Mother’s Day surprises

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Truth be told, I never really look forward to Mother’s Day. Internally, I can be so incredibly grateful for this role that I own and for the children that I get to take care of but every year for our family, it’s so freaking hard and complicated. Tensions are high and patience is short and it never works out the way each individual thinks it’s supposed to.

This year, we were one week out from having to disclose to our Wonders that their first mother had passed away. That they would be robbed of a chance they both wanted to see her again and ask her questions. That a piece of their story that loved them into existence had vanished without any closure.

And so I was worried. Worried that the grief and confusion of that event would stifle their ability to be joyous with me and appreciate their second mama.

Here is where the surprise came in….if you peruse the following images….

A dinner comprised of cheese and crackers (and no fighting or blood please) at the lake – mission accomplished.
Our day began and ended in the same way thanks to the brilliant sunshine that day – snuggles and chats in the little nest I’ve established on our deck.

What do you see? What I felt on that day and the days since has been what I am now calling my Wonders being “untethered.” They are no longer stuck in loyalty between two worlds. No longer feeling guilt if they love me more or wondering if their first mom loves them still. The tug-of-war has been (tragically) ended. And even I, a trained professional in this field, was blown away by how transparent this all was playing out right in front of me. Their mannerisms, their words, and their hugs just felt different and overwhelmingly deeper this year than in days past.

Since they have learned for their first mama’s death, WonderGIRL has been 143% more affectionate and kind toward me (see sweet letter above). The day after we told WonderBOY about the death, he started spontaneously claiming over and over again “you’re the bestest of the bestest of the mamas in the world” and hasn’t stopped since.

Typically as mamas, we don’t like surprises (or is it just me?). We like predictability and control and felt safety. But this surprise has been a good one and I wanted to document this day into history and perhaps adapt my own narrative about Mother’s Day in years to come.