Category Archives: Foster/Adopt

Grieving from the inside out…

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Do these faces look like kids who are grieving????? (especially in that cutie patootie trailer they are posing in?)

Oftentimes, when people get to meet our little wonders, there are comments about how happy they are, well-behaved, polite, lucky to have us, etc. etc. And while those comments are probably true at that specific point in time (WB and WG do their best work in public), there is definitely some grieving going on right now. Evidence – tandem tantrums from the two of them a few nights back in the Target aisles after playing “spy” and hiding from me and then getting lost in the grocery section quickly thereafter – only strangers got to witness that fun adventure. Their grief comes out behind closed doors with us who are now their circle of safety and security. With legal adoption on the horizon (within months!!!), one might guess/assume that the one thing they’ve been begging social workers for since we got them 2 1/2 years ago would be creating some comfort or relief. But in contrast, it has really confused them and they are grieving what I would call “the life that could have/should have” been.

WonderGIRL is still resolving some conflicts around forgiveness and her trauma. Thus, her behavior has been extra defiant and manipulative as of late. We are trying to set boundaries and give appropriate consequences balanced with compassion and then my heart breaks when I hear her ask “Will this make you not want to adopt me?” She messes up and then the guilt from that catapults into so many other conflicting emotions – poor thing.

WonderBOY has always had hard feelings around his birthday and his birth story. The past couple of weeks, bed time has brought about many tears with statements like “I wish I had been born from your tummy” and “I want a re-do of everything that happened to me”. On one day he might be so excited to “be adopted and have a party” and then other days, he truly questions whether or not this is what he wants. We take all of his words and his thoughts at face value and try to provide the reassurance that he needs. Luckily, his self-regulation has gotten to a good point where he can actually talk about his feelings without violence or aggression (thank you counseling!!!!!).

I am writing this post just to reflect and process this point of the journey, not to make any comparisons or seek out sympathy for what we’re going through. Obviously, Scott and I are extremely excited we get to move forward with our family in a legal sense and I hope in some years, we can look back at this point in time and acknowledge how far the kids are going to come with their emotions and behaviors. While grief about their past will not do a disappearing act the day our adoption goes through, we are hopeful that a true “permanent” decision will provide some calm in their hearts and minds.

The blessing and curse of a Mother’s Intuition….

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mom memeWhen I was a teenager, I attempted to lie quite a few times (sorry Mom). And quite a few times, my mother found out and I got consequences for those lies. It seriously BAFFLED me how she would find out every single thing I had fibbed about (both big and small) because our teenage brains really trick us into believing we’re invincible during that time. This biological wiring of feelings things in your gut about your offspring is an amazing scientific phenomenon and a saving grace for many wayward typical children….but it was also something that I was worried I would miss out on since we are choosing to grow our family through fostering and adopting.

But I have felt my intuition about our Wonders’ behaviors and words grow so strongly as we build our family together that it might not be a biological connection at all. There are truly little voices/thoughts in my head that tell me to ask a different question, look in a hiding spot under the bed, check the garbage for evidence, etc. and almost always, I find out something contradictory to their chosen story of the moment, however silly it might be. Today’s story: [Child that shall remain nameless] ate 4 hard boiled eggs during breakfast time (already suspicious)…..ACTUAL story: [C.T.S.R.N.] tried cracking one hard boiled egg and couldn’t. So they tried three more times, gnawed on the section that was clear of egg shell, then hid them in paper towels and threw them away.

And most of these times (today included), I don’t feel the conquering success of an FBI agent that has solved the case (see meme above). I feel extreme sadness that my kiddo felt scared enough to lie, hide, embellish, etc. and then I feel dread in having to have our 3,257th talk about telling the truth and why it is important. I feel trapped when we have to give a consequence when I still want them to enjoy their extra-curricular experiences and privileges. I feel insecure because our previous strategies are not sinking in. I feel fear about their future and what these lying behaviors might do in their chosen occupations or what they might do to their relationships, both with friends and significant others.

This motherhood gig is hard and it’s beautiful and it’s messy and it’s rewarding (ya ya ya)…..but it’s also evidence that God creates mothers to be GIFTED with powers that go beyond our biological makeup and beyond just a specific skill set in parenting little people. And for that, I am so grateful for this blessing of a mother’s intuition….and I’ll take the thousands of hard conversations, icky feelings, and the rotting egg smell coming from the garbage can that goes right along with it.

