Category Archives: Foster/Adopt

BraveGIRL gets a turn…

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A little bit about me right now:
I am fifteen years old and it’s almost my birthday. I love to drive and watch family movies with my family. I like to work out and listen to music. My favorite pandora stations are Jason Derulo, Luke Bryan, Migos and Chris Brown (don’t yell at me….no one likes him but I still do).

What do you want to be when you grow up and why?
I want to be veterinarian because I could give animals shots but that’s a lot of college so just something to do with animals. Or an childcare worker.

What’s on your Christmas wish list this year?
– phone
– gift cards to Pink or Hollister

What did you work hard on in 2018?
– starting two different jobs
– drivers ed and tests for those
– sticking with working out
– accepting no’s when I’m disappointed
– not interrupting

Favorite parts of 2018:
Going on camping trips. I have been trying to grow into this family. I liked going on family trips with my boyfriend’s family, especially swimming in Canada. I like that I have a job that I like and being able to drive makes me feel more independent and responsible.

Hopes for 2019:
I hope that I will stay out of trouble so I can earn a new phone and privileges like hanging out with my boyfriend and driving places. I hope that I also start to have a clear vision of what I want to do after graduation. I hope when my twin moves away from me, she will have a good home and be able to make new friends….and not get bit by a snake or alligator (they’re moving to Georgia this Spring).

WonderGIRL’s holiday and year reflection

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A little bit about me right now:
I’m doing horse lessons. I go to a private school and I’m like super excited about it. I don’t know. What am I supposed to say? I’m in a good home? 

What do you want to be when you grow up and why?
I want to be a baker and two times a week, we will have kids come in. I like doing hands on objects and I like kids so both of those things combined is a great job.

What’s on your Christmas wish list this year?
– clothes
– romance books
– gift cards to places

What did you work hard on in 2018?
– trying to have connections with my family
– trying to trust my parents
– doing things without freaking out…..like working out and saying yes when I don’t like the directions

Favorite parts of 2018:
My sweet sixteen because my family was there and I got to enjoy hanging out with them. I love bonfires and we got to have one. At first, I wasn’t so sure about my new school but now I’m happy I switched and I like it there. I was super excited about being in my school’s Christmas play. I was Mary. Our adoption celebration when we went out to Red Robin I remember too because I like celebrating that every year.

Hopes for 2019:
I hope that I keep my grades up and that I earn more trust. I hope that kids in foster care get a home because I know what it feels like and it sucks. I want them to know that they are loved. I hope for Mama and Daddy to not be so stressed next year and I will do my best to keep that stress down.

A look back on the her highlights from 2016

On Instant Family – ours and the movie

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In full disclosure, I was going into this movie expecting to pull a few scenes of comparison to our story of fostering our Wonders to document here on this blog. And then the few scenes became 10….and then the ending was so closely related to ours…..that it rocked my core, had my entire crew in sobbing, loud tears, and would be impossible to sum up in one blog post. This movie did an amazing job of documenting the trauma, grief and hilariously ridiculous journey that is fostering both the little and not-so little kiddos in need of families. Both Scott and I commented on how we knew where the actual foster parents were sitting because their laughter was a little louder, laced with a little pain, and came at parts that other members of the audience weren’t sure if they were “allowed” to laugh at such a scene.We decided to bring our “instant” kiddos along to see this movie….knowing there was swear words and knowing it might bring up some trauma for them. As usual, I don’t shy away from these opportunities in movies….I think the bringing up of emotions and processing that can happen afterward is very powerful and seeing their story depicted accurately on a movie scene can be normalizing and healing in a way.

The part that was hardest to watch and hardest for our kiddos was where the poor trio of kiddos were anticipating going back with their biological mother towards the end of the movie….and instead got a social worker showing up to say that biological mother had disappeared. The grief and abandonment was so raw, EVEN though the new loving family was there and ready to swoop in. This scene was our exact story towards the end of our fostering journey heading toward adoption and WonderGIRL and BOY still process how hurt and angry she is that her biological mother didn’t “show up to court to fight for them.”

If you are a foster parent, or you have foster parents in your tribe, please go see this movie. Sometimes it is hard for us to talk through all of the pain and chaos that is happening in our house, because we want to protect the childrens’ stories and keep their pain contained. But the compassion fatigue, confusion over triggers, system brokenness, and other perils are amazingly showcased in this movie and could give you some perspective and a little “day in the life” view of life in the foster system.

Have you seen this yet??? HIGHLY recommend (obviously). Once you see it, remember you can’t unsee it….and there are a million ways you can support foster families and children in our area especially coming up on the holiday season….reach out and ask if you’re willing and wanting to learn more!!!

