Life in limbo is hard….always waiting for the next meeting, the next decision, the next social worker that is going to define our greatest joy in a family or what would be our greatest tragedy in our tribe being broken apart. The stress is toxic to anyone’s body but most toxic of all to two already traumatized children that desperately deserve NOT to be in limbo. This is a daily reality for most foster children in the United States.

Heading into this week’s termination trial, I was oddly at peace with the anticipation of “the decision.” I had been repeating a specific affirmation that really held me up during the constant threat of drowning in all the worry – “I am perfectly supported.” I had my heavenly support, family and friends, everyone at work, and the support of the State’s tribe for WG and WB. Repeating this mantra without fully understanding it’s truth and application really helped my mind and heart let go of the anxiety and trust in the together that we have built around our family.

And in a dramatic turn of events, the trial that was slated for 3-4 days was over in 4 hours and I got to hear a judge state that our children were FREE! Free from their past, from their restrictions, and from the threat of going back. But also free to live, to thrive, and to breathe knowing that every breath they take is loved and cherished by everyone around them.

It was the first time I got to walk out of that courthouse like 62 times before and feel that right had been done (cue me forcing Scott to participate in the following video for our “video of the day”).

And then the fun began – we knew we had sent both kids off to school ridden with anxiety about what was happening that day (I had to lovingly coerce my little Miss WG out of the car to heard into the middle school). So getting them out early to surprise them and celebrate was amazingly fun. Here is a peek at WonderGirl’s reaction:

Off we went to ice cream, the park, and Kyotos to dwell in the overwhelming joy and relief we all were feeling that day.
We loved telling our friends and family the big news and really appreciated everyone’s excitement (I imagine that’s what posting an ultrasound or the big gender reveal might feel like) around our big day.

Now we wait a little longer – but this time all we wait for is a timeline, a few negotiations, and nothing at the end but a positive result (and a big party with our tribe of course). We get to do this part together with excitement free of fear – and this little team does excitement well. I hopefully imagine the next few months will fly by as we approach our final destination of forever.

This song, when I heard it in church a while back, brought tears to my eyes as I held my littles in my mind and heart and sang the song through their perspective. This particular verse and chorus is so relevant in this time:
From my mother’s womb
You have chosen me
Love has called my name
I’ve been born again
Into your family
Your blood flows through my veins

I’m no longer a slave to fear
I am a child of God.