The depth of the fears….

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I know this is hard to believe but sometimes my teenage WonderGIRL has some “baditude” and occasionally gets some consequences that she doesn’t agree with (insert true teenage eye-rolling here). And when she stomps up the stairs and spouts about how unfair life is, I feel quite proud of my ability to have remained calm (that time) in the midst of the storm. I handle all her emotions because I know with confidence that she needs those very boundaries to learn and to feel safe. 

And then under my door the next morning is this:

And it KILLS me….my child has been robbed of the normal experience to just be angry at her mama sending her to her room because of this deep, dark fear of me abandoning her. So fearful that she has to beg me to forgive her when she doesn’t have to….when forgiveness flows like water in this house…and when the love I have for her is the most unconditional I have ever felt. 

We have overcome a lot of fears with WG over the years….general panic attacks, nightmares, bees sending her into a frenzy. But this fear we have to work on everyday, every chance we get and with every heart-felt “I love you” she gets. And I hope these small and large pieces of love that I get to pass on to her will carry her and her mental health on and over the waves of this storm. This too shall pass….

The other side of Spring Break…

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There is much evidence to be found that our crew had a great time traveling down to PDX on a train and exploring such a fun city for the 4 days during our Spring Break. What there is definitely NOT photographic evidence of is the HARD that is traveling with kiddos that don’t respond well to new places, new spaces, and days that lack structure. The excitement of a trip feels scary to their trauma-wired brains and usually on the night before or morning of, our behaviors get a little out of whack. In my constant efforts to not only show the beautiful but also the messy…..here is some evidence of “the other side” of our vacation.This restaurant set the beautiful, serene, peaceful scene for WonderBOY to throw a chair and run out of the restaurant yelling “I hate Mama” at the top of his lungs….the trigger? Asking him to pick a breakfast item off the menu. Insert flushed cheeks from me while Scott chases after him to do some breathing in the hallway. WG and I continue on with breakfast….and I order an extra cup of coffee (and a mimosa).

Man….look at those cute kiddos posing in front of our super cool, somewhat haunted hotel. This spot will be marked in history as “that time the Uber driver drove 10 minutes across town, parked in front of our hotel, saw a 7 year old boy screaming and throwing a toy out into the lawn and then cancelled our ride telling us he had just come down with a fluke stomach thing.” That fluke stomach thing I like to call effective birth control…..you’re welcome Uber driver. Food trucks….one of the best parts of PDX. Here we had some fantastic street food and some equally fantastic eye rolling, talking to self, bawling and stomping off from our all-tween, all-hormones WonderGIRL. I am also sure that included some name-calling but if she has learned one thing in 2+ years with us it’s to walk away from the parents before calling them choice swear words. We looked like A+ parents as we continued our lovely meal at a table close by….luckily, people in Portland are probably the least-judgemental bunch around so we felt safe and comfortable waiting out this “storm” in front of this crowd. Two nights before in our teeny hotel room, we didn’t have the luxury of walking away, thus resulting in her yelling at me that “I ruined her entire vacation.” Pretty impressive for me to ruin something 1 hour into the trip I’d say.
Last morning in Portland and Scott and I finally ventured back to a breakfast spot introduced to us by our lovely Stori and Tausha (PDX experts). As we sipped our infused Bloody Mary’s (head to Genies next time you’re in Portland!), WG and WB are both pouting because tomatoes were in their egg scrambles. Eventually, WB got so tired of crying about the restaurant “not being kid friendly” and informing us that he couldn’t open his eyes because of the morning swim, he just fell asleep in my lap. Now that he is getting a bit too big for this sort of lap-sleeping, tables had to be shifted and I had to use quite a few muscles to reach that drink of mine to enjoy.

I post these little snippets of time here not as a way to get sympathy, or even as a way to educate you on “how our kids are different than yours” (vacationing with kids is anything but a vacation I get it), but mostly just to document both sides of our beautiful, messy story. The reality of our family is that each day is new and brings about fun adventures…fun adventures usually equal higher levels of cortisol pumping through their little bodies…..higher levels of cortisol equal pretty explosive and defiant behavior (I say stop, you do it 5 more times-type behaviors). And while it’s hard sometimes, I’d say our ratio of the fun to hard is at least 10:1 at this point and I definitely could not have said that 2 years ago. So here’s to growth…..and big dreams for longer and farther vacations in our post-adoption future.

