….and how God used this little tibia to give me some needed reminders about my role in WonderGIRL’s world. For those of you that know our family….you know we LLLLOOOOVVVEEEE going to the Trampoline Zone. So on one fateful trip, WonderGIRL was showing off her front flip moves and cracked a bone (insert entire ER admitting staff rolling their eyes here). And although she showed us yet again how absolutely tough she is through it all….a few lessons stuck out to me that I thought I would document and share.
WG and I had been battling pretty good the last couple of months. As a typical teenager, she was pushing boundaries with us her parents and testing out her independence in some areas. As a non-typical teenager whose brain and impulse control is greatly impacted by her trauma, she was questioning the adoption and pushing us away in fear that all of this permanency stuff was really just a dream. Her nightmares of us leaving/dying/divorcing were happening nightly and her behavior aimed at creating distance between us and her.

But of course….I’m only processing all of that brilliantly and with compassion in true perfect HINDSIGHT because while I was in it…..you better believe there were more swear words than empathy in my brain regarding the lying, manipulation and defiance that triggered me day in and day out.And not that God knew that one month into being “legal parents” we would need a reminder that we are never fully in control of keeping our kiddos safe from every harm. But I am questioning whether or not HE intentionally set up a scenario where our beloved WonderGIRL grace would break her leg in order to teach me a few things…..

Some truly magic events happened immediately after the break, I bathed my child. I helped her walk. I did her hair. I picked out her clothes. Things I never got to do with her because we got her at age 11….when she could already do those things herself and where some of those things were not appropriate due to her abuse. I got to mother my child in ways and from stages that I never got to experience in real time. And during those times, her eyes lit up, she was giddy, and I fell more in love with her than I already was. It was true attachment in a way that I’m sure my education and training had told me to do in other ways before this point but I chose to ignore (insert my hubby being right about this very thing and rolling his eyes when he reads this here).

This NEED for me and my care reminded me of her NEED for this attachment, even when her biological age doesn’t call for it and even when my education and training tell me what is appropriate/inappropriate for her. This mom-tuition is real and I love that God gifted me with it to care with such amazing and vulnerable little beings.