Focus and attention are two primary concerns in our household. We struggle with WB and WG paying attention to our words, their own tasks and homework, and to the care and keeping of themselves. This will always be a daily struggle and we are charged with the job of being creative in how we can effectively manage life without going absolutely bonkers when repeating ourselves calmly 152 times.

But the kind of attention that we have worked REALLY HARD on changing the meaning of with both of our children is HOW we get attention, how we seek attention when we need it, and how we positively give it to safe people that we love. After childhoods filled with cycles of negative and positive attention for all the wrong reasons, we wanted to teach them both a few lessons here:

1. Sometimes people other than ourselves will get different doses of attention – and that is OKAY.
2. I can ask for attention when I need it (instead of acting out, talking like a baby, crying, creating a false injury/illness).
3. Positive attention includes eye contact, questions and responses to keep the conversation going, and calm tones of voices.
4. Just because someone gives me attention DOES NOT automatically mean they are a safe person or that they are close enough to me to kiss, hold hands, cuddle, etc.

I thought I would share a few strategies we use with our little wonders (many borrowed from multiple wonderful mamas and mommy-bloggers throughout the years) in order to teach these lessons on a daily/weekly/monthly basis.

Nightly “Talk Time”
As a way to practice social conversation skills and to creatively get some juicy tidbits about their days, we have started a short “interview” at the end of each night where each family member gets undivided attention while they share about their day.
Our four questions include:
1. What was your favorite part of your day?
2. What was your least favorite?
3. What did you learn today?
4. What are you grateful for?
This has become a valued routine in our home that can take place anywhere and with anyone (babysitter/family member) as a way to peacefully end the day and transition into bedtime.

Family Date Night
Each year, we nervously head towards WonderGIRL becoming a teenager and diving into the world of dating so we are extra careful about how we talk about romantic relationships and love interests. As a way to show her how one partner should treat each other, we like to go on random family date nights. We get dressed up, flowers are sometimes given, head out to a fancy spot and practice our best manners and conversation skills. Although WB really loves the attention and “kid friendly” restaurants, I think WG gets the most out of these experiences as she has an amazing father figure in Scott to teach her how a true gentleman treats his love.

More ideas to follow in a future blog post including our special birthday 1-on-1 time, “speed dating” game, and sunset reading marathons. Stay tuned!