How far we’ve come…

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Our counselor asked us to pause in our session this week to focus on how far our little wonders (and us right alongside them) have come in our 2+ years together. Although I tend to get focused and bogged down with everything we/they need to work on going forward….I realized how important and positive it was for us to sit and dwell on the outcomes of our journey so far as a family. It dawned on me around this past Sunday (our 3rd Easter as T.B.D.) that the themes of sacrifice, a release of suffering, and unconditional forgiveness that go along with this monumental event carry so many parallels to what we have experienced as foster parents and what we aim to gift to WonderGIRL and WonderBOY each and everyday.

IMG_4340IMG_1930A new life for them free of fear, abuse, and loneliness….because He lives. I am humbled by His trust in me to parent two of His most vulnerable loved ones and am grateful He inserted a strong and loyal man like Scott to jump in the deep end with me and drown ride the waves of this life together.

Are you on an epic journey right now? Whether it’s parenthood, self-improvement, breaking free of addiction/abuse/depression or anything else – take a few moments today to pause and reflect on how far you’ve come. Where you started and how many teeny tiny baby steps and decisions it took to get you where you are today….give yourself the credit you deserve for that work and be proud.

Also noticed in the photo journey above – 100 new gray hairs (thank you parenthood) on my head and a consistent love of those trusty brown boots that have lasted an amazingly long time. Good purchase self (practicing what I preach – see above paragraph).

WonderGIRL takes over the blog….

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  WonderGIRL on cleaning the house:
When I clean the house, it feels somewhat fun because I am in imagination world. I use the broom as a microphone and I feel like Cinderella when I’m cleaning the bathroom. It’s so cool how creative you can be when you’re just having fun. You can do it whenever you want. I’m not always happy when I’m cleaning because I get frustrated. Chores seem fun to me and other people think that’s weird (like my Mama) but I don’t care because I like it.

On earning her cell phone:
I’m trying to earn a cell phone and it feels really difficult because I have to earn points, then I get it taken away, then I have to re-earn the points. I am hoping I earn my phone by this Saturday….so I can actually use it. I’m going to put all my friends’ phone numbers in it, I’m going to have so much fun, but I have to give it to Mama at the end of the night and I’m not very happy about that. I wish I had it right now so I could be texting my friends. It’s also a good lesson for me because I feel like I should get it, even though I have to work for it and I have to pay my monthly bill and can learn lessons from Mama on how to make good life choices. *future blog post about this topic is coming…. 

 On her brother:
Oh boy….my brother is the most important thing to me. He’s always been there when I’m sad or crying telling me to smile again. I love him and his energetic spirit. He’s my everything. If that were to go away, I wouldn’t be me. He’s my world. He’s my life. I love him. He’s crazy and sometimes annoying, but that just makes him him. I’m annoying too and that’s what makes us human. (insert skeptical look from Mama) It does – mistakes make us human!!!

On her future:
My future is going to be great. I think I’m gonna be a great Mom and have a great husband – I’m also going to change the world by helping people not litter. I’m going to teach children to be the best they can be and help them make bad choices. I’m a teenager so I do but I am hoping I can help them change their ways. And that’s it.

On getting adopted:
I really want to get adopted….ever since I came to live with Mrs. Hoelzle. A week later it was the only house I wanted to be in. I trust them and love them. They are my hope and everything. Sometimes I wish I didn’t live here because I get in trouble but that’s just me being difficult. My Mama has done everything for me and I love her. She helps me with homework, I roll my eyes, I give her attitude and she still cares. Scott always says he will never give up and they love me no matter what. Getting adopted is all I really want. And that’s all I got.

On her favorite family tradition:
My favorite thing we do as a family is probably going on vacations and doing our one-year live-a-verssaries. That shows me that no matter how long we’re here with them they love us. I know I’m difficult and sometimes I don’t really want to admit it because then I feel bad, ya, but celebrating those traditions is showing love and affection for each other. I like celebrating like going out to dinner or having big activities planned here at my house. I just like the time I get to spend with them.

*I love recording her thoughts as we move along these teenage years – she is maturing so much. We are so proud of her and how much she is learning in school, but mostly in LIFE! Love you sweet Sis! ❤️

Why I ❤️ counseling….

