network of supporters…..all the celebrations for how far she has come and how far we believe she can go from here!
This month is Foster Care Awareness Month. I am partipcating in an Instagram challenge to share different pieces of our story each day. Some of it is hard to capture in words…..partly because it hurts to remember some of it and because I want to be mindful that my children are out there and on social media – sharing their story without their consent is always a hard balance. So I will try to just share my side and my personal experiences…… ? ??? ???????? ?? ????????. Way more content on trauma, attachment and responding to behaviors needs to be added. As well as secondary trauma and caring for yourself as foster parents. Even for ongoing training hours, all you have to do is watch a movie and give evidence of what you learned. ? ??? ?????? ??? ??? ???? ???????? ?? ??? ???????? ?? ????. The system has….how much the children cost, the caseload overload of the case worker, reunification requirements of the bio family, checking off due dates for paperwork in mind, and the interest of the children in mind. ? ?? ???? ?? ??? ???? ?? “???? ???? ????”. THAT IS THE POINT. It will be too hard to have that be the reason to not offer a safe home to kiddos in desperate need. The time they spend with us is nothing but planting seeds, watering and tending to the soil, and crossing fingers/hoping there is a bountiful harvest. ? ??? ?????? ?? ???? ?????????/supported/funded. The system is chaotic. There are no checks and balances, just the subjective opinions of case workers and supervisors. The policies are loosely followed and when asked about them, you as the foster parent will be labeled as “difficult” for questioning their process/motives. ? ??? ???????? ??? ?? ????? ?? ???? ???. Nothing about a foster child’s experience is lucky. They are experiencing grief and have trauma stuck inside their bodies like a toxic poison that refuses to leave. Depending on the age of the kiddo, this trauma comes out in a myriad of ways….most of the time in ways that no one would describe as lucky. ? ??? ???? ???? ?? ????. Most of them had “love”….as far as they felt it. All they actually need is: safety, boundaries, advocate for healing, consent over their world, a transition support plan after they turn 18….. Some of these experiences are just due to unfortunate circumstances in our particular story, others seem universal from talking to others and some are just my opinions formed from experiencing it as a professional trained in childhood trauma and mental health. It can be better….but without highlighting the dysfunction and addressing the complete lack of pay/support for the organization….I continue to be sad for all children placed in and experiencing “the system”. Many foster parents become “one and done” never usually due to the child, but the complete unfairness of loving:caring for the child within the system. ? Thanks for reading/listening!!! And per usual as a foster parent, I should say: all of this dysfunction is worth it for the child…..because the outcome of not even trying is so incredibly worse. And YOU may be lucky and get the diamond in the rough caseworker that makes it all worth it for YOU (@rachelbowlden).
From Spring Break to the boys birthdays to a lot of transitional milestones for WonderGIRL, this was a busy month!!! Here are some my fave photos…..
Recreating our first ferry date as husband and wife. The ferry and islands hold special memories for us.The view though – what a clear and perfect day to be up at Mount Constitution!
WG’s senior photo shoot – we are so in love with how the photos turned out!6 month post-op – WG got to donate her HIGGY BEARS from Christmas to the Children’s Hospital. What a sweet moment.Cat snuggles.WG started her new job as a nursing assistant at the local assisted living residence just down the street from our house. She is loving it so far and I’m sure the residents are also loving her quite a bit.Without the need for the larger SUV, we sold our highlander to a lovely couple with young kiddos and I got my spaceship back!!! Penelope Jr. – I’m just as obsessed as I was with the original.
Obviously, we are a hardcore camping family and love to go in all seasons. Some of the things we love about camping is actually some of the perks I have appreciated about the pandemic this past year and how it has influenced our pace of life and activity choices. I love that we have been forced to slow our pace of life down…with activities cancelled and so many places closed, we stayed at home a bit more and had to utilize the resources that we ALREADY had to enjoy, entertain, organize, etc.
This past year, rest and recovery was ENCOURAGED (versus shamed and an afterthought for many). And the main entertainment and activity was just being together. Oh ya and of course a renewed appreciation for the companionship of our furry friends.
And perhaps the greatest Pandemic perk – the idea that NATURE is always open. Walks, hikes, pretty sunsets, camping trips…..the absolute wonder and beauty of the outside really struck me this past year and I want to keep that in my heart and in my priorities moving forward.
My little man loves being outdoors and we love being there with him!
What are some of the “rememberings” of this past year that you want to keep as part of your routine and schedule moving forward?
From Spring Break to the boys birthdays to a lot of transitional milestones for WonderGIRL, this was a busy month!!! Here are some my fave photos…..
