Some of you have probably seen some of my online content and my business name of Rooted WELL. I thought I would describe the origin or intentions behind my brand (brand a loose term at this point as the ship is being built as I’m sailing it, including potentially changing the logo you see below).
I believe one of my strengths is being able to explore underneath the surface of problematic behaviors or relationships in order to not just address a symptom, but enact change fully. In kids with trauma, this could mean attachment ruptures, early childhood trauma, the environment being harmful, etc. My hope is that I can inspire educators and caregivers to do the same.
Strong roots and foundations make us more resilient in storms. The struggles of life (storms) can not be prevented 100%, therefore it is important to me to prepare children and people I am working with to have the strength and skills to navigate those storms and stay standing (we could really extend this metaphor quite far here I suppose).
I first heard this concept in a yoga class over 10 years ago and it has really stuck with me. Trees may sway and be heavily affected by the weather (external pressures and problems), but with strong roots, they stay standing AND grow stronger as a result. Love this as a foundation for my goals with clients I work with.
I hope to adapt this for a future tattoo. Stay tuned for the final result!
I am also obsessed with the interconnectedness (and invisibility) of roots beneath what we see above ground. Now that I’ve migrated out of being kid-facing in schools, I am looking to focus on those adults that build the connection and web AROUND the child to help it grow big and strong. The concept of “it takes a village” fully and whole-heartedly apply here, ESPECIALLY as it pertains to children who have experienced trauma.
My roots in the PNW are also very much tied to my choosing of this name….where the beauty and majesty of trees are all around us. Plus, my grandmother and me shared this love of trees and she is a beautiful part of my ROOTS as well. I am always on the search for the prettiest or most unique tree and will always think of her when I do.
The view from my walk yesterday in Anacortes, WA.
And my email sign off for those of you not on my email list yet: WISHING you WELL always, Patti
I have been in a functional freeze state about oh-so-many things in my life as of late….this blog being one of them. Blogging and writing has been such a coping strategy for me for so long and I’ve had a block keeping me from doing so…..BUT I want to reclaim things that bring me joy and help me sort through the absolute chaos in my heart and mind as of late. To round up the last 6 or so months since I published this post, I thought I would do a few frequently asked questions that come up often from folks (not that I mind you asking – but it’s hard to answer some hard ones over and over ya know?).
Are you still coaching? Nope. The pain from the loss of my job at Ferndale is still deep and fresh and I’m not ready for the high school coaching scene again (maybe not ever around here). I love coaching and developing younger players and am definitely open to private trainings and younger club coaching opportunities. I do plan on going into more detail at some point about this on the blog but can’t until some other processes play out so stay tuned.
Why did you leave Ferndale (Schools)? I love love loved my role as school counselor and counseling leader in Ferndale (especially our counseling team – the absolute BEST in all the land). The tides changed dramatically with new leadership (which is completely normal and I accept that) and I no longer could align my professional values and needs with the agendas playing out there, especially in regards to hiring/firing practices. As a school counselor, there are a LOT of game-time decisions made about very important children and families in our buildings and in 16 years in the profession, I was NEVER anxious about whether or not administration would support me and those decisions until recently. I couldn’t let that affect my mental health but more importantly, I knew I wouldn’t be able to provide the best services I could for students and families with that pressure and anxiety hanging over my program. I do want to say with 100% certainty, there are AMAZING staff members throughout Ferndale School District – I miss so many of them, especially watching their brilliance and care for little ones play out each and every day in buildings throughout this community I care very much about.
What are you doing these days for work? I am in my self-employed, entrepreneur ERA! As some of you know, I have dreamed of owning a business focused on supporting children and families with trauma for multiple years. It was close to fruition in 2020 before Covid and some other life events happened that created necessity to stay in my role at Ferndale.
Rooted WELL is the name of my wee little company – I help educators and families create safe spaces for children with needs that are not well supported in the existing public school system. This can include professional development and trainings, but I also have individual clients I get to see on a regular basis to support the work as well. This Spring, I was afforded the amazing opportunity to be an adjunct professor for the school counseling graduate program at WWU which re-ignited my passion for supporting new school counselors with resources, training, and burn-out prevention support.
Coming soon – presenting at a national virtual conference, a new website, online course for new school counselors, and whatever else my busy busy brain dreams up! Yes, I also still make money from tik tok and even help a few other clients do the same so that’s a fun little side gig along the way.
Are you and Scott staying together? No. We are talking and co-parenting and are making it work for the sake of our kiddos, but our romantic relationship has come to an end. It is my hope (and I know his too) that we can forge a new relationship moving forward with foundations of respect, trust and genuine care for each other but some individual healing, forgiveness and growth needs to happen first.