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….and not just because it’s my chosen and beloved profession. Counseling has so many mixed stigmas around its purpose, the techniques used behind those closed confidential doors, and its perceived effectiveness. Today I wanted to demystify the process just in case people out there are curious, in need, struggling and don’t know if seeking a counselor might be the next step.

Both of my little wonders have been in counseling the entirety of their stay with us. Some of their therapists have been amazing, others have been nice but not effective for what they needed at that exact time. And that’s okay and part of the process.

My husband sees a counselor and about very other session, I get to join him for couples’ sessions. This work has been going on since before we were married and I can honestly say I have no idea if we would have been able to do this foster parenting gig without the help of our counselor focusing on us and our marriage throughout the journey. Most of the time, it just feels like we meet up with an old and endlessly supportive friend to digest our weeks, our victories, and our struggles…..it also gives us a chance to bring up sensitive topics and challenges so that we can hash them out with a “mediator” of sorts to keep things moving in a positive direction. At times, I will hold some of my nagging comments about negative behaviors until our meeting, so I can make sure that I am saying them in an effective and healthy way versus an angry, impatient way.

I hear so many comments and perceptions about counseling from my friends and family that are true with some therapists, but certainly not all! The trick is finding a good fit with personality, techniques used in your sessions, and the amount of work being suggested outside of regular sessions. Just like in real life relationships, you have to trust and be comfortable before growing and changing so this “fit” is absolutely vital. And I always tell people, give it a few sessions to assess the fit and then you can always change therapists…..but don’t just give up when the first doesn’t work!!!  Myth #1 – Talk therapy doesn’t work
I am going to call this myth only HALF true/false. Talk therapy really WON’T work if you don’t want it to. If you are resistant to your counselor’s feedback about some potential behavior patterns and roadblocks that might be in the way of your true wellness in life or relationships, then counseling probably won’t work for you….but only at that time/season in your life. Resistance to change is a natural part of the growth process so instead of feeling defeated by this, just know it will pass and keep counseling as an option for when you do feel ready. The point of therapy is for a completely neutral party to reflect back to you some possible changes that need to be made in your daily routines, communication, or chosen environments.

Myth #2 – Counseling means I can’t fix (insert problem) on my own.
Can any of us fix 100% of our own problems on our own? Definitely not. Do all of us need support when we are attempting to fix some things standing in our way? Absolutely – because it’s really frickin’ hard to change!!!! Counseling is not a magic wand that will magically make your struggles disappear as soon as you enter the office. What it does insert into your life is a support person that has no preconceived notions of why you’re there, no knowledge/background of your past/family/personality and is SIMPLY hearing you. Hearing what you bring to the table…..peeling back the onion layers of thoughts and justifications that you have placed on specific events/people/behaviors…..and then helping you take steps (big or small) towards a life that you imagine could be possible for you. As human beings, we are wired to be connected to each other – that is why we mirror the way someone stands when we are talking with them or start breathing in tandem with our children while we lay in bed with them at night. No one is meant to do this life alone…..

Myth #3 – Why would I pay someone when I can just complain to my friends?
Friends are amazing and such a positive addition to anyone’s life and there is absolutely no denying that. And I hope that many of you are lucky enough to have some friends that can challenge you and push you forward in your life to be your best self. They can ask certain questions to pull out your true feelings and beliefs about certain topics and then can fully support you as you move forward. But even with those amazingly supportive friends, they still have some biases and possibly tainted “filters” on hard conversations you might have to participate in. Loving you means they may not say what needs to be said. Challenging you might mean that they themselves are put in a less than ideal position (conflicts between mutual relationships, for example). So keep those friends close….and use them for support, positive energy, fun! And acknowledge that some of their support and words may hold some natural bias…..mostly from loving you and just wanting you to be happy/healthy. A counselor wants those same things, but provides a safe environment to reflect and change some things that might be holding you back.

Myth #4 – They just sit in the office and play games for an hour with my son/daughter.
As a school counselor, this is the statement I hear the most from parents. And yes, I agree that sitting in the counseling office playing games is not effective for children but only IF playing games is the only thing going on. What many parents don’t know is that counselors (me included) use common childhood games to connect with kiddos AND give them a safe space to answer our questions. Sitting face to face with a stranger and answering questions about their feelings and family is daunting….to adults and even more so to children. So sitting side-by-side and playing a game is much less intimidating and lets the child know that you are on their “team” and want them to feel safe and supported in your office.

