There is a lot of talk in the foster world about “the system” which seems to include the state department, legal system, CPS, and all agencies that supports (term used loosely) the most vulnerable children in our communities/state. From my experience and in talking to other families, it seems as though dealing with the system is much more discouraging than some of the hardships that come with caring for the children and their various traumas. People reply to my complaints with “ya…the system” or “I’m sorry it’s just the system” or my favorite “the system just doesn’t work that way.”

One of the biggest emotional roller coasters for us has been the timeline with our wonders and moving things along – not for our benefit as silly impatient adults, but for two little ones who long to be a permanent piece in someone’s family puzzle. We want things to move along for them, their healing, and their future mental health. It is hard when one person promises us a termination trial in October, then to get a phone call the next week saying it has been, in fact, set for February. 5 months probably seems like such a short time in their legal world, but for a 13 and 7 year old child, this time just feels like a gamble – more time for things to change or for stability to be ripped away.

So that’s where we sit. Here, in the middle of no-man’s land where we dream of making these children our own forever, but in reality, we have no power over their lives. When one or both are struggling and the voice inside my head (both professionally and emotionally) know that one judge’s decision could significantly change that struggle for the better, I find it hard to find the reason and logic behind waiting so long. So I turn to this little inter-space to make sense of it all….why do we get all of the responsibilities, but none of the power? All of the appointments, and the documenting, and the medicine, and the late night tantrums yet our say means little in front of the court? It reminds me of this sage quote from one much wiser than I. ? Many commented on my last post about the irony/magic of Team Brave Dinosaurs’ acronym being TBD (God thing #439 in our story) because our little family is in a lot of different ways, to be determined…..and these frustrations really speak to that being true. 

Many people know that documenting gratitude is one of the most monumental ways we can shift our negative thinking into positive thinking. And since we know our thoughts control our feelings (or did you know that? Well now you do) – I want to intentionally shift my thinking so my heart and emotions come right along with it. The SYSTEM is the reason we have WG and WB in our lives in the first place. The SYSTEM listened to reports that they were in danger and removed them from harm’s way. The SYSTEM saved them. The SYSTEM made us parents and trusted two rookies with a very important job. The SYSTEM helped create our family and for that, I am grateful and shall remain that way for the months/years/endless moments to come before a judge gifts Team Brave Dinosaurs with a promise of forever. And if when those thoughts fail to take root in my brain, I will just love them fiercely and rely on forces more powerful than us to take charge.