We still hang out, go to events together, and can be around each other – so if you see us out, it’s not weird but it’s also not a date (so come talk to us but don’t be awkward). I think that covers all the bases of what folks might want/need to know. There is a lot of information out in public about us but also a lot behind the scenes very much impacting my decisions so thank you to those of you reaching out and supporting us BOTH through this tough time.
How are the kids? The Wonders have unique backgrounds that make a family rupture like the one we are experiencing difficult. We are supporting both of them and overall, they are handling it with respect, open communication and an an amazing amount of grace. It has highlighted those things that I love about both of them (and hopefully those are seeds we have been planting and tending to in the 10 years we’ve been honored to parent them).
Do you plan on moving? I think so? The small town of Ferndale is one of the loves of my life and a piece of my identity I value dearly. However, because of the coaching/professional stuff that went down and the betrayal trauma occurring nearby as well, it’s been a bit of an emotional minefield to live and interact with folks here. WonderBOY wants to finish his HS career here so one of us will have to stay but I would say it is very likely I will not be a Ferndale-for-life kinda gal like I originally envisioned for myself.
How are you handling all of this? I have THE BEST network of people around me to help me handle things. So some days are good and I am smiling and other days, I’m frozen in bed watching seasons upon seasons of my emotional support shows (what are they you ask? Gilmore Girls, Grey’s Anatomy, Sex and the City, Hart of Dixie and The Challenge). Throughout the past 9 months there have been times that my mind is strong and stable, yet my body has not been. And at other times, it’s the exact opposite which has been difficult for a number of reasons with multiple triggers of some past hurts and struggles.
What can I do to help? Feel free to refer to this blog post I wrote about this very topic. This summer, I am very much grieving some “typical” summer trips I have done in the past…i would love walks and invites to enjoy the summer sun in the PNW with you. AND some days, I have to say no and take care of myself alone in my depression nest and I so appreciate all my peeps understanding that!
Thank you for reading all of this. I am a pretty open book so catch me in person or give me a call if you’d like to connect!!! And a cute little photo reward for all this reading –>
A core group of my support network the past 9 months. I would NOT have gotten through some very dark days and nights without these fine folks (and a handful of others not pictured here).
Each month since re-discovering some of Taylor’s newer work, there seems to be one song that rises to the surface as extra meaningful or is played on repeat from my Spotify. I thought I would document those songs here to reflect on at a later date.
LOML Who’s gonna stop us from waltzing Back into rekindled flames? If we know the steps anyway We embroidered the memories Of the time I was away Stitching, “We were just kids, babe” I said, “I don’t mind, it takes time” I thought I was better safe than starry-eyed I felt aglow like this Never before and never since
If you know it in one glimpse, it’s legendary You and I go from one kiss to gettin married Still alive, killing time at the cemetery Never quite buried In your suit and tie, in the nick of time You lowdown boy, you stand up guy Holy Ghost, you told me I’m The love of your life
You said I’m the love of your life About a million times
Who’s gonna tell me the truth When you blew in with the winds of fate And told me I reformed you When your impressionist paintings of Heaven Turned out to be fakes Well, you took me to hell, too And all at once, the ink bleeds A con man sells a fool a get-love-quick scheme But I felt a hole like this Never before, and ever since
If you know it in one glimpse It’s legendary What we thought was for all time Was momentary Still alive, killing time at the cemetery Never quite buried You cinephile in black and white All those plot twists and dynamite Mr. Steal Your Girl, then make her cry You said I’m the love of your life
You talked me under the table Talking rings and talking cradles I wish I could un-recall How we almost had it all Dancing phantoms on the terrace Are they second-hand embarrassed That I can’t get out of bed? Cause something counterfeit’s dead It was legendary It was momentary It was unnecessary Should’ve let it stay buried
Oh, what a valiant roar What a bland goodbye The coward claimed he was a lion I’m combing through the braids of lies “I’ll never leave” … “Never mind” Our field of dreams, engulfed in fire Your arson’s match your somber eyes And I’ll still see it until I die You’re the loss of my life
Each month since re-discovering some of Taylor’s newer work, there seems to be one song that rises to the surface as extra meaningful or is played on repeat from my Spotify. I thought I would document those songs here to reflect on at a later date. This month, we shall list two songs which makes sense based on how many hours I have spent listening to the newest (double) album.
