Here are a few strategies or prompts to help develop your child’s “wonder”, curiosity and ability to think through different scenarios when faced with a question or struggle.

1. Don’t answer their question(s) with your sage wisdom…..I know this is counterintuitive to the whole “I’m the parent and I need to teach my child all the things so they are a super genius when they get older.” But, a true genius thinks for themselves OR they have a super genius knack for knowing where to find the answer. Brain development happens when we…..wait for the shocking news…..actually use our brains. Just like our muscles, when we use them more, they get bigger/stronger/faster. If we are answering ALL of the questions or allowing our little ones to run to Alexa/google when the question looms, this “muscle/brain building” will not happen.
2. When your little one comes to you with a social conflict…..
   First, go with empathy….”man that sounds really hard. I’ve had that happen to me and I felt really __________  (frustrated, left out, sad, choose any Inside Out Character here for street cred).
   Then, go with curiosity…..”what do you think you might do next?”
   Then…..(most important step)…..encourage them to try it…..(even more important)….EVEN IF you know with your sage wisdom that it’s a terrible solution and it will fall flat on its face. Falling flat on said face is LEARNING (cue….your sweet cherub learning to walk….face plant….walk….side of a table….you get the point).
3. When your child/teen comes to you with a problem at school….hesitate on the whole “superhero swoop” phenomenon that is happening left and right these days. Allow some time to brainstorm what your child can do with their team of trusted adults at school to problem solve on their own. Have they already had a discussion with their teacher/coach/peer yet? Are they comfortable doing that? If not, can they practice with you so it’s easier?
   – There is a mass exodus happening on college campuses right now where college freshmen are flocking back home after just a few weeks “on their own” due to extreme anxiety and lack of skills to function as an adult. We need to arm our teens (when appropriate and safe) with freedom to work out their own problems, improve their grades on their own effort, have conversations with adults to move forward with a problem so they can learn these skills before leaving your nest. And if they fail, we brainstorm coping skills with them and we encourage them to use them. We don’t shame them for failing….we praise them for trying.
4. This one is very popular and pretty well known but it’s so important that it bears repeating….let them be bored. Let your child sit and stare out of a window (it’s a beautiful world out there). Let your child sit at a restaurant and wait for food without a screen…..maybe even engage in a little conversation if the mood fits. Limit their screen time – my only soap box on screens….while I love screens and they can be a valuable tool in certain situations, their very design is IMMEDIATE gratification…..the repeating of this for hours on end is very damaging to the brain’s need for rest, stillness, and the message that “we don’t always get what we want by tapping a screen over and over.”

Perhaps within your organization or your family, you can think of a few ways today you can develop these seriously tough muscles of thinking. Ask a new question or even better yet, DON’T answer a new question…..or encourage your child to “wonder about that.” I got a message from a sweet professional who engaged her staff of youth counselors in this discussion and they brainstormed ways within their programs they could further develop their children’ autonomy in thinking. What a powerful way to push kiddos and build up their independence??? Love it!!!!