You have to love your kids enough to make them hate you sometimes – my beloved Gramma, Audrey

I feel so blessed to have my Gramma in my life as an adult and now as a relatively new mama to older kiddos. She raised 7 kiddos, maintained a loving and beautiful marriage, and was the best party host I know (red cheeks from wine and everything – just like me!!!).

She actually said this quote to me when I was a young adult (like mid 20’s) when I got to play one of our many games of Scrabble together. I’m sure she was referencing perhaps a story I was working with as a new counselor or even a family outside of our own, but her words play in my brain and heart multiple times as I raise our wonders AND as I coach parents and families through struggles in my role as a school counselor.

Many people think children (especially children out of the foster system) just need love but what they need almost MORE than that love is BOUNDARIES. Someone to help them regulate their brains, their emotions and their bodies in a safe environment. I heard at a counseling conference that parenting always takes two hands – the hand of compassion AND the hand of restraint. Sometimes these boundaries look like a firm “no” but sometimes they look like allowing your child to struggle and to fail, in order for them to learn valuable lessons they will need as they move towards adulthood. And now as I parent myself, I understand why the parents I have worked with as a counselor struggle with this. When their pain is your pain, how can you sit back and watch the pain happen.

And especially now with those professional experiences and now with personal ones, I feel more passionate about the need for this restraint and this allowing of them to “hate you.” These lessons are what they will remember in the long run. You are not just creating happy children NOW – you are inspiring creative problem-solvers for the FUTURE when you allow them to navigate the hardships on their own (with your guiding hand and your loving and safe self to fall back on of course).

Tomorrow’s quote….tensions are rising (hint hint).