Here is a great real-life example of playing games with children:
Some parents/teachers might see me playing the game Candyland with my students. But what they might not know is that I have different categories associated with each color and the student gets to tell me one thing each time they draw a certain color (or two if they are lucky enough to get a double color card). For example, if the category for red is “family”, when Suzy Student pulls a red card, before she can move, she gets to tell me one thing about her family. This is a great way to build rapport with children because they don’t even know they are in a meaningful conversation – they just think they’re playing a fun game!

But with this myth, I want to follow up with this – as a parent, make sure you know the specific goals that your child is working on in counseling. It is your right to ask about the goals and see if progress is being made. It is also completely normal (and welcomed by most therapists) for you to ask how YOU can help support those goals at home (reminders of strategies, “homework challenges” to try at home, etc.). It might not be as acceptable to ask the counselor everything that the child said in session or to ask the counselor to get a certain “story” or “lie” out during a session. Protecting confidentiality with a counselor is key in letting the child feel safe and protected in the space and time of the counseling process.

When my Wonders come out of their sessions, I ask them two questions –
1. “Is there anything you want to share with me from counseling?”
2. “What do you need right now to transition back to (school/home/family time)?”

These questions let them know I care about what they talked about, I’m not going to ask them a million questions about what they said, and I acknowledge they might have talked about some hard stuff and need some extra coping strategies or time to transition back.

Wow – I wasn’t expecting to write this much but I desperately want people to know that counseling can only help a situation/family….rarely does it hurt or send someone backwards. But the best way for it to “work” and produce positive outcomes is for the individual to be open and honest in WANTING to move forward. If you are there and need some places to start looking, please visit my school webpage for a great one-stop shop of many phone number and websites that you can start exploring to start your counseling journey.

“Invisible thread of compassion”

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Tonight was a hard night. And when its hard and behaviors/feelings seem to be drowning the littles and pulling me down with them – I usually then find solace in some tv, a little wine, and some internet scrolling. And sometimes, I stumble across the exact words I needed to hear. So maybe, just maybe…..you are in need of these words as well. I love this blogger’s spin on “defeated’ and the invisible thread that holds us together and really, holds us up above the water so we don’t drown.

So to all the mama and papas that struggled tonight….you did good. Bed and a new day are near my friend…..

Foster Moms Blog (great blog – check it out)
And here I am wanting to remind myself that defeated is not getting back up or wanting to try again. Defeated is not feeling hopeful, or finding quiet moments to go deep inside and sit with the self that you know you are. Foster care can just defeat bright hopes and idyllic hearts. There are so many ways the unpredictability, the casual and unusual pains weighs on us, and leave us feeling defeated. Maybe you’re feeling that tonight too. Maybe tough behavior, tough days and endless uncertainty is making your day tough right alongside me. Friends, tomorrow we’ll get up again and try. Defeat is when there are no voices of solidarity or support. If you’re feeling this- here’s our solidarity – our togetherness. I’m in it too. We’re in it together and moving through it. And I’m working on memorizing the Loving Compassion meditation so I can hold onto compassion for myself and then in turn offer it freely to those I love, perhaps especially when it’s hard. We are exhausted. We are mending broken hearts and weathering tough stuff. And while it actually feels like it, we’re not yet defeated. Tomorrow when I rise and begin again I’ll think of the one or two others who are in the midst of this with me. Us. And there is our invisible thread of compassion – tying all of us together.

Worn out and waking tomorrow to hold compassion and connection in my days. Right beside you.

So while my affirmation last week was “I am perfectly supported”, I may just tweak it a bit to affirm that “My wonders are perfectly supported” over and over, until I can find some solace in that belief.

TBD and the next step…

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Life in limbo is hard….always waiting for the next meeting, the next decision, the next social worker that is going to define our greatest joy in a family or what would be our greatest tragedy in our tribe being broken apart. The stress is toxic to anyone’s body but most toxic of all to two already traumatized children that desperately deserve NOT to be in limbo. This is a daily reality for most foster children in the United States.

Heading into this week’s termination trial, I was oddly at peace with the anticipation of “the decision.” I had been repeating a specific affirmation that really held me up during the constant threat of drowning in all the worry – “I am perfectly supported.” I had my heavenly support, family and friends, everyone at work, and the support of the State’s tribe for WG and WB. Repeating this mantra without fully understanding it’s truth and application really helped my mind and heart let go of the anxiety and trust in the together that we have built around our family.