Marjorie Never be so kind, you forget to be clever Never be so clever, you forget to be kind
And if I didn’t know better I’d think you were talking to me now If I didn’t know better I’d think you were still around What died didn’t stay dead What died didn’t stay dead You’re alive, you’re alive in my head What died didn’t stay dead What died didn’t stay dead You’re alive, so alive
Never be so polite, you forget your power Never wield such power, you forget to be polite
And if I didn’t know better I’d think you were listening to me now If I didn’t know better I’d think you were still around What died didn’t stay dead What died didn’t stay dead You’re alive, you’re alive in my head What died didn’t stay dead What died didn’t stay dead You’re alive, so alive
The autumn chill that wakes me up You loved the amber skies so much Long limbs and frozen swims You’d always go past where our feet could touch And I complained the whole way there The car ride back and up the stairs I should’ve asked you questions I should’ve asked you how to be Asked you to write it down for me Should’ve kept every grocery store receipt ‘Cause every scrap of you would be taken from me Watched as you signed your name Marjorie All your closets of backlogged dreams And how you left them all to me
What died didn’t stay dead What died didn’t stay dead You’re alive, you’re alive in my head What died didn’t stay dead What died didn’t stay dead You’re alive, so alive And if I didn’t know better I’d think you were singing to me now If I didn’t know better I’d think you were still around I know better But I still feel you all around I know better But you’re still around
So Long, London I saw in my mind fairy lights through the mist I kept calm and carried the weight of the rift Pulled him in tighter each time he was drifting away My spine split from carrying us up the hill Wet through my clothes, weary bones caught the chill I stopped trying to make him laugh Stopped trying to drill the safe Thinkin, how much sad did you think I had Did you think I had in me? Oh, the tragedy …
So long, London You’ll find someone …
I didn’t opt in to be your odd man out I founded the club she’s heard great things about I left all I knew, you left me at the house by the Heath I stopped CPR, after all it’s no use The spirit was gone, we would never come to And I’m pissed off you let me give you all that youth for free
For so long, London Stitches undone Two graves, one gun I’ll find someone …
And you say I abandoned the ship But I was going down with it My white knuckle dying grip Holding tight to your quiet resentment and My friends said it isn’t right to be scared Every day of a love affair Every breath feels like rarest air When you’re not sure if he wants to be there So how much sad did you think I had, Did you think I had in me? How much tragedy? Just how low did you think I’d go? Before I’d self-implode Before I’d have to go be free
You swore that you loved me but where were the clues? I died on the altar waiting for the proof You sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days And I’m just getting color back into my face I’m just mad as hell cause I loved this place
For so long, London Had a good run A moment of warm sun But I’m not the one So long, London Stitches undone Two graves, one gun You’ll find someone …
My sweet grandmother, at the amazing age of 93 passed away in early May. Most in my circle know how important she is to me and how spending time with her both as a child and as an adult (and mother) has been so special for me. When I say I want to be her when I grow up, it is the truest words I can probably say. Her warm, welcoming nature combined with a little fire and wit is a combination that won many over but also allowed her to raise a giant family and network of humans that also care for each other deeply.
Once she went into hospice care, family came from all over to be with her….which was her wish. When asked what she wanted to talk about with 20+ family members surrounding her, she weakly pointed to herself and said “me.” (Maybe I got my enneagram 3 genes from her???). We all gathered around, feeling the weight of sadness but got to be entertained by her humor and joyful non-verbal expressions for hours on her last night of lucid-ness.
I have been honored to experience death and it’s sorrowful, yet sacred beauty at multiples times in my life and this time, it was no different. Her life was honored….it ended surrounded by the family and love that she deserved and it made me appreciate the generation of cousins that I was born into. I loved connecting with those that I live further from and planning get-togethers so we can stay connected in the future. Bonded by our upbringing in a family that my grandparents built with love, trust, and doses of values and expectations (that probably wasn’t always valued as positive things by all who received them).
I got to create the tribute slideshow for her which was magical for me….going through years and years of meticulously organized photo albums is my happy place and I was honored to do it. If you’d like to see it, click here (the full thing is 28 minutes but there are some cringey Patti hairstyles toward the end if you’re patient).
Last Weber Christmas celebration at the Willows.6 (strong) granddaughter Pallbearers.Squished by love.Love this photo.Oldest and youngest granddaughters.Oldest and youngest GREAT granddaughters.Family get-together the night before the service.
Thank you for showering all of us with love and your legacy of kindness and faith Gramma. Hope you’re giggling and getting adored by Grampa up there.
Oodles and oodles of love, Patti
P.S. This will be the first blog post I don’t publish and email to my sweet Gramma who didn’t want to go through all the trouble of subscribing and looking for it on her own, but also liked an personalized email from me which I appreciated.