Thanks and giving 2018

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For the past 60 days or so I’ve been starting each morning by writing 10 things I’m grateful for and it has really shifted my lens and perspective throughout my busy days. A few things that popped up more than a few times in those lists:

My team – and not all the wins but their personalities and time together was a blessing every day. Especially during our last week after practices, I had to tell them to go home and stop trying to hang out in the gym longer…..
Love these little cuties and their constant following me around the house hoping to get fed. Rex and Sav have become best buds…..
My family and the love and support they give to me (especially during volleyball season – at least now as a coach they are watching me get way more wins than my time as an athlete).
Oils…..duh!!! But really, having these in our lives to address both emotional and physical struggles for all members of our family is a DAILY blessing that sometimes I take for granted. And then when I get all excited about them again, I can’t shut up about them and make all my friends and family join me…..you’re welcome (and sorry all at the same time).
The success of the Cougars this Fall has been exciting to watch and experience (both football and volleyball in case you weren’t aware)…..AND for the record, a lot of people have said to me this season “It’s a good time to be a Coug fan” to which I reply….”It’s always a good time to be a Coug fan.” I love that others are noticing the love of WSU, but one thing I know for sure is that our “fan-ship” includes the same amount of love no matter if we’re 8-1 or 1-8 and I love that it’s been showcased nationally this season.This man….the rock and single father during volleyball season of our family. I love that we both support each others’ passions and have been super intentional this season about sticking together and getting through a relatively hard season with our kiddos.
I am always grateful for my three Wonders but am particularly grateful for all of their hard work in counseling and personal development. Especially my teenagers in a constant quest for more freedom and privileges, they are working hard to earn trust in becoming young adults.
Naps…always thankful for naps. I’ve already taken 3 this week and it’s not even the weekend yet.

2 years as Team HB!!!

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Although this week is a bit crazy, we love looking back on our super lovey, super fun adoption day. Our hopes on this day were BIG….that our Wonders would feel content and fulfilled in our forever family and that the fear of abandonment would diminish by each passing day. And we have grown so much in this effort, yet (per usual), my timeline has needed to be adjusted for growth on their terms and not what my big hopes and dreams mapped out for them.

Each year during this week, their bodies and minds just “know”…..they have big scary nightmares and are constantly on edge. Even though in our hearts, this is one of the happiest memories we hold dear…..for them, it was a scary jump into an unknown that we are so proud they took. Each day I am grateful they trusted us with their forever….

Two nights ago, WonderGIRL and BraveGIRL surprised us by performing an originally written song they have been working on for weeks. Check my facebook page for the video (with permission to post), but their words pictured below are everything to me. Love them so so so much.

On moving on…

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Fall is here and I am ready….mostly because I am pretty pumped September is outta here!!! We went through some stressful times in our fam last month so we are ALL ready to move onward and upward together!!!

We had one week in particular in September that was nothing short of a steaming hot mess. While walking hand in hand with each kiddo through that in their own ways, me and WG stopped to name all the bad stuff and then also all the good stuff we could think of. And admidst the mess, there was so much to be thankful for. I’d thought I would share a few of those bright spots here:

1. This manWe are bonded through battle….becoming a united front and navigating this parenting kids from hard places gig has stretched our relationship in ways we could have never done on our own. I am grateful to him everyday that he said yes and continues to say yes to the chaos showered over us daily.

2. This teamI am the luckiest coach to show up everyday and teach/guide these young women to be the best versions of themselves and team they can be. They are ridiculously funny, loving and hard working and it’s resulted in an undefeated season so far and a few more celebrations are sure to be on the horizon for this squad.

3. My new positionThis new “systems” level work in my district has been a whole new world for me as I’ve been so used to working directly with students day in and day out. I am starting to appreciate the process as much as the outcome (this is challenging for me to wait for as many of you know). It has been just what my mom heart needed to not have my compassion and patience stretched so thin at school that I couldn’t be the best mother I needed to be at home. I am very proud of the work our team has been working on and can’t wait to see the potential play out for our students, families and community!

I challenge you to start this new month with gratitude….and if anyone would like to join me in prayers for some of the lessons learned in September buying us at least one month of calm in October, Team Hoelzle-Brown would greatly appreciate it. ??????

On Wondergirl’s new school

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For multiple years, we have been contemplating that public education might not be the best fit for our WonderGIRL. And not because I don’t fully believe in the public education system, because I completely do (as its one of my biggest life purposes and passions). But the education system, as it stands right now, automatically assumes that the age and grade of child determines what they are capable of. And with WG and so many other kiddos with significant trauma, this is not the case. Much research actually shows that children coming from significant trauma are about HALF their age in social and emotional development. Imagine having an 8 year old go to school with high school freshmen and sophomores…..ack!!!!After WG was not able to keep herself safe and out of harm’s way freshmen year at our public high school, we decided to try a small private school setting here in town. Being in a classroom with only 12 students and ONE teacher all day long is such a good fit for her. Less peers to be distracted by and less adults to manipulate and students that are a little more “her speed” when it comes to social and emotional problem solving. Although there are other challenges and setbacks with this choice as always, so far we are happy with our decision and WG is really trying to rise to our expectations of her.Parenting WG has been by far the HARDEST thing I have ever done. And not because her behaviors and challenges are big and scary but because I am having to change and release my own hopes and dreams for how much her story will be changed in the relatively short time we have had her. I am in a true grieving process right now…..what if she doesn’t change? What if she never learns about cause and effect? What if she always walks to that van of puppies and accepts the invitation to come inside??? Every core of my being believes that kids and people can change with the right supports and the right teaching….but the drastic changes that are needed with this one might not get there before we lose her to 18 and what will most likely be a desperate need to be out on her own. Many outsiders looking in see her for what I hope people always see in her….joy, energy, compassion, helpfulness…..but underneath there is significant brain damage from a traumatic birth journey and even more significant emotional damage from a significant abuse history.