And in a dramatic turn of events, the trial that was slated for 3-4 days was over in 4 hours and I got to hear a judge state that our children were FREE! Free from their past, from their restrictions, and from the threat of going back. But also free to live, to thrive, and to breathe knowing that every breath they take is loved and cherished by everyone around them.

It was the first time I got to walk out of that courthouse like 62 times before and feel that right had been done (cue me forcing Scott to participate in the following video for our “video of the day”).


And then the fun began – we knew we had sent both kids off to school ridden with anxiety about what was happening that day (I had to lovingly coerce my little Miss WG out of the car to heard into the middle school). So getting them out early to surprise them and celebrate was amazingly fun. Here is a peek at WonderGirl’s reaction:

Off we went to ice cream, the park, and Kyotos to dwell in the overwhelming joy and relief we all were feeling that day.
We loved telling our friends and family the big news and really appreciated everyone’s excitement (I imagine that’s what posting an ultrasound or the big gender reveal might feel like) around our big day.

Now we wait a little longer – but this time all we wait for is a timeline, a few negotiations, and nothing at the end but a positive result (and a big party with our tribe of course). We get to do this part together with excitement free of fear – and this little team does excitement well. I hopefully imagine the next few months will fly by as we approach our final destination of forever.

This song, when I heard it in church a while back, brought tears to my eyes as I held my littles in my mind and heart and sang the song through their perspective. This particular verse and chorus is so relevant in this time:
From my mother’s womb
You have chosen me
Love has called my name
I’ve been born again
Into your family
Your blood flows through my veins

I’m no longer a slave to fear
I am a child of God.

2 years together as TBD

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It started as a monthly tradition to celebrate living together because truly, we did not know how long we would get with our two amazing little wonders. We wanted them to know how honored we were to share in their journey and ride this crazy roller coaster together – what grew out of it was some fun anticipation each month and now yearly about HOW to celebrate our team’s growth and milestones. Scott and I have a fun time planning something special each year (added bonus that we then DON’T have to worry about planning Valentine’s Day shenanigans which neither one of us was ever stoked about).

This year, we planned some special events in Seattle to be touristy, see our closest friends and two very loved uncles, and enjoy some days off school – here are some snapshots from our weekend.
img_3943 Seattle must have known we wanted to go up to the Space Needle because as we drove down, the weather was perfect for taking the elevator to the top. We especially enjoyed spotting Qwest field, the ferris wheel we went on last summer, and our friend Taryn’s house in Queen Anne!img_3963 img_3999 As most of you know, WonderBOY is an avid basketball lover and player. We thought taking them to the Harlem Globetrotters show would be an exciting event. Turns out this show is quite entertaining for all ages but the kiddos especially loved the antics and humor. WB bought a special basketball with his own money and has been showing off his “routines” and tricks since we returned home (if anyone would like a live show I’m sure we could arrange this).img_4013 img_4024 Along with my besties, we explored the Seattle Children’s Museum on Valentine’s Day. This exhibit with a real live “eye doctor” chair was a big hit. As was the firetruck for little man (big man Scott was less enthused but went along with it – love him for that).img_4041 img_4043 img_4045 img_4047All in all, it was a lovely weekend. A few minor bumps included WonderGIRL getting sick (oils to the resuce) and WonderBOY completely going crazy after a missed dose of medication (long car ride with a screen to the rescue) but thus is traveling with kids. Something we are getting pretty good at navigating in year two I’d say!

And to you family and friends that have been riding alongside us on this journey now for two years – thank you. Thank you for the prayers, meals, and toys at the starting line and for the continued check-ins, prayers, and babysitting (Mama needs a break ASAP, hurry!!!!) throughout our time together. Scott and I truly value our “village” that is helping us raise these two precious ones and we are constantly pointing out how grateful we are for many of you during our nightly talk times with the kiddos.

And most importantly to Scott, thank you for saying yes. Thank you for taking on this challenge with me and learning and supporting and pretending saying that I’m right with me day in and day out with these two loveable monsters. I love that they get to watch our marriage grow in love and patience over the years. I appreciate that daily, they see a man of amazing character shower them with love and nurturing, filling in years of questioning and misunderstanding of what a real father should do with their children. I know I don’t always say it or show it, but I can’t imagine choosing anyone else to do this life with and God must have known what He was doing when He plunked us down in Haiti together 6 years ago to meet – I love you completely and forever.