Each month since re-discovering some of Taylor’s newer work, there seems to be one song that rises to the surface as extra meaningful or is played on repeat from my Spotify. I thought I would document those songs here to reflect on at a later date.
Better Man I know I’m probably better off on my own Than lovin’ a man who didn’t know What he had when he had it And I see the permanent damage you did to me Never again, I just wish I could forget when it was magic
I wish it wasn’t 4 a.m., standing in the mirror Saying to myself, you know you had to do it I know the bravest thing I ever did was run
Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I can feel you again But I just miss you, and I just wish you were a better man But I know why we had to say goodbye like the back of my hand But I just miss you, and I just wish you were a better man A better man
I know I’m probably better off all alone Than needing a man who could change his mind at any given minute And it was always on your terms I waited on every careless word Hoping they might turn sweet again Like it was in the beginning
But your jealousy, oh, I can hear it now Talking down to me like I’ll always be around Push my love away like it was some kind of loaded gun Oh, you never thought I’d run
Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I can feel you again But I just miss you, and I just wish you were a better man But I know why we had to say goodbye like the back of my hand But I just miss you, and I just wish you were a better man A better man
I hold onto this pride because, these days, it’s all I have And I gave to you my best, and we both know you can’t say that
I wish you were a better man I wonder what we would’ve become If you were a better man We might still be in love If you were a better man You would’ve been the one If you were a better man Yeah, yeah
Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I can feel you again But I just miss you, and I just wish you were a better man But I know why we had to say goodbye like the back of my hand But I just miss you, and I just wish you were a better man A better man
We might still be in love, if you were a better man (But I just miss you, and I just wish you were a better man) yeah, yeah
I know why we had to say goodbye like the back of my hand But I just miss you and I just wish you were a better man A better man
We might still be in love, if you were a better man You would’ve been the one If you were a better man
Each month since re-discovering some of Taylor’s newer work, there seems to be one song that rises to the surface as extra meaningful or is played on repeat from my Spotify. I thought I would document those songs here to reflect on at a later date.
Death by a Thousand Cuts Saying goodbye is death by a thousand cuts Flashbacks waking me up I get drunk, but it’s not enough ‘Cause the morning comes and you’re not my baby I look through the windows of this love Even though we boarded them up Chandelier’s still flickering here ‘Cause I can’t pretend it’s ok when it’s not It’s death by a thousand cuts
I dress to kill my time I take the long way home I ask the traffic lights if it’ll be all right They say, “I don’t know” And what once was ours is no one’s now I see you everywhere The only thing we share Is this small town
You said it was a great love One for the ages But if the story’s over Why am I still writing pages?
‘Cause saying goodbye is death by a thousand cuts Flashbacks waking me up I get drunk, but it’s not enough ‘Cause the morning comes and you’re not my baby I look through the windows of this love Even though we boarded them up Chandelier still flickering here ‘Cause I can’t pretend it’s okay when it’s not It’s death by a thousand cuts
My heart, my hips, my body, my love Trying to find a part of me that you didn’t touch Gave up on me like I was a bad drug Now I’m searching for signs in a haunted club Our songs, our films, united we stand Our country, guess it was a lawless land Quiet my fears with the touch of your hand Paper cut stings from our paper thin plans
My time, my wine, my spirit, my trust Trying to find a part of me you didn’t take up Gave you too much but it wasn’t enough But I’ll be all right, it’s just a thousand cuts
I get drunk but it’s not enough ‘Cause you’re not my baby I look through the windows of this love Even though we boarded them up Chandelier’s still flickering here ‘Cause I can’t pretend it’s ok when it’s not No, it’s not
It’s death by a thousand cuts (you didn’t touch) Trying to find a part of me that you didn’t touch My body, my love, my trust (it’s death by a thousand cuts) But it wasn’t enough, it wasn’t enough, no, no
I take the long way home I ask the traffic lights if it’ll be all right They say, “I don’t know”
Each month since re-discovering some of Taylor’s newer work, there seems to be one song that rises to the surface as extra meaningful or is played on repeat from my Spotify. I thought I would document those songs here to reflect on at a later date.