So I am choosing to rewrite the story of parenting her and rewriting my own goals and dreams and wishes for her future……and learning to be okay in that editing process. Being okay with a future that might look different than what I thought for her…..and fighting for all the supports and therapy and healing that we can fit in the next two years while she is with us in our unconditional and loving home.Picture above of me and my girls….reminding me to look inside at their hearts….filled with love, but filled with a million little holes poked by a million different hurts that all of my love and effort and affirmations leak out of on a daily/hourly/second basis. So we start again like we do every morning…..looking to plug one hole so that another one shows itself for tomorrow. Time to go to work…..

On the magic of repeating….

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Back when our wonders were still in foster care, we tried to create memories that they could cherish once they moved on or back to their forever family. We wanted to fill their worlds with wonder and joy and the innocent excitement of childhood that they had missed out on in their early years.

And then time passed….and more time passed….and we got to start repeating trips and traditions. And that is where the magic happens for me. Each repeat trip or activity feels like “normalcy” for our family and lays a foundational block in our family history and story that I certainly do not take for granted. Camping at Deception Pass is one of those repeat traditions that we almost didn’t go on this year due to crazy schedules but we found a spot and squeezed in a few days and I am so glad we did.BraveGIRL calls this shot “couple goals” and made us stand in front of the beautiful sunset for her (awwww teenagers).It was a joy introducing our new BraveGIRL to our camping tradition…..she entertained us nightly at the campfire with beautiful singing and scary campfire tales that had WonderBOY completely enthralled.I love watching Scott and his love of all things nature spill out onto the kiddos as they go exploring (sometimes my anxiety and dislike of messes keep me from enjoying these moments but I am working on that).P.S. If you have never gone camping at Deception Pass…..it is seriously the best. The lake to swim, the ocean to explore, the bajillion of trials in the trees????? It’s awesome and super close to us!!!

On her celebration…

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but first, check this “then and now” pic from her first bday party I got to throw her 4 years ago when she turned 12. We’ve both grown so much these past 4 years……lessons mutually taught to each other about trust, patience and grace upon grace. She is a 4th of July baby which means most of our holiday is dictated by what she wants to do. Lake time and a deck party were on the agenda which our neighbors did a pretty good job lighting the sky for us!A few months back, WonderGIRL brought me a very detailed list for a beach bonfire party she had envisioned for her 16th. Although her wishlist included friends upon friends, we opted for a family dinner at Semiahmoo’s summer BBQ (so yummy….summer bucket list item!!!) and a bonfire just down the beach afterwards. This next picture literally takes my breath away with love for her and her maturing personality. With a lot of complicated stuff going on in her world and thus, in ours, this night to focus on her beauty and spunk was a wonderful way to kick off her 16th trip around the sun!!!Dear WonderGIRL,

Thank you for falling into my arms and my life at just the right time. No, I never questioned adopting you and no, I will never ever leave you….not when you’re 21, not when your 51, not when you drive me away with your words and not even when you push me away with your arms. I am fiercely committed to changing your story from darkness to light, from brokenness to whole, and from fear to love every hour and day I get to be your mama.

I know you. I chose you. I will love you forever and ever. ❤

Love, Mama

On digging deep….

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and using my oils while we’re down there in the trenches of hard feelings and hard behaviors! Summer months for us mean we double down on counseling and therapy, both for our children and for ourselves. With any therapeutic process (the good ones anyway), hard feelings and processing don’t just happen in session, but out of session and through relationship. While we account for this by lessening our schedule, increasing connection, and other strategies, I really wanted to put my rather large collection of oils to the test to see how we can impact our hearts and our heads during this time.

Here is what we are trying this summer for emotion management and healing for our two Wonders and so far, I have been super impressed with the results. Many of you asked for the recipes and if you message me, I’d be happy to send those along. If you’re interested in seeing the connections between essential oils and emotions, I HIGHLY recommend this book. (Images below from my IG story taken from the pages)

If the intrigue level has tipped after reading this post, please reach out and let’s chat!!! Lots of you have been asking for essential oil remedies…from bug repellent to sun relief, tummy troubles and anxiety with your kiddos or you. Our team is also doing a quick and easy online class later in July.

I’m looking for 5 people to spoil with a goody bag of doTERRA samples and the opportunity to win daily giveaways. The first 5 people to contact me (message me or comment on the FB post) will be added to the event. You’ll receive your package on or before July 16, and I’ll add you to an event page so you can learn how to use your samples and enter for prizes!

NOTE: If you already have a doTERRA account or being helped by someone who does, please save this “spoiling yourself” opportunity for some people who haven’t yet experienced doTERRA. Thanks much!