I’ve always been a bit infatuated with taking pictures of my WonderBOY sleeping – I think as all boy moms can attest to…..when their energy, rough edges, fart giggles, and aggression wanes for the day and their sweet vulnerability shines through, they are kinda irresistible.

We are in a rough season with this little guy right now…..seeing some regression in behaviors along with an increase in violence toward us (but mostly me – his safe person) and sometimes when he’s sleeping, I lean over to kiss him hoping they seep in through his cheeks and into his brain to assure him that he is loved, he is safe, and that he can forge a different path than what his genes are telling him to.

I  pray these kisses travel into his REM cycles and steal the scary nightmares around us leaving, us dying, and people from his past hurting him that cause him to wake up countless times in the middle of each night.

I fantasize about each kiss taking a false wiring of his brain and re-wiring it to a new belief that he can solve problems with his words and his wit. That they wrap his new learning in hugs and safety blankets to save them there forever.
And mostly, I give him kisses upon kisses because soon he will not be sleeping in my bed when Daddy is at work…..he will not come snuggle me at school because he got mistreated at school and chose to fight back instead of tell an adult…..he will be too embarrassed to seek me in public when scared or overwhelmed – I count these moments and save them in my brain forever because I know they will not last.I can’t wait to watch him grow up and become the man that he was created to be. But with that is fear that we can’t rewire fast enough….that we can’t teach him new ways complete enough…..or sometimes just that we might just not be enough. I am trying to combat this with reminders to increase my faith and trust and prayers….and until those produce an outcome – let the snuggle and smooth therapy continue.