White Horse Say you’re sorry, that face of an angel Comes out just when you need it to As I paced back and forth all this time ‘Cause I honestly believed in you Holdin’ on, the days drag on Stupid girl, I should’ve known, I should’ve known
That I’m not a princess, this ain’t a fairy tale I’m not the one you’ll sweep off her feet Lead her up the stairwell This ain’t Hollywood, this is a small town I was a dreamer before you went and let me down Now it’s too late for you and your white horse To come around
Maybe I was naive, got lost in your eyes And never really had a chance My mistake, I didn’t know to be in love You had to fight to have the upper hand I had so many dreams about you and me Happy endings, now I know
I’m not a princess, this ain’t a fairy tale I’m not the one you’ll sweep off her feet Lead her up the stairwell This ain’t Hollywood, this is a small town I was a dreamer before you went and let me down Now it’s too late for you and your white horse To come around
And there you are on your knees Begging for forgiveness, begging for me Just like I always wanted but I’m so sorry
‘Cause I’m not your princess, this ain’t a fairytale I’m gonna find someone someday Who might actually treat me well This is a big world, that was a small town There in my rear-view mirror disappearing now And it’s too late for you and your white horse Now it’s too late for you and your white horse To catch me now
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa Try and catch me now, oh It’s too late To catch me now
No white horse was available for a photo opp this month so this cute foster puppy will have to do.
As many of you know, I love to focus on a word for the year versus resolutions and goals, etc. This seems particularly impactful for me this year as I am longing for and desperately searching for anchors to keep me grounded throughout this period of grief and disentanglement I am experiencing.
Last year, I chose BECOMING and because I chose it so late, I considered continuing it this year because it does capture this period of change, transformation, and growth (in a positive forward-looking kind of way that I need reminders to do).
But after sitting with this for the month of January, I decided to pair it down to just the word “BE.” What has happened in my life in the past 13 months has been stripping, pairing down, undoing many many parts of my life. I have always been a “doer”, a motivated, get all the things accomplished kind of person (enneagram 3 problems). But my body taking over to protect me and sit me down with a variety of gut punch life events has taught me to appreciate honor the space that I am in and not focus on everything I need to do to change it.
What “be” means to me: – to let things be what they are and not focus on what they could have, would have, should have been – to be in my body and feelings – to be a human BEing, not a human DOing (love this quote)
– to be myself and share my story authentically with those around me – to appreciate the roles I hold and continue to get better at them – I want to BE my most favorite version of a mother. A counselor. A disruptor. A mentor and coach. A friend, daughter, sister, romantic partner, etc. – to be present (“wherever you are, BE there” is a mantra I repeat on a regular basis) – to accept and appreciate days when my only job is just to be (and survive), not produce outcomes and check off to-do lists
If you’d like to read reflections on my other words, click the tag below this post to see them all summarized since 2016 (I started this blog 8 years ago!). And per usual, I’d love to read what your words are for this year….I always feel inspired and a spark of connection when I read yours and hope mine does the same for you.
If you are in my life, you have heard or seen me be converted into a proud elder millienial Swiftie after my childhood friends and I attended her concert in July. I do not apologize for this new obsession because it has brought me a large amount of joy….something that I have needed to fill up my bucket throughout the past few months even more than usual.
Each month since re-discovering some of her newer work, there seems to be one song that rises to the surface as extra meaningful or is played on repeat from my Spotify. I thought I would document those songs here to reflect on at a later date.
January’s song: HAPPINESS Honey, when I’m above the trees I see this for what it is But now I’m right down in it All the years I’ve given Is just shit we’re dividing up Showed you all of my hiding spots I was dancing when the music stopped And in the disbelief I can’t face reinvention I haven’t met the new me yet
There’ll be happiness after you But there was happiness because of you Both of these things can be true There is happiness Past the blood and bruise Past the curses and cries Beyond the terror in the nightfall Haunted by the look in my eyes That would’ve loved you for a lifetime Leave it all behind And there is happiness
Tell me, when did your winning smile Begin to look like a smirk? When did all our lessons start to look like weapons pointed at my deepest hurt? I hope she’ll be a beautiful fool Who takes my spot next to you No, I didn’t mean that Sorry, I can’t see facts through all of my fury You haven’t met the new me yet
There’ll be happiness after me But there was happiness because of me Both of these things I believe There is happiness In our history Across our great divide There is a glorious sunrise Dappled with the flickers of light From the dress I wore at midnight Leave it all behind And there is happiness
I can’t make it go away by making you a villain I guess it’s the price I pay for seven years in heaven And I pulled your body into mine every goddamn night now I get fake niceties No one teaches you what to do When a good man hurts you And you know you hurt him too
Honey, when I’m above the trees I see it for what it is But now my eyes leak acid rain On the pillow where you used to lay your head After giving you the best I had Tell me what to give after that All you want from me now Is the green light of forgiveness You haven’t met the new me yet And I think she’ll give you that
There’ll be happiness after you But there was happiness because of you too Both of these things can be true There is happiness In our history Across our great divide There is a glorious sunrise Dappled with the flickers of light From the dress I wore at midnight Leave it all behind Oh, leave it all behind Leave it all behind And there is happiness
